Look Out for Lookout!

April 21, 2014

From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My E-frenz
Date: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 14:31:19
Too funny

Just last week I gifted my houseless friend, Vince, with a cheap android tablet that proved too frustrating for my use. Of course I erased all personal data (or so I thought), as well as set it up for maximum convenience. But just a moment ago sitting here at Howard’s, I got an email alert from the Lookout app (which app I forgot all about). It tracks my device w/GPS in case it’s lost or stolen.

Lookout informed me that the tablet has run low on battery, and gave me its location…which turns out to be the most notorious intersection where crackheads, speed freaks, junkies and the like congregate: 6th & Market. Cracked me up because (1) I didn’t realize the device was set up to report back to me now and then, and (2) Vince is, well, a meth addict. (Though to his credit, he’s got a great spirit, very feisty and a good friend…he’s a shorty little punk and full of mighty spunk. IOW: quite a character. And nuts over my tales of queer frivolity.)

So of all the locations possible for my first alert re. Vince’s android tablet, it had to be the most stereotypically predictable spot, ever. Hilarious…and Vince of course has no idea. (Though I don’t think I’ll inform Vince about this matter, seeing as paranoia is a side effect of crystal, and I don’t deserve such fallout. Plus, now that the dastardly deed has been done, I look forward to any further reports that come my way.)

Now I’m wondering just how many hands my humble tablet will pass through (registered in my name and all that) as it /is/ a bit of a money maker. And if the police will contact me sooner or later…and if they do I hope at least /one/ of ’em is a doll and will court me like a Victorian satyromaniac.

Enjoy the Lookout alert forwarded to you, Dear E-frenz, that you may relish a chortle or two in your pathetically boring lives when compared to mine:

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