It’s the Restrooms, Stupid!

The “no-trannies-in-the-john” debacle is spreading across Europe now. This article’s out of England:

Lesbian Teen Kicked Out of McDonalds for Using Wrong Bathroom, Failing to Prove Gender

Nonetheless it inspired me to compose the following piece about the same thing going on in our nation:

One woman’s FB comment to a butch lesbian not being allowed to enter a woman’s restroom: “So what’ll happen when a feminine looking gay tries to enter a men’s bathroom.” To which I responded: “What makes you think this sexist bigotry will limit itself to gay men and women?”

It’s a 2-pronged prejudice sweeping across Amerika: anti-female and anti-LGBT. Bathroom locales are now the official bashing stations for every macho hero to invade. San Francisco and other gay friendly blue-state cities will not be immune to this bigotry. This will, of course, spread out from the restrooms to every aspect of our society.

Unless women dress and act ultra-feminine, they will become targets. And unless men dress and act ultra-masculine, they, too, will become targets. Male sounding names like “Sloane” and “Bobbie” will label a woman as “suspect”. And non-butch names like “Eugene” and “Marvin” will put some men on the danger list.

These will number among the New Commandments of the Virtual Republic of Gilead (which will be these entire United States, whether blue or red):

– Men shall not wear glasses, carry a book or umbrella; they shall not wear bright colors or allow their hair to grow below the ear lobe.

– Women shall not wear pants or shoes that are not high heeled, nor shall they pursue any occupation that is clearly intended for the male of the species.

– Men shall only speak in a deep, bass or baritone voice; women shall only speak in a shrill soprano or mezzo-soprano voice. (Any male who understands these musical terms shall be summarily executed.)

– Men shall either appear in public with a female partner, or accompanied by no one; vice-versa for the female.

– No one without an authentic birth certificate matching their gender shall be permitted to use a public or business restroom, unless they reveal their genitals to a security guard or other designated employee, or an officer of the law (and said genitals pass the grade).

– A fully mature gerbil shall be forced up the anus of each suspect. If the gerbil refuses to exit of its own free will, suspect shall be charged with homosexual urges and punished accordingly.

The list goes on, ad absurdum. I imagine there will be “speakeasy” lavatories that one can use for a steep fee. Citizens will be financially rewarded for reporting suspected abuse of a restroom. And there will be gov’t sanctioned, animated billboards to encourage bashing, such as:

One that depicts a classically wimpy type dropping to his knees in an attempt to give some uber macho dude a blow job. The dude will, of course, spit on the “faggot” (who bears an eerie resemblance to Harvey Milk) and kick him into a bloody mess. The animation will repeat itself in an endless loop, caption in gaudy neon: “Do not fear the preying queer.”

Then we’ll have another billboard for the fairer sex, depicting a dykish looking female (clipped hair, sneakers, Levi pants) suddenly being raped by that same uber macho dude. And the caption will declare: “YOU wear the pants, not the Billy Nance.”

There will be flyers, postage stamps, decals, TV ads, airplane and blimp banners and Internet pop-ups of that nature, proliferating the national landscape. And, of course, TV series like the one I depicted in my tale, “Queer Reality TV.”

As increasing numbers of heterosexuals get sucked into this pogrom, there will rise a great resistance composed of women’s rights and LGBT rights activists and their supporters. A little further down the line, African Americans will join in. The tables will turn, and once the dust settles, all restrooms will be unisex, with locks on every door.

Oh why can’t Amerikans make such cultural changes with ease, as the Europeans do? No, we have to be super drama queens around every little issue.

And every little tissue.

UPDATE 10/2016

Well lookie here, Providential Reader, just six months after I posted the above blog entry, pro-Trump troglodytes came up with the following logo. From a news article entitled: “Trump bumper sticker shows Confederate flag gay bashing rainbow flag.” Am I a queer prophet, or what?

4 Responses to It’s the Restrooms, Stupid!

  1. Eleanor Cooney says:

    I’m surprised it hasn’t occurred to these knuckleheads of both genders that they’ve been sharing public restrooms with gay men and women all their lives. You’d think they’d find that a lot more disturbing than the prospect of a transgendered person coming through that door. Of course, now it WILL occur to them, and it’ll be open season…

    • Zeke Krahlin says:

      Definitely open season has been declared by these troglodytes. They should beware of gays bearing guns, or at least pepper spray…oh well, they’ll have to learn the hard way. And I don’t think it matters much, whether or not they already knew that gays use the same bathrooms (duh); they’re just looking for the perfect excuse to attack us. Now, they have it. Many non-bigoted heterosexuals will get caught in the crossfire. This will finally gain us a ton of pro-LGBT allies, by those who formerly chose to look the other way. Let the games begin.

      • Grace Adams says:

        I hope US can get over most of its bigotry and act like it has some sense on such issues.

        • Zeke Krahlin says:

          That’s my hope, too, Grace. I’ve never had any great love for this country I was born in. Thank you for reading this piece, I am honored. PS: Australia’s pretty damned homophobic, too, so they’ve got their work cut out for them. “Put another fagshrimp on the barbie!”

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