St. Patrick’s Feast

March 1

I stepped into CVS Pharmacy on the other side of Noe Street, to purchase one item: a can of Rosarita’s Vegetarian Refried Beans. Which I enjoy as an ungarnished dollop alongside my plate of fried brown rice and sauteed, diced veggies (one large onion and two medium size bell peppers–one green, another orange, red or yellow).

While there, I decided to mosey about the aisles and look for something else I might find desirable. Whether food, candy, dry-good or whatever; I had no idea. So I arrived beside the dairy section, just to my left: a rise of shelves entitled “As Seen On TV!”. Sure enough, one particular item stood out that would really be a boon for the microwave.

“Wow! I’d love to have that, it would make preparing one of my favorite dishes a snap!”

Best of all, it was only $3.99!

So I plucked it off the ledge to eye it more closely, and read just how it works. It was the only one of its kind left, so I guess I got lucky. Nonetheless, I sighed and placed it back in its nook…for it was month’s end when I’m down to counting every penny until March’s automatic deposit kicks in.

No sooner did I turn about and march with my lone can of smashed pintos to the automated checkout, than a little birdie chirped in my ear:

“Hey! Get it Zeke! It’s the perfect St. Patrick’s Day gift for Larkin! You can’t not buy it!”

I immediately laughed with gusto, as I realized then, that it is the perfect gift for someone who is Irish in both strands of his DNA.

Yes, no way could I ever leave CVS without claiming the last of a species for my own, to do with as I please! So I snatched the product from its perch and bought it without regard for my own financial sparsity.

So eager was I to share it with you, my e-friends, I rushed hovel and snapped a pic of it, then composed this letter. Rather than bide my time till I post a blog about it a day or two from now.

The photo is revealed in the link below, so as to prevent you from viewing it before you finish reading this email. But once you do, you will appreciate how quintessentially Irish is this gift, as well as hilarious.

I plan to gift wrap it, then seal it in a large envelope along with a St. Patrick’s Day card, and perhaps a new story. Then either present it to Larkin at Twin Peaks Tavern, or snail-mail it several days before March 17th.

No doubt Larkin will get quite a kick out of it too, and actually use it with relish (pun intended).

http://www.gay-bible.org/blogstuff/2015A/st-patrick-gift.jpg


March 7 – ADDENDUM

Kindest Larkin:

I bought you this microwave potato baker as a joke. I have since read customer reviews on this product, and it does not work very well. So read the instructions very carefully, if you really want to use it. It does not do a very good job of baking potatoes in just four minutes. But if you want to try it out, I suggest cutting each potato in four parts first. My hunch is this will do a proper job of it, versus cooking 1-4 whole spuds.

By the way, I stumbled upon this image of a new Hollywood actor who’s the spitting image of my “crazy” friend Darrin: his latest movie is “Cut Bank,” though he’s already famous for his role in “The Hunger Games” and “Empire State.”

PS: Two days ago I saw you pretending to give a BJ to your roommate Zachary. Probably because you saw me approach 17th & Market, and it seems to be your mission to press my buttons. I don’t really care who you hug or have close relations with. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I only regret not being sharp enough to holler through the doorway: “Get a room, you two!”

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