Emergency Triage

April 27, 2013

[ Free Me From This Bond (the sequel): Chapter 13 ]

Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:58:49
Subject:
Re: Paradise
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Or you could say: “Yep. A hundred times my weight in grubs and insects every day.” }}

I wouldn’t /dare/ say that, for as you know, My Dragon Hero would hold me to it. OMFG:

Now that you placed the image in my mind, telepathic Larkin will probably present me with just such a buggy dish at our wedding celebration.

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 11:21:57
Subject:
Re: Paradise
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ The cake!! With green icing! }}

Ha ha ha…you hit the snail on the head! So here’s my plan for a wedding ring that I’ll present to Larkin on one knee (hmm, maybe I’ll just place it on /his/ knee when he’s sitting down at Pilsner):

Solid white gold Scooby-Doo with sapphire eyes.

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 11:40:01
Subject:
Just figured out…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

…why Larkin doesn’t like to tell jokes (or more precisely, why he doesn’t like to /hear/ jokes):

He’s telepathic, so what’s the point?

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:47:41
Subject:
Re: Just figured out…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ If I could hear the punchline to a joke before it’s delivered, I’d take ruthless advantage! }}

I once had a neighbor back in Missouri whose daughter Ruth just went off to college, her first year.

“I’m gonna miss my baby,” he comments. So I retort:

“Yeah, now you’re ruthless!”

Ahomminna-homminna.

As for Larkin’s psychic gifts with the unfortunate side effect of blowing every joke out of the water, picture this:

I walk up to My Sweet Nemesis and ask:

“Wanna hear a dinosaur joke?”

“Tricerabottom.”

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 18:34:36
Subject:
What a fukup i am…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

…not really. Just my way of standing humble before Larkin’s amazing wisdom. Not sure if you grasped yet, what this man is all about, but let me just assure you:

He is my tough task master, as well as the Best Friend I Shall Ever Know For All Eternity. Once I figured out that his so-called meanness is nothing more than putting me through my spiritual paces, I dropped to the floor and thanked Goddess for such a Benevolent Amigo.

I’m sitting here now at Pilsner Inn, watching his antics around the pool table, while I gaze at him with complete adoration. He suddenly looks back at me from about 12 yards away, and gazes upon me for at least 20 seconds. With incredible sweetness. If I am not the luckiest man in the entire fukkin’ cosmos, I’ll eat feces from every mass murderer to exist (or ever will exist)!

So this email is truly the beginning of Book 3…or at least, among the first flurry of emails that shall begin Chapter 1.

I love you /so/ much El, for the many years’ incredible kindess you have shown me.


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 18:48:50
Subject:
Re: What a fukup i am…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Now what’ll we do with our stash of Ted Bundy and Idi Amin feces?? Sell it on eBay? }}

I missed you with the “ldi” reference, in spite of acronym.com. Be that as it may:

Frozen feces lasts a very long time. Just pop it into the microwave, and you’re good to go.

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2013 21:35:09
Subject:
Larkin just threw a lit cigarette at me…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

..at Pilsner Inn. Guess this clinches it. I Told him that is a horrid violation, and that I will do everything possible to drive him out of the Castro (and San Francisco for that matter.)

I gave him everything possible when it comes to forgiveness and patience…which is exactly what one should do when love is king, and you need to sort things out.

Shoving me was vulgar. But flicking a lit cigarette onto my arm is beyond the last straw. He shall go down in Gay History as one of the most fukked up people on this planet.

Typing this to you from Pilsner Inn, just a moment after he committed the offense. And to think I just purchased for him from amazon.com, a Scooby-Doo belt buckle.

For starters I will send a passel of letters c/o Twin Peaks Tavern, that they wind up evicting him. I will use phony return addresses, and wear surgical gloves, that the source can never be traced.

You’d think that long before now, I’d have a great lover in my life, considering all my good works. What a tragic outcome. I feel so sorry for Larkin’s fate.

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:58:52
Subject:
Re: wish you were here
From: Zeke
To: Nat

Nat wrote:

{{ Wish you were here, doing this: }}

I know I know. Thanks for the pic. Something else you should know regarding my sex drive:

I couldn’t get it up if my life depended on it, when the weather turns warm. My room heats up and becomes stuffy and overheated like a sauna. I get heatsick. Today’s weather is a perfect example. So any visitors whatsoever (even for a hot tryst) are strictly verboten until my SRO cools down.

I’m a cold-weather kind of guy…so when the temperature climbs above 78 or so, I’m an absolutely floundering, helpless little wimp. Meanwhile:

While I’m suffering through shingles, you might enjoy reading my book online, which will soon be released to the world in hardcover, paperback, and ebook. The web version will always be free to read:

http://www.gay-bible.org/free

I promise to keep in touch for the duration of my medical isolation, in this great and unfree nation.

Many blessings on you, Nat!

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 11:12:21
Subject:
Re: You remember Idi!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Oh wait, I remember now, sorry. I just woke up. Jonathan a.k.a. “Hollywood” is crashed out here. Best company ever.

Also my newest friend Carlos, was on the street last night as I walked home from Pilsner Inn. Also an excellent fellow. So this eases the awful scenario I went through last night.

And I don’t think I’m gonna put such disgrace into a book. Larkin is about to fall…and I think he actually wants that. Pilsner is a strange place, though it’s also a really great bar. Why strange?

I called to Larkin from across the entire bar, standing as I was in the entryway to the patio. He turned, and my voice boomed. Yet everyone there acted as if nothing untoward was occurring. I’d think any other place would’ve immediately 86″²d me.

It’s as if Pilsner is providing me with a space to confront him, and give me very wide tolerance. Definitely they’re on my side, not his. I think a /lot/ of folks in this neck of the woods follow my blog. Without necessarily making me aware of this.

The Thracian warriors of old seem to be emerging in spirit. As I said, their courtship ritual is a struggle unto death or marriage. In confronting Larkin after he tossed a lit cigarette onto my arms, everyone heard me bellow across the room, while Larkin stood at the exit to the outside world.

“You just made yourself my enemy!”

I forget just how telepathic the father fukkuh really is! He picked up my tale about these soldiers and their deadly tradition. Seems that he /likes/ the adventure which that ensues.

But I see no point in playing that game: where I hatch scheme after scheme to get back at him. For I’m /certain/ there are other forces at work, that will see to my victory no matter what. And I think some of those forces are employees and patrons of Pilsner Inn.

Today I see barkeep Ernesto at Pilsner, and present him that printout where he’s part of my second book. And see if he’d like his real name there, or fictitious. It will be interesting to see what next ensues, in this new phase where I will no longer speak, associate, or even look at, my fallen hero.

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:11:36
Subject:
Re: You remember Idi!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ This incident sounds like a major turning point. }}

Well, it sure looks like that, El. I look forward to getting together with Carlos. This morning he left a very nice message on the answering machine. But since the ringer was off, and the volume zero, I didn’t pick up.

Said to call him back but, damn it, he did not leave a phone number. These cell phones have made more and more folks oblivious to the fact that many of us still own land lines…which do not have built-in caller ID.

Hollywood says Carlos is hangin’ around Safeway right now, and he’s gonna see him up there (3 blocks up Market Street from my hovel).

“Oh, I should just run up there to see him?” I queried.

“No, I didn’t mean that,” he explains, “I just know where he hangs out.”

Then he offered to convey a message for me. So I decide to give him this letter:

Hey Carlos!

Thank you so much for your call. Unfortunately, you forgot to leave your number, so I couldn’t call back. I have just a land line, no caller ID.

I’ll be around the Castro most every day. I go to Pilsner Inn (Church Street off Market) a few days per week, late afternoon. I also go to Hole in the Wall Saloon and Eagle Tavern every Tuesday. First, the Hole from around 3-5 PM, then hop over to the Eagle.

Hole in the Wall’s address: 1369 Folsom Street (near 9th street, I believe). Eagle Tavern address: 398 12th Street (near Harrison)

I’m thinking we could meet and hang out at any of those places.

Again, thanks so much.

Your new friend,

Zeke

But what I /now/ tell you, Eleanor, is something /else/ Carlos said on the machine:

“This is my boyfriend’s cell phone, so when you call, please use the name Lee.”

/Not/ a good sign.

As for Larkin and Pilsner Inn: wondering if I’ll even be able to step in there any more. I suspect he’s instructed the barkeeps to 86 me. But if I start hanging out at another bar where he /isn’t/, he’ll soon follow and drive me outta there. Until he gets /all/ the bars in the Castro to turn against me.

It’s this “Thracian” courtship he wants me to play. Guess he doesn’t get my latest gift due to arrive any day now, from Amazon: a Scooby-Doo belt buckle.

Guess he doesn’t get the last three chapters of Book 2, either. The printouts are sitting on desk #1 right now. Funny how the black ink nozzle keeps getting clogged, so the ink is gray instead: very hard to read for someone so farsighted as is My Former Hero.

As if my printer’s failure that started some weeks back is a way of telling me to stop giving him my chapters.

But at least I now know why he reads real slow when not wearing eyeglasses…and why he said once: “I don’t read.”

As far as playing the Thracian game back: I am neither vengeful nor violent. However, I know one thing for certain:

Stopping the flow of gifts, along with no longer associating with him (even when he’s there), will be /my/ form of vengeance. No more free drinky-poo, nor popping $20 now and then, to wish him a fun night.

All that, gone! But for my retaliation to succeed I need to still be in the same place as him two or three times per week. When I last suggested I’m no longer bringing him gifts, he seemed desperate.

That’s when he gave me that mysterious address out of San Diego. El, he never /did/ show me the postcard…which tells me to cool my jets and not send anything further.

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:25:36
Subject:
Re: You remember Idi!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Excellent! }}

I must rectify an error re. the ans. machine message left by Carlos, seeing as his Mexican accent caused me to misinterpret. Here is what he /really/ said about “Lee,” that I finally comprehended after listening several times:

“The is my boyfriend’s cell. So he’ll probably pick up; his name is Lee.”

Seems that Carlos and Lee have a very open and freewheeling relationship. In fact, it is Lee who plays around with lots of other dudes like there’s no “manyana.” Carlos doesn’t mind: they have a righteous friendship of several years. And I’ve chatted with Lee several times in the past, before I ever met Carlos…he’s quite a decent fellow.

What with the shingles I’ve just come down with (thanks to my imbibing alcohol for several months, which lowers the immune system), and slow recovery from yet one more brown recluse spider bite on my left knee, just inches from another bite from same, over 12 years ago, and my dire need for some hearty physical affection (considering what Larkin’s put me through in recent months):

I’ll have to keep things very safe, probably keep my pants on. And just enjoy feeling him up, licking of the torso, and other ways to enjoy a most healing resolution w/o going any deeper into the Forest of Conjugal Delight.

And I’m pretty sure that is exactly what Carlos will provide w/o hesitation, ’cause I’m pretty impressed with the kindness he has shown me thus far.

Larkin will always remain /most/ belov-ed to me, no matter what. I can /not/ bear the thought of him disappearing out of my life. Yet, I’m stuck between a kok and a hard face, considering his vulgar behavior of recent mint. So how do I strike a happy balance while maintaining my dignity, yet still seeing him?

Well pretty much what I described in my email just previous to this. IOW: to withhold my lovely gifts, chapters, and treats that gave me great joy in the giving. And (of course) to keep my distance and not converse with him in any way.

Honestly, I’m afraid to be near him in a private or secluded spot, thanks to his crude BS. If he wants to talk to me, it will have to be in a public and socially visible spot from now on. Also, I’ve resumed carrying pepper spray and an emergency whistle, just in case. Should it come to that (and I most assuredly hope not), I will be forced to arrest him and lock him up in jail.

So I’ll be stepping out very soon, to hang out at Pilsner Inn and work on Chapter 1 of Book 3, which I call “Boink!” And why do I title it that? Here ya go, musa querida mia:

Another joke (which perhaps I already shared with you, but don’t recall at the moment):

“Someone boinked me on the head this morning with a dildo. Talk about a cold cock!”

Well, I’m now on my way to Pilsner. Wish me luck!

Con solo la mayor sinceridad,

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:29:23
Subject:
Re: You remember Idi!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Ha ha ha: True Confessisions. So I’m now at Pilsner Inn, and Larkin is nowhere in sight. Order a double-boosted vodka & tonic from Gaddy, who only charges $5. Thus, I leave him a 3-dollar tip. But then I see Mike (a.k.a. “Enrico”) seated at the far end.

I approach him and offer my letter seeking permission to use his real name (at least his first), to which he responds with some irascibility:

“I don’t want my real name mentioned in a book.”

So I respond: “Sorry to be a bother. I’ll change your name and description so that no one will recognize who you really are.”

I then depart with my potent hooch to the patio, and sit down at the vacant table which affords me free wifi access and a comfortable space in which to type this latest missive to you, querido corazon.

– Zeke

PS: Larkin just stepped in, strolled to the patio, and chatted up a small crowd of patrons at the table to my left. Possibly making a big deal in front of me, to rub it in my face. But I simplly bide my time and ignore him like a pesky gnat that won’t fly away. Will send you an update ASAP, probably tonight.


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 09:01:39
Subject:
How’s this for a book title?
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

The Devil is my Lover but He’s Got a Few Rough Edges


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:15:19
Subject:
Re: How’s this for a book title?
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

{{ BTW, the title of my new novel is THE DEVIL YOU KNOW… }}

I just doubled over in hilarity, and spit out my Cranberry Nectar.

So I thought about Larkin’s wicked act of tossing a lit ciggie onto my lap (bright cinders blew across my right arm, pants and shirt):

Doesn’t matter who does it to whom. The offender needs to be 86″²d. So I’m dropping over Pilsner in a moment, to see if they have a security camera in the back, and if it covers the section where the incident happened.

Larkin the Hypocrite: he’s always telling patrons to respect the bartenders and the rules of the house, including no violence or unruly manners. Hmm. Methinks I won /this/ round…as I shall the remaining rounds.

As I said before: I am not vindictive or violent. And decided to play this “Thracian” courtship by ceasing my gifts, and no longer talking with him or playing pool. Though if I’m there before him, I’ll sign up for billiards…so that–should he arrive before my turn comes up–I’ll step to the erasable roster and wipe out my name.

Interesting, though that one single capital letter for whatever reason, refuses to be erased, not even with a soapy sponge. Wanna guess the letter?

“Z”

And (get this): it is most definitely my handwriting. Big Black Zeke. 0_o

Then again, Larkin uses the handle “Zilla” for the pool roster. So I guess it’s really a tossup. I would’ve loved to think that “Z” would haunt him since my disappearance. Oh well, can’t win “˜em all. We are /both/ Omegas! And Alphas. Alpha males that is!

By choosing the peaceful route in this battle, I simply have to wait until opportunity falls into my hands (such as the security camera issue), or until payback knocks Larkin onto his silly ass (w/o any intervention on my part).

– Zeke


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:34:16
Subject:
My Email to Pilsner Inn
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

El, I thought better of reporting the incident in person. Then tried phoning them, but no pickup or voicemail. Their “contact us” web page does provide an email addie, whence I had a “Eureka!” moment. And sent this off:

Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:27:03
Subject: Dangerous incident on the patio two nights ago.
From: Anonymous
To: Pilsner Inn

The date then is Sunday, April 21. Some time after dark, maybe 9pm (though it easily could be a little earlier, or later). I’m wondering if you have an active security camera that may have captured the scene. Here’s what occurred:

One of your regular patrons, very tall and handsome, intentionally flicked a lit cigarette onto my lap before departing Pilsner Inn. While the cigarette butt landed on my thigh, bright cinders scattered across my right arm, shirt and pants.

Fortunately, I was not injured even in a minor way. I see no point in saying who this person is, or who I am. As without the incident being caught on camera, there’s no way to prove my claim, and I don’t want to come off as a troublesome gossip. Thus, I send this email anonymously.

Thanks for your kind attention. I love Pilsner Inn, and realize such things occur from time to time at every bar.


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:25:33
Subject:
Prayer From the Heart
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

El, I am about to sit down for two hours before heading off to Hole in the Wall, when the electricity suddenly goes out on our block. So prepare to leave and enjoy the day in SOMA somewhat earlier than planned. It’s been quite a warm day (actually, a tad HOT), so I step out wearing just a T-shirt, summery-light pants, and sandals (no socks).

Well! A strong ocean breeze kicks in soon as I exit 2306…brrr! So I plod back up the stairs for a more suitable change in clothes. Decide to clip my toenails while I’m at it. Lo and behold: no sooner do I put on the second shoe, than the lights come back on!

So I unpack my netbook, plug it in and reconnect to keyboard, speakers, printer and external monitor. While waiting for ol’ Bessie to fire up, I am suddenly struck by a thunderbolt of realization. I NEED TO WRITE A VERY IMPORTANT LETTER TO LARKIN, AND TRUST HE’LL GET IT VIA THAT SAN DIEGO ZIP CODE.

I begin typing my latest missive to The Darling Reptile, then pause to turn the radio on for background music. Whaddya know…the song “Let me be Your Hero” is playing. Once you read this letter, you’ll appreciate the glorious synchronicity.

23 April 2013

Beloved Larkin,

Please understand that this letter is no joke, or an attempt to fuk with you. I am very concerned about your awful behavior in recent months to me, who is nothing less than a very good friend.

After you shoved me, then tossed a lit cigarette onto my lap, I can only love you from a distance. Perhaps nice letters and gifts, though I have to think about it. But definitely: I never can see you again, I feel such shame for how you suddenly turned a wonderful friendship into the saddest tragedy I have ever known. Worse even than Randolph’s.

But a few minutes ago it occurred to me that sudden changes in one’s personality may indicate a serious medical condition. For example: brain tumor.

Please, I don’t mean to scare or hurt you by suggesting this. I want you to live long and prosper, even if it’s without me. I beg of you: go see a doctor, get examined for any malady known to have such a drastic change in the way you treat those who love you. The sooner they discover the source, the better the chances for your survival.

I don’t think you realize just how badly my heart has broken. But I believe that God and His Angels will help us both through this, with their wise compassion.

All my love, and I mean it. You will no longer see me at Pilsner Inn or anywhere else.

=====

Let me be your hero,

Would you dance,
If I asked you to dance?
Would you run,
And never look back?
Would you cry,
If you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble,
If I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die,
For the one you love?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear,
That you’ll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don’t care…
You’re here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just wanted to hold you.
I just wanted to hold you.
Oh yeah.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don’t care…
You’re here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain oh yeah
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you, forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

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