My E-mail to Masked Lizard

Campitupalosaurus

FORWARD: I ask you…how could such brilliant, sweet nonsense such as the following comedy piece, NOT be inspired by a divine force of some kind? So my question is (after first reading the article entirely): Do my angels (of inspiration) deserve all the credit, most of the credit, some of the credit, just a tad bit of credit, or none at all? Enjoy (wrote this several years ago, then just left it sitting there in my “Drawing-Board” folder):

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FIRST GAY DINOSAUR
by Zeke Krahlin

News anchor man or woman speaks on TV screen:

In the news this morning, archeologists uncovered the bones of a heretofore unknown species of dinosaur. Intensive DNA analysis from a jaw bone sliver revealed this species to be highly homosexualized. (Thus explaining its rapid extinction long before all OTHER dinosaurs.) We have managed to clone this new species into existence once again. So let’s give it up for the world’s first gay dinosaur: CAMP-IT-UP-ALOSAURUS!

Put on foam rubber T-Rex head w/punk-rock hair and piercings, foam rubber claws and large, bulky tail.

Campitupalosaurus (twisting to disco music, speaking in a slow, deep, breathy voice):

Tonight after the show, there’s gonna be a party in my mouth, and you’re all invited!

Dances a little more, then addresses the audience:

You know, it’s very difficult finding friends, being a dinosaur and all. And being GAY doesn’t help either, in a homophobic society! So where does a lonely gay dinosaur cruise, when there aren’t any other dinosaurs around? Well, certain LARGE lizards and reptiles are my only options.

Komodo island I understand, has some very BIG lizards… but I can’t afford to travel so far!

Maybe I could go to Florida. You know, all those hottie alligators!

But I don’t even have a job yet. So what’s left for cruising potential? Well, there are pet shops, veterinarian clinics, and the ASPCA.

Oh yeah, and I just discovered the Internet! So I placed my request on Craig’s list, in the following categories: “Activity Partners”, “Rants & Raves”. “General Community”, and…well, I also posted in “Men Seeking Men”… though I’m NOT a man, am I…but I AM male!

So, category wise, “men seeking men” was the best option among the other combinations. I mean: how else was I to identify myself as “gay”? There was NO category for “Male Dinosaur seeking Male Dinosaur”, and of course you already know that!

Oh, and one more category I included as an afterthought: “Casual Encounters”…though I don’t see how ANYONE would regard an encounter with a gay dinosaur as CASUAL by any stretch of the imagination. Do you? Anywayz, here’s the letter I posted:

==========begin msg.:

Subject: Lonely Gay Dinosaur Seeks Companions

Hello. I have recently been cloned into existence by scientists,
after many millions of years being extinct. And there is no one
else like me, around.

Do you like dinosaurs? Do you mind that I’m gay? I know it’s
totally unrealistic to expect to find ANY sex with my hominid
companions, so don’t sweat it. Just looking for kindred souls who
are gay themselves, or at least gay friendly.

I very much enjoy ancient history, fantasy role-playing, science
fiction films and books, angel food cake, and mountain biking. My
heart seeks companionship; my mind, intellectual stimulation; and
my scales, rough caressing. Please contact me!

==========end of msg.

Now, all I have to do is let the reptilians–er, replies come rolling in! Can’t WAIT to check my e-mailbox when I get home!

ADDENDUM::

Back in the Jurassic, I had a Triceratops for a boyfriend, but they weren’t ALL tops back then…some were TriceraBOTTOMS!

Welcome to *my* World!

Preordained Blog Entry

Too Fabulous

Destiny Unfolds

No Heteros in Space?

Here’s a recent comment I made to another Common Dreams poster, which I believe is worth featuring as my latest blog entry, all by its lone some (you can read that poster’s comment, along with all comments and the original article, by clicking here):

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Brad in SoCal queried: “Why is it so hard to find a true Christian in Christendom?”

Because what compassionate folks exist on this sorry planet (and whom you tag as “true Christians”) are mostly pagans, atheists, and hot, horny gay men. Let go your stereotype view of Christians (that a “true” Christian is the ultimate perfection of man), as that is simply mental detritus spewed by their own particular brand of dogma.

“End the Empire.”

You start by shutting down all churches…which in reality, are nothing more than blood sucking leeches on the body of humanity. For the nonce, they remain immeasurably powerful in their abuse and decimation of noble concepts such as democracy, individual freedom, civil rights, wholesome environment, happy children and universal health care. No church here in Amerika has ever respected our laws as superior to their own religious prattle.

As long as these institutions of higher self-glorification remain outside the law, they will continue to cripple society with psychic bombardments of demon-spawning nightmares (including bigotry memes against blacks, gays, the poor et al), that result in ever-more-frequent and predictable psychotic breaks w/extreme violence, sparing no one within range.

Their first waves of obliteration will focus on homosexuals (as it did the Jews in the Previous World War)…as a sort of “test run” for full-out bombardment across the entire continental land mass.

It is possible they could lose their power in great measure (and almost like overnight) should a determined minority resist these massive telepathic bombardments and shrapnel. However, this seems highly unlikely, considering the incredible universality of anti-gay hatred shared by every single culture that exists at present. Homophobia is indeed the litmus test used by all known extraterrestrial societies, in order to discover the level of habitability of any particular planet. IOW:

Every planet needs to become totally homosexualized, before its occupants can begin to even think about leaving their world to explore the greater ones of outer space.

Uncontrolled breeding and tribal wars based on who owns whose vagina, cannot possibly be permitted to take off and spread like some bizarre, unstoppable, cosmic virus that destroys galaxies in its sweep. And that is why all Republicans need to be driven off our spaceship earth, as St. Patrick did for Ireland: expunge these Reptilian Morlochs from our sector.