May 29, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image sabove, to read my salty tale.

Belated Beatitude

May 16, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image above, to read my salty tale.

Spring Breaks Forth

April 11, 2015

[ Clabbered Reader: this is a series of four postcards I snail-mailed to Larkin through late February to early April. Interspersed with an Easter Card, an email exchange, and two personal letters snail mailed on April 8th. ]

Postcard sent February 27th:

Postcard sent March 24th:

Postcard sent March 29th:

Easter card sent April 1 (next 6 images, including the envelope):

Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2015 00:03:07
Larkin’s Cross
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney


I just learned the main reason Larkin is so difficult…though let us
not forget he’s also been wonderful. Curtis lives two flights above
me, and has occupied that room for more than 15 years. Spoke with him
about Larkin at the nearby laundromat, about a tragedy my buddy
suffered some 11 years ago. Which tragedy, in fact, caused him to go
to new hangouts, one of them being the Hole in the Wall Saloon, where
we first met. Interesting, because /I/ went there to lick my wounds
over my own Johnnie tragedy.

The missive below is what I just mailed to Larkin, in an Easter card
decorated with a lovely lamb in a purple bow about its neck:

I know you miss Bernie very much. My profoundest regards for your
loss. How do I know about him? Well today (April 2nd) I spoke with
Curtis (room 405) about you, and he brought up the tragedy, said how
much you liked him. I also understand now, that you used to visit
Curtis often, but Bernie’s passing on caused you to drift elsewhere.
Yet all that while you did see Curtis, I was two floors below. And I
find it strange that we never crossed paths in my own apartment
building. Se la vie, eh? You have been most kind and respectful
towards me, regarding Randolph’s sad loss or disappearance. Now I
return the favor. Were it in my power to bring him back to you, I
would, without so much as a second thought.

Bernie died from a most gruesome form of cancer. By the time the
surgeons opened him up, they found his organs so rotten with cancer
there was no hope for him. So they just sewed him back up and let him
die a few days later.

So there you have it.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Apr 2015 11:52:56
Re: Larkin’s Cross
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sat, Apr 4, 2015 at 11:45 AM, Eleanor wrote:

{{ Well, I’m glad Larkin is behaving less like a shit toward you lately. }}

He’s got a reason for his treason,
Though I don’t appease him.

{{ The letter to Zachary is a good one, but probably too layered and complex for him to understand… }}

The dimwit.

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 6 Apr 2015 13:41:01
Pillowcase looks fantastic!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

The Scooby-Doo/Snoopy pillowcase is a high quality satin, and the image is just rich in color. Much nicer than I imagined, via the
online pic. Just arrived in the mail today, so I’ll have to prepare
the gift package later, and mail it out tomorrow.

– Zeke


Date: Mon, 6 Apr 2015 18:15:08
Re: Pillowcase looks fantastic!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 3:04 PM, Eleanor wrote:

{{ Hope he appreciates it… }}

Of course he will! While Larkin has never acknowledged receipt of any
gift I send or present him…the ones I hand him face-to-face, he
/always/ accepts in sweet graciousness. Even amidst whatever
antagonism he has caused me.

For this reason (and others whenever he suddenly displays kindly
acceptance in spite of his frequent and ornery behavior), I conclude
he is putting me through a sort of hazing (or initiation or trial by
fire, whatever you want to call it). But this time around, I’d rather
mail it than go through the angst of delivering it to him by hand. He
just /loves/ to keep me guessing!

Just as he /always/ relishes casting doubt over our friendship, making
me fear he’ll reject my latest gift. Yet, he has /never/ done that! So
perhaps I /will/ attempt to hand it to him at Twin Peaks Tavern,
tomorrow evening. Should he refuse (for the first time, I must note),
I’ll just walk out w/o any anger, and ship it off the next day.

Remember my suggestion that he heads a secret organization within the
SF LGBT community, that selects certain folks to groom for leadership.
So many bizarre events and coincidences have occurred around This
Tremulous Queer Lamb, that affirm my suspicions in this matter, I
cannot but act upon such an amazing conclusion as if it were the truth.

Discovering by happenstance a Scooby-Doo rendering so similar to my
first illustration of Free Me From This Bond, is but the latest
example…and affirmation.

– Zeke

Postcard sent April 4th::

April 5, 2015

To My Mischievous Mesosaur of Boundless Beauty:

It is now 9:45 PM as I write, and it is still Easter. Another holiday alone, just like St. Patrick’s Day, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Veterans Day, Halloween, Fourth of July, my birthday, your birthday (which I do not yet know much to my grief), Randolph’s birthday, and any other day filled with wishes for a better outcome other than inhabiting an existential glass cage that I can’t break out of no matter what I do, and which no one else perceives. Which fate has been mine since the day I was born.

Of course I am heartbroken once more, that you, Larkin Kelsey, care not whether I am alone or with friends, happy or sad, dead or alive. I conjecture that the loss of Bernie (a man you loved very much) from a most virulent form of cancer, has caused you such bitterness that you cannot love again. Even someone who’s adored you for over eight years, and has proven his fidelity over many painful challenges that you have imparted. Ironic (to say the least) that Bernie occupied the same apartment building as yours truly…and you visited him frequently while I lived just two flights below, all that time. Yet our paths never crossed.

Instead, you drive me away by horrid accusations that I’m your stalker; and spreading such slander throughout every bar in the Castro. Such that I am hated by many, and cannot enter any of these venues. And now, it seems that you have disappeared, perhaps establishing new connections in another neighborhood such as Polk Street.

It gives me great joy to know such a fine and astounding man like yourself, yet you go out of your way these days to bring me conflict, loneliness and strife. None of which I deserve, yet this is what you rain upon My Forlorn Little Soul. But what I find so astounding in our apparent dissension, is a great celebration of our two souls, regardless of any negative precedence. IOW: in spite of your current animosity, my spirit leaps over seeing or thinking of you, like a happy lamb.

I am dumbstruck in love with you, for which I thank the stars from the bottom of my heart and any other relevant organ. I could never say goodbye to you, nor can you to me…which I have known for some time, as I’ve confronted you months ago to ask:

“Do you not want to ever see me again? Just say so, and I will be gone from your life, forever!”

You replied not, but I heard you swallow as if your throat got stuck. Which I regard as a great compliment.

Yet you told me about three weeks ago: “I don’t love you!” Which declaration you performed while turned away from me and facing the window of Twin Peaks Tavern. That is: you never said that to me before, let alone to my face!

So where do I go from here? I guess the only answer is to persist in reaching out to you as I have for more than seven years!

With much affection and delight,


P.S.: Easter has come and gone since I completed this missive. It is now April 8th, and I shall mail this latest piece to you tomorrow. I do hope it means something to you. Something very important to your heart.

8 April 1015

My Dear Sid:

Apologies for not yet being able to enclose a check with this letter: something you so well deserve for your remarkable illustrations. Book sales of “Free Me From This Bond” have still to take off…in fact, I’ve only sold six thus far. Partly because–while I had enough moolah from my parents’ inheritance to actually publish this novel–there did not remain enough to self promote. Which involves purchasing a plethora of my own books, traveling to other towns and cities for readings, placing ads strategically via newspapers, magazines and online literary venues, and so forth. The rest is all up to kismet, which I know shall not fail me.

Yet not is all hopeless: in fact, life has presented many incredible omens that I shall soon gain great profit for putting such a phenomenal work out there, that shall (eventually) accomplish much good for LGBT equality. Enclosed is a printout of a recent blog entry called “Pillow Gossip” that gives proof to my claim. And it is but the latest evidence of imminent success, seeing as these last few months I’ve been inundated with many signs that soon (probably well before this year is over), victory shall be mine. And by extension, that of the LGBT family on a global level as well as national.

And yours too, seeing as your art is intrinsic to the beauty, profound message and liberation so forthrightly projected by our shared opus. As time passes, the richness of your work along with my tales, increases in value…especially in light of current events across these disunited states, regarding same-sex love. Years ago I had predicted civil wars and major clashes over queer rights…on Usenet and various other online dialogs. Now comes the prophecy fulfilled.

As my beloved illustrator, I sense it is time to post you an update as to my progress. When “Free Me From This Bond” finally gains the attention it so well deserves by major media outlets, our local community shall open doors for me post-haste, including promoting this book and all my other writings. Thus, I want to reiterate my oath to you, that you will receive $1,000 for every $10,000 I collect from this novel. By that time I will have trustworthy accountants handling this transaction, to be sure you get the fair payment you merit.

I sincerely hope all is going well for you, wherever you are (Pennsylvania?). Every time I gaze upon your illustrations, I am profoundly cheered.

Most sincerely,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Pillow Gossip

March 28, 2015

Subject: Hilarious Discovery
Date: Mon, Mar 23, 2015 at 3:40 PM
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Sally (publishing consultant, Twosome Press)

Sal, I was shopping for another Scooby-Doo gift for Larkin (this
time for Easter), and I stumbled upon this particular pillowcase. Once
you see the design, you’ll appreciate the amazing coincidence!

Of course I had to purchase it!

– Zeke

[ Zinjanthropus Reader: if you have not been a dedicated fan of my tales for two or more years, you are most likely confused at this point. The image above is a reference to the first illustration in my book, “Free Me From This Bond,” which came out in December of 2012. (For whatever reason, Larkin is nuts about Scooby-Doo, well beyond his formative years; in fact he is now 52! So I seek out some kind of Scooby-Doo gift for him on a regular basis.) The uncanny similarity of the picture above–yet with a most humorous twist and implication to my own illustration–is most remarkable. Here it is: ]

Subject: Re: Hilarious Discovery
Date: Tue, Mar 24, 2015 at 11:24 AM
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Sally (publishing consultant, Twosome Press)

Sally wrote:

{{ Zeke that is just brilliant! Did you buy it?

Best regards,

Publishing Consultant }}

Of course! Do I dare defy Destiny? (My disability budget’s shot for
the rest of March as a result, but I have grown quite accustomed over
the years to the myriad sacrifices put upon This Paltry Soul for My
Wyvern’s sake.) Larkin’s gonna go nuts over it. Every night he’ll lay
his head on This Prophetic Pillow Case and sail off into Scooby-Doo
Dreamland with yours truly at the helm!

Unfortunately (I guess), the delivery of this item won’t be any sooner
than April 16th…well after Easter has come and gone. Yet I trust the
timing of whatever Fate has in store for me. The sporadic conjunction
of my star with Larkin often contains a twist in the plot.

– Zeke

PS: Meanwhile, I decided to wear the following statement Sharpied onto
a square of cardboard and dangling from my neck by a shoelace…whenever I find Larkin seated at Twin Peaks Tavern (his frequent nighttime hangout down the block and across the street from my own residence).

I will stand outside where he can’t miss me, thanks to the plate glass windows looking out upon Castro & Market. So now–whenever he points me out to another patron and declares “that’s my stalker”–I’ll be able to counter that false accusation w/o speaking a word. And if he and a patron are standing outside at that moment, I’ll hand his companion my business card with a link to “Free Me From This Bond,” as well as a printout of his signed permission to use his real name in my tales. For it has finally dawned on me at this point, that Luciferian Larkin has set me up to promote my book by garnering the curiosity of said patrons. Maybe I’ll even strut throughout the neighborhood with This Albatross about my neck at all times of day and night, just to stir up controversy!

How much of a fool does he want me to be, for his love? I have recently acquired a new friend who is most handsome and kind…and could (frankly speaking) make me forget Larkin. Though I could never bear to allow that to happen. His name is Jerry, and he held me up when I stumbled.

[ So here we go, Fractalkine Reader! As I stand about Twin Peaks Tavern (and perhaps other spots in The Castro) while wearing this sign, I will hand out the following half-page document as a promotional stunt for My Astounding Novel: ]

Larkin’s sweet friendship has inspired me to self-publish a book about our adventures together, called “Free Me From This Bond”. Which novel is always free to read online, at:

Consider this my thank-you gift for Larkin’s incredible camaraderie, but also to the SF LGBT Community, and San Francisco in general. I was shocked when he started calling me his stalker starting in January 2013, for he always welcomed me to whatever bar he visited here in The Castro. Took me a while to figure out his intention, which began immediately after the last step in the publishing process. After almost a year of grief, I realized he was creating controversy around us, that bar patrons would become curious enough to read my book and spread the word. Free Me From This Bond is based on true adventures South of Market and here in The Castro. Most of the tales involve my adventures with Larkin; thus I give him credit for being the true author (and I, merely his recording secretary). Though he has humiliated and vilified me in public many times over, now and then he has performed most gracious deeds and declarations, as if to say: “Not is all as it seems. Hang in there, for I love you very much and I trust you to figure it all out in the long run.” He is a brilliant man, and loves to play The Game Of Life in most extraordinary ways. Below is a copy of his permission to use his real name, starting with Book 2 of what is turning out to be a trilogy. Before you pass judgment against me (or him), I beg you to read the book.

Not Is All As It Seems

March 13, 2015


If you are underage, or in any way forbidden by your government or religious laws from viewing X-rated subject matter, please do not go there. If, however, you are not restricted by any laws in your geographical location, by all means click on the image above, to read my salty tale.

A Valentine Lark

March 10, 2015

[ Fugacious Reader: took me a while to blog-post my Valentine’s Day gift to Larkin, but here it is now: ]

Above is the package ensemble, which I planned to present to Larkin in person, at Twin Peaks Tavern. Enclosed in the box is a pair of Valentine’s Day boxer shorts to which I taped individually wrapped caramel candies: 6 on the front and 5 on the back. The box itself was purchased at a USPS depot, intended as a DVD mailer. So he’s gonna think one or two DVDs are enclosed, until he opens it. Also stashed with the shorts were two legal size envelopes, each containing a printout of my two most recent tales: “Standing My Ground” and “Ray Revisited.”

In one of the envelopes (I forget which), I included 12 different Valentine themed Scooby-Doo images. Though I printed out all images on one sheet of paper, I cut out each pic, like individual sticky notes, and stuffed them all into a folded letter before sealing the envelope. So that (I hope), they’d spill out onto his lap.

Now, this pic below shows the other side of the gift bag, and the front of the DVD box which I wrapped in three layers of blue tissue paper, then bound in a pink shoelace. You can see Scooby-Doo clenching a Valentine card between his teeth, with caption above that declares: “Be mine.” Partially covered by the bow, are these words that I printed out and Scotch-taped onto the front:

“I wouldn’t know what heaven is like, if we didn’t meet.”

The ladybug 3-D sticker was an impulse purchase that I glued to the gift bag at the last moment.

And here’s the back of the box, showing another Scooby-Doo Valentine image, and a tiny box of candy in the shape of a heart. I chose the dragon motif, of course, since the dragon is a major theme of my “Larkin Tales.”

As it turned out, I decided to snail-mail him this latest gift…but the box of candy did not fit very well in the 10-1/2 by 13 inch bubble envelope. So I ate the contents myself: the three Russel Stover treats were quite tasty! In addition, I inserted the bag and box seperately, that the bag may lie flat within the shared mailer. There was also a Valentine’s Day card plunked into this bag, in which I wrote:

“I’m nuts about you, Larkin! Please stop being a prick.”

I’m sure that Larkin–upon extracting these three items–reconstituted my original plan to contain the box and card within this bag, that he may enjoy my intended presentation.

St. Patrick’s Feast

March 1, 2015

March 1

I stepped into CVS Pharmacy on the other side of Noe Street, to purchase one item: a can of Rosarita’s Vegetarian Refried Beans. Which I enjoy as an ungarnished dollop alongside my plate of fried brown rice and sauteed, diced veggies (one large onion and two medium size bell peppers–one green, another orange, red or yellow).

While there, I decided to mosey about the aisles and look for something else I might find desirable. Whether food, candy, dry-good or whatever; I had no idea. So I arrived beside the dairy section, just to my left: a rise of shelves entitled “As Seen On TV!”. Sure enough, one particular item stood out that would really be a boon for the microwave.

“Wow! I’d love to have that, it would make preparing one of my favorite dishes a snap!”

Best of all, it was only $3.99!

So I plucked it off the ledge to eye it more closely, and read just how it works. It was the only one of its kind left, so I guess I got lucky. Nonetheless, I sighed and placed it back in its nook…for it was month’s end when I’m down to counting every penny until March’s automatic deposit kicks in.

No sooner did I turn about and march with my lone can of smashed pintos to the automated checkout, than a little birdie chirped in my ear:

“Hey! Get it Zeke! It’s the perfect St. Patrick’s Day gift for Larkin! You can’t not buy it!”

I immediately laughed with gusto, as I realized then, that it is the perfect gift for someone who is Irish in both strands of his DNA.

Yes, no way could I ever leave CVS without claiming the last of a species for my own, to do with as I please! So I snatched the product from its perch and bought it without regard for my own financial sparsity.

So eager was I to share it with you, my e-friends, I rushed hovel and snapped a pic of it, then composed this letter. Rather than bide my time till I post a blog about it a day or two from now.

The photo is revealed in the link below, so as to prevent you from viewing it before you finish reading this email. But once you do, you will appreciate how quintessentially Irish is this gift, as well as hilarious.

I plan to gift wrap it, then seal it in a large envelope along with a St. Patrick’s Day card, and perhaps a new story. Then either present it to Larkin at Twin Peaks Tavern, or snail-mail it several days before March 17th.

No doubt Larkin will get quite a kick out of it too, and actually use it with relish (pun intended).

March 7 – ADDENDUM

Kindest Larkin:

I bought you this microwave potato baker as a joke. I have since read customer reviews on this product, and it does not work very well. So read the instructions very carefully, if you really want to use it. It does not do a very good job of baking potatoes in just four minutes. But if you want to try it out, I suggest cutting each potato in four parts first. My hunch is this will do a proper job of it, versus cooking 1-4 whole spuds.

By the way, I stumbled upon this image of a new Hollywood actor who’s the spitting image of my “crazy” friend Darrin: his latest movie is “Cut Bank,” though he’s already famous for his role in “The Hunger Games” and “Empire State.”

PS: Two days ago I saw you pretending to give a BJ to your roommate Zachary. Probably because you saw me approach 17th & Market, and it seems to be your mission to press my buttons. I don’t really care who you hug or have close relations with. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I only regret not being sharp enough to holler through the doorway: “Get a room, you two!”


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