NOLO No-go

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 20]

Subject: SF Law Library no real help.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 6:04 PM

All they did was toss me a few tomes of legal gobbledygook weighing ten pounds each! Nothing in them answers my main question (re. dismissal while still refuting the allegations). What material they DO have that could help is already online, and I just have to peruse their site more thoroughly. They recommended me to the GG Bar, so I told them I already tried them, and the disappointing result. They also suggested I visit LARC (Legal Advice & Referral Center) on the third Friday of each month where I’ll get 20 minutes’ free legal counsel. But I already know about them, and plan to do exactly that.

I asked to see some examples of replies to a summons, but they couldn’t even do that. They’re online anyway, I just have to track them down, copy to my hard drive, then print them out at the local UPS store. In fact (taking a break from composing this missive) I just found the form to waive all court fees. So that’s a good start. Okay, here we go, form PLD-OGO “General Denial.”

There is a box where you write your replies to all allegations, and allows for an attachment…YAY! So I can just print out my replies, sparing me from the tedium of writing it all down.

I will now prepare my questions for Friday’s LARC consultation. So I’m sure I’ll have it all sewn up by the end of next week. I’m wondering if I could file my replies and my waiver request SEPARATELY, the former before the latter (say, a few days apart, or maybe even the same day).

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Luba and her two chihuahuas…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 6:14 PM

> Ha!!! Gumbo hole!!

Pie hole, cake hole…so why not gumbo hole? Puts a Cajun twist to it.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: SF Law Library no real help.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 8:58 PM

> Christ, I hate legal shit. It’s designed to trip you up and confuse you, so they can say GOTCHA!

No kidding. One little thing wrong with filling out the Answer form and you’re screwed! The people at the SF Law Library could’ve readily shown me both the General Denial and the Request to Waive Court Fees forms, instead of directing me towards big, fat legal books. And get this:

LARC provides free 20-minute counseling on the THIRD Friday of each month, so it’s NOT this Friday like I thought, it’s next Friday: the 21st! And the deadline to answer the summons is the 26th. Meaning I can’t process it until AFTER the weekend, so I have to do that on Monday, the 24th! I CAN appeal to the plaintiff’s attorney to extend the time I have to respond, via Superior Court. So I guess I need to do THAT now as well!

I wasn’t planning on going to the ACCESS Center Thursday, because you have to show up at 8:30 AM. And their site doesn’t make it clear if they handle personal injury cases. The deadline to send my Acknowledgment of Receipt is the 16th, so I guess I’ll have to sign and send it out, as I can’t get legal counsel before then, unless ACCESS can advise me. So I have to get up 6:30 AM Thursday, depart by 7:45…and be subjected to PACKED Muni riders zipping off to work. Hopefully, Deek won’t show up when I’m gone and start screaming up at my window ’cause I don’t answer. I already told him this week and next I may have to go to emergency appointments and can’t tell him beforehand. But not to worry, I WILL be back, eventually. Maybe he’ll drop by tomorrow, and then I can tell him I won’t be around the next day until the afternoon. He’ll probably ask for an advance payment, but this time I’ll turn him down ’cause WAY too soon!

So I’m looking on the SF Law Library’s website to find the form to dismiss my case, based on my sole income of Social Security, BUT I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE! Only the form to dismiss based on other reasons (such as the summons being incorrectly filled out). This is nervewracking, and here I thought I was gonna get everything resolved in a few more days! I have tried other legal sites, with the same failed results.

I haven’t heard back from Mr. Wasserman, yet! I think it’s horrible that GG Bar screwed me over like that…after asking my income level, then tossing me to the wolves. I think I’ll write a letter to the editor entitled “Beware the San Francisco Bar!” and explain how if you’re on a low income (such as Social Security) and think they’ll help you because they advertise FREE attorneys to the most vulnerable, think again.” And explain what THEY put me through. Then I’ll send it to various news media throughout the city.

On my reply to the accusation of allowing the dogs to run free in the building, I’ll not only claim that’s totally untrue, but state: “I don’t know where the plaintiff got that idea from, but it strikes me as if someone is coaching him with false allegations of a malicious sort, including all other allegations herein.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Now I’m gonna have din-din and work on my next tale for Marshall to read. And always keep in mind: “We have no enemies, only teachers.”

Subject: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 7:43 AM

Process server runs around $80 to $150.

I cannot figure out yet how to reply, the denial form I found is only for cases where you’re being sued for $25,000 or less. This case is for more than that.

Online legal sites are impossible to sort through and find the right forms or instructions.

A sea of books at the SF Law Library, but I can’t narrow things down to answer my needs.

If they win by default (which can happen if I don’t send them the right reply, or fill it out wrong) the false charges will stand, which could easily get me evicted and be arrested.

And I still have to deal with Deek, give him his allowance, and he’ll take up my valuable time by asking me to sit the dogs for two or three hours, a couple times a week.

I def need a lawyer or I’m sunk, but I can’t find one.

And a good morning to you, Wattson!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 11:52 AM

> And sometimes process servers will take your money and not serve the papers.

Oh that’s just great. I’ve found some professional process servers, will cost me around $120.

> A “process server” can actually be anybody other than you; no “license” or “certification” required.

I know. Maybe I can wait around plaintiff’s attorney’s building downtown and find some little old, dirt-poor, sweet Chinese lady picking through the garbage for cans, and ask if she would like a quick ten bucks. I will escort her to the attorney’s office and stand nearby, maybe just around the corner, to make sure my server goes to the right place and isn’t too nervous about it.

> Damn, what a mess.

Crisis is opportunity…I’m betting all my cards on that.

> Sometimes a clerk at the courthouse can be helpful with forms and such, though finding the right clerk would be the challenge. Especially in the big city. Our little rinky-dink courthouse up here actually has accessible clerks.

I phoned the civil clerk’s office and got a big, fat menu with tons of options, none of which worked for me, to ask what the right form would be for a dismissal and/or denial of allegations. Got nowhere, the recording told me to go to their site to look up which form(s) I need. But I’VE ALREADY BEEN DOING THAT, I just want to be counseled as to the correct forms and filling them out properly! I’ll HAVE to go in person.

ACCESS Center does NOT deal with personal injury cases, dammit…so at least I get to sleep in tomorrow, instead of getting up at 6:30 AM.

> But I know how resourceful you are, and that you will prevail.

Busting my ovaries here! This is one of those debacles where all seems hopeless, you have no idea how you can come out of it triumphant…but it’s a trick challenging me to keep the faith and strive onward, to remain at peace and enjoy each day. It’s a tough call, but I guess I”m up to it.

You know NOLO publishers, famous for all their legal, self-help books…who doesn’t? Well, I went to their website 20 minutes ago and clicked on their free-counseling chat service. Here’s how it went so far:



My problem is I am being sued for a personal injury for more than $25,000…all allegations are false. My sole income is Social Security, no assets. The local bar association here in San Francisco, CA accepted my application for a modest fee, based on my low income. But the attorney they referred me to does NOT do pro bono or sliding fee. So I called the bar association back, and they said they can’t help me, even though I requested they get me the right, pro bono lawyer, since they claim to be an organization that provides free services to the very low income and most vulnerable. There is no other legal group that will handle my case pro bono, most because they don’t deal with personal injury. So I have to be my own attorney, which is scary. I need to know the proper form for requesting a dismissal. Am wondering though, since the other defendant, the landlord, the charges against me will be directed at him, instead if I’m dismissed. So maybe it’s better if I use an Answer form to deny the allegations? Time is running out for me, deadline date to reply to the summons is less than two weeks.


We may be able to help you with that. May I know where you need representation, city, state and zip code?


San Francisco, CA. My zip code is 94117.


I’m sorry about that, the lawyer best suited to assist you is unavailable to chat at the moment, but I can have someone from our legal team contact you as soon as possible. Thank you. I will forward this transcript immediately and request that you are contacted as soon as possible.

-end of chat

So now I’m waiting for them to get back to me.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 9:01 PM

> Hope that wasn’t a ChatBot conversing with you…

Coulda fooled me! I pictured a young, bright eyed lady about 28 years old, with brunette hair pulled back into an intellectual ponytail…you know, the kind that’s knotted just above the neckline instead of higher up or even, Glob forbid, right at the top. Now just HOW did I come up with such a vision: subliminal flashing through the chat window?

They may never get back to me: my request for pro bono may have scared them away, considering how abruptly she disconnected from chat. Leaving me a frozen statue in my room because I don’t DARE step out, on tenterhooks waiting for their call. While I COULD be back at the SF Law Library poring over the NOLO book about how to be your own lawyer. Even though the folks there told me I could read it online from their electronic collection, from the COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME–though “comfort” has become a joke for me these days–I could not FIND the fukkin book, even though there were scads of other NOLO publications that don’t come CLOSE to the particular book I’m seeking!

On some of my form searches via the SF Courthouse’s site, they provided links within a basic document TO the form in question, and another link for a detailed explanation…only to have the link do a 404 on me, or call up a dead page with just the heading! And searching for the right source rarely gets me anywhere. Not for lack of using the correct phrase, because their internal search is JUVENILE, making it IMPOSSIBLE to drill down to the info or form you really want.

Same thing goes for the SF Law Library. One of the clerks there offered to look up “denial reply to a civil summons,” since I told her I can’t seem to access it myself. Of course, she treated me like a clueless old fuddy-duddy who doesn’t know the first THING about computers or the Internet! Gawd, I hate ageism…it’s an albatross around my gonads! But SHE couldn’t find it either, no matter her tweaking the search term this way and that!

“Never mind,” she said with a flip of the hand, as if it were no big deal…but it is for ME, I’m DESPERATE as a polar bear in estrus at this point, floating all about by her lone some on a wobbly wafer of ice, thanks to rapid climate change,

“Let me get you some books instead,” she finished.

Perhaps attorney Wasserman chose NOT to respond to my email because he took offense at my challenge that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong about ignoring the summons because it wasn’t hand delivered. Even though I was RESPECTFUL about it. And why my eviction attorney, Magdalena, doesn’t acknowledge my emergency and use her clout to get me SOMEone, even a paralegal, to guide me through the process of getting the right forms and filling them out? After all, the places she referred me to, starting with the  Bar, that she claimed would be FREE, turned out to be anything but…more like rancid cow flop up to my knees!

And now I wonder how many residents in my building have been poisoned by Kevin’s gossip? Hard to tell, since they never talk to me anyway, but rarely. I nod my head at them, they nod back, and that’s all she wrote. Interesting that the ONLY person who’s been going out of their way to greet me is Chihuahua Man…who is also the one who tried to start a tenants union. Not that we actually converse, but his kind greetings are genuine, which I much appreciate. Like when I opened the front gate for him and his pups yesterday, he declared:

“Why thank you kind sir!”

There is also our maintenance man who’s been showing more amity towards me, these past several months. So what the fuck is going ON, Wattson? Just look to My Bodhisattva Premise for the answer, which is:

We have no enemies, only teachers. And they’re putting me through my paces with this latest script they’ve devised. My goal, of course, is to impress them with continued friendliness and lack of any anger, fear or grief. After all, I DO preach to people (when they bother to listen) one of the best things you can do when you’re going through misery is reach out to another and put a smile on their face…without EVER dumping your woes on them, not even an iota. DEEK needs to get there, and he IS, in twitches and spurts.

And that’s exactly what I’M doing! Not just coming up with more tales to tell, brimming with humor, but actually lighting up others with kind words. Just as I did an hour ago with the Palestinian shop’s patriarch, where I purchased two more jars of tahini (somewhat freaked out that NOLO might give me a ring while I wasn’t hovel..but I need to EAT, dammit). I shared with him some invigorating thoughts, and it lifted his spirits more than they already were.

I didn’t really sleep well last night. Gee, I wonder why, what with all these images of my being evicted with nasty grins among the residents standing there to watch me get handcuffed and escorted into a cop-mobile while they wave “buh-by-eee” as I’m shuffled off to county jail. All these diabolical nightmare gremlins dancing about my noggin like pus-bloated sugar plums! I was nonetheless surprisingly relaxed in spite of that, not as worried as I thought I’d be…and felt rested by the time I arose at 4:30 AM and got back on the ‘net to continue my summons-oriented research.

Just kidding! I got out of bed around 7.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: NOLO never got back to me, nor has Mr. Wasserman in spite of his offering to find me a free attorney service if “Legal Assistance for the Elderly” didn’t work out. But ya never know: he might call me tomorrow. Or Ms. Elvensborn to tell me she found me a good legal counselor. I can’t believe the GG Bar jilted me! I took so long before posting you this missive, because Deek showed up four hours ago and asked me to sit the pups. More on that in my next email.

Subject: Answer or Dismissal? That is the question!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:34 AM

While filling out a Dismissal is an uncomplicated process (as opposed to the Answer form), I’m afraid the allegations against me will still stand and be directed at the OTHER plaintiff: the landlord. Which can easily lead to my eviction. So until I learn otherwise, if at all (since the only resource I can find that MIGHT answer my question is the LARC workshop on April 21st) I must assume that to be the case. I have been trying to find out the better option via online legal resources, as well as visiting the SF Law Library…but no luck. The reference librarians don’t seem to know the answer either, which I find pathetic.

So I will get BOTH forms and fill them out properly, and bring them to the LARC  workshop, that their 20-minute legal counsel can look them over, and affirm whether or not I have the correct forms for my case.

Assuming I follow through with the Answer tactic, I will have to attend a mediation, scheduled for August 23rd. At first glance I thought it was the trial date, but have since learned otherwise upon closer perusal of the summons…and it’s called a “case management conference.” In which it declares:

“All counsel must discuss ADR with clients and opposing counsel.”

ADR stands for “Alternative Dispute Resolution.” Seeing as I represent myself, I AM the opposing counsel! I think I’ll have the option of doing this over the phone, instead of in person. And if THAT’S the case I’ll choose the former. During that conference I’ll inform the plaintiff’s attorney that my sole income is Social Security.

So I’ll have achieved putting my denials on record, which would NOT have occurred had I filed a Dismissal. I am hoping they’ll drop the case once they see my denials, especially the matter of rabies vaccination. Which will also put the building manager on record as either FAILING to show the plaintiff proof of the dog’s vaccination, or intentionally withholding proof…or, perhaps, being in cahoots with the plaintiff to cook up a scheme with malicious intent to malign yours truly…as well as collect a wad of dough through nefarious means.

BTW, I just sent this email to my eviction attorney:

“Can you recommend a reputable process server? Tons of ’em out there, and Yelp reviews are less than trustworthy. Thanks!”

She might say she can’t advise me because it’s out of bounds with her service on my behalf. Or she might do one of two other things: either refer me to a reputable process server, or offer to deliver my reply to the plaintiff’s attorney, via her own hand or that of one of her assistants. MY opinion on the matter is this:

Because she referred me to the GG Bar claiming they should handle my case for free, but it backfired, she ought to at LEAST be glad to perform the process serving through her office. Saving me money and headache.

– Zeke K-Holmes


The proper form is most likely a “General Denial,” not an “Answer.” Which former paper is much simpler to prepare. I thought it wasn’t applicable in my case, because the Summons is for more than $25,000 for which an Answer (more complicated to fill out, by far) is the proper way to refute any charges. However, IF the Complaint is not “verified,” a General Denial IS suitable even when the demand exceeds $25,000. And IF the Complaint doesn’t involve a claim for more than $1,000 that has been assigned to a third party for collection. Neither is the case, for my summons.

Most complaints are NOT verified BTW, which means they are not witnessed by a Notary Public. And the Complaint will say “verified” somewhere in its pages, usually at the end. Here is what a “PLD-050 General Denial” page looks like, in California.

Easy peasy, what a relief!

P.S.: I just mailed off my Acknowledgment of Receipt via the local Fedex outlet which is across the street and one block up. Another “easy peasy.” Lovely, warm-cool day. But HOT in my room because the stupid radiator is chugging away like a boss, and I can’t do anything about it. This has been a problem for my building since time immemorial and through many iterations of managers. FUCK ‘EM ALL!

Subject: Scratch the General Denial…must use Answer!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:29 PM

Whoops, I just found out that the General Denial defense requires you write just ONE SENTENCE! So I definitely need to rebut via the “PLD-PI-003 Answer” form. It’s not that hard to fill out, now that I’ve taken a closer look.

So, MODERATELY easy peasy. I take this latest scenario as but my bodhisattva guardians (who include ALL parties involved) putting me through my paces as a sort of “stress test,” a challenge to overcome the sudden wallop of anxiety dumped on THIS war-abiding pilgrim. I’ve met the challenge within a very short span of days, and only need now to focus on performing a peerless rebuttal, on time as well as on the bullseye.

Subject: And here’s what ELSE I’m gonna have to put up with soon…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:38 PM

…here in Hotel California North! See pic.

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: Response from my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:38 PM

She didn’t recommend a process server, but did say:

“Mr. Krahlin, I just wanted to inform you that even if Plaintiff wins that lawsuit, you are considered judgment proof because you receive social security. It means that your social security is protected from creditors and they should have no way to collect the judgment against you.”

So I replied:

“I understand that. But my concern is that a dismissal would not make the false allegations go away, but be directed at the other Defendant, who is the landlord. And since these allegations would stand, I would be highly vulnerable to being evicted. That is why I’ve decided to go ahead and fill out the PLD-PI-003 Answer form instead of requesting a dismissal.

“I have not been able to find any answer regarding if dismissal of the main Defendant would result in carrying over the allegations to another Defendant (or not). Various online legal sources have been no help. I also visited the SF Law Library, but couldn’t find out if my concern is legitimate, and none of the reference librarians knew, and the books they showed me to read do not answer that, either.

“The next LARC workshop is not until April 21st when, hopefully, that question will be answered to my satisfaction. Deadline date to deliver my reply is the 26th, so I’ll have very little time to finish preparing. At any rate, my plan is to go ahead with the Answer rather than a Dismissal. Because it’s very important my Denials go on record. Later on, during the mediation perhaps, I will inform the Plaintiff’s attorney that my sole income is Social Security.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Response from my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 3:04 PM

> Christ. Drop by drop, as the clock ticks, you’re getting bits and pieces of answers.

Like pulling teeth, but I’m getting the job done. I sent another email to Ms. Elvensborn, as an addendum to the previous one:

“And they might kill the dogs because of the accusation they are ‘vicious’ and ‘dangerous.’ I suspect the building manager is coaching the plaintiff with misinformation and exaggerated allegations. He has been very hostile towards me for a long time now, especially regarding a conflict I had with a couple of residents (mother and son) down the hallway in 2021. The way the Plaintiff’s charges were written has the manager’s fingerprints all over them. Worst allegation is that the Plaintiff claimed he had to get rabies shots…even though I have proof the dogs’ vaccinations are up to date, as does the building manager (through snapshots of their rabies tags, and the vaccination papers that I texted to him). He could have easily shown such evidence to the Plaintiff, or I could do that myself. And this is but one important reason why I believe an Answer rather than a Dismissal is the best way to go. Keep in mind that I have yet to be shown proof of any dog bite.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Latest meetup with Deek was awesome!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:08 PM

Bet you thought I’d never say THAT, eh, Wattson? This was yesterday afternoon. He started right off the bat by playing the old Abbot & Costello “Who’s on first?” trope, in that he stirred up confusion over his weekly payments.

To my not-so-surprised ears, he asked for another “eighty dollah” so I explained to him his next payday isn’t until this Sunday, four days away.

“What?” he challenged. “You’ve been paying me every Thursday! Why next Sunday this time?”

“No,” I replied, “My first payment was on a Monday, because that was the third of the month, so I gave you eighty dollars on that day which was for Sunday the day before, and Thursday same week. You’ve lost track because you keep asking for advance payment and don’t bother to keep count yourself, or use a calendar.”

“So you say you’re paying me the right total amount for each month, it’s just my asking for advances makes me wait sometimes for ten days till my next payment? I don’t understand ’cause it looks like you’re SHORTing me a whole week’s worth every month!”

The above quote is a condensed version of his obfuscating rant that lasted over ten minutes. He asked why he only gets forty at the end of the month sometimes, and not the full eighty…among other nonsensical claims. I TRIED explaining to him how my paying him $80 per week is based on $40 twice a week, Sundays and Thursdays. But the last week of any month often overlaps into the NEXT month, in such a way as to truncate Thursday’s payment. Or Sunday gets truncated instead, if the FIRST Thursday of that month appears before the first Sunday. Or somethin’ like that…my brain morphs into a whirl of befuddlement just trying to unRAVEL his knotty reasoning.

“You need to see my calendar, Deek, then you’ll understand,” I replied in exasperation ’cause he just would NOT let up and kept squawking in circles like a chicken with its head cut off above the larynx. As if it were some sort of Santeria conjury that, if kept up long enough, would somehow grant him possession of my soul, and I’d transform into a mesmerized zombie and enunciate in a monotonous, deep, slow timbre, “Okay. You. Are. Wrong, I. Apologize,” and hand over another forty, or even eighty, buckazoids.

Glob help the Cajun tramp for not comprehending that while there are definitely four weeks in every month, all months have two or three EXTRA days tacked onto the end…except February, which has EXACTLY four weeks…but not Leap Year of course, but try to explain THAT to him, the uneducated miscreant!

I must’ve told him three or four times “You need to see my calendar,” but each time he cut me off with the same retort while waving a dismissive hand and strutting like an alpha rooster:


“Yes you do-oo, Deek!” I’d reply in a singsong manner each time.

Be that as it may I said “Okay, you’ll get your money, but be aware that, at the rate you’re going, you’ll have to wait maybe ten or twelve days before next month’s first payment.”

I dunno Wattson, I guess I need to make things simple for the brat, like telling him: “Look, you get four eighty-dollar payments per month. So you should get no more than TWO allotments before the middle of the month, and the remaining two, AFTER that.”

But I’m definitely gonna have to show him a calendar so he can see WHY he gets just $40 towards the very end of some months. Jeez Louise, how exasperating! I bet he’ll refuse to even LOOK at the calendar when I bring it out to him, sketched on some old envelope lying around in my hovel (one from Medi-Cal, Social Security, EBT or just some junk mail). ‘Cause he’d rather keep the guilt game going, than concede. Or, more likely: he’s jiving me just for the fun of it.

One thing I’ve noticed about Deek is that when the pressure’s on in my world (outside of his pesky machinations), he always backs off to give me some emotional wiggle room by ceasing his gripes and acting kindly. And it’s not like I TELL him anything about this or that crisis I’m going through…he just seems to SENSE it. Two examples:

1) He was mostly magnanimous through those winter deluges, rather than behaving like a panicked fool…which made it much easier to tend to the pups’ survival and well-being.

2) Whenever I had to do bedbug prep which takes two or three days (depending on other things happening in my life) he wouldn’t mess with my head, thus allowing me to get things ready with minimal angst. Even during those lovely months when the doggos were my divine, furry guests.

I DID tell him before he left me last night that I’ll be very busy for the next two days, and I won’t be available until after 6 PM.

“Oh, you’re never busy,” he mocked. “What’s so important you won’t be home for so long?”

I made up a story about working with a lawyer to get back at some notorious thugs whose only sport is to wreck other people’s lives, especially the homeless. That I’ve been after them for years, but something’s come up recently where I can finally tie a noose around their necks.

“And I help the lawyer by researching stuff for him at the SF Law Library, to help him build our case,” I further explained. But of course he then queried:

“Are you getting any money for that?”

“Of course not,” I snorted. “But it’s something I’m being called to, gonna save a lotta lives, and the time to strike is NOW.”

He respected that, and I’ve had the whole day to myself to further prepare for my lawsuit, and get this latest tale churned out and delivered unto your ethereal hands, Morticia!

So, yesterday’s meetup was remarkably pleasant, including his silly rant described above, for he wasn’t explosively argumentative, but just a pain in the ass in a non-combative way. He thanked me TWICE for all the good things I do (once when he first showed up, and then upon his return in the evening). And when he asked for a couple more bungee cords I saw he already had three, so pointed out they’re a new expense for me and I only bought ten for this month, can’t afford any more and why doesn’t he hold onto the ones I already give him. He cheerfully replied: “Oh, that’s fine. I can make do with what I have, no worries.”

He sat out front for just an hour, before taking off. I helped him get his bicycle rig prepared for his homeward journey by holding onto it to keep it stabilized as he used the bungee cords to secure some large, heavy sacks, along with his Bluetooth speaker resting in a small, wheeled cart. Not an arrangement suitable to ride, but fine for walking both overburdened bicycle and the brindlekin…with great difficulty for most, I might add, but not for their master. In short:

Deek was very friendly and in good spirits yesterday, which went a long way to lighten my heart, considering this ugly lawsuit for which I’m forced to be my own attorney. His thoughtfulness changed EVERYTHING for me, boosted me into The Stratosphere of Love.

I had a delightful time with Flaco & Lucky (as usual), but with the unexpected bonus of so many passersby complimenting me for the loveliness of those canines…including when I was taking them for a stroll. I parked them right outside of Morey’s shop, to purchase another box of trash bags. While standing at the counter where Morey was registering my payment, some gay person stepped in (sorta handsome, tall and around forty years old) and, while waiting his turn to purchase something behind the counter, such as booze or cigarettes, he suddenly addressed me:

“Those dogs of yours are just ADORABLE!”

So I told him “Thank you, I agree…but they’re not MY dogs, they belong to a homeless friend of mine.”

I then elaborated further, describing how I’ve always discouraged him from adopting a dog ’cause I think it’s cruel to force such sweet creatures to live on the streets, but he did it anyway so I had to accept that…and have been helping him take better care of them for the past few years. I finished with:

“And now he has a tiny cabin to live in as of late January, so the dogs are happily housed, finally!”

Upon those words, Morey interjected with a wide, friendly grin and said: “Zeke’s been a loving caretaker for those dogs…and, I might add, for his homeless friend, too!”

“Well congratulations,” the fellow declared with a smile directed at yours truly. “Job well done!”

Later that afternoon, when I returned to my building and laid out a blanket for the mutts, with a large cardboard box they could rest in if they chose, Boaz exited the front gate and flashed a grin at us. He’s not just another resident, but the USPS/Amazon deliveryman who knows which unit I live in, thanks to a brief conversation we had last week. Both mutts were tucked into a blue sleeping bag when he spotted us, their schnozzles poking out with Lucky’s head plunked upon his sister’s butt, while I scritched his ears. I smiled back at Boaz, and then he took off for his daily jog, dressed in bright blue Spandex shorts that reached almost down to the knees, and a yellow windbreaker. Now get this, Wattson:

Earlier that day and before Deek had departed, the building manager opened the front gate and stepped out…I think perhaps for the first time since returning from the hospital. Severely bent over and wobbly, the emaciated prickless prick scuttled several feet beyond the gate and seated himself at the nearest outdoor Super Duper chair. He was the personification of Death Warmed Over, but with an extra touch of crustiness.

The pups’ master and I were talking, his back turned to Kevin who sat ten feet away. My eyes were averted from Deek’s face as I noticed the manager: head hung so low he couldn’t see me gazing at him. Curious to discover what caught my rapt attention, Deek glanced back, then turned to me and blurted:

“There’s the manager spying on us again!”

I DON’T think Kevin heard that…I almost fell to the sidewalk in laughter, but restrained myself.

Some time after Deek went off to run his errands, I was about to take their empty food bowls inside when right at that moment Kevin stood back up and proceeded to enter the gate. So I decided to hold off until I wouldn’t have to encounter him as I walked upstairs. I knew it would be awhile (ten minutes at least) before he managed to reach the second floor, so I sat back down with the pups and bided my time.

Once I decided enough minutes had passed, I stepped inside and returned hovel. But when I descended back down to the lobby just a few minutes later, there he was standing by the gate again, looking like he was about to enter! So I held the gate open for him and said: “I thought you just went upstairs, Kevin!”

He mumbled something about just going to the utility room for a moment (which is situated right by the first landing). So, as he entered and I exited, I retorted: “You sure get around!” And he chuckled. If he only knew what I have in store for him, I don’t think he would’ve laughed.

The only disappointing part of that day was when I discovered Lucky doesn’t like the soft Milk-Bone biscuits I bought two days ago, though his sister can’t get enough! I feel so bad offering bits of it to him only to see him reject it every time, while Flaco gets to gobble up his share. I have since corrected this unspeakable doggy tragedy by purchasing those jerky treats they BOTH enjoy so much, this morning. Honestly, good physician, I can’t BEAR the thought of putting Lucky through that again, even though it dings an unwelcome dent in my budget. Now let’s get back to the Brahman cow as a good omen, as you suggested:

The sweet beast appeared shortly before my surprise, second lawsuit…thus gave me a warm burst of kindness to cheer me on. As she knew before I did, what was about to be dumped upon my shoulders. In addition:

By NOT helping me as I think they should, Magdalena, the GG Bar, Legal Assistance for the Elderly, the SF Law Library, Mr. Wasserman and so on are giving me a GIFT! To fend for myself under most difficult odds. And thus gaining, as a result and in the long run, a much stronger sense of self-empowerment and a potently joyful spirit. IOW:

They set me up to become the hero, in this scenario where I save the dogs’ lives, along with my own. I look forward to the day when I can tell Deek all about this adventure, how I was fighting for his poochies’ lives while he never had a clue!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: One more thing about the Answer form:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:55 PM

You can NOT write down the specifics as to why you oppose one or more allegations. You can only fill in a box with the number for each allegation you deny, that is listed in the complaint. So, no attachment worries. However, the plaintiff’s attorney won’t KNOW what my reasons are by reading my Answer. That will come out during mediation, or perhaps prior to that when both attorneys are required to discuss the plans for mediation one or two weeks before it occurs. And, as you already know, ONE of those “attorneys” is ME!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: American Bar Association’s free legal help online.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 10:38 AM

I had to answer a list of standard questions, including my income level. You are allowed to post up to five questions per year. You can’t ask for a pro-bono attorney, or name any legal assistance organization. IOW it MUST be a question dealing with your case. However, the drop-down list on their form for posting, shows all categories relating to COVID-19, and nothing else. Such as: “Wildfire or COVID-19: Family Law” and “Wildfire or COVID-19: Worker’s Comp.” The ONLY option I could pick was: “Wildfire or COVID-19: Personal Injury.” Assuming this is an error in their drop-down list (that all choices are limited to wildfire or COVID), I selected Personal Injury, and posted the following:


Subject: Representing myself: should I request Dismissal or reply with the Answer form?

I live in San Francisco, and the case is being handled entirely in that county. I am being sued for more than $25,000 for a personal injury claim. I must be my own attorney because, even though I clearly qualify for free legal assistance, the services that provide that either don’t deal with personal injury cases, and the only one I’ve found that does, referred me to an expensive lawyer (even though they know my income level), and they refuse to correct that error. So I’m stuck with representing myself. Since I am on Social Security with no other income, I realize I can request Dismissal. However, Plaintiff’s allegations are false and so extreme as to put me in jeopardy of eviction and even arrest, if I don’t submit an Answer to deny these allegations, in lieu of a Dismissal. The reason I believe I’m in jeopardy is because there is another defendant, the landlord. My question is: if I go the dismissal route, won’t Plaintiff’s Attorney direct these false allegations to the landlord (because responsible for actions of any tenant which were committed on their property), anyway…or, if I request to be dismissed, will these false allegations go away, and the case will be dropped entirely, including against the landlord and other Plaintiffs, Does 1-50?


They also asked to send one or more pictures or documents as evidence of my case, but it’s optional. So what I did was send them a copy of the complaint, which totals six files (for the six pages that comprise the complaint).

So let’s see what goes with them. I will also contact the American Bar Association by phone or email, to see if THEY will provide an attorney pro-bono, or at least counsel me over getting the right forms and filling them out.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: My eviction attorney hasn’t responded back yet, regarding my last two emails describing why I believe it’s VITAL to reply with an Answer rather than a Dismissal. She’s not in on Fridays, so I don’t expect a reply until Monday at the earliest…if she bothers to do that at all.

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