The Breakthrough is Nigh!

Date: Sun, 2 Aug 2015 13:54:29
Kudos Morticia!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

Dear Eleanor:

I have been thrashed and cast about by the waves of misfortune…yet they have given me such strength in the resistance demanded, that I can feel nothing but gratitude for the rough regard. For I am a survivor, in ways that even yours truly couldn’t even imagine.

And Larkin has been A Great Taskmaster in this Brilliant Plot That Destines Me Towards Immense Glory. To be knocked about by He Who Loves Me Beyond Measure, is a form of S&M that–while it does not suit my own nature–has catapulted me into A Universe Of Dreams Come True that would have never occurred, had my own sensibilities ruled the day.

We (this world) are on the verge of An Incredible Revelation that shall touch upon every single life. Not just the human aspect, but all of The Great Spirit’s creatures and non-living objects, that is: /all/ animate and inanimate things that exist, have ever existed, or ever /will/ exist.

You are witness to My Personal Evolution Into Godhead…as are a handful of other benevolent souls. In fact, you (and those other kind souls) have played a vital role in getting me there.

So how can I say “thank you” without coming off as maudlin? I can’t. For we are all knit into the same fabric, and what benefits one benefits the other, regardless of any particular station in life that is deemed superior or inferior over another. Seeing as accepting my own Amazing Role in Life’s Adventure, does not make me better than anyone else–even among the lowest and most despised among us, such as Adolf Hitler for classic example–nonetheless I am asked by Universal Mind Itself to step forward and take the reins.

Though I shall acknowledge, each and every time possible, The Gracious Heroes Such As Yourself, who’ve busted your ovaries to get me there.

With profound love and astonishment,

– Zeke

Date: Mon, 3 Aug 2015 15:09:35
The breakthrough is nigh!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Carmen G. (Publishing Consultant, Twosome Press)

Hello again, Carmen. I figure you’d like to know that I am very close to bursting across the world in uber-popularity. Which means that soon, very soon, I shall gain tons of moolah from sales of my novel that your company has so kindly published (when all other self-publishing venues turned me down).

How do I know this? Well, amazing events have been occurring in my life at a very fast clip…and are reflected in my most recent tales. For example:

A Quiet Night at Mission Station


Misfortune is a Cookie Named Zeke

So tell Twosome Press to gird their loins in preparation for THREE MORE NOVELS by yours truly, to publish. They will be assembled from my WordPress blog, by trusted members of the SF gay community…so that I may relax and enjoy life after so much blood, sweat and tears sacrificed on my part (not to mention pizza).

I hope you can find the time to read those two tales linked above, as they will affirm my claim of imminent success.

While Twitter, Facebook et al have not been much help in promoting my book, I’ve found that people love a good joke. So I crack a lot of ’em, especially as silly replies to others’ tweets. Which has boosted my presence on the Internet into almost-celebrityhood. Just a few more baby steps, and I’ll be there!

Again, thank you SO MUCH for the blessing of your respectful treatment of my tales, for which I owe Twosome EVERYTHING! Canada rocks! I would change citizenship to your fair nation, except that I will soon declare myself the founder and president of the world’s first LGBT nation, Athenia. Formerly northern California down to the southern border of Santa Cruz County, and straight across to Nevada’s demarcation.

Most truly yours,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

P.S.: Scroll down my home page to view the new jokes I’ve uploaded in image format, starting with “Sturgeon on the Mount”; they will crack you up.

Date: Tuesday, 3 August 2015
The Four Gospel Truths
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Hermoine


Including the two tales I already suggested you read ASAP, here are four tales I recommend you read in chronological order, as listed below. They span a period from June 30th to July 29th. This will give you an excellent idea of my rapid spiritual progress, and how much magic is flowing into my world these days. You will LOVE each and every one, I am positive!


Birthday Magic 1

A Quiet Night at Mission Station

Misfortune is a Cookie Named Zeke

– Zeke


Scooby-Doo Porn

P.P.S.: Oh, and you /must/ read “Pillow Gossip,” written in late March. You haven’t lived until you’ve read “Pillow Gossip!”

P.P.P.S.: Attached is another photo of Larkin taken around 20 years ago. With his clothes on, this time. He loves softball, and this pic was taken when he still lived in San Diego, long before we met. How he came to S.F.: he was contracted as a private investigator for the SFPD, to discover which policemen were participating in a violent cult that almost killed me in 2007. It was my desire to be friends with him that put my life in danger; and I refused to walk away. You can read about that in Chapter 13 of my novel:

I have been his assistant since then. He’s even handsomer now, at 53!

P.P.P.P.S.: Also attached are two more pics: front and back of the latest postcard I sent to Larkin (on Saturday). Duplicates of which were also mailed to the four gay bars in The Castro he used to frequent until recently (’cause I got him 86’d), plus the remaining bar which he can still enter by my good graces.

P.P.P.P.P.S.: I know, I’m nuts. You don’t have to rub it in. <3

Date: Tue, 4 Aug 2015 12:20:00
Missive From Uranus
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

Your Imperial Multi-Cosmic Osmium Empress:

I am at your mercy, in begging you to find some time in your uber-busy schedule, to finally read “‘A Quiet Night at Mission Station”:

For it marks the milestone in my life, where the tables are turned in my favor, and against My Mocking Mesosaur. Exactly what I predicted for many months and even several years!

I will gladly provide you free of charge: 100 crates of Misfortune Cookies, containing 1,000 cookies (with each misfortune replicated no more than 50 times) in each crate, in exchange for answering my desperate appeal.

Sinqueerly yours,

Ezekiel Joseph Krahlin
Co-president of Athenia
(alongside Reptilian Commander Larkin Kelsey)

It’s all horse hockey anyway.

Date: Wed, 5 Aug 2015 12:28:05
Re: Missive From Uranus
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Wed, Aug 5, 2015 at 12:10 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Okay, I’m waiting for those misfortune cookies! }}

Thank you /so/ much for reading it! Cookies are on the way, but since they are manufactured in a factory located deep in the bowels of Uranus, it will take some while before they arrive at your doorstep.

{{ Jeeziz, what a lurid and shadowy adventure! The colostomy bag was a stroke of genius on their part, wasn’t it? Probably the bag actually contained chocolate pudding. }}

More realistic than that: not as dark as pudding, a tad watery and slushy. Sure looked like the real thing…gotta hand it to the excellent lads and lassies at forensics! I will find out, eventually (what it really contains), when they present me with it at my retirement party. It’ll be wonderful: a lotta cops giving me hugs till the bovines come home.

Ha ha, instead of a gold watch I get /this/? Too bad they can’t /all/ sign their names on the ostomy sack, it’s just not possible!

– Zeke

Date: Wed, 5 Aug 2015 12:45:09
Re: Missive From Uranus
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Wed, Aug 5, 2015 at 12:39 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ You need a special kind of pen to sign an ostomy sack. }}

Okay, I’ll play the straight man here (I’ll be George Burns):

“Oh? And just what /kind/ of special pen do you need to sign an ostomy sack, Gracie?”

– Zeke

Date: Wed, 5 Aug 2015 13:28:18
Re: Missive From Uranus
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

In composing my “Mission Station” tale, I searched for a term or word that would suffice for an adjective conveying amnesia. And learned a new word:


For its definition is: “Of or relating to anamnesis; aiding the memory.”

“Perfect!” I thought, and used it in a sentence deep in the tale, like so:

“Is this affectionate cub one of them who still awaits my anamnestic return?”

Later that day, I decided to take a gander at the root word “anamneses”…and boy did definitions #2 and #5 blow me away:

“2. Platonism. recollection of the Ideas, which the soul had known in a previous existence, especially by means of reasoning.”

“5. (often initial capital letter) a prayer in a Eucharistic service, recalling the Passion, Resurrection, and Ascension of Christ.”

See for yourself:

– Zeke

PS: This ties in with my revelation in Chapter 13 of my published novel, that Larkin is a detective. And I suffered memory loss due to being drugged and left for dead by unknown perpetrators who don’t want us to work together. Part of that loss is that I, too, am a detective, as well as Mr. Kelsey’s lover. I don’t recall any of that, yet. But I wrote this following piece in 2007, describing my intentional erasure of my present life to create a false persona…that I may infiltrate a dangerous cult to better effect: “There’s a Succubus Born Every Minute.”

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