I Need to Contact My Original Handler

Subject: I need to contact my original handler: IMPORTANT
From: Brindlekin Tales (Zeke Krahlin)
To: Twosome Press
Date: December 30, 2020 11:38 AM

This is not a complaint, but very good news. I have somehow lost the email of my original handler for publishing my novel, “Free Me From This Bond,” which hit the e-shelves in December of 2013. I need to contact her, if at all possible. Hopefully, you have access to a database of authors at your disposal to look this up. An excellent woman, BTW, working out of your Vancouver Island branch. If my request is impossible to fulfill, please give me the name and email of my present handler, because I’ve lost that info, too.

Most sincerely,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Re: I need to contact my original handler: IMPORTANT
From: Brindlekin Tales (Zeke Krahlin)
To: Carmen Griffiths (Twosome Press)
Date: January 5, 2021 11:55 PM

Hi Zeke,

It is me! I am still here! Happy New Year to you!

How are things with you, and how can I help?

I left a message on your voicemail earlier today. But I’ll repeat now:

My writing skills have recently skyrocketed, and I’m presently on a work in progress, called “Brindlekin Tales.” Each chapter is free to read at:

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/brindlekin-tales/

I’m up to chapter 17. Two of the chapters are featured videos, so won’t be a part of the published work. But that’s not why I’m contacting you. It’s because I believe my writing is so EXCELLENT at this point, that it’s worth a look by Twosome Press. And if you are as impressed as I think you will be, you’ll find it more than worth your while to do the publication, advertising and all other promotion, gratis. I cannot possibly do any of this on my own, because my finances are sparse.

All the chapters are superb, but I’ll select three for you to look at right off the bat:

  • Chapter 6: Reflections on a Black Puddle
  • Chapter 10: A REAL Christmas Story Happening Right Now!
  • Chapter 17: My Faith Moves Planets, Not Just Mountains

In addition, I’m also composing many stories outside of my Brindlekin opus…some are VERY funny. Here are two of them:

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2021/01/02/my-year-of-the-wig/

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2020/12/29/2021-is-going-to-be-a-fantastic-year/

Two other sections of my blog,”Hardy-Har-Har” and “Hypatia” are my growing collection of the copious number of excellent tales and essays that have accumulated on my WordPress site. I have only begun collating the entries from Day 1 of of joining this web log service, which is March 25, 2010. Why I’m telling you this, is because–if you find my Brindlekin Tales as remarkable as I believe they are–you also have a much larger body of my work that can be melded into three or four separate books.

But if my proposal is not something you can possibly arrange, or that I’m asking too much: no worries. I am absolutely, 100 percent, bona fide confidant that they will soon take off one way or another. My tales are already being read by one Youtube narrator and a radio station host up in Mendocino County. You will find those videos here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3GdMkXtj2Usugp4r7XHo7w/playlists

Check out the playlists “KNYO,” “Other Tales” and “Brindlekin Tales.”

I’m tellin’ ya Carmen: I’m HOT and I know it! And I’d prefer Twosome Press to publish all my works, because they were the only company I could find that took the chance with my FIRST book. And I enjoyed so much the kind and intelligent interaction with you, and all the other staff.

Wishing you the very BEST Nude Ear for you and all your loved ones, I remain, as always,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
Veteran gay activist and author since before the dawn of Futurama


Re: Fwd: Re: I need to contact my original handler: IMPORTANT
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Tara Roosevelt
Date: January 6, 2021 3:18 PM

All RIGHT!!

I know they’re gonna go ahead with it; it’s in the stars, writ in the Cosmic Book of Life, but most importantly: destined to be ruthlessly satirized in a special edition of Mad Magazine. Twosome Press will contract the entire body of my work! I have at least five THICK books’ worth of material between my blog and my website. Not to mention the scads of comments and replies I’ve posted to Usenet. They’re gonna have to dig ’em up from some powerhouse of an archiving system, ’cause I haven’t found anything out there that covers Usenet that far back…the 80s and 90s. I have managed to save to hard disk less than five percent of my contributions to that mode of online dialog. There’s a TON of buried treasure there, from yers trooly, if they can find some way to cull it out. Which ALSO includes myriad message boards (now long defunct) sprinkled across cyberspace. (Such buried resources, of course, under my birth name “Gene Catalano,” but also several different handles such as “Chief Thracian” and “Thracian Chief;” the other two I’ve long forgot.) I presume the military DOES have mega-sophisticated digital systems to accomplish this Herculean task. Or maybe the Russians will get to it first…and I will never say “nyet” to that. Because after all is said and done:

I STILL OWN EVERY JOT AND TITTLE OF MY LITERARY SPITTLE! Exciting, eh?

I can only imagine Ms. Carmen Griffith (publishing agent for my first book) as she peruses for the very first time, my newly revamped WordPress site. Her expression will no doubt be priceless. It’s really turning into something both visually stunning and belletristically remarkable: cheesy yet profound. The titles alone sing to the amygdala, just as music soothes the savage beast! (Bulwer Lytton, eat your heart out.) But get this, Tara:

I have come to realize that Brindlekin Tales is a modern day Exmass Story, that will knock the socks off that load-bearing, super-macho Titan, Atlas!

SO STAND BACK, CHARLES DICKENS, I’M GONNA PUNCH YOUR CHRISTMAS CAROL TO THE CURB!

Such astounding success with that novel will ALSO tremendously boost the respect and power of the LGBT community worldwide. And that ain’t nothing to sneeze at, Mr. Scrooge!

FYI, as of two weeks ago I’ve ceased reading, or even listening to, the news, ANY news at all. Totally focused on my writing, promoting it, and caring for my brindlekin. I DO listen to a local radio station in the background, which I find perfectly suited to a creative atmosphere…at least, for my own tastes. It’s called “SOMA FM 10-33,” and describes itself as: “Live fire/police scanner audio from San Francisco processed and mixed with ambient and experimental music. A surreal audio zeitgeist of the city.” I even leave it on at night, now, as it is very soothing at a barely audible volume. You might wanna check it out yourself:

https://somafm.com/sf1033

BTW, I have a special email address dedicated to my current opus, which is:

brindlekin AT scenic DOT org

So make sure that addie doesn’t automatically get trashed by your mailbox client (still Thunderbird, I presume), as I would like to occasionally forward something to you, via that source…instead of first forwarding it to my personal email, then forwarding it again, to you. Be all that you can be, Tara, then be more than that! Oops, you already ARE more than that. My apologies, oh Honorable Osmium Empress, commander-in-chief of the Blue Rose Militia and so much more!

  • Zeke

Re: I need to contact my original handler: IMPORTANT
From: Brindlekin Tales (Zeke Krahlin)
To: Carmen Griffiths (Twosome Press)
Date: January 7, 2021 8:15 PM

Hi Zeke,

It is always so nice to hear from you! Thanks for the message and for the email. It sounds to me like you are looking for more of a traditional publisher? It is not our business model, so we are never going to publish for no cost, no matter how good the content.

Have you tried to find an agent? If it is an option for you to pay for services, I can send the updated cost structures. Let me know!

Best regards and Happy New Year to you too.

I understand, thanks for letting me know. I am now going to try other options that are on my plate. I thought you might have an inside connection with Twosome Corporation, of which Twosome Press is the self-publishing subsidiary…and could contact one of their honchos about my work, then I could take it from there. Just a shot in the dark, but yours IS the company that kindly accepted my work, when other self-publishers are shunning LGBT themed novels, because they’re just too much of a niche genre in these ruthlessly competitive times. I can’t afford an agent, so that is out of the question. It needs to be gratis. I have many irons in the fire, however, and I’m sure I’ll hit upon just the right arrangement. I just thought it would be nice to give Friesen first dibs. Thank you for taking time to read my request, and get back to me with a straightforward answer. Wishing you the very best for this year…a year that will be stunningly and positively amazing. You are most fortunate to be residing in one of the loveliest corners of the planet…in an excellent country, to boot!

Most sincerely,

Zeke Krahlin


Re: I need to contact my original handler: IMPORTANT
From: Brindlekin Tales (Zeke Krahlin)
To: Carmen Griffiths (Twosome Press)
Date: January 7, 2021 9:21 PM

Our parent company is a printer, not a publisher, so we don’t have that option. I am sorry!

Ah, I see, please excuse my ignorance.

For agents, they shouldn’t seek money from you. They would get their percentage from the deal they get with a publisher, so keep this in mind. There are, of course, the ones to avoid, like with any industry, who will try to charge upfront.

I’m hoping my tales will take off via social media, especially Youtube and WordPress. That will give me some needed clout. Then I would have better chances of finding the right agent, seeing as I have only one book to my name, but it’s self-published. Maybe they’ll even come knocking on my door while shoving the other agents away, as their numbers increase to get a piece of Zeke tales.

I hope you are right about the year ahead Zeke – we all need a little positivity!

A little? That’s quite an understatement IMNSHO (in my not so humble opinion). My conclusion these days is we need a non-stop shower of positivity for 40 days and 40 nights!

Take care, and good luck!

I very much will, especially knowing there are good people like you in this world. I think that the book is mankind’s absolutely greatest invention! Of course, without the wheel, they couldn’t deliver them anywhere, at least not in the great quantities necessary for an author to become a mega-trillionaire and take over the world!

<3, Zeke

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