I’m a Decoy for the SFPD!

June 26, 2014

From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My E-frenz
Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2014 17:04:20
I’m a Decoy for the SFPD!

The police department has been using me as a decoy to root out evil scum for many years, now…at least since I met Larkin in 2006 (though Randolph Taylor is suspect, too). And I’ve only come to realize this moments ago while tapping upon my EliteBook 2530p at Bean There Cafe. It felt like pieces of a plastic jigsaw puzzle instantly snapped into place. Here is the vision exactly as it came to me:

The SFPD has an /unofficial/ branch of psychics, which continues to infiltrate and take over the entire force. For if one is truly gifted, he or she will know what career to pursue. So some joined the Blueshirt Brigade, that being an excellent method to utilize one’s paranormal talents. And (of course) more psychics continued to sign on, unbeknownst to those members who were /not/ so chosen.

Until this present time, when I guess the /entire/ SFPD is now composed of nothing but gifted psychics dedicated to Gay Liberation above and beyond the call of duty!

This amazing scenario also provides much amusement: for one, it means they’re having a ton of fun at Zeke’s expense. ‘Cause I didn’t even /know/ I have anything to do with the police, in any sort of useful capacity. (Which I suspect actually started as a consequence of reaching out to R. Taylor after his suicide attempt in 1985; seeing as he’s a former SFPD cop.) So they’re probably watching my antics on video, scheming up new jokes to play on me, et cetera. Kinda like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show…only with an uber-gay remix.

I am sure they also watch over and protect me, in exchange for this involuntary service…though a service they realize I’d /gladly/ perform if so requested. Because they’re PSYCHIC and know that I’ve already said yes somewhere in a sub-basement of my mind.

[ So, My Elegiacal E-frenz, THE JOKE’S ON ME! ]

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

– Zeke

From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My E-frenz
Date: Sun, 22 Jun 2014 14:44:12
Re: I’m a Decoy for the SFPD!

(This post is written a day after the previous, since I don’t have Internet at home.)

When I arrived hovel yesterday and shortly after emailing you my SFPD revelation, that sign posted in our lobby just a day ago snared my attention. Here is the meat of it:

Filming to occur on MONDAY June 23, 2014.

Dear Neighbors,

UNPRONOUNCEABLE PRODUCTIONS, LLC will be filming a segment of a television series at the intersection of 17th Street / Market Street / Castro Street on the above date. from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm, hours are approximate….

We will have a street closure on 17th Street from Market to Diamond St. During this closure, we will film “fake police activity” with actors dressed up as officers. Please do not be alarmed or call emergency service such as Police or Fire.

We will have SFPD officers on site to assist with intermittent traffic control (ITC) and ensure safety. Pedestrians, residents and business-owners will be able to access streets normally.

Now, I was already intrigued about this cinematic foreplay, concluding that indeed, it has to do with my mystical pig affiliation. Of course I was delighted. More than that: I was ecstatically vindicated that my so-called “borderline schizophrenia” is actually a spiritual gift, and that Larkin is the leader orchestrating this playscript. But in this point of my evolution, I tend to take it all in stride, thus placed it on the back burner until yesterday afternoon when I reentered the lobby and it beckoned my utmost attention.

Notice that the center stage of this filming will occur at 17th & Market & Castro (these three streets intersect), which is the exact same spot Larkin and I held many dramatic. loving and hilarious encounters since October 2012. For Twin Peaks Tavern sits smackdab on the southeast corner of that triple intersection! Wish I could observe the action from my SRO window but, alas, I’m a tad too distant to view more than a sliver, if that. Perhaps I will mosey in that direction to see what excitement may result.

“And what may result?” (you might ask). Perhaps one or more bank robberies by my devotees, that I may become an instant billionaire and rescue millions of gay people from the Iron Fist of Heterosexism. Castro residents and visitors alike have been advised to not dial 911 that day, even if they witness an alarming event. What a perfect setup to commit a crime without intervention of any legal entity!

Also, the city has just completed the widening of Castro Street in that very same location…and will soon proceed with laying down the “LGBT Walk of Fame” or whatever it’s called. Do you think my own name will be included? I do! Do you think Randolph Taylor’s name will be included? I do! What about Larkin Kelsey and numerous other unsung heros that have accomplished so much in the name of Queer Rights? Well, My E-frenz, I suspect they will be honored there, too.

[ Calamitous Reader: there exists another Great Gay Prophet besides myself, whom I call Keith in my tales. Who foresaw many edifications, plaques, statues and such in my honor. Which discussion I’ve included in Chapter 2 of Book 2, called “I’ll Push You Back!.” Just search for phrase “Re: My latest blog entry‚Ķ” to jump right to it. His astounding description of how The Castro will change in the twinkling of an eye, with myself as a major celebrity, is not so far-fetched now, as it seemed to me just one month ago. ]

The remarkable timing of it all goes even further: for Gay Pride Week is almost upon us here in San Francisco, and my birthday follows just one day after that. What more proof does one need, to show me this is most certainly not coincidence, but an exquisitely profound metamorphosis into a new reality? A reality that celebrates Gay Freedom, and makes My People the heroes of planet earth!

And for some reason that is not totally clear to me (though is on certain levels), I owe it all to Larkin Kelsey, My Gregariously Gorgeous Gay Godzilla.

(This is my letter I snail-mailed to Keith, who strangely lives directly across from Larkin, and neither of whom I can visit, email or phone.)

Praise to Bodacious Keith!

Your very kind $400 contribution enabled me to upgrade my Internet activism with a refurbished HP EliteBook, and an excellent 10.1 inch android tablet. As a result, I can speedily zoom across cyberspace with my pro-gay ideology, instead of slugging along.

Enclosed are my two latest blog entries, which I’m sure will bring you great joy. In the second piece which I title “I’m a Decoy for the SFPD,” I give credit to you, under pseudonym “Keith.” You will find it in the paragraph beginning with “calamitous reader.”

I love you unconditionally, no matter what. And so happy to learn that you have a really decent job at Cliff’s Hardware. Give my warmest regards to your sweet boyfriend Gus.

Just know that I’ve never stopped craving to suck your enormous and handsome kok ever since you sent me those two sweetly erotic videos.

Your devoted friend (and I hope some day your sidekick lover),


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