Letter to Pastor Dewey

July 27, 2015

This is a great video of a leader of an African American church, speaking vociferously for gay folks:

After watching the video, I posted the following message on Dewey’s Facebook page:

My Dear Pastor Dewey,

I just watched your video condemning homophobia, and I have to honor your brilliant sermon. I have been a gay street activist for more than three decades, fighting tooth and nail for my homeless LGBT sisters and brothers (no matter their skin color), in spite of my own Queer Family repressing and persecuting my efforts. Your righteous sermon brought tears of joy to my eyes, and someday soon I will embrace you with tremendous gratitude, knowing that God’s Good Grace has blessed us both.

Coretta Scott King looks down upon you with great admiration, I am sure. And I am also sure that Jesus Christ holds a very special place in His Heart for you. You are more than willing to take the flack for your courageous stance, for you know that Our Creator has called you to this momentous destiny…and you could never live with yourself if you didn’t answer to His loving request.

Most sincerely and profoundly,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

A Quiet Night at Mission Station

July 25, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image above, to read my salty tale.

New Rule

July 24, 2015

Date: Sat, 18 Jul 2015 14:44:09
Re: I’m gonna rock the world soon!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sat, Jul 18, 2015 at 1:22 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Love the postcards. }}

Weren’t they fun?

{{ Also love the no-nonsense exposay of the corrupt medical system. You go! }}

Ya gotta do wotcha gotta do! I had another Larkin breakthrough just
last night, BTW:

Decided to have a drinky-poo or two at Toad Hall, now that I know Larkin sometimes goes there these days. No pool table, so I guess My Delinquent Diplodocus has been 86’d from yet one more gay hootch dive. ‘Cause he /never/ goes to a bar that doesn’t offer billiards! (Except for Twin Peaks Tavern, since their plate glass windows permit a panoramic view of Castro & Market, and thus can spot me when I swing by, and sometimes step out to exchange badinage.)

Passing to the back, where Toad Hall’s open air patio is located, I looked for barkeep Irene. She’s read my book, and is a staunch admirer of my mission. Yep, there she was! As she poured my two vodka tonics, I declared as quickly as possible so as not to cut into her earnings:

“So you know Larkin, eh? He’s the hero of my book, Arwyn Miles. He’s gotten me kicked out of many bars, calling me his stalker. But that’s not true at all. I’m his best friend.”

My drinks were now ready for sweet imbibition, so I politely withdrew into the joyful crowd (thanks to Marriage Equality’s passage) as Irene gave me a goodbye wink and a grin.

I milled about, growing ever more snockered till I found myself at a small table close to the front door. The bar was already quite mobbed, for it was Friday eve and 9:30 PM. Lo and behold, who comes walking up towards me from the patio, but Sloan!

She tends bar down the street at The Mix, and is a good friend to Irene. However, she kicked me out two years ago, as Larkin told her I’m his stalker. She refused to let me speak in my defense, so just before I exited The Mix I proclaimed:

“Maybe I’ll send a letter to the SF Bay Times and tell them what an
asshole you are!”

Since that time, she ignores me whenever our paths cross (which isn’t very often), and I likewise ignore her. Anywayz:

Here she comes right up to me, smiles and extends a hand in kindness. We shake, and I speak:

“I’m sorry Larkin put enmity between us! I never wanted things to go that way.”

“Oh pshaw, no worries,” she replied.

No more words needed to be said, for I was already cognizant that Larkin (and many in the community as well) was simply running me through a gauntlet of adventures, that I may grow wise and happier beyond my craziest dreams. I therefore assumed at this point, that both Irene and Sloan are players in this secret organization that has been guiding me towards leadership (and Larkin) for many years now! As she drifted back outside, I called twice:

“Thank you!”

Now here is what I’m sure is gonna happen next, Ellie:

No bartenders in The Castro will serve Larkin anything, or even let him step foot inside, for now on. Unless /I/ am with him…and he treats me really nice and buys me booze, and introduces me with tremendous respect. In fact, I decided to have a little fun with this new change in my silly world. I’ll send a postcard to each bar, stating:

NEW RULE: Do not allow Larkin Kelsey to enter, or remain in, any gay bar, tavern, saloon or the like, without my company.

In light of recent events, I also expect that surprise party in my honor to go down very soon. And that is when Larkin will “pop the question.” And when Randolph Taylor will return to me. And so on. Guess somehow, some way, you and Mitch will be there too.

– Zeke

Date: Sat, 18 Jul 2015 15:38:24
Re: I’m gonna rock the world soon!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sat, Jul 18, 2015 at 3:03 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Wouldn’t miss it!!! }}

I sure hope not! You’re one of my greatest heroes!

– Zeke

Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2015 12:31:18
Re: Hardy-har-har!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jul 19, 2015 at 12:22 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Classics, all! }}

I am the boss of everyone now…especially Larkin.

Funny to see Sloan hanging out at Twin Peaks Tavern these past few days. Never seen her there before this week! Same for Irene, but I have yet to see them there together. I guess some are being assigned shifts at TPT.

Things are getting very funny in The Castro. I wouldn’t put it past them (meaning those members of my Blue Rose Militia) to provide yours truly with free drinks at any gay bar I visit…and refuse my tips as well.

I’d bet your life on it.

– Zeke

Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2015 14:42:08
Let this fly like a bird from its cage!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My E-frenz

Anger Pours Forth

July 21, 2015

Date: Sun, 12 Jul 2015 14:40:49
Re: Please read!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jul 12, 2015 at 1:49 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ That’s a marvelous piece. Zelda and the bracelet are a real grace note. }}

Yes, my life is a living O’Henry tale…with a little Alfred E. Neuman
tossed into the mix.

{{ What is making you go blind??? }}

Old age and lack of medical care. Uncle Sam is a bastard, and I will
have my revenge. Soon. Very soon.

– Zeke

Date: Sun, 12 Jul 2015 15:21:51
Re: Please read!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jul 12, 2015 at 3:14 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Right, but what I mean is aside from age do you have some progressive eye disease, like cataracts or glaucoma?? }}

In my emails I sometimes mentioned how I had to get surgery for a
probably-detaching retina. I also have cataracts, and the ones in my
left eye are starting to impair my vision. My mother came down with
macular degeneration around my age…so that’s another thing.

– Zeke

Date: Sun, 12 Jul 2015 16:01:21
Re: Please read!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jul 12, 2015 at 3:27 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ So in other words, medically treatable but for this crappy evil system… }}

Of course. I just heard on NPR this morning, of elderly and poor in
Florida who are not eligible for any medical care, not even Medicaid.
But what got me, is the black lady interviewed is too sweet natured,
not the least bit angry about it. SHE SHOULD BE ENRAGED! I know I am.
She’s just waiting to be with Jebus.

But I’m completely in control. And I shall /never/ need a doctor or
any sort of health care ever again. My eyes will heal all on their
own, and so on through my entire body /and/ mind. I’m just milking
this present (and temporary) situation for all it’s worth…as an

So, not to worry, Morticia. Larkin has my back. My Guardian Dragon of
Great Beauty. My homeless friends keep telling me I’m gonna be
perfectly fine, nothing to worry about. Exactly what I’ve been telling
them for /years/. Now all the love is coming back to me in spades. In
fact, I just told my newest street pal, Gregory, who was worried about
his AIDS treatment:

“Know what the real killer is, Greg?”

“No, what is the real killer?” he replied.


He just smiled and smiled all day, after that.

Oh, yeah, I got Larkin kicked out of a bar two nights ago, through
clever skulduggery. It was hilarious. Must get around to putting this
on “paper” soon.

– Zeke

PS: My “revenge” towards our gov’t has nothing to do with violence, I
assure you. And everything to do with online data manipulation. I have
an army of brilliant hackers setting things up right now. All my email
communique is totally secure from prying eyes (including our exchanges), thanks to these uber-smart allies.


Date: Mon, 13 Jul 2015 15:05:10
The Anger Pours Forth!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

Daily Kos’s optimistic article about how Obamacare is wildly
successful has triggered a small avalanche of outrage. Search for
“krahlin” and you’ll find my own comments interspersed among other
outraged posters.


On another note: I found my missing booty bracelet! It was tucked away in a bottom drawer of Desk #1. God only knows why. Must’ve been a tad

– Zeke

Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2015 11:22:51
Good News!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney


Listening to Bernie Sanders’ speech on the radio yesterday, he declared that many people who are insured must pay high fees which they cannot afford. So he /knows/ my situation, and that of many others on Medicaid. I am most impressed. Maybe he read my message of outrage that I posted to his Facebook wall.


On another note: I think that my intentional typos in the final
paragraphs of “Booty”–that emphasized my increasing sight
impairment–are directly inspired by that incredible sci-fi short
story, “Flowers for Algernon.” A synopsis of which you may read here:


Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2015 12:12:26
These two articles affirm my claim of ACA hurting the poor.
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Sean Harrison

Millions Are Now Realizing They’re Too Poor For Obamacare


Bernie Sanders: Obamacare is a good Republican program


Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2015 14:16:58
Re: Errata
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Tue, Jul 14, 2015 at 1:30 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Ah, yes. I know that story well. So you’ll go fully blind, then slowly get your vision back. }}

OMG no, not that extreme! That piece was, in part, a memoriam to
“Flowers for Algernon,” and nothing more. (Interesting though that
only in hindsight did I realize this.) No way do I plan to take it any

– Zeke

Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2015 14:23:11
Re: Errata
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Tue, Jul 14, 2015 at 2:19 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Kidding, kidding. }}

Funnier than a barrel of monkeys on Adderall with vibrating dildos.

– Zeke

Date: Fri, 17 Jul 2015 10:43:02
I’m gonna rock the world soon!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Carlyle Lambourne

Ally Carlyle:

Please read my latest blog entry entitled “Birthday Magic 1.” Scheduled to be released to the public on the morrow.


Two reasons I beg this request, are because of the miraculous happenings in my life that have recently taken over; hardly anyone else shares my enthusiastic revelations. Plus:

In the event that my whistle blowing activism may land me in prison–or even have me disappeared by gov’t intrigue–I need at least /three/ witnesses towards my courageous demise. But I’m sitting pretty, for I have 17, including yourself: Larkin Kelsey (of course), Eleanor Cooney (from Mendocino), John Havrilchak (from Philadelphia), Laundromat Lady Zelda (around the corner from my hovel), Barbara (employee at CVS Pharmacy just a half block away), my brother Vincent Catalano Jr. (from Massapequa, Long Island), Sally Leiser (mother of a homeless man, Mike; she lives somewhere in Michigan) my illustrator Sidni Rohan (from Levittown, PA) and my street pals Kurt, Mikey, Hollywood, Gregory, Darrin, Zach, Cameron, and Jerry. They will each receive a letter similar to the one I am now posting to you.

I will of course keep Larkin informed of my situation as best I can. By snail-mailing him a copy of this email to you, for one. He is both my protector and saviour.

So I should be going into hiding soon, via the blueprint laid out by my army: The Blue Rose Militia. Contact with you and all other allies will be established through super-secure routes.

I am so greatly loved these days, I cannot be anything but tremendously assured that /many/ brave and lovely men have my back. If I am delusional in all this, so be it. But who on earth can oppose such a marvelous destiny, when revealed this amazing outcome whether by fantasy or real-life drama?

– Zeke

Birthday Magic 1

July 18, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image above, to read my salty tale.


July 12, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image above, to read my salty tale.

Force Majeure

June 30, 2015

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2015 13:22:11
A Desperate Time, A Desperate Measure
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

Besides sending my “Vested Interest” letter to Larkin, I mailed a
signed copy to my brother and requested that he append it to my last
will and testament. But here the plot thickens as I realize what my
next step should be:

I now have many good friends, mostly on the streets, with whom I will share this letter, and make them aware of how Medi-Cal has destroyed any chance of receiving affordable health care (which on my low income should be $0.00). They will then spread my words via their own extended street family…after which time several will approach Larkin outside of Twin Peaks Tavern, and say something like:

“We are aware of Zeke’s difficult situation, your relationship with
him, and your continued harassment towards him. It is time to be a
good friend to him, keep him in good health, and end your wrongful
gossip. We will be watching.”


“Larkin, you have to invite Zeke into the same bars you frequent,
after making it clear to customers and workers alike, that Zeke has
never stalked you.”

At intervals–say, twice per week–they’ll come up to Larkin and ask:

“Have you seen Zeke today?” And if he says no, they’ll persist: “Why not?”

If he doesn’t do what I requested in my letter, my street buddies will
shame him in public and hang around him outside of Twin Peaks or any
other bar, when he steps out for his smoke.

That was just one example of how they can embarrass and annoy him w/o crossing into the illegal. I’m sure they’ll come up with various and effective /other/ schemes all on their own. If Larkin never complies (though I’m sure he will) he’ll wind up being ridiculed out of my neighborhood, where he also resides. He is well connected with rich gay bar owners, patrons and the like…so I’m sure he has access to funding my medical needs.

And goddess forbid I should ever suffer major, debilitating illness,
injury, or death! Can you imagine the wrath that shall befall My
Wonderful Warlock then? I think Larkin will quickly get a clue.

– Zeke

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2015 13:48:49
Re: 6/26/2015 – A Great Day in History
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Carlyle Lambourne

On Sun, Jun 28, 2015 at 12:08 PM, Carlyle Lambourne wrote:

{{ Yes, this is a great relief and a major life event for all of us. Might be able to die someday with at least a degree of sense of life-mission accomplished. }}

We shall both accomplish great deeds on behalf of LGBT Rights, now
that this albatross has fallen from our necks.

{{ We need to keep momentum on job/housing anti-discrimination parity, and need to turn more attention to fellow gays in more oppressed areas such as Africa, the Islamic world, Russia. I hope that American gays will not become so complacent that they will fail to feel a sense of shared struggle with the rest of the world. }}

Don’t forget that some of us here in the USA remain threatened with an early death, needless suffering and social isolation. For we are low income, and Obamacare has failed to expand Medicaid w/o charging an absurd and cruel monthly share of cost. Mine is $518!!!

Now how do you think I’ll fare in my “golden” years, as I will need
more and more health care. I am denied even preventative aids,
including what’s required to stave off blindness.

– Ezekiel

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2015 14:49:22
Re: A Desperate Time, A Desperate Measure
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jun 28, 2015 at 2:28 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Can you depend on these guys to carry through?? }}

Several, yes…and they have their own friends outside my circle. And
they’d just love to stir things up and make their days less boring and
harsh. These fellows are intelligent, sweet natured, handsome and
(best of all) quite mischievous! But I will tell each of them it’s
just an idea, no one has to comply. I’ll still love them, won’t be
disappointed or angry.

Besides, I’m sure this is exactly how Larkin wants me to retaliate.
He’s playing King of the Hill, challenging me to best him. I think
Larkin will have the time of his life, pretending I successfully
blackmailed him, and he has no other choice but to obey.

Me and Gregory (my newest street pal) had a hilarious encounter
w/Larkin just a few days ago. I plan to write about it soon. Suffice
for now, to say that Greg was sporting my sign (instead of myself)
that said “I am not Larkin’s stalker, I’m his boyfriend,” when Larkin
showed up.

– Zeke

Date: Mon, 29 Jun 2015 10:12:43
The Plot Coagulates
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney


Here’s another idea: have all the homeless in The Castro wear the same sign: “I am not Larkin’s stalker, I’m his boyfriend.” Easy enough to accomplish, as cardboard, string and even pens are freely accessible. A group of them congregate daily about Twin Peaks Tavern, one or more of whom is a dedicated ally. I can imagine Larkin arriving one afternoon to witness the street bums lolling about his turf with that sign flung about their necks. Tee-hee, I /am/ a scamp! But I want to make one thing perfectly queer:

If your desire for vengeance is justified (as is mine), you must achieve that /only/ with compassion and humor a la The Buddha’s guidance. And I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job of it! Why /is/ Larkin putting me through all these difficult tests, if indeed his goal is kind rather than hostile? Here’s your answer:

That I may be challenged to always find a loving solution to seemingly-nasty attacks, so that I grow very strong in spirit, to finally crack open life’s concrete like a victorious, brave little sprout. As well as to become a true hero in my own right.

I LOVE ALL THIS BRAINSTORMING! Here comes my next manic high, yippee-doo!

BTW did you view yet, my “Scooby-Doo Porn” page that I printed out and sent to Larkin? It will crack you up.



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