Tumor is the Rumor

[ Free Me From This Bond (the sequel): Chapter 14 ]

Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2013 11:01:47
Subject:
Book 2 is finished!
From: Zeke
To: S. Rohan

Well, “S.”, I hope everything is going super fantabulous for you and loved ones. But please: if you illustrate for me again, tell your friends and family not to kick the bucket. When folks say “I’m dying to read that book,” they don’t mean it literally. At least, I sure hope not!

I have no more money now, to pay for an illustrator, or to even publish my next book. But if you are interested in illustrating again, I would certainly first pay you before you even begin. Interesting that when I last spoke w/my brother Vince a few days ago, he informed me that we (he and I) are about to collect some oil stock that was bequeathed to us by our parents.

Even Vince, as executor, didn’t see this coming. I’m thinkin’ Beverly Hillbillies here! But he really doubts we’re gonna get more than a few thou, if that much. But no doubt more than enough to publish my next book and hire you to illustrate.

Best always, Oh Muse With The Elegant Hand!

– Zeke

PS: I’ve already started on Book 3.


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:54:11
Subject:
Boink #2
From: Zeke
To: My Genuflecting Readers

Someone boinked me on the head this morning with a metal kok ring. Talk about a hard blow!


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2013 17:33:36
Subject:
Re: Prayer From the Heart
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Brain tumor! My crystal ball says that ain’t it. The letter will get his attention, though, like a bucket of 98.6 degrees water in the face….. }}

Yes, I guess that is the whole point of the matter: that my love for him holds such great regard for his many years’ sweet friendship that has brought me such tremendous joy, that I have to consider all possible reasons for this painful twist in fate.

I’m doing everything I possibly can, to stand between him and the devil. I can’t believe that ultimately he will not hold great pride in my devoted friendship…and finally take any opportunity he finds, to praise me to the heavens with anyone he meets.

Thank you for being such a good friend.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:44:54
Subject:
Had a fantastic time…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

…at both the Hole and the Eagle. Broke down and cried a bit on the way betwixt one and t’other. Confided my “brain tumor” tale w/Axel Peletier (barkeep at the former), and a few of the wonderful patrons…such as Cindi, Roger, Oliver and Sedge. But mainly Axel, who knows Arwyn so well from “back in the day.”

So: it was my goal to make people aware of his bizarre behavior, which news should spread like crazy flames…first, across the SOMA gay bar network, then likewise for ze Costco. (Wait, I’m messing with language puns a bit too much. Forgive me, I’ll try to stop. “Ze Costco” is of course my argot for “the Castro.” Besides, Costco is in SOMA.)

This way, these loving folks will do what they can to help Arwyn through this extraordinary (though nasty) ordeal. In fact, I’m sure they’ll help us both. I have the finest friends on the planet, there in SOMA.

But how many years before I came to realize! And…they brought me to Arwyn. Or versa vice.

Now, I summon their wisdom to set matters right, and to see to it that my Wonderful Warlock be not lost to me. For when I play this Thracian Courtship, I play to win.

But only with compassion and the greatest regard for the human soul.

From dictionary.com:

Argot:

1. a specialized idiomatic vocabulary peculiar to a particular class or group of people, especially that of an underworld group, devised for private communication and identification: a Restoration play rich in thieves’ argot.

Hmm, think I should go whole warthog and summon the /underworld/, too, in this astounding war between hearts and guts? After all:

Everything’s permitted in battle and bed!
Break the heart or break the bread.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:10:17
Subject:
That was it…
From: Zeke
To: My Registered Readers

…that was the test. The GPMC wizards, warlocks and trolls had to witness my heart’s confession:

That it be true to love’s passion, and never vindictive or petty. I took Axel Peletier’s hand on my way out…wait, that doesn’t sound quite right. So let me reattach your hand, Axel, and I’ll start again. Take two (and call me in the morning…no, wrong tale):

Before exiting the Hole (ha) I take Axel’s hand, and before several more wizards, state:

“I want My Arwyn to live long and prosper, even if it’s without me. If I have to love him from a distance, so be. But I will always love him like my own precious sea monkey.”

It was just one more friggin’ test, El! And it just hit me this morning (like that dildo did last night: BOINK)! But of course I didn’t /know/ it was a test, I /had/ to be clueless or my sincerity would remain open to question. So let’s see what today brings. BTW:

!!! Axel Peletier IS THE MOST STUPENDOUS AND EXCELLENT BARKEEP IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE !!!

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 14:48:46
Subject:
My main concern now…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

…is that the brain tumor (or whatever this is) may worsen his opinion of me, and he may get /really/ violent and turn from My Beloved Draco to My Dangerous Stalker! Especially if Pilsner Inn /does/ evict My Misguided Luv-Missile.

So glad I’ve activated the GPMC Network, as I may need refuge in various homes. Seeing as Arwyn knows /all/ my hangouts, including my Tuesdays at Hole in the Wall and Eagle Tavern. I’ve always yearned to go hopping from one gorgeous warlock’s bed to another, but not for such a dire reason nor under such duress. Oh well, “that’s life” (as Arwyn always likes to say).

Now, just before typing this missive I used the toilet down the hall. Upon returning, the radio was announcing the “Brain Tumor Walk.” Okay, I did /not/ write the script. Guess I’m playing The Reluctant Hero. All the world’s a stage, but I never dreamt I’d become the main attraction!

Going back to the Hole and Eagle now, to broadcast my concern about further danger as described above. Arwyn won’t get my letter for days yet.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:53:59
Subject:
Re: My main concern now…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Do you still have that kind offer from those guys who said you could stay with them a few months ago when there was going to be neighborhood upheaval? }}

Posting to you via Eagle Tavern right now. Had an incredible time hanging at Hole in the Wall. Met this gorgeous dude named Jed, who looks just like a /very/ handsome version of Wild Bill Cody. (Wait a minute: I just logged onto Google Images to discover that WBC is /already/ quite the looker. So let me redact my statement about Jed, to say that he’s the THE SPITTIN’ IMAGE of Wild Bill.) In fact, it inspires me to give serious consideration for the theory of reincarnation.

Not really. Keith is very problematic due to his ongoing and severe PTSD. I rarely see him in person, in spite of his living barely one block away from my SRO. All he wanted to do was exchange email…sometimes showing off his glorious physique by attaching a video.

I couldn’t take it anymore. So upon posting him that I’m ceasing our email until he balances things out by seeing me at least once per week, for a half hour or more. Well, he e-responded with the most outrageous rant I’ve ever seen!

Don’t grasp why his lover Gus doesn’t bother to call me now and then, to invite me over. He has numerous gatherings of most interesting people whom I’d really enjoy commiserating with. I know because I’ve been to these get-togethers three times in a span of six months.

But I also know that he holds these social gatherings two or three times per week. Yet the only times I’m invited over only happens /after/ I post Keith a desperate appeal that I’m going through a most difficult passage, and would truly appreciate some kind company.

Keith needs to break out of his cocoon that keeps him isolated in his apartment. He doesn’t even step out to stroll the Castro now and then (as far as I know).

So I give up.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:59:36
Subject:
Gift and letter to Arwyn
From: Zeke
To: My Most Affectionate Dragon

Sweetest Arwyn,

I’m not abandoning you in spirit, just in body for a time. I do hope you enjoy this Scooby-Doo belt buckle. I was so happy to finally receive it from amazon.com today, that I could put some joy in your heart through this present ordeal.

You know very well that I should never put up with your horrid abuses, which would result in your utter loss of respect towards one so loved by your Dragonly Self. Do you have any idea how painful this is for me, to disappear from your vision? Yet: what other choice do I have?

I could not ever bear losing you from my world. So I prayed for a righteous compromise, which answer I received, and it is this:

To show you how much I adore you, Arwyn, while at the same time protecting myself from any further violence.

Therefore, I appeal to bartenders across the Gay Bar Network for asylum. That you may not stalk or threaten me, in case your condition further deteriorates and causes you to perceive me as an enemy. Brain tumors can do that to people: make them perceive those they love as dangerous villains deserving violent retribution.

[ Inserted with this snail-mailed letter is a printout of “Brain Tumor Symptoms” which you may find here: http://tinyurl.com/btsymptoms ]

I love you so much, My Darling Reptile!


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:10:24
Subject:
Diego just dropped over and…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

…OMFG, El, he is /such/ a handsome man, with an incredibly buff, tatooed little body (he’s 5-foot-5, two inches shorter than yours truly). But he’s a /real/ man, and gave me so much love and kindness.

Unfortunately (I guess) he has to visit someone else for about an hour, though promised he’d be back for the night. So I told the sexy satyr:

“Look Diego. If for some reason you can’t come back tonight, please know that I understand. And that I am /so/ grateful for the sweet friendship you’ve given me already!” (I’m thinkin’ here of his delicious tight nipples, pecs and torso that I licked till Clingon Cum…along with his handsome shoulders and arms that gave my tongue a thrill beyond measure.)

Well, he said he’d return and spend the night with me. Baby, I’m all his if he lets me.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:48:31
Subject:
Re: Diego just dropped over and…
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Wow! Small packages (except where it counts), etc.!!!!!!!! }}

You got it, amiga buena! Upon our last embrace before he departed, I slipped an eager hand beneath his jeans. Wow! Quite a juicy cut wanger w/o even being hard.

This man is certainly a bodacious treasure for anyone lucky enough to have him in his arms.

– Zeke


Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2013 09:51:50
Subject:
HoJo BloJo
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Of course, for my blog entry I had to censor Blain’s yummy banana. Thar she blows: blue and orange!

That’s not a johnson, that’s a /Howard’s/ johnson…ha ha!

– Zeke


Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2013 13:16:41
Subject:
Re: HoJo BloJo
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Very wholesome and family-oriented! }}

Best hot dogs in the city…’cause they’re hella plump!


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:56:10
Subject:
Re: Destiny’s Tongue
From: Sean H.
To: Zeke

Just catching up on my e-mails, ten here – been terribly busy. Helping a woman with two autistic girls qualify and move into a habitat for humanity house, assisting with the building process, the form filing process, and so on. The woman visits my sister with me, who (my sister) is walker/wheelchair bound and moving to a bigger house with bigger amenities.

On another front, I’ve been helping to start up an open mic for musicians and poetry readers. Playing dumb songs in front of a coffeehouse crowd is a chore. I’ve had to do it a few Saturdays to jump start this thing, along with several others who are in my opinion much better than me. A couple of them also would like to stop lugging their equipment in and setting up (big pain in the ass).

Local social engagements are a pain in the ass. People eat up your time. I need to cut them all off, get a job on the graveyard shift part time, and spend my free time in the park.


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:54:04
Subject:
Re: Destiny’s Tongue
From: Zeke
To: Sean H.

Tell me about burnout, Sean! Just remember: pat yourself on the back now and then, for you are doing /such/ good work.


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 15:05:14
Subject:
My Plea to SF’s Gay Community
From: Zeke
To: My Bewitching Readers

Just sent the following letter to the two most widely circulated gay papers here in Frisco (Bay Area Reporter and SF Bay Times):

Dear editor,

This letter is a desperate appeal to the San Francisco LGBT community at large. A man whom I have loved with great adoration for almost eight years has suddenly turned hostile and violent against me these past several months. Our relationship is strictly platonic but no less passionate or sweet for that. He has been such a good friend until recently: light years beyond any other friend I’ve known…protective, endearing, and handsome like nobody’s business. And so much fun you wouldn’t believe.

I was therefore foced to get away from him for my own protection. But I love him from a distance, send him gifts and letters. Especially since I’ve finally put two-and-two together, and realize he has the classic signs of a growing brain tumor. It started with him suddenly refusing to talk with me, hollering “go away” the last seven times our paths have crossed (he now lives just a block away from my own residence). This is a good indication that the cluster headaches have commenced. (Anyone can google “brain tumor symptoms” to learn more.)

The abuse later advanced to violence: he’s a big, powerful dude and I’m half his size. First, he shoved me really hard (resulting in wrenching my lower back), then some days later flicked a lit cigarette into my lap at a local gay bar. I’m a two-strikes kinda guy, never hang in there till the third strike.

I am a well known gay street activist of many years, here in Baghdad by the Bay. Those who know me, also know exactly of whom I speak. My heartfelt plea is for those friends of this excellent fellow (especially those SOMA denizens who love and miss him since he migrated to the Castro) to please visit my sweetheart at his new hangouts, and see to it that he visit a doctor for an MRI scan, etc. Please do so with great kindness, and put a smile on his gorgeous mug.

For victims of brain tumors do not at first realize what is wrong, thus lash out at those closest to them as if they were arch enemies. He has been my hero for almost seven years: I guess it’s now my turn to be his.

Some have accused me of fabricating this tragedy for self aggrandizement and attention…or perhaps as a vendetta against my beloved offender. Thus I endure a double tragedy which heartbreak is beyond all measure. I fervently seek to avoid turning this tragedy into a Greek tragedy of the highest order. For this reason, I make another appeal to our LGBT Family:

That I somehow gain asylum at other homes away from the Castro, seeing as his condition may deteriorate further, and become a dangerous stalker. This fine but misguided fellow knows all my hangouts, and can easily track me down. Including the building in which I live, which has zilch security and is easily invaded. I only need a couch to sleep on: no need for food expenses or anything else.

I can couch hop each home just once per week, or once every two weeks if enough supporters rise to this nightmarish occasion. I want to thank immensely several bartenders South of Market, who’ve already showered me with great compassion. For in so doing, they’ve empowered me to rise above my grief, fears and anxiety attacks. They know who they are.

But I do hope my dire avoidance from My Hero of All Time and Space will not last more than two or three days: that he visit a doctor a short time from now. The sooner he is treated the more successful the recovery. I will soon have a book published about our adventures here in SF, and will likely have tons of money, that I can cover any and all of his medical fees.

I’d like to end this letter with a poem I composed today, dedicated to all brain tumor victims and their lovers and friends. Consider it my prayer.

TUMOR IS A RUMOR

Tumor is a rumor that starts within the brain.
First you lose your humor, and then begins the pain.
Headaches come in clusters, paranoia reigns.

The nature of the person gives way to things not sane,
And tears of all your loved ones begin to pour like rain.
But the hope for one’s recovery is surely not in vain:

So stand beside your wounded, but keep a distance plain.
Send him gifts and letters, and plead deep from the heart
To seek a doctor’s counsel, for his one true love thou art.

Most sincerely,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:17:25
Subject:
Opening Joke
From: Zeke
To: Westboro Baptist Church

(True story: happened five days ago):

I step into the Eagle Tavern and notice it’s decorated with colorful balloons. So I ask manager Tobias:

“What’s the celebration?” He replies:

“Grand Opening.” So I query:

“Again?” (thinking here that the Eagle reopened way over a month ago). Tobias shrugs shoulders to confess:

“Nope. We haven’t had a chance till now.” Then my eyes light up with mischief:

“I had a grand opening once, but I kept slipping out.”

– Zeke


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:57:32
Subject:
Also snail-mailed this letter to my brother
From: Zeke
To: Mom & Dad

Vince,

Sorry to come off so dramatic, but I am definitely in a serious situation, as revealed in the enclosed letter. In case I perish as a result of violence, here is my request:

Assuming tons of moolah comes in as a result of my book, you will inherit it all. I first want you to use the money to provide Arwyn Miles with the best medical care possible, as well as assure him decent housing and income (enough that he may pursue a vocation as a professional party mixer at gay events, or whatever else suits him).

Then I want you to contact an appropriate gay organization, in order to found a home for severely disabled gay and lesbian veterans. Just find the right connection to take over this great venture, that you may be freed of the responsibility of running it. Just funnel them twice the amount they require. And whatever further monies it takes to keep it going over the years.

Then find the correct gay organization to take all my writings from my web site (http://www.gay-bible.org) and blog (https://zekeblog.wordpress.com). Then, they can publish them as one or more books, which monies they can use to empower LGBT rights in whatever way they deem fit.

Of course, use a large chunk of my incoming wealth for your own immediate family, as well as for any other relatives you desire.

Love,

Eugene


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 15:37:04
Subject:
Emergency
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith, this is so important for you (and Gus and whomever else you deem fit) to be aware of. I was going to print it out and snail-mail it, but my printer just died. Thus, I’m breaking my rule and resuming email…it is that important. In exchange, I’ll reopen our email lines so you can freely post again. That is my way of saying “thank you” for reading the following. But first, I need to get five more copies of the letter herein to be printed out, so I can snail-mail to some very /important/ allies (such as my brother in NY). Do you have a printer? I really need your help in this matter ASAP. I must soon depart for the Eagle Tavern as soon as I send this to you. But they have wifi, so I can receive your reply very soon, and tell you more. If you can print out (five times) just the letter below (including the “Just sent” first line), I’d /greatly/ appreciate that. Then I can drop over this eve (say, around 8 or 9 PM) to pick them up. Here goes:

[ Vibrating Reader: what follows is that letter I sent to those two major SF gay rags you just read three emails above, titled “My Plea to SF’s Gay Community.” ]


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 19:46:10
Subject:
Re: Emergency
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ I’ve printed and collated your pages, and will place them outside on the front stoop where you can get them at 8:00. I’m not feeling well enough for company right now, so I won’t answer the bell for anyone. The sudden change from sunny warm weather to this chilly dark wind really fucks with my mood. }}

Thank you /so/ much, Keith! I will drop by precisely one minute after 8 PM. But am /so/ sad to hear that your hypersensitivity towards even good friends remains a major obstacle.

But that is the way things go sometimes. But as I’ve stated earlier:

In exchange for your compassionate assistance, I grant you complete access towards resuming email conversations with me…in perpetuity. I will /never/ again cut us off from that particular form of communique.

You are such a beautiful man, I count my blessings.

– Zeke


Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 21:30:43
Subject:
You are so damned sweet…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

…I can’t believe it! I just picked up your package, and was /so/ charmed how you wrapped it in tin foil and printed my name “Ezekiel” with such care and compassion. If only I could hold you in my arms right now, and shower you with kisses.

So you know: the incredible support and compassion I received at the Eagle Tavern this eve, was more than I ever expected. Suffice it to say, they assured that Arwyn would pull through with flying colors, and that I would be protected from any further harm.

I must go work on chapter 2 right now, of “Free Me From This Bond (sequel to the sequel)”. And thanks to such lovely fellows like you, my heart takes wing and I cry tears of immense joy for such a positive outcome.

Love you and Gus so much!

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2013 02:50:49
Subject:
Arwyn’s gonna be alright (me too)
From: Zeke
To: My Compassionate Readers

Just an update. This eve at the Eagle Tavern I received tremendous support and compassion by bartenders and patrons alike, regarding the scary scenario around Arwyn and myself. I have been profusely assured that my prayer for Arwyn will be answered with the most positive outcome possible. And I shall be unharmed.

So I’m quite tuckered out now, after this drawn out ordeal. Will write about my beautiful time today at the Eagle, in Book 3. Well, gotta hit the sack now.

Love ya all (especially you, Keith, you exquisite homunculus).

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2013 17:20:30
Subject:
This is hell (and another printout request)
From: Zeke
To: Keith

I wanted to give a gift of two chapter printouts to Tobias, mgr. of Eagle Tavern. For it is /he/ (if no one else) who’s going to visit Arwyn, and see what he can do to convince him to see a doctor.Tobias is a /wonderful/ fellow. For in the “old” Eagle days, he only charged me half price for drinks…seeing as he knew I was on a low-budget disability funds. And such reduced rates allowed me to buy a drink for this or that gorgeous hunk. Tobias /also/ facilitated my newfound relationship with Arwyn.

So I march down to “Simply Brilliant Press” on my block, about seven doors down from my building. Well, their computer does /not/ print from HTML format…stupid, eh, when every other printer on the planet /does/? Had to save them in pdf…which then stripped away the headers and footers (including page #). To find out how to reinsert at least the page #, was not intuitive in the least. The sole clerk did /not/ know how to do that.

Well, I got the page #’s to show up onscreen…yet the printouts /still/ lacked page #’s. Plus it printed them out in B&W instead of color! Even though I selected color! Then he told me I had to also select a difrerent printer for that. I said, “Yeah but I still can’t get the page numbers to show! Nor can I get the title per page either!”

To make a long, horrid story into a short, horrid story, the two chapters were printed out both in B&W /and/ color…yet none of them showed the page #’s. Wait, one of the B&W chapters /did/ include page #’s…except the last three pages!

A total waste of time /and/ money. Total cost: $28! The clerk didn’t bat an eye and charged me the /full/ amount, for printouts that are USELESS. I had planned to also print my ilustrator’s 16 images in B&W, but I thought: “Fuk it!” Paid the clerk and said:

“Well /that/ was a waste of money! I’ll have to find another place where they actually know what they’re doing.” And stormed out with a loud “bang” as I swung the door full force and exited.

Can’t believe how all my work these past few days has suddenly become convoluted, frustrating, and so much time/money wasted! (Also, my digital camera has disappeared, stolen I think, so I had to buy /another/ one on amazon.com = $99, Jeez!)

So here’s my request, which you have no obligation to perform. I will not hold any grudge against you, if that be the case. Kinko’s is just as bad (and rude), and my favorite print service shut down two years back. * sigh *

But if you /do/ want to print out my latest efforts, here is what I need:

First, print out these two chapters in color, double-sided (sometimes called “duplex” in the printer settings), that is: print out on both sides of each page.

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/ill-push-you-back/

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/fear-in-the-heart/

Then my latest letter to Arwyn, also in color:

http://www.gay-bible.org/temp/arwyn.rtf

Then these following files, all in B&W:

Cover letter to Tobias:

http://www.gay-bible.org/temp/ron.rtf

Then 16 illustrations:

http://www.gay-bible.org/temp/illustration_01.jpg

[ Continue all consecutive numbers and finish with: ]

I will /gladly/ pay you half of what the idiot clerk charged me…which comes to $14. Heck, I’ll round it off to $15.

If this doesn’t suit you for whatever reason, forgive me to putting this burden on your hunky shoulders. I love you no matter what, Keith!

<3 Zeke

PS: I was hoping to complete this package for Tobias over an hour ago, then present it to him and kick back at the Eagle for a coupla hours. Now, everything’s become discombobulated. So, I won’t return hovel till around 9 PM. I do not /expect/ you to be under any pressure. I can pick them up tomorrow, say around 11 AM? Otherwise, you tell /me/ when’s a good day/time. Again, this is /only/ if you care to assist. You can say “no thanks,” and I’ll be fine with that.

Just don’t leave the package on the doorstep; I’d hate to have them stolen. I can just ring your buzzer and you or Gus can hand it to me.


Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2013 17:55:08
Subject:
Re: This is hell (and another printout request)
From: Keith
To: Zeke

I’d be happy to print these pages for you, but I am afraid that the printer here (which I used the other day to print out the 5 copies of your two-page letter, as well as a single copy of your letter to your brother, totaling 11 B/W printed pages), while it is capable of printing in color, is low on magenta and yellow ink and has been for a while, and the other print heads (including black) are old and dried out, so it mostly prints color pages in a greenish-greyscale, with just the occasional splotches of pink and yellow. So anyway, I wouldn’t be able to give you faithful full-color representations of your work.

I’d be happy to try, but if I had to make a prediction, I’d say that part way through the printing process, we might run entirely out of ink, and I am currently broke because I impulsively bought some books on how to figure out if you’re being psychologically manipulated by a more powerful entity, and a waterproof headphones/mp3 player from amazon.com so that I can stay awake while swimming.

Fortunately (though I did not realize it at the time), someone at ONTRACK accidentally slipped two copies of a Christian Daily devotional book (which I have absolutely no interest in reading) into the box addressed to me instead of the psych book and waterproof headphones, so I ended up having to ask amazon.com for a refund on my entire order. They were very nice and allowed me to print out a return label (which I printed just before printing out your original 11 pages, including one single page letter to your brother, and 5 (collated and stapled) copies of the two page letter you wrote to the local paper) to send back the Christian books, which I pasted onto the original box (which I just dropped of at PO Plus on Castro Street).

Unfortunately, they won’t process my refund until 2-3 business days after they receive the box containing the two mistakenly delivered NYT Bestseller Christian Daily Devotional books, so for the next week I’ll have to make do with the $17 I have in my wallet.

Anyway, it’s your call.

KOP


Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2013 19:38:32
Subject:
Re: This is hell (and another printout request)
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ Anyway, it’s your call. }}

It’s okay, Keith. I’m just amazed that I am being halted in my attempt to create a lovely thankyou gift for Tobias! I know Arwyn’s behind this: he’s a very powerful warlock who can teleport, change shape and appearance, become invisible, and read anybody’s mind. Especially mine.

Great to have a warlock for your lover when he’s on your side…but watch out if he should go insane! He has also sabotaged two potential new friends in the past week. By creating ugly scenarios made to look like I was behind them.

Consider that a brain tumor is very much like a brain implant. Or that a brain implant can trigger a tumor…not necessarily by accident, but by intentional design. Apparently, I have been dropped into the middle of a spiritual battleground. And Arwyn has chosen to be my worst enemy of all time, thanks to an evil force that has sabotaged his sanity.

Finding asylum at allies’ home bases will grant me /some/ safety, but not for long, considering Arwyn’s keen telepathy. He knows where I am at all times, and can track me down whenever it pleases him. Plus: I’m always totally by myself when walking these mean streets.

Therefore, I need bodyguards: at least two, and they need to be quite large and /strong/. Even that’s not enough: they also need to be warlocks equal to Arwyn if not more so. Though I find it difficult to conceive of any warlock as powerful as My Dragon…or even one who comes close.

Do you realize that “dragon” is another word for the devil? “Dracula” is the Serbian word for “dragon.” And of course, Lucifer is the most handsome of all angels. Arwyn is the most gorgeous man my eyes have ever beheld…even in books, movies or other media.

Though there /must/ be a solution to my insufferable dilemma, eh? I think it starts by hanging out frequently at the Eagle Tavern. Only because I’m being drawn there by a strong will that is clearly not my own. In fact, I’m typing to you from the Eagle right now.

My intuition tells me I don’t even need to lift a finger to garner compassion and protection. Therefore, I conclude there /must/ be an entire family of warlocks who congregate here, and other gay bars south of Market.

Don’t freak out now, but I kinda believe your PTSD is being extended in time, that you’re blocked from seeing me except rarely; likewise for inviting me over (that I may gain some respite and strength from loving company). Two other loving men have recently been driven away from me, too!

Seems like no matter what I do, it’s virtually impossible to have potential comrades in my life…at least, those I can hang out with and be that much safer from bully attacks. For they usually prefer to terrorize and injure those who walk alone (and are women or smallish guys). Seeing as that way, there are no witnesses.

Since I ceased giving gifts to Arwyn, obviously he thwarts my attempts to give gifts to anyone else. Surely, though, his being telepathic would show him I’ve already sent three nice gifts to him, via his PO box down in San Diego.

Perhaps there are limits to his telepathy. Perhaps a greater mind than his controls what he can or cannot perceive in the psychic ether. Be that as it may, it will take another 3-4 days before these gifts get rerouted to his residential address just a block away from mine and (strangely enough) right across the street from yours! He dwells in an apt. building several doors up from K&D Liquors.

Diego, my newest friend and so handsome and kind to me…keeps trying to drop over, or go out with me…but some unforeseen obstruction pushes him away each and every time! He’s really crying over this, he’s quite the affectionate fellow.

We’ve only made out once so far because of this…and boy is he yummy, sweet and very masculine. Super gorgeous and humongous kok too, I might add. But I should also add:

nowhere near as humongous as yours! Keith, you are like…umm…unbelievably gorgeous down under! Yet, likewise, we continue to be kept apart.

We both live under a curse of the worst kind. And I really have no idea when it will be usurped by our good-karmic deeds. Though I’m /certain/ it will be very soon. Here’s a joke for you (and it really happened last night at the Eagle Tavern):

I was seated at barkeep Bobby’s station when in steps a rather gorgeous dude of small stature, seats himself upon the vacant barstool to my left. He has a knockout profile, wavy dark auburn hair, and is dressed in a classy twill suit. And a moustache so nicely trim and symmetrical, it was startling! I wanted to lick it all over, along with the rest of that stunning face.

“Nice ‘stache,” comments Bobby.

“Oh, I’ve been cultivating it for some time now,” he replies, touching the subject of the barkeep’s flattery with a perfect index finger. This is when I move in for the kill:

Turning to them both, I remark: “It depends on the type of adhesive you use.”

Not skipping a beat Mr. Utlimate ‘Stache queries: “Oh? And what sort of adhesive do you recommend?”

I pause for several beats while attempting to stifle a wide grin. Then turn my face to his and retort:

“My cum!”

His name turns out to be Warwick, and he is so glad to meet me. Bobby remarks: “Oh, Zeke’s been churning out the puns and jokes all night long.”

You have a most blessed night, my dear friend Keith. Things will soon get better. MUCH better.

<3 Ezekiel

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2 Responses to Tumor is the Rumor

  1. johnofphilly says:

    The gravity of survival as we age – the young frivolous one needs to realize that a tumor is NOTHING to joke about, or unwittingly pull into your path.

  2. ZekeBlog says:

    He’s 53, not so young but I get what you mean. Our extraordinary friendship of almost 8 years is what will save the day.

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