[BRINDLEKIN TALES – Book 3: Chapter 7]
Subject: I stashed all doggy stuff to my loft…
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 8:58 AM
…just to unclutter one cabinet. The harnesses, however, remain dangling from the edge of the loft. And always will, awaiting their return. See attached photo.
In addition, I’m keeping the two sweatshirts out, which Flaco & Lucky have chewed into (mostly the sleeve ends). I always wear one or the other at bedtime, for the comfort they provide. Same goes for an old, olive green, zippered jacket I use for a half-blanket: it, too, has been puppy-mauled, thus I now cherish an object I was about to toss into the trash. See next attachment. Notice the frayed cuffs.
At last, I completed my devotional strolls Saturday night, having distributed a total of 1,480 Brindlekin Prayer Cards. Why not 1,500? Because I realized I should keep some to hand out, and don’t want to spend more money for another set of cards at this time. I video recorded walks 3-5, which are each more than an hour long. I talk about intriguing concepts, and bits of my early history in San Franshitsco, that I think viewers will enjoy. And it’s good to document such a momentous undertaking, my knees bloodied and mangled from crawling over two miles on hard, cold concrete each of those nights…with a heavy, wooden cross on my back to boot, that has “Arf!” carved into it. Let us not forget my halo of thorns…made from DOGwood, natch.
It is most disappointing that the few folks I saw outside, preferred to avoid me like the plague, rather than ask what I’m doing, so I can enlighten them as to my most noble, compassionate and brave mission that will blossom in such a manner as to bring fortuitous changes across the globe, to every man, woman and child walking on its surface! I cannot speak for those who live in caves or underground, but I imagine that they, too, will be invited to the party.
IT’S ALL AN ACT! Arwyn’s the playwright, I’m sure. Many thespians are involved, including of course, Deek, Kevin (building manager), Myrtle & Adisa (nasty neighbors), the SFPD, and all the bit actors and extras such as Adisa’s teenage friends, Dieter (the fourth-floor resident with bad knees) the local homeless, and even some online players (such as that delightful email exchange with a member of the Duboce Quadrangle Neighborhood Association). All scenarios were executed with perfect timing, from the abduction of the pups to the intervention of the peacemakers, from the manager’s erratic behavior swings (mimicking the early stages of senility) to “Umbrella Man’s” confrontation by the Harvey Milk Library, from that jock gay fellow who screamed at me in the dark of night when I placed a card under his windshield wiper (a scene I have yet to include in my tales, but IS in one of my Puppy Dolorosa videos), to the shopkeepers at Rosenberg’s and Duboce Food & Liquor.
These dramatic little plots are just too perfect, too closely placed together, too absurd to be OTHER than scripted. And they have the mark of Arwyn’s brilliance all over them!
I swear, Wattson, even the doggies are in on it! I’m sure they are well taken care of, and NOT on the streets. Same goes for Deek.
– Zeke K-Holmes
PS: There is even THIS annoying dude thrown into the mix of this convoluted play, popping up at the most unexpected moments:
http://www.gay-bible.org/blogstuff/2021A/my-prediction-annoying-guy-in-orange-shirt.mp4
Subject: My Prediction of the Pups’ Return
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 8:58 AM
My prediction of when Flaco & Lucky shall be back in my arms:
Within six weeks from now, give or take, based on the progress of the previous two books, and on which Book 3 is DESTINED to have a happy ending for all parties involved. But I won’t rush things, as my tales are honest, a natural progression that should NEVER be pressured into completion. I’m just guessing that, at the rate I’m going, I should be up to the final chapter at that predicted time. Though it might take longer.
Book 1 was split into TWO books (19 and 18 chapters respectively), and took almost four months to complete: October 30, 2020 to February 24, 2021. So that’s two months per book. Book three commenced on February 24th, so should be completed by the end of April. Though my caring for the mutts could EASILY resume at an earlier date, seeing as one or MORE chapters at the end could comprise this benevolent outcome.
As for that incident on one of my “stations of the leash” walks, where that gay dude screamed at me for placing a card on his windshield:
Unfortunately, I had turned my spyglasses OFF just before the incident…and I’ve been kicking myself in the butt ever since. Though I DID document it immediately afterwards, on that night’s video. Here is the clip:
Well, good physician, I trust (and hope) your OWN storytelling is progressing at a startling pace these days, and you are emerging from that difficult life situation you first mentioned back in November.
In good faith as always,
Ezekiel J. Krahlin-Holmes
Subject: My Mischief for Today
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 5:21 PM
I say, old chap, you KNOW how I love to get into mischief with great aplomb, now and then. So today, I quickly cobbled together this funny critique of Amazon’s goofy “recommendation” algorithm, and called it “Seriously, Amazon?” Not intending, at first, to play the cyber gremlin, but to point out a hilarious result of poorly writ algorithms (of which most are, anyway). Originally, it showed a recommendation for professional dental supplies, paired with the image of a shoe! And a SECOND recommendation for “Dietary & Vitamin Supplements” with the ghastly pic of what I first THOUGHT to be grubs! So I created my blog entry and published it, with some witty criticism below those images.
However, some hours later I came to realize those are NOT grubs, but turmeric roots…which kinda LOOK like fat insect larva. That is when a little birdie dressed in a red cape and sporting a pair of horns and a tail in the same color, perched on my LEFT shoulder and tweeted into my ear:
“Aha! Opportunity knocks! Do NOT let this slip through your fingers, Detective Krahlin-Holmes!”
Upon that sinister revelation I decided NOT to delete the blog entry, but embellish it! By replacing that turmeric root photo with one of REAL grubs…one that could NEVER be mistaken for this or that plant root.
So, my dear Wattson, let this be OUR little secret, and ours alone. And don’t ever say I never made you laugh! Now, go take a look-see:
https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2021/03/15/seriously-amazon/
– Zeke K-Holmes
Re: My Mischief for Today
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 6:51 PM
> Nicely done, old fellow!
Thank you. Her Ectoplasmic Majesty Queen Victoria enjoyed the prank so much, it gave her the brilliant idea to haunt Amazon’s vast cyber realms, to see what she can muck up. It should be on the news in a day or two. Long live the dead queen!
> I often see smart alecks on You Tube or TV eating insects, shaming the rest of us for being so culturally narrow as to find it repulsive. Locust tacos and the like. I do find it deeply, shudderingly repulsive, and hope I’m never that hungry.
Yet another variation of machismo. To eat insects doesn’t mean we must ingest their original form. After all, we don’t do that with cows and most other animals. I would imagine that, when an insect diet becomes second nature on this planet, we’ll hardly know the difference from what we USED to eat. It will be ground up into meal, and transformed into flour and other staple ingredients that will be incorporated into the preparation OF a food item. Not just bread and pastries, but sauces, sandwich spreads and beverages (for examples)…or cultured with algae, soy or whatever as synthetic meat that looks, feels and tastes like the real thing. Eventually, though, we’ll all have home food replicators that will fabricate delicious foods starting from the molecular level. At which point we can forego insects, just as we did mammals and sea life. Such replicators will be able to make ANY material, not just edible products. The Jetsons had it all!
– Zeke K-Holmes
Subject: Transformation
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 10:11 PM
Flaco & Lucky’s boundless joy and kindness continue to transform my world. Now my hovel is going through an upgrade:
The cosmic covering draped over my work chair was originally a bedcover…but it just didn’t work out with two frisky brindlekin tangling it up. But folded over, it looks great in its new placement. Three blue, plastic tarps just arrived from Amazon, which cover a large part of the filthy floor, without bothering to fit it under the somewhat-heavy furnishings. This way, they’re easy to toss out whenever I get another bedbug infestation. The cheap throw rugs are machine washable, and I just laundered them today, after keeping them bagged in my loft for almost two years. I ordered three more, which total number of seven will be sufficient to not only hold down the tarps by their weight, but cover the floor’s open spots. At last, once again, I can walk about the hovel in my bare feet! And once the pooches return, they’ll not only have a clean floor to rest on: they can choose to lie down directly on either a rug or the tarp, depending on whether the room is on the cool or warm side. I can now also toss a spare sleeping bag on the floor beside my bed, for those times they prefer to do that, rather then snooze atop the cot…which is usually the case when my room’s temperature hits 70 degrees or higher.
There are presently four kid’s sleeping bags on the cot, so the pups can fluff things up, and rearrange the bedding to their hearts’ content. And play around by using them for undercover attacks upon each other! There is my adult sleeping bag still stashed in the loft, though I think buying one more is a good idea…for further comfort by using one beneath the smaller bags, seeing as I can still feel the cot’s steel rods supporting the canvas, in some parts.
The motivation to spiff up my SRO comes directly from imagining the pups back again, thus I’m now upgrading my room to be more amenable and comfy. That is how much I love and respect them. They gave me ALL their affection and trust, which has transformed me immensely. Now, here is my all-time FAVORITE video of Lucky & Flaco, and the sleeping bags are involved. Just before I aimed the smartphone at them, Lucky had plunked himself down beside Flaco, who was snoozing in the bag, wrapped up like a burrito. However, Lucky pressed in on her in such a way as to kind of lock her down. How she reacts will charm your socks off…as will Lucky’s blasé attitude. Eight seconds of pure joy; I must’ve watched it dozens of times just in the past week alone:
– Zeke K-Holmes
Re: Transformation
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 16, 2021 2:05 PM
> Spiffing up is SO good for the morale. I know I’m psychologically oppressed by junk and clutter. Will be doing a major spring cleaning. around here. Mountain of junk, bye-bye!
In my abominable situation, the room is still junk and clutter, as “spiffing it up” only takes me so far. For one, the floors REMAIN filthy, just covered up by cheap plastic sheets. The entire unit is seriously degraded and ugly, and in dire need of an industrial overhaul. It’s been like that for decades. Besides:
The psychological uplift is ONLY for the sake of the pups. I could live in a garbage heap and still be utterly blissed out, in their company. Though I would certainly do my utmost to make that garbage heap as livable and cozy as possible. Lord knows I’ve had TONS of practice!
> This is achingly cute.
Yes, it is a delightful little gem of a video…the mutts are natural comedians; their joyful spirit is contagious, a brindlekin epiphany! They were HAPPY to be here, which means everything to me.
> I hope they’re back with you toot sweet.
That day will be SPECTACULAR. On many levels, not just the personal. “Profound” would be another word to describe it. Now here is a 7-second clip of the building manager as I walked by him. Notice neither says hello to the other, and he’s diddling on his smartphone as an excuse not to…a very typical behavior of San Franshitscans.
Can you imagine all the nasty things he’s written about me, on my tenant dossier? Just like all PREVIOUS managers…status quo scumbags. Some people say I need to change my attitude, but AFAIC, it’s clearly the other way around. They call homeless people like Deek “trash,” yet they are JUST as bad, if not worse.
– Zeke K-Holmes
Re: [MCN-Announce]- Zeke’s EZ Brown Rice & Lentil Vegetable Stew
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 15, 2021 10:11 PM
> That’s actually a great title.
The whole piece is really a social statement about being poor, which makes the title hilarious. Coming up soon: “Zeke’s EZ Chocolate Banana Smoothie.” On another topic:
I just posted the following alert on Chronic.net’s user forum.
–begin:
WARNING: Chronic’s Webmail Spellchecker Uses Google’s Service!
by ezekielk » Tue Mar 16, 2021 2:07 pm
I just discovered this by happenstance moments ago, when I clicked on the spellcheck icon. A small window popped up claiming it would be run through Google’s algorithm, and stored there. Very disappointed. So much for Chronic’s advertising how they respect their customers’ privacy! All the time I’ve been using spellcheck automatically, and never did this warning alert me. It’s only when I turned off the automatic feature and used the manual approach, did I learn of this intrusion on my privacy.
–end
– Zeke K-Holmes
Subject: MEDICAL EXAMINER HAS SEALED OFF NEIGHBOR’S DOOR!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 16, 2021 8:38 PM
That would be the old coot, Todd, who’s always been nasty to me, and WE SHARED THE HALLWAY RESTROOM! In fact, I was on my WAY to the loo when I saw the notice. Here it is:
Now it makes sense why I saw him two days back, seated in the chair the manager had set out in the hall across from my room, for the few elderly who couldn’t walk well. When I saw Todd seated there as I exited my hovel, I said, “Are you alright?” He said he’s fine, so I replied as I approached the stairs: “The only reason I wondered, is I’ve never seen you sit down there before.”
Well, now I know. One enemy down, three to go.
I can’t imagine what this is all about! (Sarcasm intended.) You’d THINK the city would want to TEST those of us who shared the bathroom with him. But no, not good ol’ San Franshitsco, the city that doesn’t know how. Now I wonder: how many OTHERS in this building have died from COVID-19? The building manager sure keeps things on the hush-hush; though probably he’s required to by law. This is a house of death any more! Well, come to think of it, it’s ALWAYS had that ghastly ambience, especially in my early years living here, what with those dim, 20 watt light bulbs illuminating the hallways like a morgue late at night. I rather liked it, as I’m sure YOU would have, too, Morticia!
Re: MEDICAL EXAMINER HAS SEALED OFF NEIGHBOR’S DOOR!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 16, 2021 9:32 PM
> Is he dead??
I presume he is. The manager canNOT divulge whether he is or not (per pandemic law), to anyone other than close relatives…though I doubt he has any. But there are also an emergency blanket (still sealed in its plastic bag; perhaps the body’s still in there! There HAS been a slight stink in the air since yesterday, but I chalked it up to the sewers backing up from the recent rains) and about a dozen folded U-Haul boxes parked close to his door.
In all honesty, I hope he IS dead and gone…after my having to put up with his foul presence for YEARS, and likely hissing his gossip to other neighbors. He would not be the FIRST person to perish in that room, since my residence here. There was also Maxie, a not-too-bright, short little fellow of Native American descent. He died of a drug overdose, shortly after inheriting around $50,000. He had two regular visitors, both white, and both obnoxious. I suspect foul play. But that was a long time since he passed…late 80s.
So much absurd drama in my life these days, and Arwyn scripted it! Could this be the next act, where mine enemies fall to the wayside? I have a strong hunch it is. Interesting to see how Kevin, Myrtle and Adis fare in the very near future. I just saw Adis rush by me in the hallway…NOT WEARING A MASK.
– Zeke K-Holmes
P.S.: This is the SECOND plague I’ve lived through, here in San Franshitsco!
Re: MADness!!!!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 16, 2021 9:40 PM
> A surprise in the mailbox for me today! Chose 1956 to look at first, and I’m telling you, I CLEARLY remember a lot of the contents!!!! Totally fucking wonderful. THANK you!!!!
Well that was fast, Wattson, I only mailed it two days ago. Such a pleasure to bring the old Mad Mag back into your world. When you find that Reader’s Digest parody, let me know. I’ve started reading the issues from day 1, while at the laundromat, where I’ll be going for almost a week, every day. It really makes the time fly by. I will enjoy watching how that magazine has evolved over the decades.
But that’s only half the gift, the other part is a link to a homemade video, that I’ll send you in a separate email. This is a PRIVATE video, never to be released to the public (well, not any time soon)…part of my Gay Bible “apocryphal” collection that has just started to accumulate.
Your friend in all ways,
Ezekiel J. Krahlin-Holmes
P.S.: Did you get the OTHER envelope as well? They were sent out the same day…well, before the mail pickup on Saturday.
Subject: There’s also a fresh carpet by his door!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 16, 2021 10:25 PM
Boy howdy, Ablablah Realty wastes NO time in filling an empty unit…the body’s still warm!
BTW, that IS a video file, NOT an audio file that’s the second half of your gift. For some reason, however, it plays on all my three browsers like an mp3, even though it plays as an mp4 from my hard drive. This is the ONLY time I’ve had this kind of glitch. So, if it plays just audio for you, I suggest downloading it. It’s close to half a gig, so it may take awhile, depending on your download speed. I have NOT been able to find a solution to this anomaly, yet. Frustrating!
MAYBE DON’T DOWNLOAD IT! I just tried myself, but, even though it has the mp4 extension, my browser says “download audio file.” So I stopped. I’m now in the process of uploading it to Youtube, withOUT informing any of my subscribers. No one can view the video if they don’t know the link. But if you have a subscription to Youtube (which is Google), I can make it even MORE secure from prying eyes. Because I can send an invite via your gmail addie, so no one else can see it even if they know the link. I think it SUCKS that Youtube won’t allow a channel owner to do the same for non-gmail addresses. But if you DON’T have a gmail account, please don’t create one just for this.
There’s nothing particularly sensitive on it, it’s just that I mention using a torrent server…which I don’t think Youtube admin would be pleased about.
Stupid thing is, that yesterday I DID upload it to my channel, and it took almost three hours! Then I deleted it, after learning that private videos are limited to Gmail addies, and I’m guessing you don’t have one. So now, I’m doing the YT thing all over again. Jeesh!
– Zeke K-Holmes
Re: MADness!!!!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 17, 2021 12:28 AM
> I do have a gmail address.
Wunderbar! The video will be done uploading in a few minutes. Reason why uploading is so slow, is that I have asymmetric ADSL, meaning that the download and upload speeds are not the same…the usual situation is a much faster down than up, because most netizens DL far more than UL. I have a 10Mbps download, but only a .8Mpbs upload. Now that I’m creating my own videos, I really feel the pain…it’s like going back to dialup, when I want to do anything else on the ‘net when something’s uploading. I also use some web based services for simple editing of the videos. There is also my iDrive cloud backup service, along with Google Drive. I’m really pressing my luck, here!
> Yep, the envelope with the cards arrived, too. Will distribute far and wide.
I’m sure you’ll find some very choice places. Like maybe a fundamentalist church or two, or a rifle club. Perhaps Molly Tinmann would like one…she can tear it up and toss it into her cauldron, along with eyes of newts, banana slugs, and homeless men’s testicles. Thanks!
– Zeke K-Holmes
Subject: FW: Happy St. Patrick’s Day
From: Carlyle Lambourne
To: Ezekiel J. Krahlin
Date: March 17, 2021 8:04 AM
Ezekiel,
FYI, I’m forwarding a letter that I had sent to a wonderful woman who lives outside Dublin, that Manny and I had met when touring Patagonia, long ago in the pandemic-free “Before” times when traveling was possible.
–begin:
Esther, Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Here is a video that might interest you, where Coda had performed for Joe Biden, before he became President of the United States: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNRpeeA9m-s Coda singing for Vice President Joe Biden at Matt Molloy's Yard Bar, Westport, Co Mayo.
–end
I attached a picture of a St. Patrick’s day parade in Cambridge, Massachusetts, years ago, when gays in Boston area were still struggling to be allowed to participate. We were banned in South Boston, which has the largest Irish population in the Boston area, so there was another “alternative” march in Cambridge, which adjoins Boston. I’m not Irish-American, or part of the group, and had not planned to march with them, but had just happened to be standing around when they wanted another person to hold one end of the sign, and asked me if I wanted the honor. This photo was in a Boston gay paper, “Bay Windows”.
We have one close friend Jerrod (not show in the picture) who has dual Irish and American citizenship, who had almost gotten hit by a thrown bottle when he had been trying to march in South Boston. Eventually we won that battle, but ironically now with the pandemic, there are no public marches at all, so I guess those days still count as days of innocence.
I’ve known and appreciated that gays had been able to participate in Ireland in St. Patrick’s parades, without all the fuss that we had in the U.S.
Regards, Carlyle Lambourne
Re: FW: Happy St. Patrick’s Day
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Carlyle Lambourne
Date: March 17, 2021 9:26 AM
> FYI, I’m forwarding a letter that I had sent to a wonderful woman who lives outside Dublin, that Manny and I had met when touring Patagonia, long ago.
Thank you, very nice. I enjoyed the Irish men singing…imagine, none of them wearing a mask, their breaths mingling with the audience throughout the entire room…so uncivilized! And that news photo of you in the parade: all the way back to 1996, yellowed from age!
> in the pandemic-free “Before” times when traveling was possible.
Yeah, now everyone lives like ME! There is a very important aspect to this pandemic, that touches upon the spiritual…as no doubt you have also conjectured. It has STOPPED THE WORLD, as if the entire species were called to reassess its existence and, hopefully, go down a better path. And NOT being able to travel myself, or own a car, or afford attending theater, concerts, and other costly events…has given me remarkable insight into this world. Welcome aboard, Carl!
A rather nasty person who moved in eleven years ago on my floor, and shared the same hallway restroom, has suddenly passed on…from COVID-19, I presume. I will likely never know for sure, as it is against the new pandemic law to reveal a building resident’s cause of death (if it was indeed the novel coronavirus)…just as it is illegal to reveal how many residents have come down with the virus. It is ONLY okay to post a notice in the lobby that the virus has entered our building. But you are NOT allowed to post anything further: such as if more than one person came down with it, and/or died.
Attached is the notice on his door. You’d think the city would want to TEST the other residents who shared that restroom, but no, San Franshitsco doesn’t bother. I suspect that our medical system is ALLOWING older people (and, perhaps, LGBTs, blacks, immigrants, the disabled, etc.) to die, rather than receive any emergency care.
But he WAS a horrid fellow, gossiping awful things about me to other tenants, which just added to the misery of my existence in a city filled with monsters. But I just remain patient, recording everything that goes on around me, sitting here in my room by my work station, typing away with a hole in my sock (but not my head), and uploading my true tales to WordPress, Youtube, Facebook and Twitter.
So that is ONE enemy down, and three more to go (including the building manager), who have threatened and vilified me…and gone out of their way to try to wreck my life. So I say in advance: “good riddance to them all.”
And a Happy Belated St. Patrick’s Day to you, too, Carlyle! There will be more on this latest twist in the plot regarding my building, in the upcoming chapter called “My Prediction of the Pups’ Return.”
My tales are stunning, and reach far out (and beyond just the superficial theme of a doggy story) into the realm of the collective unconscious, touching upon MANY serious issues, elevating the reader’s mind, inspiring them, and giving them incredible ideas to ponder upon. Brindlekin Tales will transform the world, starting with the liberation of all sexual minorities, no matter which corner of the planet they’re trapped in.
But everyone loves a good dog story, so that’s where the tales start off, and unify the myriad OTHER tales and silver threads of wisdom woven therein. I sometimes think the world has stopped, just for me. That people have so much time on their hands, they’ll finally sit down and listen. Brindlekin Tales is the answer to all their questions, including yours.
– Ezekiel
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