The Scars of Euphoria

[ Free Me From This Bond (sequel to the sequel): Chapter 5 ]

Date: Sun, 9 Jun 2013 18:00:21
Subject:
I’m hoping you’ll be interested…
From: Zeke
To: Litquake.org

…in featuring me in some of your upcoming events. I am a gay street activist of many years here in SF, about to publish my first novel in the traditional format of hardcover and paperback. Though my book will always be free to read online at:

http://www.gay-bible.org/free

If you have the time, please read some of my material there. My writing is dedicated solely to LGBT rights, and is most enjoyable, titillating and informative to read.

Thank you for your kind interest.

– Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Date: Sun, 9 Jun 2013 18:00:24
Subject:
Re: I’m hoping you’ll be interested…
From: Litquake.org
To: Zeke

Thanks for your interest in getting involved with Litquake programming. Our submission deadline for the fall 2013 festival was April 30. Our submission period for 2014 will be Jan.-April 2014 and we encourage you to get back in touch then.


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 15:50:53
Subject:
As for the borrowing of your sewing machine…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

…that was a usurping of a greater cause, that you create my gay flag for realz. To serve my cause, you must fight a battle whereby various enemies (who appear to you as friends) will attempt to thwart your every step.

GET THAT SEWING MACHINE BACK PRONTO…and don’t /ever/ let anyone else take it from you.

Else /another/ person will have the great honor to design this new gay flag, and you will not receive any credit.

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 16:19:56
Subject:
How much do you wanna bet…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

…that this lady who “borrowed” your sewing machine /just/ when you were ready to design the new gay flag, is /not/ a friend of the LGBT Community, but simply a hetero kunt?

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 16:38:06
Subject:
Re: How much do you wanna bet…
From: Keith
To: Zeke

Oh, no no, I don’t think that at all. I recently found out she just had a family emergency and has been out of town unexpectedly. I think it’s totally OK. It’s given me time to think more about it and I’ve also been practicing other things in the interim. I’m happy you mentioned making the flag again, though, because it’s a a good impulse to get me out of
the house this weekend to find the remaining colors. Once I have the material I think the sewing machine will just show up, and if not I will fucking sew it by hand ;)

I wish I could figure out how to make a 3-D animated real life version of this design, too:


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 17:02:28
Subject:
Re: How much do you wanna bet…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ Oh, no no, I don’t think that at all. I recently found out she just had a family emergency and has been out of town unexpectedly. }}

Yeah, right. Whatever makes things look legitimately urgent, they have more clout in convincing you. Let’s just say I am quite used to so-called well-meaning folks suddenly standing in the way. Whatever you think, Keith.

{{ I wish I could figure out how to make a 3-D animated real life version of this design, too: }}

That would require considerable expense…such as fiber optics woven into fabric. With your limited income, I’d focus on the static
version.

<3, Zeke


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 17:04:27
Subject:
Question is…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

…is this lady who borrowed the sewing machine, hetero or not? If she’s actually lesbian, I’d give her some slack. If she espouses bisexuality, no.

What’s so important for her to use your sewing machine?

– Zeke


Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 18:45:12
Subject:
Re: Question is…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ Ha-ha, yes, she is a very sweet lesbian. }}

If she is weak-minded, she is being used by enemy forces. In which case, she won’t return the sewing maching for a very /long/ time. If she is innocent, she will be diligent in returning it within a week or so.

Did she say how long she’ll need it? Sorry if I appear so wary, but just as you’ve experienced subterfuge in your life, I have too.

Just because a person is gay doesn’t make him or her a true ally. As you well know.

– Zeke

PS: Creating a lantern dedicated to an upcoming comet, is much lower priority than designing a new gay flag, BTW.


Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 03:23:20
Subject:
Re: Question is…
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ I will start to work ASAP tomorrow morning as soon as I get up and remember. }}

Once you get the project going, I’m sure it will also give you excellent meditative benefits. Especially helpful in battling the demons that haunt you. As you may surmise by my latest true tales, I got a bunch of my own that have emerged these last few weeks. Though it started some time further back, around late January.

{{ I’m very sorry for losing focus I’m far stupider than I think I am! }}

I really wish you wouldn’t put yourself down, Keith. You’re an excellent and caring soul…as well as highly intelligent. Nothing to be sorry about.

Arwyn himself has been behaving like a demon towards me. And I know why: has nothing to do with evil intent or mental aberration, though I must treat it like such. Has to do with challenging my inner resources, that I may grow.

I now also have this horrid, very deep sore on my right ankle from shingles. May soon have to go to the ER, if I can’t heal it on my own. Looks scary, though getting better…just not out of the woods yet. See attachment.

Looked much worse three days ago. All the other shingles sores are on my right leg, one on my left. But they’re /much/ smaller and are all almost entirely healed. No pain in the big sore, no sign of infection. I’ve never had such a bad case of shingles before…the three previous times (over the past five years) have all been /much/ milder, even trivial. I got the vaccination three years ago, but I guess drinking alcohol caused a flare-up.

Severe insomnia the past few weeks, due to all these nerve-wracking crises, along with just living alone most of my life, and mostly getting shit upon when I try to find friends. Arwyn’s sudden turning against me is like being tossed out of the lifeboat and into a sea of devils. And he did it because he knows I want to be the strongest, best soldier of truth in the world. I’m actually /supposed/ to find ways to retaliate, rather than just curling up into a ball and taking the abuse.

Though this is a battle I did /not/ choose, but am forced to fight back. Most people do /not/ grasp my perspective, they see it just as someone being abusive towards me. Yet in the midst of this orchestrated turmoil, he does or says something nice, like a little clue here and there to boost my spirit, and remind me I’m going through a major test or initiation.

Other horrid stuff going on, I can’t believe it. I imagine my present difficulties are a taste of the intense attacks you’ve been experiencing for much longer.

A big part of such experiences is we are bearing the crosses of others, including those we may not know at all, and may even live in other, distant parts of the globe. It’s how the paranormal operates: space and time are irrelevant.

<3, Zeke


Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 13:41:02
Subject:
The Horus Design
From: Zeke
To: Keith

The design was born directly from a powerful vision back in 1997. Which (a few months later) also inspired my tale, “The Mask of Horus”:

http://www.gay-bible.org/write/2_horus.htm

–AAMOF, the vision itself became part of this gay fable, quote:

Horus alighted in a single-resident occupancy at 2306 Market Street, San Francisco, some time in the very late 20th century…

Accustomed to mortals’ slow ability to perceive other-worldly manifestations, the WarriorGod did not move until the man, open mouthed, gradually perceived the specter of a strong, masculine figure with brilliant, silver hair, and the head of a parakeet. The avian face shone with luminous tones more brilliant than any on earth: scarlet, lime, white, and vermilion. The man’s eyes watered from the brightness of the colors, and realized he was having a vision.

“Are you Ra, the Egyptian sun god?” he squinted at the living icon.

“No, I am Horus, Vindicator Of The Innocent, and Guardian Of Dead Souls.” Silver wings sprouted from his NuCombatBoots, and he recalled an obligation from Hermes to convey a message to someone at this address. So he knelt on the ruddy carpet, extending cupped hands before the man, and said: “I bear you many gifts.”

The man looked into the god’s hands, but could not peer through the explosive beams of light that streamed from his palms. “I can’t see anything,” he claimed, “Must be gifts of the spirit.” He mused, “Is one of them to bring Randolph back to me?”

Horus then rose to his full, towering height, and proclaimed: “You will soon paint my face.”

The man looked up at him and shook his head: “Ohh, I’m not that good.”

“You will be,” stated Horus, who then removed his head which was, after all, only a mask…to reveal his true identity.

Horus took the man’s hands, and they both sat in chairs, facing each other, knees touching.

The man tenderly clasped Horus’s hand in both of his, and smiled. “Oh, Randolph, it is so good to be with you again.”

–end quote

Not sure if I’ve told you this yet, Keith, but “Hellene” and “Thracian” are proposed new words for the LGBT Family…the former an umbrella for all sexual minorities, the latter to describe gay men as fair balance to word “Lesbian.” The following essay gives more insight into this matter:

http://www.gay-bible.org/write/4_newwords.htm

And that is why I entitled my Horus design to include the phrase: “Vindicator of All Hellenes.” As you can see my style is iconic, both in paintings and prose.

During that time I met and befriended a very tall (6-foot-5!!!) and sweet fellow by name of Horace. The vision came some weeks after we first met. Of course, whenever I’m struck by a potent vision I research the being, object or event in that waking dream, to help me understand. I often have visions of things or spirits with which I’m unfamiliar…such as Manannan Mac Lir, for whom the Isle of Man is named.

Turns out Horus conquered the old gods of Egypt and created a new world, that is: a new universe. I can see how my ascension as Gay Liberator Par Excellence will transform this world in a similar fashion. (Please know that I’m way beyond false humility, that would of course obstruct my admission of an incredible destiny via my voice and tales.)

He is a sky god, and his animal icon is a hawk.

Enough for now, I’ve been at Howard’s for more than two hours, and should get out for fresh air and heal my ankle wound under Apollo’s Benevolent Rays. I think I’ll do that at the arboretum two blocks from here.

<3, Zeke


Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 17:55:35
Subject:
The Perfect Revenge…
From: Zeke
To: My Impeccable E-frenz

…or per subtitle: “Where there’s a Scooby-Doo, there’s a Scooby-Way.”

Yesterday, Arwyn stepped out of Twin Peaks Tavern and called to me as I leaned against the trash bin by the bus stop out front. The moment I heard him speak, I replied:

“So, what /other/ BS do you have to impart?”

He then extricated my latest letter unopened (that I mailed to his PO box), and offered it to me. I knew it was the “how dare you” rant in chapter 9 of Book 3, which section is entitled “Yet one more letter snail-mailed to Arwyn.”

I looked at him with scorn and declared: “What the fuk do I want with it?” And gestured at the trash bin upon which my arms rested. “Just toss it into the rubbish, with the rest of your soul.”

So he did just that and turned away to re-enter Twin Peaks Tavern. But w/o before hearing my curse:

“Eat shit!”

So I thought to wheat-paste that same letter (minus any identifying data that could trace back to yours truly), over the next two days. I would sneak about around 4:30 AM to produce my devious vengeance without any repercussion other than Arwyn’s discombobulation. Pasting my free gay press to the newsstand, utility pole and bus stop wall, that he may be flooded with a guilty conscience of major proportion.

But later the next day (this eve) I was suddenly inspired to use my varied collection of Scooby-Doo stationery stickers to those same surfaces, that he may know how much I love him, w/o sacrificing my own integrity, and his privileged access to Twin Peaks.

Please see the attached photo, to see these stickers before I perform my latest act of compassion to a confused soul who is nonetheless the Brightest Lantern of My Liberation.


Click on image for a larger view.

Arwyn approached me outside of Twin Peaks, and asked me to stand by a Scooby-Doo sticker I had just stuck onto the divider between the intersection and Jane Warner Plaza. With the request:

“Can I take a photo of you defacing public property?” Though I felt more humor in his tone of voice, than anything spiteful.

But I warned him with equal jocularity: “You /do/ know I work with the police department, don’t you?” I announced while leaning against the buttress and pointing a bold finger at a recently pasted Scooby-Doo sticker.

Don’t know how Arwyn knew I’d be out there by Castro & Market, though i figure it had to do with his keen telepathy. Of course, I accommodated him, due to my soft heart in his presence.

A moment later I noticed Reggie, who is Diego’ boyfriend, which encounter led to my inviting him hovel and eventually feeling up his glorious torso, kissing the nape of his neck and having an overall bodacious evening, including sweet conversation. Whatever happened to Arwyn is just as much my guess as it is yours. Suffice it to say that his photos of me will get him nowhere except a precious night in my embrace.

No doubt I will get back to you, my E-frenz, shortly, with a followup of my compassionate vengeance against Arwyn’s challenge. Scooby-Doo is the utlimate peace maker! I am so glad to finally have some sort of affectionate badinage with My Delirious Dragon, after so many months of turmoil. Even if just for a few seconds. Even if he intends to use my photo to report to the SFPD with trumped-up charges. I truly pray for a happy ending to this, the final novel in my “Free Me From This Bond” trilogy…but here I am already into chapter 10 with no sign of a joyous outcome.

[ Transcendent Reader: would that you take a moment to send kind hopes for This Troubled Author and My Wondrous Wyvern, I’d be eternally grateful. ]

– Zeke

PS: Next morning around 11 AM I sauntered on over (limping a bit due to my festering leg sore which may soon need ER triage, depending on how things go the next day or two) to admire my Scooby-Doo stickers. Sadly, a cleanup crew was diligently in the process of removing said stickers. Only two were left by the time I arrived, and within another few seconds those remaining decals were efficiently disposed of. If only they understood the blessed drama behind their presence, they’d have left them up a day or so longer, out of respect. These days, every good thing I do for Arwyn seems to be rapidly buried by unconscious service to The Devil. But I guess that he, too, is part and parcel of This Divine Challenge tossed at my sandaled feet. Yet, the honor remains all mine. And the taste of sweet victory already delights the tongue of yours truly.


Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 04:41:18
Subject:
With a little hindsight…
From: Zeke
To: S. Rohan

…viewing your remarkable illustrations gives me great succor. This is just to thank you again for putting such heart into my novel. Which true tales are greatly empowered by the addition of your profound creativity. Clearly, your father’s spirit comes through in the most stunning manner, like gangbusters raiding my cerebellum.

Typing to you right now at 3:55 AM, being the hopeless insomniac that I am. While my street buddy Jeff sleeps blissfully upon my humble bedding that is nothing more than a thin futon which remains rolled up during the day. Let me tell you a little about Jeff:

I met him about seven years ago as I sauntered up Polk Street, approaching Quetzal Cafe…which is a block or two before Polk morphs from the Tenderloin into a more respectable neighborhood. I first saw him smiling back at me like a laser beam, seated at a sidewalk table w/o any purchased drink or snack.

His handsome mug and sweet smile thrilled my soul. His thick hair was rich, orange-gold: perfectly straight down to just below the earlobes, almost a bowl cut though ragged. Stubble across his cheeks and jawline glinted like flecks of pyrite. A solid, square face with full, almost-chipmunk cheeks. I offered to buy him coffee and linger inside.

“I prefer hot chocolate if that’s okay,” he admitted, standing close to my side at the cashier counter, a gentle hand upon my right shoulder.

While seated at a square black table indoors, our knees touched. I gazed upon him for some time while we schmoozed about this and that. And checked out his stocky chest, shoulders and arms barely concealed beneath a bleach-white T-shirt that clung to his torso like wet muslin. His sapphire-gray eyes never looked away from my own gaze.

“Say,” I remarked, “You’re quite the handsome renegade.”

He smiled a broad grin, said “Thanks.” Of course the conversation eventually led to inviting him back hovel.

Thus began a lovely friendship w/benefits, though seperated later on by 3-4 years absence. He’s back again now, off the meth, and looking even more bodacious than ever. Hasn’t aged a day since we first laid eyeball on each other. Jeff is now 48 years old, yet doesn’t look a day over 32! More like a darling boy than a man, who’s suffered incredible hardship and loss like so many good folks dumped upon the asphalt and forgotten.

Well, I’m working on chapter 10 of Book 3, which will include this e-missive. But I’ve decided to devote chapter 11 to this angelic comrade, and will title it something like “All About Jeff.”

He has turned out to be an incredible healing force in my life, right in the middle of great tribulation over Arwyn’s unexpected betrayal. Other misfortunes have come my way (including a nasty sore on my ankle triggered by shingles, for which I may need to go to the ER at Davies hospital). Be that as it may, Jeff has reentered my life at the perfect time when his kind regard is most appreciated.


Ankle sore, three days later.

I must also add here, that my difficult association w/Arwyn (who is /most/ beloved by yours truly in spite of these present debacles) is but a temporary passage–a test of true friendship as it were–which shall iron itself out in due time. But were it not for Jeff’s compassionate return, I’d be an absolute mess by now, good for nothing but fodder for soylent green. Ha ha.

I am suffering physical pain, emotional grief, and near poverty through this pathetic crossing over into a more rewarding existence. Which of course includes the publication of Book 1, and its inevitable success. No doubt your illustrations will be adored by many, as our combined talents move the planet into a better space.

I have always believed that in the midst of suffering, the best way to deal with it, is to put smiles on others’ faces no matter how bad one’s own situation. Which is why I’m inspired at this moment, to post you this email on the wings of faith.

Long ago, I’ve learned to adapt to my insomnia (which became chronic since Randolph’s death or disappearance way back in 1992, along with the death from AIDS of my best friend Marvin, same year). IOW, I don’t fight it, but find something creative and restful to do. Strangely enough, I now get to see Arwyn (albeit from a distance, through plate glass windows) at Twin Peaks Tavern, which is almost next door to Orphan Andy’s, where Marvin used to work as dishwasher before his sad passing.

This is no coincidence. This is kismet. Nor is our meeting and collaboration a coincidence. It is the uniting of two great forces whose dedication and prayers shall make the world over into Avalon.

Before posting this letter, I got out of bed and decided to review your illustrations, here in the dark wee hours of my restless spirit. They are such works of exquisite and profound beauty, I can’t even begin to thank you enough!

Still don’t know how soon “Free Me From This Bond” will be released to an unsuspecting world, but I’m sure we don’t have long to wait. Exciting, eh? And I’m sure it will be tons of fun for us both!

I think now, after posting you my heartfelt appreciation, I can return to slumber once more, in the arms of a most handsome and joyful comrade. Who is Jeff. Who is such a good buddy I can’t begin to praise.

Love ya mucho, “S.”:

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:06:56
Subject:
I need you Keith!
From: Zeke
To:Keith Pendleton

Is there any chance of us getting together sometime soon? Don’t care to elaborate on my tribulations at this time. But I sorely miss you in a most profound way, for which email or even phone calls will not suffice.

We can meet at my own hovel at 2306 Market, or wherever else suits you. Just tell me where (and when), and I will hold you in my desperate arms.

– Zeke


Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 20:43:40
Subject:
New edifice rising from the ashes…
From: Zeke
To:Sean H.

…from where the gutted out, old church used to be at 16th & Noe. So many years have passed since the church ground itself was burnt to cinders how many years ago (just across fhe street and kittycorner from 2306 Market)? Perhaps you can refresh my memory, for it happened even before I moved into 2306, January 1 1983! You said once that Joe Horsington attended it. Seems like a century ago.

– Zeke


Click on image for a larger view.


Date: Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:05:38
Subject:
New friend, Caleb
From: Zeke
To: My Salivating Readers

Lives out by the Marina (close to Safeway), with his sister and her 4-year-old daughter. Originally from New Jersey, moved to SF only two years ago. Handsome, hot and very sweet. Better looking in real life, than photos…but still, you get the idea. Need I say more?


Click on image for a larger view.


Date: Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:15:18
Subject:
Re: Ready for layout
From: Zeke
To: Zelda T. (Twosome Press)

Zelda wrote:

{{ Hi Zeke,

Everything in your file looks good to go as per quality wise, the only thing is that zekeheart.jpg image is a little small, any chance you can re-draw and scan it at a larger size?

Thank you.

Zelda T.
Author Account Manager }}

How’s this?

FYI Zelda, I like “zekeheart” to appear just as it does: amateurish, gritty, unevenly toned instead of jet black. It is actually my street logo, whereby my houseless pals know they need to contact me.


Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2013 10:57:12
Subject:
Caleb’s an author!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Full name: Caleb Bradley Marz. Very handsome, Irish descent from Montclair, New Jersey. Told me some astounding true tales, including the day of 9/11. He was in Manhattan when that occurred!

Penguin Books published his novel, “My Life”. Can’t find it online, says he’ll give me a copy, he has just two left. It’s in storage along with clothes, etc. Just lost his apartment four days ago, on the streets for three.

Has a sister w/newborn, unhappy marriage…the husband’s a real stinker. They’ll soon divorce. Not a good environment for Caleb to even visit, let alone stay over. Husband is alcoholic and /very/ homophobic. Caleb is bisexual.

Has a job offer ($80,000/yr.) at a place just six blocks from here. We arranged for him to crash here overnight, shower in the morning. He’ll pay me $200/mo. plus take me out for meals, etc.

We get along really well, he’s university educated and loves literature. Also works out, including long distance running. GREAT cuddler, affectionate, and well…a piece o’ Avalon.

Assuming the job comes through, he should have his own place in a month or two. Meanwhile, we found each other at just the right time.

– Zeke


Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:33:26
Subject:
Re: Caleb’s an author!
From: Zeke
To: Eleanor

Eleanor wrote:

{{ Oh, man, that is good news!!!!! I’m glad to hear it. Nothing but bad news from most of my friends. Hard times, bad luck…..oy. }}

Wow, I had no idea. Glad I could inject a little cheer into your life at a difficult time. I got to speak with Caleb’s lifelong friend, Paula, who works with military outreach groups, including Swords to Plowshares…somewhere in Virginia. I read her the passage about touching Randolph’s bullet that was lodged in a shoulder blade. She was most impressed.

Caleb has a child out of wedlock (gawd that sounds old fashioned): 16 year old daughter, on excellent terms.

Oh, and his twin sister w/baby is gonna get a divorce…and I just learned she’s an attorney (works in Richmond)! Ha ha, poor hubby.

{{ I’ll see if I can find his book. It oughtta be out there somewhere, if Penguin published it. }}

I erred in typing his surname: it’s “Mars,” not “Marz.” Couldn’t find the book on Penguin’s US search engine. But my wifi connection from home is sluggish these days. Didn’t ask how long ago it was pub’d. I will photograph the book, once in my hands, and post to you.

He’s very much the Kerouac type, and get this: “On the Road” is his favorite book of all time. His job will be as financial advisor; he has a business degree. That was his career back in NJ. So if things work out in the long run, he will help handle my money. He even showed me his Calif. ID w/o my even asking. I like that.

Well. gotta finish my tuna melt at Howard’s. Hope you have a great day and week.

– Zeke


Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:55:14
Subject:
Your book is now in our layout queue
From: Zelda T. (Twosome Press)
To: Zeke

Hi Zeke,

Thanks again for your diligence in ensuring your manuscript materials are ready to publish. As of today, your manuscript is in our layout queue. You will receive the first proof of your book in four to six weeks.

Note that we provide all proofs of your book in PDF file format. While we hope there won’t be many changes you’ll need to make once the book is in its publish-ready format there are often a few formatting changes or typos that need to be fixed. It’s important to understand that we only accept changes via the revision tools within the proof file (detailed information will be provided with your first proof). In order to ensure you’ll be able to use these revision tools, please spend a few minutes ensuring you have the most current version of Adobe software.

To download this free software click on the following link:

http://get.adobe.com/reader/

During the time your proof is being developed you’ll find I won’t be in touch as often as we have been in the past few weeks but rest assured I will be in touch if we have any questions. As always, feel free to contact me if there is anything you require.

Zelda T.
Author Account Manager


Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2013 15:19:17
Subject:
Ankle Sore Update
From: Zeke
To: My E-frenz


Ankle sore, seven days later.

Previous pic of my sore looks better only because almost all the necrotic, black skin tissue was soaked long enough to hydrate, grow puffy and slough off beneath a flow of warm water, over two or three days’ treatment. This method is called “autolytic debridement,” and self treatment is only advised when there is absolutely /no/ sign of infection (including fever, sharp pain, swelling and pus).

–Quoting “Free Dictionary” [ http://tinyurl.com/freedic-debride ]:

Autolytic debridement takes advantage of the body’s own ability to dissolve dead tissue. The key to the technique is keeping the wound moist, which can be accomplished with a variety of dressings. These dressings help to trap wound fluid that contains growth factors, enzymes, and immune cells that promote wound healing. Autolytic debridement is more selective than any other debridement method, but it also takes the longest to work. It is inappropriate for wounds that have become infected. Not all doctors are equally skilled in the various forms of debriding wounds, and rarely suggest this simple method for those patients w/o infection.

–end quote

This time a bit more rotting epidermis is depicted: obviously I need to drench it longer to achieve the desired results. We’ll see how the nasty cicatrix looks in four more days. Hopefully not an appetite killer as it is thus far.

The key to healing this kind of sore, is to keep it clean and moist throughout the day. Use a triple-antibiotic ointment, cream or gel after soaking, that it remains damp. Therefore, avoid any alcohol-based application, as that is guaranteed to make the wound totally dry. There are also special “hydrocolloid” bandaids/dressings designed to keep the wound moist and free of microbes for up to five days! It also reduces the severity of scars. For more info, see: [ http://tinyurl.com/hydrocolloid ].

UPDATE (next morning)


Ankle sore, eight days later.

What a difference a day makes, eh? Ran the wicked pock under water twice as long. The rotting scabs easily debrided, with a little assistance from a flick of my fingernail. No pain whatsoever, just some healthy soreness as the H20 washed over.

MY WARRIOR WOUND

I accept the inevitable scar as my latest battle wound, this time for taking Arwyn’s cross upon my shoulders. He has committed grievous wrongs against me, and he knows it. That’s why he speedily fabricated lies to friends and bartenders that I’m his stalker: to cover his reptile tracks. They would believe him before they /ever/ would yours truly…seeing as they don’t even know who I am. I am /not/ part of the gay bar circuit, thus an outsider, an unknown entity.

Surely, My Delinquent Dragon will pay for his sins in due time (assault and battery, plus slander). Yet I also believe with great conviction that he set me up for this crisis, that I may learn a hard lesson in rising above great tribulation. For it led me to Sweet Caleb, to finally cleaning up my dump of an SRO, to learning more about self healing, and finding a way to forgive amid great bitterness. For my sake, he is willing to suffer the consequences of his dark deeds.

Just yesterday I discovered something I wrote back in 2007, that affirmed my suspicion about a compassionate goal as his true motive (in spite of apparent evil). I was astounded, as I stumbled upon this revelation while reading to Caleb, a passage concerning a cult I named “Disciples of the Zodiac Killer.” Contained in a chapter of the second book I composed under Arwyn’s inspiration, entitled “Friendly Ghost Detective Agency.” Which excerpt you may discover here:

http://tinyurl.com/succubus-born

Chapter title is “There’s a Succubus Born Every Minute.”

–Passage cited is thus:

Yes, I did have my memory erased…not by enemies, but willingly by my own hand, with the assistance of an intimate group of trusted friends, all detectives out of the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD). My conclusion is ASTOUNDING, yet all the pieces have begun to fit!

Remember some months back I talked about how I might be a celebrated detective with the LAPD, who wanted to use his psychic abilities to track down the Zodiac Killer…and this CULT that rose around him? But it was a cold case by then, so I had to surrender my badge, abandon my beloved career and friends, in order to pursue these “cult”-prits on my own. I was THAT driven to blow this cabal wide apart! But I don’t actually recall WHY at this point in my “Early Memory Restoration” phase (or EMR).

Randolph Taylor was my lover…I should say “chief” lover, as I was not monogamous. There was also this glorious Arwyn Miles, among other dedicated and HANDSOME detectives whom I’ve had the tremendous pleasure of knowing and blowing. I even surmise YOU [Carlyle Lambourne] were part of this circle, a good friend (not lover). Whether you REMEMBER this or not, I don’t know. But if you do, I accuse you of participating in a highly ingenious plot to reward my years of devoted service and sacrifice for the sake of a Most Noble Achievement….

Before I departed Los Angeles, I made detailed preparation for my new destiny. Including a form of deep self-hypnosis, that I FORGET my present life to create a totally new and artificial one perfectly suited for the frightful challenge at hand. Thus, I forgot Randolph, and Arwyn, and Carlyle, etc. A real heartbreaker all the way round. What a sacrifice! It would obviously take YEARS to achieve Ultimate Victory, during which time I’d grow old w/o my beloved Randolph et al. And when they followed me up here several years later (for I was getting solid RESULTS, at last), they had to treat me like a stranger, for awakening my memory from its hypnotic slumber would DESTROY my cover, hence victory. My forgotten comrades would even be HOSTILE towards me at times (to discourage any possible romantic advances on my part), for the sake of my own safety and anonymity. For I had INFILTRATED the Zodiac Cult!

–end quote

[ Crackling Reader: no doubt you wonder if my memory were so effectively eradicated, how I could also discuss my premise in detail. Allow me to pontificate: ideas, visions and the like inspired me to compose a tale that I first thought (and for many months) was simply fiction. As the tale expanded into myriad subplots, a thought dawned on the horizon of my brainpan that perhaps they were actually recollections of a buried memory. For as time passed, they seemed to be fitting into a larger puzzle that hinted at authenticity. Feel better now? ]

The key phrase here is:

My forgotten comrades would even be HOSTILE towards me at times.

Upon reading those 11 words to Caleb, my eyes opened wide. For it perfectly /answered/ my question about why Arwyn had abruptly turned so mean. Of course! Not only would it still be /dangerous/ for us to resume true friendship at this time (for the cult would once more target me with further violence)…it would also unravel my false personna designed to infiltrate this cult, and thus sabotage my mission to put the final kibosh on their evil machinations.

And /that/ unfortunate result would sweep aside more than seven years of painstaking endeavors that entailed many sacrifices on my part, and that of Arwyn, Randolph, Carlyle, et al.

[ Perspicacious Reader: it seems to me, however, that all signs point to my/our victory at a very close date. Surely before this year is done. And hallelujah to that, for it also means Arwyn’s redemption from his crimes against yours truly (albeit of utmost necessity), and a resumption of Our Divine Regard for each other. I do realize my conclusions are beyond reason to the sane or normal mind, in light of their astounding claims. I only but ask of you not to believe, but to abide in patience and eventually stand witness to my gay-prophetic gifts. ]

– Zeke


Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2013 15:28:03
Subject:
Re: Ankle Sore Update
From: Keith
To: Zeke

Although i’m very poor company for conversation, if you have any specific errands (picking up food from the grocery store, supplies from Walgreens, laundry washing, etc.) please let me know and I’d be happy to act as your legs for a bit.


Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2013 19:19:09
Subject:
Re: Ankle Sore Update
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith, how sweet! I actually have enough food for a few more days. I’ve finally run out of my trust fund, and got hit with medical expenses (obviously)…for self treatment, not doctors.The only thing I “need” is a liter of diet soda, which I prefer to drink with my supper more than milk, juice, etc. Diet root beer, or diet Pepsi: I like ’em equally. But I can’t afford more than one bottle, as I can only spend up to $3 for this item. I think Molly Stone’s has ’em for around $2.50. K&D Liquors (Market & Castro, NW corner) is $3.

But soda’s a luxury, and I wouldn’t wanna send you on such a trivial errand, unless it’s your pleasure. So if it is, just pick it up and buzz me, I’ll let you in.

– Zeke


Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2013 20:53:16
Subject:
Re: Ankle Sore Update
From: Zeke
To: Keith

LOVED seeing you again, Dearest Keith! Thanks for dropping by with all that extra soda. Your offer to run some errands while I rest my wounded leg is /most/ tempting! I almost tricked you into believing I’m so incapacitated at this time, to truly need your kind assistance for these daily chores. JUST so I could be in your gracious and handsome company once more.

Please forgive me for my little white lie, that requested diet soda only because I craved to see you so much after such long absence.

Must I be ill or injured for realz, in order to revel in your hugs? Can I not be in good health and still enjoy the same? Or maybe put it this way:

I am /already/ severely crippled, and have been for many, many years! Though my injuries are invisible, they are at /least/ as egregious as shingles, the flu, multiple sclerosis, Lyme disease…or even pancreatic cancer.

Yet as badly as I need sweet friendship and hugs, I am denied precisely /that/ to finally become healed…simply because my chronic illness is not visible to the eye.

I have never before felt /any/ degree of jealousy for those bound to a wheelchair, or with all four limbs absent…or those who are both deaf and blind. NO, not a single whit of jealousy whatsoever.

Until now. Until you offered to visit me in order to complete any errand I request…the sole requirement being that I suffer this or that debilitating form of a PHYSICAL malady.

Let me get back to you after I chop off both arms and wrap my thighs in thorny rose branches. Not necessarily in that order of course…for the obvious reason.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 12:49:12
Subject:
Letter to G&L Review, Supporting Bradley Manning
From: Carlyle Lambourne
To: Zeke

Hopefully the Guest Opinion by James Patterson in the July-Aug 2013 issue, which was critical of Bradley Manning, is not the majority opinion of the gay community.

Yes, Bradley Manning deserves our support. The claim that Manning released any information that “harmed” our troops cannot be simply stated without detailed substantiation.

Clearly, Manning was acting on his conscience, at personal risk, by whistleblowing as well as by his own service.

In mainstream media, there is entirely too much military glorification that when carried to such excess can become a hallmark worthy of a fascist state. The attempted guilt-trip and presumption of automatic “hero” status for our troops becomes a manipulative propaganda ploy.

Our troops should not be given carte blanche. It is time that all military personnel should assume some responsibility for the motives, politics, conduct and consequences of the sometimes-dubious military engagements to which they lend their support. That is exactly what Manning has done.

Carlyle Lambourne

Providence, RI


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 14:53:58
Subject:
Arwyn in video, 2009
From: Zeke
To: My E-frenz

Oh good grief, I forgot about this video showing you what the dude looks like. Dated 2009, when he worked at the now-defunct taqueria right next door to the old Hole in the Wall Saloon. At last, a good image of his handsome mug! 1.4 MB file.

[ Gestating Reader: do you ponder if Arwyn’s keen telepathy played a role in my rediscovery of this video? I stumbled upon it this afternoon at Howard’s Cafe while roaming the hard drive to look over my “Old-Blog-Ideas” folder after months of neglect. Sheerly out of boredom. My Restless Reptile has thus far refused to appear on camera or film, and my surreptitious attempts have always failed…except for this one, mysterious video. It’s as if he now believes the time is ripe to show the world his face, and subliminally guided my fingers across the keyboard to this e-epiphany. I dread otherwise to think this 20-second video and scattered memories will be all that remain of our friendship from here onward and into infinity. ]


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 19:10:51
Subject:
Re: Arwyn in video, 2009
From: Zeke
To: Keith

Keith wrote:

{{ Wow, your buddy looks very handsome in that video! Now I can /see/ why you’ve written a whole book dedicated to him! }}

A whole book? Nay, FIVE books so far: “The Arwyn Chronicles,” “Friendly Ghost Detective Agency,” and Books 1, 2, 3 of “Free Me From This Bond.” Those first two books may be read online here:

http://www.gay-bible.org/steal

It’s not /just/ his extraordinary good looks: he has a remarkably playful personality, and is incredible fun to be with. (Except of course, for this ugly turn in our friendship.)

He’s /very/ talented BTW, not to mention intelligent. Wherever he goes, the room lights up. He has the most unique personality I’ve ever met, and he’s shown me such outstanding compassion, my spirit is now crushed since The Betrayal. A deep well of depression that eats away at me like maggots.

Arwyn is actually /much/ more handsome than the video depicts, believe it or not. You can see him hanging out at Twin Peaks Tavern, or standing outside for a smoke. Remember, he’s 6-foot-4, so he’s hard to miss. Though he changes his hair style frequently, sometimes even dyes it a different color.

If you see him, do /not/ approach him. Arwyn is highly telepathic and already knows about you, that we are friends, etc. (Though I’ve never mentioned him to you.) He /will/ approach you when he feels the time is right.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 02:35:02
Subject:
What do you think of this?
From: Zeke
To: Carlyle

Morgellons Disease Is Silicone Nanotechnology!

http://tinyurl.com/morg-biowar


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 22:40:00
Subject:
Re: What do you think of this?
From: Carlyle
To: Zeke

Ezekiel,

Very appropriate. I’ve been getting a lot of weird skin eruptions, wondering what on earth they were and why I was getting them so frequently.

I thought maybe irritation from a chlorine pool that I use at UMASS in the winter, but stop using in summer. Also thought it was age, cold weather, or bug bites.

There is a lot of poison ivy around, but some of the rashes didn’t seem like poison ivy. I have lots of poison-ivy blocks and removal scrubs, too.

Now, another thought. I had already been using tea tree oil, interestingly enough.

Regards, Carlyle


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 20:24:44
Subject:
Re: What do you think of this?
From: Zeke
To: Carlyle

Carlyle wrote:

{{ I’ve been getting a lot of weird skin eruptions, wondering what on earth they were and why I was getting them so frequently. }}

Well, I suddenly erupted with pus-filled pock marks all over my right leg, especially that horrid, deep one on the ankle…which I’ve recently discussed on my mailing list, including photos. Attributed it to shingles, but now that I’ve seen that article, w/some pics that look just like my sores, I wonder. I should get more tea tree oil; I ran out some months back.

– Ezekiel


Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2013 11:16:32
Subject:
Re: What do you think of this?
From: Zeke
To: Carlyle

Ezekiel,

Another thing going on is Lyme disease: I had to get tested and take antibiotics last year. I mentioned to a co-worker who said that his son had Lyme disease. Last week at a cookout, a friend said he had just been diagnosed with it. In a reservation area where I go hiking, there had been at least 30 cases of it.

I knew that I had been bitten multiple times by ticks. On my throat, I had a rash in a distinct oval shape. Within that oval, were two smaller ovals – identical shape, just smaller scale. Made it look like an alien’s face. with the small ovals as “eyes” (they were exactly side-by-side).

The Lyme test had been negative, but that isn’t definitive. Also had large ring rash on the side of the face, also with the “bullseye” appearance that is considered to be nearly conclusive.

I think had to be either that or ringworm (unless something more exotic).

Lyme disease has a history in biowarfare research, you know. I’ve written about this, in the past. The first cases were in Lyme, Connecticut, which is near the highly secretive Plum Island animal research center, where exotic toxins and biological agents are kept. Probably, you are already aware.

I took a course of antibiotics. Never had any other symptoms, just the rashes. My friend last week said he had been feeling very ill.

One thing that I found to be effective on the rashes was bleach. Must be 100% pure, simple bleach, no other caustic, chemical additives as it sometimes has. It’s not all that harsh on the skin- leaves a slight, pinkish rash, but heals up quickly and is much better than having a weird rash that seems to linger forever. The bleach worked almost immediately, so wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it.

Regards, Carlyle


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 17:15:31
Subject:
Re: Letter to G&LReview, Supporting Bradley Manning
From: Zeke
To: Carlyle

Carlyle wrote:

{{ Hopefully the Guest Opinion by James Patterson in the July-Aug 2013 issue, which was critical of Bradley Manning, is not the majority opinion of the gay community. }}

Excellent and terse letter, Carlyle. But what is the G&L Review, and can you give me the link? Is this it:

http://www.glreview.org/

I wonder how many Gay Pride parades across the US have rejected Mr. Manning as this year’s guest of honor? Looks like the self hating leaders of the SF LGBT community will turn down the proposal honoring his tremendous sacrifice.

– Ezekiel


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 22:58:32
Subject:
Re: Letter to G&LReview, Supporting Bradley Manning
From: Carlyle
To: Zeke

Ezekiel,

It used to be the “Harvard Gay and Lesbian Review”, but they dropped the “Harvard” part at some point.

It’s a gay magazine that deals mostly with culture, literature and art. Yes, you’ve got the right link.

When I hear supposedly gay people taking what ought to be right-wing GOP talking points, the key word that comes into my mind is “Cointelpro”.

Such people are either very brainwashed, or they are more than that- not even really who they say they are, just infiltrating for the purpose of disseminating propaganda. I think that most gays are not aware of the history of warfare against all leftist media.

Regards, Carlyle


Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 20:32:36
Subject:
Re: Letter to G&LReview, Supporting Bradley Manning
From: Zeke
To: Carlyle

Carlyle wrote:

{{ the key word that comes into my mind is “Cointelpro”. }}

Quite possibly, this cult of the disciples of the Zodiac Killer that I’ve been exposing for some years now, is a branch of Cointelpro. They certainly are wicked.

{{ Such people are either very brainwashed, or they are more than that }}

I’ve met more than my share of gay goofballs who excel in sabotaging meaningful conversations and friendships. I should know, I’ve been their target for nigh unto 30 years…starting w/Randolph Taylor back in ’85.

{{ most gays are not aware of the history of warfare against all leftist media. }}

They are mama’s boys: mere extensions of their maternal puppet masters. They are idiots and backstabbers.

– Ezekiel


Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2013 11:25:12
Subject:
Re: Letter to G&LReview, Supporting Bradley Manning
From: Carlyle
To: Zeke

It is so difficult to get the right balance: to be able to fight when needed, and refrain from fighting when it isn’t really needed.

Republicans, military men, cops, hard-asses with shark eyes, make that tradeoff too much in the direction of alpha male chimpanzees and could destroy the planet with their chest-pounding posturing, bravado and ill-advised attempts to “prove” something (especially when what they are trying to prove isn’t really so).

The Tinky-Winky faction of the gay community makes the tradeoff too much in the direction of being practically welcome mats for their own oppression, much less doormats. They just want to have fun, feel good, indulge themselves at the expense of failing to seriously confront a dehumanizing level of treatment and attitude from the societies in which they occupy the fringe.

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