It’s All About Larkin

Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2014 10:30:07
Maybe Braden’s in on it…
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

…seeing as someone who knows about Larkin should /also/ be a regular customer at Howard’s Cafe! And he goes bowling the same nights as my Handsome Nemesis…who substituted for him on a recent outing. I SMELL A SETUP!

If such be true (and I strongly suspect it is), Larkin may turn the tables on my “fun w/Braden” scheme, and show him that letter. This would mean at this point, Braden would have some fun at /my/ expense next few times we meet at Howard’s.

But I’m ready for this double-agent petard! I guess.

Assuming Larkin will just stride right by me again like last time (maybe emit a few friendly words) I’ll holler back at him as he moves on down the street:

“You’ve given me so much love already, I can’t believe it!”

Then run home for a tall glass of Hawaiian self-punch.

– Zeke

Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 20:47:11
Re: It’s all about Larkin! (addendum)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

On 1/22/14, Eleanor wrote:

{{ your sharp observant cynical eye, juxtaposed with your tender yearning love struck heart, is the combo that’ll push your writing over the top! }}

And I owe it all to Larkin. He /created/ a major heartbreak scenario, that I may compose one of the finest love stories ever. This will so consume the hearts of zillions of readers worldwide, that it will tremendously /elevate/ respect and admiration for gay people everywhere.

You just can’t conjure up a truly /great/ romance without gobs of heartbreak flooding a sea of chapters. This /must/ be a brilliant man, who can orchestrate such a scenario…knowing full well my love for him can never be broken, and that I will eventually figure it all out. And be much /stronger/ and /wiser/ for the experience.

Of course, most would say I’m a foolish sucker, glutton for punishment, blah blah blah. But the man has scattered numerous /clues/ for me to hang in there, over these many years. Starting with that scene in Chapter 1 of “Free Me From This Bond” where he finds my amethyst crystal at the last moment…not via flashlight, but via his heel unexpectedly tromping upon it. So after he delivers it to my hand and turns away, he suddenly spins back and declares:

“Do you get it?”

Of course I do, I am swept in a shower of mercy and respond with the perfect reply:

“Yes! YOU are the light!”

Many other clues since then, as if he can read–or travel through–the future (and back again), to set up this incredible Odyssey of gay bromance, intrigue and hilarity.

This is a most intelligent, wise, and compassionate dragon I am dealing with, El. He’s given me /more/ than enough clues for me to finally realize my conclusions in this matter are /not/ simply wishful thinking of a desperate old faggot, but a /gift/ that’s come to me straight from the cosmos and through his benevolent soul.

So it /is/ all about Larkin, and that makes me one happy dudester. I can’t imagine a more difficult affair like the one /he/ created, that would be the /perfect/ chemistry to transform me into an uber-hero, with a most fantastic tale to share with our bedraggled planet. And if I’m correct (and I’m /sure/ I am) you bet he’ll make things up to me a quadrillion times over.

Impossible for me to comprehend that he loves /me/ even more than I do him. But as the /father/ of my spirit, he gave birth to My Ultimate Destiny. And how could a loving parent /not/ love his son more than the child loves him?

This of course brings up the question: “just who the fuck /is/ this Larkin, anywayz, that has such ability to shape reality in the way he so chooses?”

As far as I know, only angels (or whatever you wanna call ’em) can construct reality according to their intent. Though most believe such wonders are merely mythological, or IOW “imaginary.” Yet here it is: a very likely manifestation of the miraculous, something intrinsically IMPOSSIBLE, yet making itself known in the mundane. Which also implies living proof of the wondrous, and my playing a central role in such an unbelievable outcome. FOR ALL THE WORLD TO WITNESS in the long run.

Oh, well, gotta get back to my Twitter meanderings. Hope you enjoyed my latest burst of manic schizophrenia.



Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 21:01:33
He gave me face
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

Just laughing at my own infatuation, here goes:

Once completed my trek home from Howard’s Cafe, I always stroll by Twin Peaks Cavern to see if The Devil I Know is there. Crossing the intersection, I swerve right to the smoke shop, allowing me a wide scope of the Glass Coffin that grants me view of /every/ patron there. Sure enough, there’s ol’ Dragon Butt at the end stool near the sunken restroom (where if you’re soused enough you’ll miss a step and smash your head into the door, as the permanent dent so loudly declares).

Of course he sees me, and of course he doesn’t acknowledge. And of course, nor do I. This is the script that has been handed me, and as a two-bit actor I have no grounds to complain. Though playing this role for more than twelve months now, puts me in great danger of being typecast. Wondering if he’ll jump outside to follow me into the shop, I obtain my next pack of lung scrapers and step out to see:

Larkin mowing down the walk in my direction! But suddenly pauses to address a drunken old black man in a ratty pea coat with his back leaned against Twin Peak’s plate window, legs askew on the concrete.

“Hey young man, you need to pull your legs back so people can walk!” He gestures to the sot, who mumbles god-only-knows-what, but barely moves.

I look at him, he looks at me. Briefly. My expression: a twisted, tight-lipped grin of both distaste and joy. I swiftly pass, content in my heart with the knowledge that Larkin gave me face. Before turning the corner towards my station at the fireplug, I turn ’round a moment to see My Golden Reptile slinking back towards me and into the tavern.

So yes, he /did/ step out to greet me in his inimitable style of “you really don’t exist.” I am thrilled all the way down from my heart to my crotch and back up again. While posing by the hydrant as if I couldn’t care less about who is in the tavern, I notice Larkin step out twice: once for a cigarette, then some minutes later to share a doobie a few doors down 17th, in the recess of a closed shop, and accompanied by his usual TPT accomplice, “skinny Jake” (what I call the spiritless cadaver).

As he approached the recess, he did project a rather attentive gaze in my direction. Though giving him no recognition whatsoever (and only viewing him peripherally), I appreciated the gesture.

He returns to the gay booze dungeon for another 20 minutes, during which time I hang out across the way, shivering a bit in the ocean breeze, wishing this parody of a friendship would come to an end, and we could go camping up north in Point Reyes to sleep under the stars and listen to the seagulls howl.

Then he steps out once more for a smoke, sometimes glancing back at me. Feeling not the least bit nervous about our camaraderie, I shoulder my pack and depart while he’s still outdoors. Knowing full well he watches me leave. Of course, as I wait for the little man to light up, I hope all the while he’ll dash up to grab me in those wiry arms and rain-pelt me with Celtic kisses.

This does not happen (as you well surmised), but is certainly not a deal breaker. Since I know in every chamber of my bleating little heart, his love is always beside me like a Siamese twin before the surgery. And though I never glance back on my way hovel, feel his “Geist” calling out to wish me a beautiful, peaceful night. And that in a short time from today, I will know:

the taste of his lips, the warmth of his breath, the caress of his palms, the shiver of his skin, and the prodding of his wanger against my own. From that honeymoon day onward.

– Zeke

Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 23:55:44
Re: He gave me face
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

On Thu, Jan 23, 2014 at 11:20 PM, Eleanor wrote:

{{ “Gay booze dungeon.” That’s great. }}

Well it’s above ground though referencing to back in the day when /all/ gay bars were underground.

{{ “Like a Siamese twin before the surgery.” Great again!! }}

Yes, I seem to be very fertile lately with original imagery. I think because my friendship w/Larkin is finally resuming. Just a bare hint of this gets my creative juices flowing! I do really resent being so captive to his allure, because I seem to have no choice in the matter.

But OTOH, it is a blessing to be so wrapped up in his world, I really don’t want to live in another. I know for certain: no other guy would ever make me happy at this point. For a time, yes, but I shall always dream of Larkin each and every day and night of my life. Should he disappear from my world, I don’t think I could ever write any humor again. It will be all dark High Gothic German from then on. Nietzsche move over, there’s a new boy on the block.

{{ “The shiver of his skin.” Here’s hoping!!!!!!!! }}

He has–numerous times over the years–literally /shivered/ in my arms, like a puppy over-eager to be loved. What a great compliment. After him, there is only the Grim Reaper AFAIC. Not literally of course, but a death of all good dreams and hope while still alive.

I guess that is the threshold one must consider, the risk that inevitably comes with giving up your heart entirely to another. Is it worth the gamble? Yes, of course…but then again I really have no other choice.

My phrase “The Devil I Know” is of course a reference to your upcoming novel “The Devil You Know”…I thought you’d enjoy that! Which novel I’m sure will become celebrated as one of the finest mystery tales ever writ.

– Zeke

Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 00:06:13
I am hoping…
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

…that you still have a certain email or emails I recently sent you that include mention of how Larkin created this tragic and heartbreaking reality, that I may compose one of the finest love stories ever writ.

For I am at a loss to find it either in gmailbox or on the hard drive. I /know/ I saved it to disk and backed it up to peripheral media…for I am very careful is such matters. Yet, it’s gone!

If you do find an email with that description, please forward it back to me, with any other emails that you received from me two days before, and two days hence. I sent it to you within the past week.

But if you no longer have it (or them), that’s fine. I do not have any lack of faith in my wonderful gift of prose, to regret any loss of certain passages. I’ve been through this once before, as you know. It’s all a part, AFAIC, of this excruciating and grief-filled Odyssey that is My Very Own Larkin Chronicles.

Thanks much, Ellie!

– Zeke

Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 23:29:24
Re: I am hoping…
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor

On Fri, Jan 24, 2014 at 10:49 PM, Eleanor wrote:

{{ Dja get the right one?? }}

Yes! “It’s all about Larkin (addendum)” and “Maybe Braden’s in on it”. Thanks /so/ much! I remember specifically saving them to a file, but goddess only knows how it disappeared.


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