FORWARD: I ask you…how could such brilliant, sweet nonsense such as the following comedy piece, NOT be inspired by a divine force of some kind? So my question is (after first reading the article entirely): Do my angels (of inspiration) deserve all the credit, most of the credit, some of the credit, just a tad bit of credit, or none at all? Enjoy (wrote this several years ago, then just left it sitting there in my “Drawing-Board” folder):
FIRST GAY DINOSAUR
by Zeke Krahlin
News anchor man or woman speaks on TV screen:
In the news this morning, archeologists uncovered the bones of a heretofore unknown species of dinosaur. Intensive DNA analysis from a jaw bone sliver revealed this species to be highly homosexualized. (Thus explaining its rapid extinction long before all OTHER dinosaurs.) We have managed to clone this new species into existence once again. So let’s give it up for the world’s first gay dinosaur: CAMP-IT-UP-ALOSAURUS!
Put on foam rubber T-Rex head w/punk-rock hair and piercings, foam rubber claws and large, bulky tail.
Campitupalosaurus (twisting to disco music, speaking in a slow, deep, breathy voice):
Tonight after the show, there’s gonna be a party in my mouth, and you’re all invited!
Dances a little more, then addresses the audience:
You know, it’s very difficult finding friends, being a dinosaur and all. And being GAY doesn’t help either, in a homophobic society! So where does a lonely gay dinosaur cruise, when there aren’t any other dinosaurs around? Well, certain LARGE lizards and reptiles are my only options.
Komodo island I understand, has some very BIG lizards… but I can’t afford to travel so far!
Maybe I could go to Florida. You know, all those hottie alligators!
But I don’t even have a job yet. So what’s left for cruising potential? Well, there are pet shops, veterinarian clinics, and the ASPCA.
Oh yeah, and I just discovered the Internet! So I placed my request on Craig’s list, in the following categories: “Activity Partners”, “Rants & Raves”. “General Community”, and…well, I also posted in “Men Seeking Men”… though I’m NOT a man, am I…but I AM male!
So, category wise, “men seeking men” was the best option among the other combinations. I mean: how else was I to identify myself as “gay”? There was NO category for “Male Dinosaur seeking Male Dinosaur”, and of course you already know that!
Oh, and one more category I included as an afterthought: “Casual Encounters”…though I don’t see how ANYONE would regard an encounter with a gay dinosaur as CASUAL by any stretch of the imagination. Do you? Anywayz, here’s the letter I posted:
Subject: Lonely Gay Dinosaur Seeks Companions
Hello. I have recently been cloned into existence by scientists,
after many millions of years being extinct. And there is no one
else like me, around.
Do you like dinosaurs? Do you mind that I’m gay? I know it’s
totally unrealistic to expect to find ANY sex with my hominid
companions, so don’t sweat it. Just looking for kindred souls who
are gay themselves, or at least gay friendly.
I very much enjoy ancient history, fantasy role-playing, science
fiction films and books, angel food cake, and mountain biking. My
heart seeks companionship; my mind, intellectual stimulation; and
my scales, rough caressing. Please contact me!
==========end of msg.
Now, all I have to do is let the reptilians–er, replies come rolling in! Can’t WAIT to check my e-mailbox when I get home!
Back in the Jurassic, I had a Triceratops for a boyfriend, but they weren’t ALL tops back then…some were TriceraBOTTOMS!