May 3, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 24]

Image generated by Craiyon AI

Subject: Not the brightest bulb in the pack!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 26, 2023 at 1:12 AM

One more thing about our conversation:

Once I affirmed with plaintiff’s attorney that my only income is Social Security, he asked me: “Well, can’t you pay him a little something every month?” I detected a twinge of frustration.

“Of course not!” I exclaimed at the absurdity of his query with a suppressed guffaw. “That’s outta the question!”

For as you know, Wattson, it’s ILLEGAL to garnish someone’s Social Security, no matter WHAT the sum…he should know that! Well, I’m sure he does but he went strictly by the script, I suppose. The bodhisattva script. Having fun at my expense, methinks!

Attached is a colorful rendering of Pterry Pterodactyl conjured up by Craiyon AI image generator. The best one in the lot. The used pterodactyl lot, that is. This one has less than 40,000 miles on it ’cause previously owned by a little old granny bruja who doesn’t go out very much! She has a fear of heights.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Pterry just told me:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 26, 2023 at 12:41 PM

“BTW Zeke, those aren’t origami cranes you so graciously showered upon Wattson…they’re origami pterodactyls! Du-uuh!”

I shoulda known, Wattson. Hope they didn’t get TOO badly entangled in your rain-barrel-water-drenched hair, Rapunzel!

“FYI Lucasio stands for light, or Lucifer, or lucky…but root word is light,” Pterry added with a twinkle in his jet-black peepers. “Graaak!”

“Hmm, an attorney named Lucifer,” I mused. “Isn’t there a recent TV series about that?”

“Not quite, but close enough,” he affirmed. “The storyline is the devil abandons hell for Los Angeles (poor choice in MY estimation, shoulda been Barstow), opens his own nightclub and winds up a consultant to the LAPD. But that’s just a fantasy play, Zekester, whereas YOUR plaintiff’s attorney is the Real McCoy! Graaak, graaak!”

“Surely you don’t mean THE devil,” I replied, “since there are MANY devils, right?”

“Well, I conjecture that monotheistic Satanists allow for only one,” Pterry explained. “But since the one and only Lucifer (praise be unto He who adores us all) can manifest his presence in multiple bodies at the same moment with no limit to their number, I’d say the argument is ludicrous, wouldn’t you? Graaak!”

I scratched my head, perplexed as usual by Pterry’s latest mind game: “That makes sense, I guess, but what does this attorney being The Devil Himself–or just one of MANY devils, depending on which side of the Looking Glass you’re on–imply for my OWN destiny regarding this lawsuit and, by extension, My Beloved Brindlekin and their master?”

“Everything glorious!” replied my leather-winged amigo. “Graaak! Do you have a pin?”

I told him let me look, and rummaged through one of my small, plastic bins where I keep sundry items such as rubber bands, paper clips, staples, Velcro tabs and such.

“Yes, here’s one!” I exclaimed, and handed it to Pterry. “Whatta ya gonna do with it?”

“That’s for ME to know, and YOU to find out! Graaak!” he taunted, then activated his electron-microscopic lens embedded into his left eye and stared intently at the pin’s head, tilting it this way and that with precise, tiny movements.

“What are you doing NOW?” I queried.

“Counting! Hush!” he whispered while keeping his left eye diligently focused on the pin’s head. “Eleven, twelve, thirteen…”

“Oh, I see!” I blurted in sudden comprehension. “The classic question how many angels can dance on the head of a pin applies to their opposite as well!”

“Now yer cookin’,” Pterry softly answered while remaining in deep concentration: “Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four…”

I gave up and vanished from our little time-warp cone of privacy once he ascended into the realm of the deca-pentagonal and beyond, because I had better things to do than endure Pterry’s trickster ways. He certainly takes his humor FAR beyond the pale, and in this case I could easily discover him a hundred billion gazillion years from now, where he’d STILL be present in this temporal bubble, counting devils on the head of a pin! (I suppose at this point I should call it the head of a “pun.”)

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: They DON’T have the video in question…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 27, 2023 at 12:10 PM

…either that, or Kevin or Plaintiff’s Attorney may be withholding it. At least, that is MY conclusion, based on the claim that one of the dogs “ripped off his shoe.” For the video would CLEARLY show the Plaintiff was NOT wearing shoes, but cheap plastic slide slippers (or thong type, my memory is not clear on that trivial detail). Hence:

Using the video to prove an “attack” occurred would totally nullify the claim that Plaintiff’s shoe was ripped off…’cause no shoe in the first place! And that the phrase “ripped off” (along with the word “shoe”) was obviously a manipulative exaggeration with intent to persuade the court in Plaintiff’s favor. I believe the legal term for that is “perjury.”

Though what do I know, Wattson, I’m just an unfrozen caveman lawyer frightened and confused by your world, including this diabolical innovation called “shoes” that make me stumble on the courthouse steps and my toes to ache by day’s end!


– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Deek Update (plus other splendiferous events and thoughts to report)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 27, 2023 at 10:02 PM

Deek finally showed up Monday evening (after vanishing since last Thursday): perfect timing since my lawsuit fiasco and my struggles around it had come to an end earlier that same day. Coincidence? I don’t think so, since I only told him I have a meeting downtown on Friday, so will be away from home until 2 PM. Those three days (plus Monday morning) were vital to focusing all my attention on the lawsuit…so I greatly appreciate his prolonged disappearance.

And as I said in a previous missive, he’s begun lavishing more affection on the pups than ever before! For on that day I witnessed such kindness, post-doggy breakfast:

Once the furries had licked their bowls clean, Flaco looked up at her master with tail wagging.

“Happy now?” he addressed her while seated close by. “Tummy all full, start the day right?” He then pulled her into his arms for a prolonged embrace. Then turned to her brother who was just standing there, watching the new day unfold:

“Lucky!” he called, and the demi-dachshund turned to look at him. “Ya got some food on yer chin, ya look like a slob, c’mere!” So Lucky approached and with that, his master brushed a bit of kibble off his chin with an index finger.

And yesterday morning Deek showed up to collect $40 (in advance of course), the last of this month’s payment. Offered to let me walk the mutts on my way to the Chase branch, which was heavenly…and thoughtful. They were high spirited and playful the entire way there and back, so happy to be with me again. I paused midway to the bank to feed them treats, which I always keep stashed in my small backpack. Along with a roll of poopy bags and a pair of martingale collars, which I placed ’round their necks shortly after Deek handed me their leashes.

During our stroll to the ATM outlet I wondered if Deek expected me to rush the dogs in both directions so I wouldn’t take “too” long to suit his anxious nature exacerbated by crystal. But as far as I’m concerned, walking the dogs includes allowing them to pause and sniff about to their satisfaction. As well as honoring Lucky’s penchant for scratching his back and sides along a rough wall first one way, then another, with such joyful exuberance it brightens my heart…as it does for anyone walking by. Or flopping on his back and squirming upon the sidewalk for the same delightful reason.

“Well,” I figured to myself, “that’s just too bad, the doggies’ happiness is above and beyond all other matters in this world, including Deek’s childish mood swings. If he says to me where the fuck have YOU been, I’ll turn a deaf ear and that’ll be that!”

Well, Wattson, you’ll be pleased to know that did NOT occur; he was just glad to receive his allowance, and that I spent some quality time with the pooches. What a change from his previous behavior, I’m proud of the handsome devil!

After surrendering the leashes back to their master’s hand I returned hovel to prepare the elves’ breakfast, per his request. By the time I stepped back outside, Millie had joined him. A gaunt but short, fifty-something homeless black woman with a raucously amiable nature…and sandpaper pipes, possibly acquired from smoking MORE than just tobacco over the decades. That morning she sported a flat, dark-turquoise mask with metallic silver eyebrows. Slits for eyes, nose and mouth. It covered her entire face from chin to forehead, and was held firm by an elastic band.

Well let me tell you, good physician: they were really hammering away at each other with the most RUDE accusations and insults! Calling each other expletives like muthuh-fukuh, bitch, niggah and threatening to beat the shit out of each other. Though with grinning faces and sporadic chuckles, showing me it was all in good sport. So, rather than interrupt their surly badinage, I simply nodded my head in greeting, set down the bowls, pet the dogs briefly, then returned upstairs.

In fact, from the humble confines of my hovel I could easily hear them squawking away like angry macaws fighting over a choice mango that just fell to the ground. Some ten minutes later their faux berating morphed into guffaws, chortles and silly snorts. Of course I was curious, so rose from my work station to peer out the window. Upon which I espied Millie with legs pressing against his back where he was seated, in such a way as to massage his shoulder blades with her knees while rocking him from side to side. She still had her mask on, BTW.

I was pleased to see Flaco & Lucky in full snooze mode, stretched out and soaking up the deliciously warm sunlight upon a large sheet of cardboard. Oblivious to the foibles of humanity, including those of Millie and Deek.

Some forty minutes or so later Millie departed, and Deek shortly after that. He left behind a loose pile of wrinkled clothing beside the parking meter, and some other debris like an empty juice box, half a fashion magazine, a pair of hospital slippers still sealed in cellophane wrapping, and a defunct torch lighter. So I decided to clean it all up, and to my surprise discovered a very NICE long-sleeve shirt that would fit me well! It was made of thick material and, though black and red plaid, was NOT flannel.

So, planning to bring it upstairs and toss it into the hamper, I set it atop the nearby trash bin while cleaning up the rest. But while bent over performing this chore, I heard a man’s voice call to me:

“Hey that’s a nice shirt!”

I then stood up to lay my orbs upon a strappingly GORGEOUS fellow around 5-foot-9 with silver eyes, thick shocks of auburn hair fading into gray that fell to the shoulders, a full beard with complementary mustache, and the sweetest smile you’ll ever see. With a full set of pearly whites to boot, in spite of his obviously being homeless. Obvious because his bluejeans and sweater, while clean and attractive, were a loose fit in a way that someone with a roof over their head would never be caught dead in.

Concealing a ravenous thirst to strip him naked in seconds flat and lick him all over, I replied with a friendly grin: “Thanks, I like it, too!” Thinking he was talking about my short-sleeve summer shirt which is also a plaid design, though multicolored in red, blue and dark gray.

“No, that one over there!” he exclaimed, directing my lustful gaze towards the shirt I had placed on the trash bin. “Do you want it?”

“Oh, THAT shirt,” I declared. “Sure, you can have it.” I then grabbed it and held it out to him.

“Oh, thank you SO much,” he replied in a most affectionate tone, collected the shirt from my hand and wrapped one arm around me in a sweetly FIRM side hug, one hand resting upon my left hip, the other, my shoulder on the same side.

I swear, Wattson, I coulda collapsed in those arms! The GUNS on that dude: slobberingly impressive. He must work out, one way or another, in spite of his destitute situation. And no spring chicken HE…I’m guessing around 48.

But instead of swooning, I returned the embrace, laid my head on his shoulder and pat him lightly on his back, then caressed those shoulder blades and the fine expanse between. I even pressed a palm upon his stomach: this guy is RIPPED, Wattson!

Upon separating some seconds later, he thanked me again and told me those are his FAVORITE colors on a shirt. And that was that. STILL stunned, I watched him trot away, observed that his gluteus maximi checked out superbly as well, matching the rest of his extraordinary physique. I coulda plunged right in. FABULOUS!

I then returned hovel and whacked off. Twice.

Where did he come from, I wonder? He just appeared outta the blue, never saw him before. So I decided to write it off to yet another angelic visitation as I have been blessed to know numerous times before (though not recently), disguised as a denizen of the mean streets of San Franshitsco.

Odin visited me once in a dream-vision, twenty-three years ago. A dream-vision in fact, that GAVE me the entire concept which I first called “NeoPositivity,” but renamed it “The Bodhisattva Premise” just two or three years back! Could this have been Odin’s SECOND visit, this time in the flesh? At any rate, let’s move on:

So this afternoon, as I stepped out to purchase some bananas and milk, I saw the building manager had just entered the lobby, pushing on a walker inch by inch, with considerable effort. Accompanied by what I presume to be a nurse’s aide, or maybe just a kind fellow serving in that capacity.

“Good afternoon, Kevin,” I addressed him. He slowly raised his head and replied with a smile: “Oh, hi Zeke!”

Once I passed him and neared the front gate, I muttered into the air: “We REALLY need that elevator!”

Apparently, the two laborers diddling with wires and gears in the open elevator heard me and one of them called out: “Soon!”

To which I replied before closing the gate behind me: “Allah be praised!” Onto the next subject:

Obvious to me now, why I got the deadline date wrong regarding this lawsuit. It was so my victory would be that much sweeter…and a final cliffhanger in this latest tale that my readers shall relish for time immemorial! So, yes, my bodhisattva guardians intentionally mucked up my mind in order to accomplish this outcome. Next (and final) topic:


For in one breath he declared in last Friday’s show (upon introducing my latest parable):


Which is the umpteenth time he’s said he doesn’t understand why I put up with Deek’s rotten behavior. Yet less than a minute later as he gets into the story, he reads the following line:


My conclusion:

I have literally SPELLED OUT my reason for dealing with Deek’s scummy mistreatment NUMEROUS TIMES in my tales, yet Marshall refuses to acknowledge that. Being as he’s highly intelligent, then he must be having a little fun with me. Typical bodhisattva guardian sense of humor. No other explanation makes sense. Be that as it may:

I can’t WAIT till he gets to my April tales, which should be in a month or two from now. Because it’s my DOUBLE LAWSUIT VICTORY cycle. But even before that, he’ll soon be coming to Deek’s finally acquiring a tiny cabin. So, between that and the lawsuit triumph, he’ll see just how my long-suffering patience has paid off to benefit the doggies immensely, and brought the eyes of attorneys upon my activism on behalf of LGBT indigents. Showing how my inspiration triggered by Flaco & Lucky’s boundless affection has paid off handsomely regarding my OWN personal growth as well.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: PERFECT image of Odin to go with that tale!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 27, 2023 at 11:29 PM

‘Cause THAT’S EXACTLY HOW THE FUCKER I MET TODAY LOOKED! Including those fading auburn locks cascading to the shoulders. All the other images show the Norse deity much older, without the beatific face shown here…and the silver eye! (He only has one eye, as plucking out the other was the price he paid for wisdom.)

So now I conjecture that Millie’s mask was a premonition of Odin’s visit: the silver eyebrows hinting at the color of his eye, and the blue sheen of the mask represented the sky, since Odin IS a sky god! He’s also a shapeshifter, hence quite capable of appearing with both eyes intact. Conclusion:

Both she and Deek KNEW he was soon to show up…and he did, just minutes after they departed!

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Before posting this email I asked ChatGPT is Odin a sky god. Here’s the answer:

“Yes, Odin is a sky god in Norse mythology. He is often associated with the sky, wisdom, war, and death. Odin is also known as the ‘Allfather’ as he was considered the father of all gods in Norse mythology. He was believed to live in the highest of the nine worlds, Asgard, and was often depicted as a one-eyed old man with a long beard and wearing a cloak and a broad hat. Odin was also associated with wisdom, poetry, and magic.”

Then just for the heck of it I asked ChatGPT, “Are YOU a sky god?” And the reply was (hold onto your bowler, Wattson):

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: Sweet Old Dog…and 3 more pics!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 28, 2023 at 10:44 AM

Click here for a larger view.

Pic 1: I see this man with his lovely lab almost every morning while sitting on the steps of a corner shop across from my building. He has seen me with Flaco & Lucky numerous times and, even though they bark up a fury at his furry charge (who remains totally at ease) he is kind and has a good chuckle over them. Here, the elderly canine is looking at me with fondness. I’ve always had an affinity with dogs, often eager to greet me even though it’s the first time we’ve met. This includes those dogs who normally avoid strangers.

Click here for a larger view.

Pic 2: This snapshot was residing on my smartphone, almost forgotten. As was the next pic. Charming little scene right below my window, eh, Wattson?

[Just teasing you, Marshall, as I figured you’d pause in your narration to make some remark about what’s the point of my mentioning a photo without bothering to describe its contents. But if you didn’t, well then I blew it…I’m a fourth wall failure!]

Click here for a larger view.

Pic 3: Same day as pic 2. Flaco’s sweetness prevails!

Click here for a larger view.

Pic 4: A cropped enlargement of pic 3, so you can better see Lucky peering at me from inside the box. What darling angels!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Sweet Old Dog…and 3 more pics! [ERRATA]
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 28, 2023 at 10:55 AM

Where I say:

“A cropped enlargement of pic 2”

it should have said:

“A cropped enlargement of pic 3”

Sorry for the confusion, but my world is changing so fast I can barely keep up! The lotus flower of my soul has begun to blossom. Ain’t THAT a glorious thing to behold, Wattson!

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: I believe at this point that Timothy di Palma’s prophecy of a wormhole tunnel from my building to downtown Mendocino is more than just an amusing fantasy! See ya soon, my guiding angel!

Re: Sweet Old Dog…and 3 more pics!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 28, 2023 at 2:50 PM

> Beautiful dog-souls abound!

A “Woof!” a day keeps the doctor away. You can quote me on that.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: My x230 Thinkpad Died!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 29, 2023 at 1:06 AM

Well, didn’t die per se, but won’t boot up thanks to “fan error.” I would get that now and then, but only because it was too hot because the day was hot. But it can also happen if too much dust gets in there, or the fan itself needs replacement. Only problem is you need to take the ultrabook entirely apart to get to the fan to clean or replace it. Which IS a tedium, but I could do it if only some of the back screws weren’t so firmly lodged I CAN’T REMOVE THEM!

I discovered this two years ago when I went to remove the back in order to add extra storage with an SDD chip. I tried everything in the book to get those tiny screws turning, via a Youtube video that gave various suggestions on removing stuck screws from a laptop: WD-40 (of course), rubber band snippet between screwdriver and screw, and so on. NOTHING WORKS!

I’m able to open a slot within the back to upgrade RAM, so that was good since I could then swap 8 gigabytes for 16. At any rate, I checked out Amazon for a refurbished Thinkpad, and found one for $162 including tax (shipping is free). It’s the x250, so a bit more recent…it came out in 2015 while my present system dates back to 2012. And the one I ordered has Bluetooth built in and twice the storage. Plus a webcam that I prefer not to have, but ya never know: I may need one for Zoom calls, seeing as my popularity will soon soar, if my prognostication is correct.

The new ultrabook will arrive in just two days! Meanwhile, I have my Chromebook connected to a second monitor, as a temporary replacement for the x230. And my good ol’ Android tablet has replaced the Chromebook for playing videos and podcasts on the side. Right now it’s resonating Memo of the Weird, like an oasis in the Castro.

Which show I had planned to start listening to right when it went on the air at 9 o’clock…but my x230 suddenly shutting down and my having to rearrange my work station distracted me. So it wasn’t until 11:30 that I realized “Oh, Marshall’s show is on right now!”

Wow, this is kewl, he just started reading “The Shadow Box,” right when I was typing the paragraph above…what a thrill! Started around 12:44, I’ll be sure to splice it outta the podcast so you can have a copy of it yourself. Anyway: back to my dead ultrabook:

I’ve had this fantasy for the past quintuple years where my faithful x230, upon which I composed my Brindlekin Tales right from Chapter 1, would still be churning ’em out when I become famous. So maybe its fritzing out on me is actually a good omen! Seems to be right on time, in light of my extraordinary lawsuit adventures that I predict will propel my ascension to public kudos.

At least my new system will still be a Thinkpad…I’m loyal to the brand ’cause sturdy, a real workhorse and you can always install Linux on it, unlike so many other laptop makers, where it’s an iffy proposition at best.

I still have $197 in the bank, so I’ll be fine ’cause only five days to go till my next Soc. Sec. deposit. Pandemic food stamp bonus of $200 all gone, so I’m now back down to a paltry $22 per month!

I’m not particularly upset about having to cough up moolah for a new notebook (and the hassle setting it up entails), simply because my recent victories (and the extraordinary near-future repercussions they imply) have got me walkin’ on cloud 9 no matter what!


– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: And thar she blows!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 29, 2023 at 7:21 PM

Proof of Service, showed up in my mailbox this afternoon. Woo-hoo!

Re: And thar she blows!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 30, 2023 at 11:01 AM

> Bada-bing!

That’s what I get for standing up for myself. What next…keys to the city, parade in my honor, penthouse loft in the clock tower overlooking the bay, honorary District Attorney? Oh the humanity! You can call me Mr. Big from now on.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: I was only waiting for this moment to arise! It certainly TOOK long enough, Wattson…I’M FUKKIN 72 YEARS OLD FER CRIPES SAKE!

Subject: WHOA!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: May 1, 2023 at 6:42 PM


At least, not in my heart. He’s revealed himself to be a capitalist warthog, per a conversation we had two days earlier, where he works at Rosenberg’s. FYI I also learned that day, he hails from a wealthy family back in India, quelle surprise. (And he’s NOT Sikh, but Hindu, though irrelevant to this present discussion.) I was tempted to leapfrog over the counter and strangle him, but my better angels held me back. Totally heartless against the working class, “just get a better job if you’re not happy with the one you have” and “unions are a curse” kinda thinking.

And I assure you, Wattson, I did my very BEST to lambaste his crude perspective as courteously as possible before exiting with my small cup of golden brown elixir and blueberry muffin! But to no avail, for another customer stepped in right at that precise moment, and cut me off posthaste (because, you know, Filthy Lucre is king, silencing all who are not his simpering toadies). A rich little elderly queer (all of 5-foot-2, keys clattering by his hips ’cause most likely a homeowner to boot), thus no better a hominid than Pallas.

No wonder he never compliments me on my homeless outreach projects (which I’ve brought up now and then) with nothing more than a glassy stare in response. Which served as a reminder for yours truly that I’m dealing with shopkeepers who are right-wing for the most part. Ha-ha, and to think they have to put up with THIS brazen, flower-child pilgrim! ‘Cause they need the MONEY…mine, along with everyone else’s, and that pandemic boost in food stamps sure helped BLOAT their coffers while it lasted. But then, once returned hovel while sipping on my coffee and taking fat bites of the muffin, I thought:

“NOW where can I go for my morning java and muffin, assuming a wall of enmity has imposed itself between us two?”

But no worries, for the next morning when I stepped in, Pallas was his usual chirpy self. Methinks he was having a bit of fun at my expense, good doctor! IOW yet another bodhisattva angel in my life. Though the coffee was shockingly bitter…so unlike Rosenberg’s to brew such a caustic output…in fact it’s never happened before!

“I made it especially strong today,” he announced, “since it’s cold outside and people LIKE that extra kick in bad weather!”

Well it wasn’t THAT cold, just a bracing, foggy chill. Besides which we San Franshitscans have recently had to endure more than three months of truly FRIGID weather, yet their coffee remained kind and flavorful on the tongue. Just the way I like it.

“Not me,” I replied while lifting the pot from its nook. “I’ll have to add extra CREAM to it, or it’ll burn a hole in my stomach and leave a sour taste in my mouth for hours!”

So I now ask myself, Wattson: what’s up with the absinthian concoction…Pallas’s subtle way of getting back at me? I wager so, since the coffee resumed its amiable character by the next day.


He hails from the city of Qingdao, in the Shandong Province, a rather AFFLUENT region in China! From Wikipedia:

“Shandong is one of China’s richest provinces, and its economic development focuses on large enterprises with well-known brand names. Shandong is the biggest industrial producer and one of the top manufacturing provinces in China.”

So this fellow, just like our Pallas, does not number among the poor, huddled masses fleeing oppression and poverty, Wattson. These are the STINKY RICH running at breakneck speed to worship the fatted golden calf of capitalism at the feet of Ba’al! Fort Knox is their “Ka’aba,” so to speak.

On top of that, I’m guessing he’s a drama queen who fits in very well with the Castro clique of wealthy queers…the kind of ass hats who go out of their way to be offended at the drop of a tiara. Especially against those they perceive as surviving on a low income. A foul attitude I am often up against, and have been for years, by the very same community I fled to for REFUGE way back in 1973!

But again, I must apply my Bodhisattva Premise to this situation. Thus, the plaintiff is likewise running me through another gauntlet to sharpen my skills in turning each crisis into a positive outcome for all parties involved. And deflecting (or at least vanquishing) any negative emotion on MY part. In such an interpretation then, ALL drama queen attacks upon yours truly are nothing more than helping me along my path…and in so doing I also become the hero.


And he REALLY rubbed it in this time, as if he KNEW my gripe over his clueless declarations about Deek’s perturbations. (Have you been talking with him? No, you haven’t, I’m sure…this is something more akin to telepathy.) He’s RIBBING me, Wattson…across the airwaves! Here’s the clip from his latest podcast, that you may enjoy the spoof more richly.

FYI: on his WordPress blog for last Friday’s show he listed a whole string of local authors and put you, your bipedal companion, and yours truly one right after another, like so:

“…Wattson, Erwyn, Ezekiel, and associated dachshund siblings Flaco and Lucky…”

Isn’t that sweet, he threw the PUPS into the mix! And get this, Wattson: he read Erwyn’s piece, yours, and mine, all in the same show. WE’RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD! In a van I guess, and park it somewhere down by the river close to the studios where we’ll be the honored recipients of their smorgasbord scraps. Good times!


As of a few days ago I’ve replaced my “Maria Maria” victory dance with Michael Jackson’s “You are not alone.” Which is the only truly GREAT song he’s achieved, in my not-so-humble opinion. I otherwise don’t care for his music, but THIS particular work of brilliance makes for a soothing, joyful balm for THIS embattled pilgrim! I’ve been playing it CONSTANTLY every day now (and into the dark shadows of Nyx), as background to my Internet activities, including composing this email. Which electronic missives, as you so well know, provide the canvass for my prosaic strokes of the brush.

[SIDEBAR: I’ve also been getting deeper and deeper into all the fine rap and hip-hop music I’m finding on Youtube. Looks like Deek’s musical preference has rubbed onto me, at last! There’s some really good shit out there…a LOT in fact! Highly spirited with intelligent lyrics that spit in the eye of elitism, capitalism and violence. Such as “Where is the Love?” by the Black Eyed Peas, among so MANY others.

Honestly, Wattson, I’m absolutely JONESING to dance these days…great exercise as well, for which my humble abode serves me peachy-keen, thank you very much! At any rate, my heart so brimming with a serious case of dancing fever will, I guess, eventually spill over onto the streets. Probably when some houseless troubadour with a keyboard, guitar or drums, or a BOOMBOX, shows up on my block, and I’ll step out to stir up the mojo, get everyone else to join in!

NOW I grok Deek’s love for the ghetto subculture…and the rap music born from it!]

Like Glob’s own cherubs crooning from THIS pilgrim’s bosom, that I am NOT alone, never have been, never will be. PROVEN by these devoted attorneys who’ve counseled me FOR FREE, along with online guidance from legal forums such as, and the kindness of strangers I’ve met along the way (including those who live on the streets)! Hindsight is indeed a lovely thing, Wattson. There should be a SAINT, a legendary HERO or a GOD for that.

Wait a minute, good physician, there IS a god of hindsight (I just discovered)…and, once again, leave it to the Greeks:


From Mythopedia (quote): “Epimetheus’ chief attribute was his foolishness. In most stories, he serves as a foil to his cleverer brother Prometheus, with Prometheus’ ‘forethought’ and foresight standing in sharp contrast to Epimetheus’ ‘afterthought’ and hindsight.”

Well THAT’S not very flattering! Maybe I can find some OTHER deity of hindsight who puts a nicer spin to it, seeing as hindsight is not ALWAYS (or even usually) born of foolish behavior, but is a culmination of experiences and observations that lead to some kind of revelation. So let’s see…aha, here we go:

Huginn and Muninn, Odin’s ravens (so we’re back to HIM again)! For their names mean “thought” and “memory,” respectively…or something akin to that, ’cause more expansive in their roles than those simple words convey. They are an EXTENSION of Odin’s psyche, in other words his eyes and ears.

Odin is also a SHAMAN by the way…so his appearance before me as a homeless fellow makes perfect sense. Seeing as I have often speculated over the concept that some who dwell on the streets may actually be shamans. And there is a precedent for that, since in many ancient cultures there are tales of this or that deity descending to earth in the guise of a humble laborer or beggar.

Apollo was known for that, who appeared from time to time as a shepherd to eavesdrop on humanity and learn of their needs and desires…and report back to Pater Zeus, often with grievances aGAINST him. Which pagan “son of God,” I believe, was absorbed into Christianity as their savior…often depicted tending a herd of sheep.


By “there” I mean already conscious of the bodhisattva realm, or whatever you’d like to call it. Explains how he can approach each day with vigor, and is rarely bored…in spite of his being a denizen of the asphalt. Furthermore, he blithely accepts whatever bad weather may come and, rather than seek shelter, surrenders to the rain, no matter how turbulent the storm. Of course, he’s since tempered that for the sake of the pups. And, now that he has that tiny cabin, what remains of his street life is far less rough edged. So he can maintain the BEST of it without compromising his health or safety, and that of the brindlekin.

Ergo: IT’S ALL AN ACT, this difficult behavior he often flings at me (though far less often any more), for my own benefit, that I grow in spirit. He IS my chief bodhisattva guardian, as was Larkin previously, and Randolph before then.

And also explains PERFECTLY why my eviction attorney showed little concern for my “plight” (as I saw it). Not just because I’m Judgment Proof, but because Magdalena ALREADY knew I’d be okey-dokey. That it would be an amazing adventure filled with revelations as well! Which would otherwise NOT be the case had she guided me through it with professional aplomb. CAN’T WAIT till May 5th when she returns from vacation and reads my celebratory missive! And remember THIS, good physician: I told her some months back during our face-to-face, that this eviction dilemma comes off more like an initiation by a secret cabal, than any REAL lawsuit…and that SHE is part of it! Of course, she remained totally poker faced per the cabal’s machinations.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Installing Linux onto my x250 was a breeze! Besides my x230 pooping out over the fan error, its display blanked out permanently several months back…and I couldn’t replace it even if I was willing to cough up da moolah. ‘Cause I can’t unscrew the casing! So I’m very PLEASED with my new Thinkpad: superb condition with gobs more storage capacity, plus Bluetooth and web cam. I also purchased a cooling pad and an AC powered USB hub, for cheap. PC heaven, a digital wonderland…makes me feel “chip”per again! I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT ME!

Subject: But for the Grace of Glob
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: May 2, 2023 at 2:16 PM

Four recent videos, first one shot two days ago, the rest just yesterday…one is an exhausting 14 seconds long, the others are a tolerable 10:

Need I say any more?

Besides finally in the last steps to get a new elevator up and running, looks like the lobby is going through a makeover at the same time. The second video reveals what is behind the “curtain.”

What’s “behind the curtain” is a wall with the mailboxes ripped out! Will USPS continue delivery during repairs? A little time will tell. But I get mostly junk mail anyway…don’t we all?

Right here in my building. Apparently, workers doing a makeover in the lobby also involves sporadic non-emergency shrieking of our emergency alarm system. Good times! (Ignore the shoddy condition of my doorway, please, I’ll be forever grateful.)

From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: May 2, 2023 at 2:38 PM

> This looks delectable–will finish reading tomorrow!

It IS delectable, especially with a Rudi’s muffin on the side!

From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: May 2, 2023 at 7:21 PM

> Interesting to watch things unfold on the list the last few days re: the death of Durby Millas, who ran the health food store in where I get my Rudi’s muffins. At first, it was all praise and fondness, until one of his daughters weighed in with stories of sexual abuse and neglect. Then, everyone either went silent or took sides. Ladye Birdsong chimed in, sounding like one of Trump’s lawyers cross-examining E. Jean Carroll: “Why didn’t you come forward years ago?” and such.

Due to the busy-ness of writing my tales, my list digests have piled up over five days. I’ll be catching up this evening. There’s a reason I call her “Ladye Turdsong.” Sorry your beloved Rudi’s muffins got caught in the crossfire!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Good News for Modern Homo Sapiens

April 26, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 23]

Subject: Glitches in the Matrix
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 24, 2023 at 2:57 PM

I had all my papers filled out, signed and dated last night, so was good to go the next day, to process my Denial, Fee Waiver, and Proof of Delivery bright and early. So this morning, soon as I arose, I did a final eyeball over all necessary documents, then noticed the date I was served the summons is March 23rd. But for some unknown reason I thought all along it was the 27th! So after checking out my calendar (again), I realized the final day I could respond was last Friday instead of this Wednesday! This is based on a 30-day window without excusing weekends and holidays. So, the 30-day span ending last Saturday meant I had to file my Denial the day before at the very latest.

At least, according to a generic web page on how to answer a summons. Though perhaps California allows the defendant a slightly extended deadline, if day 30 falls on the weekend…which means today would be the final day. Though I kinda doubt it, in which case I’m screwed. So I decided it’s wise to hustle my ass down to civil court anyway, and see how things go. I did just that and, now that I’m back hovel, allow me to describe exactly what went down:

I had to visit two different buildings: first, 400 McAllister that harbors the court where the plaintiff’s attorney registered the summons…then, right across the street to City Hall where the sheriff’s office is located for serving papers. I was upfront with the county clerk:

“I’m judgment proof but decided to reply with a General Denial anyway. It was a last minute decision, so perhaps I missed the deadline, I’m not sure.”

She asked then to see the summons, and after handing it to her she began clacking away at her keyboard, and about a half minute later asked to see Proof of Delivery.

“I don’t have that yet,” I replied, “I still need to go to the sheriff’s office, but first I need to apply for a court fee waiver.”

“Sure, I can do that for ya!” she said. “Do you have the waiver form filled out?”

“Yes,” I replied, then extracted the document from a manila folder contained in a plastic grocery bag. Which I used in lieu of a backpack today, to make security check a breeze.

I also drew out my wallet to extract the EBT card, but she stopped me, said “That’s okay, I don’t need to see it.”

Besides her not saying anything about whether or not the deadline had passed, I also found it strange she did not require proof of my pauper status! Nonetheless, I watched her process my waiver, which she photocopied onto two green sheets of paper, dated, signed, stapled and stamped, then handed to me. By that point I had no idea what was really going on, but just went with the flow, said “Thanks” and departed, on my way to City Hall.

Just like the McAllister building, City Hall was mostly vacant of visitors, thus no waiting in line there, either. Easy breezy…and it WAS a lovely, sunny morning that made me wanna hang out in that part of the burg after my filing was done. But I didn’t want to keep Deek and pups waiting too long, if they showed up while I was gone. (They didn’t BTW, and still haven’t, though I’m sure Deek’s itch for more buckazoids is welling up like a nasty hive again!) At any rate:

I handed the woman working by a computer out front, my General Denial form and she gave me another form to fill out for the delivery process. I just had to write down the plaintiff’s name, his attorney’s name and address, case number and my own name, address and telephone number. They will make three attempts to deliver, starting tomorrow (I think). And once (hopefully) served, they’ll send me a copy of proof via snail mail, as well as bring the orginal proof of service papers to the county clerk themselves.

The whole process was simple and quick, everyone was nice to me and riding the Metro home was a piece of cake. But of course the only downside is my reply will most likely be rejected because it PROBABLY wasn’t delivered on time. I have NO idea why I did this to myself, seeing as I was careful about getting the right forms, filling them out properly, and rechecking the calendar numerous times to be sure I’d not miss the deadline!

This is not like me, Wattson, no, not at all. Why did this happen? How on earth did I get March 27th stuck in my head like that? And why did the papers disappear from my room, requiring me to ask the plaintiff’s attorney to send them again? Here is my conjecture:

Seeing as these bodhisattva wizards have complete command of my world (a good thing I should note), they possibly messed with my head to get the deadline wrong, as well as made the first delivery of those papers disappear. Now, just WHY would they do that (you may ask yourself)? Well, there’s only ONE reason I can come up with:

Those glitches were intentionally imposed upon me, for whatever reason they deemed necessary for the advancement of my soul as efficaciously as possible. Though a positive outcome is inevitable, the steps getting there sometimes include a disappointment, a failure, a fright here and there, now and then. (Not to mention gifting me another cliffhanger of a tale!)

This does NOT diminish one iota the exuberant impact of my LARC rendezvous, so much like sitting in a waiting room by the Pearly Gates AFTER you’ve already been deemed worthy, but they have to process each and every soul before escorting you through, and that takes time. Ironically, however, the day I went on a LARC was the same day as my deadline!

They’re playing with me, good physician! And this sloppily composed, handprinted envelope addressed to me by plaintiff’s attorney is yet another clue. How can I take seriously a so-called “legal expert,” when their mail-bound presentations appear so unprofessional?

Likewise, the County Clerk was having a little fun at my expense! Not mentioning anything about the deadline, nor asking to see my EBT card…gimme a break!

Anyway, it’s a lovely spring day and I’m sitting back enjoying a cup of Rosenberg’s java and a large, plump blueberry muffin that I’ve been eyeing on their counter for MONTHS and finally broke down today, after returning from the Civic Center. The blueberries are juicy and bountiful! (Don’t get me wrong, though, it’s not the SAME muffin I first laid eyes on…they have a fresh supply of ’em every week in hopes to finally seduce me. And guess what: they SUCCEEDED at last!)

Felix the shop owner was there, said “You’re late!” the moment I stepped inside. I told him I had to go to City Hall first thing this morning, to sign and process a buncha forms. When I snatched up one of the blueberry muffins clumped together like the tempting fat cakes they are, each tightly veiled in plastic wrap, he exclaimed: “They’re very good!”

“Yes I know, been eyein’ ’em for months!” I replied. “Thought I’d celebrate with one today. I used to enjoy these muffins back when coffeehouses were my thing.”

“Oh, they’re not anymore?” he queried.

“The pandemic put the kibosh on that,” I explained, “along with FINALLY getting high-speed broadband at home…for free!”

What can I say, Wattson, but that LARC has breathed fresh air into my world…not only have I been supremely invigorated, I am REBORN thanks to them! And eager to resume my city walks, explore the changing Tenderloin and Bayview/Hunter’s Point, in spite of the latter being portrayed as a violent hotbed of neglected black residents hangin’ on for dear life to keep a roof over their heads and bills paid. Maybe my presence can do some good, though I certainly won’t hang out there after dusk!

The FIRST time I’ll visit that area will be this Friday, to attend another LARC session. And ask an attorney what will be the likely repurcussions of my failing to deliver the Denial on time, in light of the bogus and shocking complaints against me. Especially how the property owner might respond, if at all. I don’t think Ablablah can call me in to testify against the plaintiff’s claims now, since they won by default…thus I can no longer bring up any denials.

Come what may, I’m sure I’ll be fine. So I’ll continue to focus on the many achievements I have accomplished thus far, forge ahead to build on them, and be eternally grateful for the incredible spirits I’ve communed with just three afternoons ago at triple-three Golden Gate Avenue. And keep dancing!

P.S.: Santana’s “Maria Maria” continues to play in the background now and then, whenever it pleases me, as has been the case for the past four days. I often just tap on my Chromebook’s [enter] key to repeat, and keep that up for maybe a dozen times…the song is so lovingly evoked, and rich with cholo spirit! Here’s but ONE verse from that angelic treasure that hit the top of the chart for ten weeks in America, back in 1999:

Stop the looting, stop the shooting
Pick pock’ing on the corner
See as the rich is getting richer
The poor is getting poorer
Se mira Maria on the corner
Thinking of ways to make it better
In my mailbox, there’s an eviction letter
Signed by the judge, said see you later

I can certainly relate to those last two lines, Wattson (and of course line 4)! And here’s the original video…elegant! Marvin Moore a.k.a. “Money Harm:” what a rich, melodic voice and so fukkin handsome back then!


THIS just came in the email moments ago. From the ABA’s “free answers” message board:


Thank you for supplying this information. Yes, you should submit an Answer, as well as declare Judgment Proof. The clinic should be able to help you fill out the answer form, including how to handle specific headings. Mediation would allow you to explain to the Plaintiff’s attorney why you are denying the Plaintiff’s claims. For now, however, I would recommend focusing on filing an answer with the court, and then proceeding from there.

[This question is marked as answered and is now closed.]


So, that attorney recommends an Answer rather than a General Denial…though I think Prentiss is correct about the latter being best. Of course, it may be too late at this point, no matter what. Jeepers, what a monkey on my back!


Subject: One strange thing about my visit to the sheriff’s office:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 24, 2023 at 8:07 PM

That form you fill out for serving the plaintiff with a reply, had three identical sections subheaded PLAINTIFF, one atop the other, where you enter a different name and address for each (at least, that’s how I saw it). Well, since I only had but a single plaintiff to address (being the attorney representing him), I figured the bottom two were for those lawsuits where maybe two or three plaintiffs are involved. Certainly not MY situation, so naturally I just filled out the topmost one.

So when I handed the form back to the clerk for processing, that I thought I had completed, she quickly scanned it and asked: “Where’s YOUR name and address?”

I told her I don’t see any place on the form to include that, so I figured the case title with my last name in it and the case number would suffice, and she’d get my personal information from the attached General Denial.

“No,” she said while pointing at the third PLAINTIFF box. “The part you need to fill out is right here, see?”

“But I’m not the plaintiff, I’m the defendant!” I replied with some confusion.

“Okay,” she said, “Look at the top here, tell me who that is.”

Since she laid her finger on the top left of the form, which indicated the plaintiff and his name (which I had to write down myself), I said, unsurprisingly: “The plaintiff.”

“Okay, now tell me who THIS person is,” she said as she slid her finger to the right, which indicated the defendant and HIS name (which I also had to write down).

“Well, that’s ME, the defendant, of course!” I replied, now more perplexed than ever.

“So you need to fill out your address and phone number right at the bottom HERE!” she said, this time with a touch of annoyance in her voice, like I was being a smartass…while once again pointing at the section for the third, and final, plaintiff.

“Aha!” I replied. “You mean because I am demanding PROOF for their complaints by serving them a Denial, that in this case I become the plaintiff?”

Upon my saying that, she threw up her hands, declared: “Just ignore the word PLAINTIFF for that section, fill it out and you’re good!”

At this absurd point I figured it wise to NOT ask why it didn’t say DEFENDANT instead of PLAINTIFF, as I seemed to have tested her patience to the max…albeit through no fault of my own! The heavyset woman appeared to be in her late sixties, and Hindu by the way (or at least from India), going by her colorful style of clothing typical of that culture. And she DID have the accent to match.

So I wrote down the requisite information, handed her the form for which she presented me a receipt, thanked her and hastily departed…wondering if I did anything right today, between the court clerk and the sheriff’s assistant. Or, better said: if THEY did anything right.

Makes sense though, in a funny kinda way…assuming they are players on the bodhisattva Wheel of Misfortune that is my life. One problem, though:

What happened to the dice, where the fuck are the dice? And the cards…they’re gone, too? Did they just disappear into the ether as well, like the original summons? After all, the game DID start out with dice and cards. And frankly, Wattson, I can’t recall WHEN that accursed wheel showed up! There are strange SYMBOLS on it that look like NO culture’s on earth, not even ancient Sumeria fer Glob’s sake! They hurt my eyes, just the shapes alone, they seem to have sucking MOUTHS on them in various and sundry arrangements! Great Queen Kassogtha, Cthulhu’s Glorious Sister and Concubine of Myriad Spinning Tentacles, is that you? I thought you were a friggin WHEEL: begging your forgiveness!

– Zeke K (I-have-gazed-into-the-abyss-where-all-cookie-crumbs-and-missing-socks-go) Holmes

Subject: Superb Update (or) Good News for Modern Homo Sapiens
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 25, 2023 at 2:13 PM

Just got an email from plaintiff’s attorney who asked me to give him a call. So I did, and just got off the phone with him. Here is how the conversation went (BTW he sounds young and impressively polite):


He let me know he received the General Denial today, and wanted clarification regarding my financial status, that my sole income is Social Security, and I have no other monies or assets. I assured him that is the case. He then expressed a desire to cut me out of the lawsuit. And that he’d like me to email him a history of the dogs, why I had them over in the first place, and what I believe happened that led to the lawsuit. So I replied:

“You mean I can present you with an unofficial equivalent of my denials? Because I believe that most of the charges are either grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong…and that your plaintiff is possibly being coached by someone with malicious intent.”

“Well, the truth is the truth,” he replied.

“And I have mine,” I countered, “And would prefer not to have base accusations against me remain on record, and they not be redirected to the other defendant, who is the landlord. So, let’s see if I understand correctly: you want me to give a history of the dogs, and state any grievances I have regarding the list of complaints?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “That will do nicely, then I’ll confer with my client and take it from there.”

“Okay, sounds good,” I answered. “I will complete my email to you by this evening, so I guess you’ll see it tomorrow. Is that agreeable?”

“Yes, that’s fine,” he replied. “And thanks for giving me a call.”

“Good talking to you, Mr. Lucasio. I appreciate the opportunity to present my side of the story.”


So that’s that, Wattson! He seemed taken aback by my clarity of thought and honest appraisal…like maybe he’s dancing a Tango with someone who has better moves than him! Because I was also FRIENDLY in my talk, and expressed not one whit of outrage against the plaintiff or anyone else…and was sharp as a scalpel with my words. I don’t think he expected anything other than a flustered, barely comprehensible person bursting with hostility…or one expressing nervous trepidation flush with tears of self-pity and begging for mercy.

Who knows, though, for after all is said and done, this is likely just a staged performance for the benefit of moi!

You know EXACTLY what I’m going to convey to Mr. Lucasio via email, ’cause you’ve SEEN it already in scattered parts via earlier missives…so no need to send you a copy unless you’d enjoy the perusal thereof.


Things just keep getting better and better, eh, good doctor? Welp, time for me to arise from my chair once more and boogie up a storm to “Maria Maria!” Then get down to business and compose one of the most important letters I’ve ever writ in my life. Why I don’t say “THE most important” is because my assisting Randolph Taylor back in the mid to late ’80s included MANY letters of profound significance…not to mention my copious essays and tales regarding LGBT rights.


And I KNOW you will, simply thanks to this, my latest missive, “Good News for Modern Homo Sapiens,” to one so kind as your own splendiferous self.

– Zeke K-Holmes


Before affirming he received the Denial, I said to him my reply was a last minute decision and I was afraid I might have missed the deadline date. That’s when he said no I didn’t, it was delivered just moments ago. Also, he queried if my friend who owns the dogs is homeless. So I replied:

“Yes, until four months ago. He’s now living in a tiny cabin.”

“Well that’s great news,” he replied.

He also asked if the landlord knew about the dogs, so I responded with: “The manager knew, and it was with his tacit approval. I was sitting them two or three days a week for over a year and a half before the alleged incident occurred.”

And when he asked me to email him a history of the dogs, etc., I told him it’s all documented, I keep a diary, so no problem.

Image created by Craiyon AI.

Subject: Another letter to my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 25, 2023 at 4:17 PM

Just sent it out like a dove taking flight from my hand, though it was actually Pterry Pterodactyl who delivered the message, with great jubilation while pooping over every Republican he spotted along the way.


Subject: Awesome News!

Plaintiff’s attorney is gonna drop me outta the lawsuit…I just got through speaking with him over the phone, moments after the sheriff’s department delivered my General Denial. I decided to challenge the lawsuit with a Denial (rather than ignore the Summons), due to grossly exaggerated claims, false claims and subjective (opinionated) claims. Some of which claims, if left unchallenged, could be directed at my landlord, the other Defendant. Which could weaken their Defense and possibly trigger another attempt to evict me. Though even if that were not the case I’d still have proceeded with a Denial, only because the claims are hostile and reflect badly on me…and I don’t want them to remain on record to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Kudos to LARC for their outstanding support and guidance, BTW. I spoke with a Personal Injury Attorney (Prentiss, truly “off the chart” in a good way) who assured me that a General Denial is the best way to go, and that Plaintiff’s Attorney is on the lowest tier among attorneys and is using the Plaintiff to use ME to get through to my landlord in hopes of collecting a large sum of money. Plaintiff’s Attorney will likely drop the lawsuit entirely, after reading my denials, which he asked me to send him via email, so he’ll be reading them tomorrow.

I’ve written all about my incredible experience with LARC on my blog, and I know you’ll enjoy it immensely, if you want to spend some relaxing time between your many responsibilities, and feel invigorated. That chapter is called “Every Little Endorphin Boost Counts!” and my LARC adventure begins about a third of the way down, under the subheading “Subject: BRILLIANT…so glad I went!” Here’s the link.

I am SO pleased I can soon release all my tales around the eviction fiasco! Just know I use pseudonyms for every person involved that has graced my pages with incredible character, intelligence, dedication and wit.

Please, no need to reply, I’m not seeking flattery or recognition, especially since I already realize my tales will soon take off like a rocket breaking through the stratosphere…notwithstanding my utter lack of access to a publisher, or support by anyone so connected. Consider my LARC tale a GIFT to you and the countless other incredible souls who work at BALA, LARC, and related agencies. For it is these impeccably GOOD people who have gifted ME with stupendous stories to share with the world at large. In short, I”m just returning the favor.

With tremendous gratitude,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Re: Superb Update (or) Good News for Modern Home Sapiens
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 25, 2023 at 9:49 PM

> Fanfuckingtabulous!!!!!

Even THAT’S an understatement.

> I love it that you had this conversation with the plaintiff’s attorney. I’ll bet he was FLOORED. Not at all what he was expecting!!!

Do you see what’s going on, Wattson? I am being catapulted into recognition and fame for my decades of good works, as I speak with attorneys in one way or another…and word spreads. This is how it starts, this is how my bodhisattva guardians have written the script…some play a friend, others an enemy. The stage is set!

> Well done, old chap!

Thank you, good physician. I could NOT have gotten there without your loving, intelligent outreach over many years. So pat yourSELF on the back, too! You are no less deserving of the honors.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Another letter to my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 25, 2023 at 10:06 PM

> This is truly wonderful!!!

Isn’t it? Can’t you see a Disney animation of me and Pterry Pterodactyl working together as detectives and comrades? So here is what Magdalena is going to do once she reads my email, which won’t happen till she returns from vacation on May 5th:

She’ll print out that email and make many copies to post in various attorney’s offices who work with BALA, LARC, SF Bar and whatever other legal groups assist the poor in this city (and perhaps beyond). Which letter includes a link to my chapter that features my LARC adventure. Some attorney may be so impressed and have the right connections to set me up for publication! Or public speaking. Or media interviews.

I’m almost done composing my email to plaintiff’s attorney. I’ll send you the parts you haven’t seen yet (because just invented), and a couple of short passages I’ve embellished.

Pleasant dreams, Wattson…I know I will have some. I shall sleep VERY well tonight indeed, and for all my many days and years remaining…may they be eternal!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: The Whole Enchilada
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 25, 2023 at 10:28 PM

Decided to send you a copy of the entire email, not too long and you’re a fast reader. Enjoy!



Against my wishes (because I think it’s cruel to force a dog to live on the streets) my homeless friend of almost fifteen years, Deek, went ahead anyway and adopted two dogs…first, the male (Lucky) in early 2020 and about seven months later the female, his sister from a different litter. Deek has been prone to extreme mood swings, and for that reason (among others) I didn’t think he’d make for a responsible dog owner. So I realized the dogs need help, for their master would’ve surely lost them, or died, had I not intervened. The pups are delightful, charming and most loving…and for this reason I committed myself to both aiding them as well as working with Deek to get a better handle on his mood swings. It’s been a dragged out, uphill climb, but he’s improved drastically, especially over the past year: has far less or severe mood swings and takes much better care of the dogs. And best of all: he now lives in a tiny cabin since January, and the hounds love their new digs.

My suggestion to dog sit two or three days a week came about because he was forcing the dogs to be exposed to the rain, and sleep on the hard, cold sidewalks at night…no sweaters, no blankets, nothing for their simple comfort. So I figured the odds for their survival, good health and happiness would increase if they had regular breaks indoors, where they know they’re loved and safe. Deek would also bring the pups over whenever it started to rain…or a heat wave hit the city, in which case I’d keep them cooled down with a fan, as well as dampened bandanas flung over them while they rested.

At one time early on, I seriously considered having Animal Control remove them from Deek’s ownership, but I came to learn they wouldn’t do that except in the most severe cases of abuse, which is definitely not their situation with Deek. That is when I decided to roll up my sleeves and do everything I could for securing the dogs’ well-being, and getting Deek to be more responsible.

The building manager, Kevin Bond, was fully aware that I was sitting the dogs, right from day one. He has never objected until around a year later a clearly false claim of a dog bite by another resident was made. More about that below. Then came your plaintiff’s complaint.


– Main allegation being the claim one of these two dogs I was sitting for a friend bit the plaintiff, yet I have received zilch evidence of that…neither on the person himself, nor with any photograph. The picture Officer Heurta showed me on his smartphone appeared to be unharmed, just a regular foot and ankle. When he offered to show me a video of the dogs’ alleged attack I said that won’t be necessary, because I saw no reason why Mr. Bond never offered to show it to me, and I felt uncomfortable with the officer’s insistance that the dogs are “vicious and dangerous,” and didn’t want to get into any conflict with him. Also, I sensed that someone was eavesdropping atop the stairway landing. Some days later, I emailed Huerta and requested he send me a copy of the video, or a link to it, per my eviction attorney’s suggestion. But he never did, never got back to me in any way.

– Plaintiff never approached me at any time to show me proof of injury. The summons came out of the blue about ten months later.

– Another claim is that the plaintiff had to get rabies shots. But the building manager texted me the same day as the alleged bite, asking if the dogs have received their shots. So I texted him back a few minutes later, with snapshots of the papers and the rabies tags, to show that their vaccinations are up to date. I presumed, then, the manager informed the plaintiff regarding this matter. The plaintiff could have also asked me himself, for proof…or have a friend do that, or the doctor who allegedly gave him rabies shots. I don’t know the plaintiff personally, didn’t even know he is (or was) a resident in my building. So I had no idea how to contact him directly, thus the responsibility to show him proof of vaccination was the manager’s. I want to point out here:

Regardless of whether or not the plaintiff was bitten, it is the right of the building manager (or anyone else for that matter) to ask for proof that the dogs have been vaccinated, and the shots are up to date. So my presenting this proof is not an admission on my part, that the plaintiff was actually attacked by either dog.

– In describing the alleged attack, plaintiff’s description that one of the dogs “ripped off his shoe” is a gross exaggeration of what possibly occurred. For he wasn’t wearing any shoes: they were cheap slide slippers (or perhaps the thong type) that slip off easily. I can imagine the plaintiff stepping back and one of the slippers slid off…and the male pup (who loves to play with footwear) may have picked it up and flung it about.

– Plaintiff’s claim there were multiple attacks on other residents by these dogs, is simply untrue. Barking is definitely not the same as an attack. No one’s been attacked.

– Plaintiff’s claim that I was harboring the dogs illegally, because I live in a single room where pets are not allowed is also untrue. I was sitting the dogs two or three days a week in a pet friendly building for my homeless friend…with the tacit approval of the building manager. Dog sitting is not the same as having them live with me. This sitting went on for over a year and a half with no problems, until your plaintiff’s claim of being attacked and bitten. Had the manager told me he’s changed his mind, that I shouldn’t have the dogs visit me any more because it’s too frequent or whatever, I would’ve complied, though not be happy about it. But he never did.

– Plaintiff’s claim that he was left standing and bleeding, as I rushed the dogs out of the lobby. They had escaped my apartment because the door blew open from a strong breeze while I turned around to collect the poopy bags. Their leashes were on them by that time, and I rushed downstairs to find them standing around and barking at the plaintiff. As I bent over to pick up the leashes and hurry the pups outside so they’d stop barking, I quickly examined the plaintiff’s legs, ankles and feet (all were bare since he was wearing shorts) and saw no sign of a bite, nor blood, anywhere. One of his slippers was off his foot, lying nearby. Before I exited, I said, “Sorry they scared you.”

I want to point out here that the dogs are small, twenty-five pounds each, and are part dachshund with weak, small jaws to match. And that most people laugh should one or both dogs start barking at them, because their harmless nature is obvious. If a stranger tries to pet them, they’ll either back off and keep barking, or allow themselves to be touched. Here is my playlist of videos featuring these two dogs, that you have a better idea of their nature, size and harmlessness.

– Plaintiff’s claim that my rushing out like that was both oppressive and malicious. That is a subjective assumption, how does he know what I was thinking? I saw no harm done, figured he’s just being needlessly dramatic (as some people are), and departed.

– Claiming the dogs “possess a vicious nature” is another gross exaggeration. Besides, if either one actually DID bite a person, it would only have been a nip or two. They can’t even handle hard biscuits. Such small-dog incidents are usually resolved without blowing this up into a lawsuit…unless the “victim” sees an opportunity to collect considerable money by exaggerated claims and false witness.

– Plaintiff’s claim that I allow the dogs to roam freely through my building is blatantly untrue.

BACKSTORY (important):

And here’s where the building manager comes in, as he has been hostile towards me long before this present debacle, and I suspect he’s been coaching the Plaintiff with misinformation of a malicious sort. Because the false accusation that I allow the dogs to run freely in this building could only have come from Mr. Bond. Maybe he even told the Plaintiff he does not have proof of the dogs’ vaccination (even though does) to get the ball rolling. Manager has accused me of letting the dogs roam freely in the building, several times, in spite of that being untrue. So that’s probably where the Plaintiff got the idea of making that one of his complaints against me.

The manager is rather old, and has been showing signs of senility for at least a few years by now. Numerous tenants have grievances against poor management for various reasons. IOW I am not the only resident being subjected to his erratic behavior. One resident attempted last year to start a tenants union because of this, but it went nowhere.

Back in February 2021, Mr. Bond taped a signed letter in an envelope to my door, declaring outrageous things about myself and the dogs, including prejudiced accusations against my homeless friend, who owns the dogs. He also was allowing teenage friends of a resident’s son (who shared the same apartment on my floor) to linger in my hallway for one, two, sometimes three, hours once or twice a week…and this went on for approximately three months. They hanged out just ten feet from my door, and almost right in front of the door of my neighbor across the hallway. They were very intimidating and refused to wear masks, thus possibly exposing all residents to COVID. I confronted the manager about allowing nonresident strangers to loiter in our building. He retorted, “They’re teenagers, what else would you expect from them?” I told them to get the police involved, this just has to stop.

Turned out he had arranged with the mother of this son, to allow her son and friends to linger in the hallway rather than gather in her apartment, due to the COVID rule of keeping a social distance. Thereby disregarding the safety of all other residents who had to walk by the teenagers, especially since they refused to wear masks! I continued dog sitting because I knew the dog bit accusation was false.

Because of the manager’s refusal to rectify this situation I sent a letter of complaint to the landlord, including my concern that he may be going senile, due to his poor judgment on this and other issues. The mother’s son also threatened to beat me up, for which I called the police who had a talk with mother and son, and I filed the incident with the SFPD. I also mailed a copy of my complaint to the landlord, to both the manager and the son’s mother. They retaliated two days after receiving that letter, by making a false complaint about one of my dog’s biting her son. Which did not happen, they could not prove it, I’m with the dogs all the time when I’m sitting them. That accusation went nowhere, and mother and son suddenly upped and moved from my building without any threat of eviction, because they probably had something to hide. My hunch is the son got involved with the wrong group who were using hard drugs and/or selling them.

So, as a result of my reporting to the landlord the manager’s erratic behavior and possible senility, I suspect he is trying to get back at me by coaching the plaintiff to start a lawsuit against me. For some of the wrongful complaints match perfectly, what the manager has accused me of, and finally slapped me with an eviction notice back in May 2022. Which the landlord’s attorney has dismissed on April 19th this year, after the landlord sat on the case for almost ten months, against both the wishes of his own attorney, and mine (an eviction attorney at Bay Area Legal Aid).

If you’d like to see my documents regarding Mr. Bond’s untoward behavior (including that nasty letter he taped to my door, and my letter of complaint to the landlord), and other evidence around the dog issue, my eviction attorney has them all on file. I’d be more than happy to ask her to release them to you.

– The claim made by yourself, as the plaintiff’s attorney, that the landlord “was also negligent in that he failed to post a sign, take other measures to warn of the presence of a vicious dog,” strikes me as way over the top.

– There is also a subtle suggestion in the complaint form (under “General Allegations”) that I may be prejudiced against Asians. Else why bring up that the plaintiff hails from mainland China? That’s playing the race card. Personally, I think America’s rising bigotry against Asians is horrifically tragic.


It is my philosophy (based on the Buddhist tenet that we have no enemies, only teachers) to never allow anger or any other negative emotion to control your world. (I want to point out here that you can find such a wholesome concept in other belief systems as well, including Humanism.)

For this reason I don’t seek retribution towards anyone, including the plaintiff or the building manager…but only wish for them to move in a more wholesome direction. As for Mr. Bond’s advanced age (he can barely walk after an almost two-month recent stint in the hospital) and possible senility: how can I be angry at someone who is a victim of a tragic consequence of aging? I only want to end the drama and the cruelty that has gone with it.

I have been a self-made activist and advocate on behalf of our LGBT homeless for more than thirty years. Proof of that is on my website,, and my WordPress blog, And I consider assisting my houseless friend and his lovely pups my current project, among several other activities. Rude confrontations, threats, hostility, sabotage and gossip come to me unbidden now and then, simply because I am a leftie activist, and our society has swung largely to the right, including a segment of our queer community. But I take it all in stride, per my philosophy described above.

Thank you for your thoughtful attention, Mr. Lucasio.

– Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Not So Bad After All

April 20, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 21]

Subject: The Law forum
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 11:31 AM

I’ve been searching for legal discussion forums and, in addition to the American Bar Association’s restrictive discussion service, I found “The Law” for free, unlimited help by participating subscribers, including attorneys as well as average citizens who may be knowledgeable enough to offer good advice, including re. finding the proper forms and filling them out correctly:

So I posted the same question I had for the ABA, and now I’m just awaiting replies. I will look for other message boards of this type over the weekend.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Not so bad after all!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 6:21 PM

A flurry of replies today, on thelaw,com, after posting my query shortly before noon, “Representing myself: should I request Dismissal or reply with the Answer form?” Here’s my final message there, after many other excellent comments were made:


Someone said:
So why would the plaintiff bother suing you when you have nothing now that he can get?

He doesn’t know yet that I’m judgment proof. But I’ll tell him come Monday, via email.

Someone said:
So he gets the judgment and sits and waits to see how things turn out. If you get something in the future, he can then execute his judgment and collect.

Fine with me, ’cause I’m 72 years old with nothing of material value to my name…I prefer to live simply. I appreciate your explanation.

Someone said:
Your landlord is not liable for YOUR conduct. Your landlord is liable if he was somehow negligent and that negligence contributed to the dog bite incident.

The dog bite is alleged, not proven yet, and I doubt it will ever come to that. Be that as it may, one of Plaintiff’s claims is that the landlord failed to put up a sign in the apartment building’s lobby and hallways warning there are two dangerous dogs in the building. Doesn’t strike me as a capable attorney to say that, and he’s only gotten his license to practice in 2021.

Oh yeah, the dogs are dangerous alright: dangerously cute! 25 pounds each of huggable love. Everyone in my building adored them, during the almost two years I dog sat for them, a day or two per week. There were only a few residents, including the manager, who were hostile towards me before the pups even showed up. I am an activist in support of our LGBT homeless, and some folks HATE the homeless, and therefore yours truly by association. So they harassed me over the doggies, as they seek whatever opportunity they can find, to deny me privacy and happiness.

Someone said:
As things stand right now, there isn’t much you can do to help your landlord here that wouldn’t end up hurting your situation. Just focus on your case and let the landlord focus on his.

I see. My own ignorance of how the law works regarding my case has caused me to needlessly panic. Your explanation has done a great job of easing my nerves. So, forget about being my own attorney, let the Plaintiff’s Lawyer know my Judgment Proof status, and maybe I won’t even have to file and deliver an Answer. Whew! You’re my hero, as are others who’ve replied to me, for the most part. Here is one delightful video (among many) of the pooches, which I guarantee will put a big smile on your face (just 34 seconds), my way of saying thank you for all the nice people who’ve bothered to reply to me here, with their thoughtful and sincere suggestions, opinions and links.


So, I probably won’t have to play my own attorney, Wattson, or even do much of anything else, once I inform Plaintiff’s Attorney that I am judgment proof. Though I’m still kinda wary about taking that step, and thus will be prepared to deliver my Answer on time, if need be. On another topic:

Since Lucky doesn’t like the soft Milk-Bones, I ordered the Cadet duck jerky both dogs love so much, three days ago. It’s strips of dehydrated duck breasts that are a bit tough to break apart, but they love chewin’ on ’em. However, they won’t even TOUCH them if they remain in their packaged length, or even half that.

They love, even more, the Cadet GOURMET duck breasts, which don’t come in jerky strips, but are large wedges easier to break apart because made of compressed duck breast, pea protein powder, vegetable glycerin and salt. But they’re always OUTTA the gourmet version whenever I try to order some more, and the same thing happened this time around. The package JUST arrived moments ago and guess what, Wattson:

They turned out to be the GOURMET treats! I’m tickled pink! Far be it for THIS hound-worshiping pilgrim to complain about Amazon sending me the wrong product.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Just sent this email to plaintiff’s attorney:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 9:47 PM

Subject: My status as Judgment Proof changes things, I guess!

Couldn’t get an attorney, even though GG Bar accepted my application based on my income, and set me up with a half hour counseling with a lawyer, but who turned out not to accept low income clients. GG Bar apologized, but refused to correct that error, and wouldn’t set me up with the right attorney. So I’ve been doing my own homework at SF Law Library and online legal resources. I presume had I gotten an attorney they would’ve informed you I am Judgment Proof anyway. So I guess it’s up to me to tell you. I was almost prepared to deliver my Answer, too! But I just learned that would be more complicated regarding processing my dismissal, had I done that.

My sole income is Social Security, I have no other monetary income of any kind, and have zilch assets, not even a vehicle. Let me know what papers I’ll need to prove my Judgement Proof status. I know the weekend has just begun, so I don’t expect a reply from you until Monday. Thank you for your attention, Mr. Lucasio.

– Ezekiel Krahlin

Re: Not so bad after all!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 11:40 PM

> Okay. Pretty good. Whew.

ALL they had to say (“they” meaning the GG Bar, my eviction attorney, Mr. Wasserman, SF Law Library, NOLO books and so on) was:

“If you get a lawyer they’ll just tell the Plaintiff Attorney you’re Judgment Proof, anyway. So just go tell him yourself!”

And THAT’S why no free legal service for the poor handles Personal Injury cases, because THE POOR ARE ALWAYS JUDGMENT PROOF! And my concern about the false allegations going on record do NOT because being Judgment Proof is NOT the same thing as failing to answer the summons and getting a default win for the Plaintiff.

So, like DJ Trump, I could shoot anyone on Market Street and get away with it. ‘CAUSE I’M JUDGMENT PROOF…YAY!

Well, that’s NOT quite true, but you get the gist, Wattson. So that’s all ANYone had to say, but no one did. And why do you think that IS: the GG Bar knew, my eviction attorney knew, they ALL knew. So that’s the script:

They were putting me through some sort of test, or initiation, to see how I’d deal with the faux crisis…and how I’d come up smelling like a rose eventually! And in so going through the ordeal, I’m a better primate for it. THEY’RE ALL IN ON IT (including the Plaintiff and the building manager), and must be having a sonorous gufFAW right now, over how well they’ve TRICKED me.

I guess you’ve read my email to the Plaintiff’s Attorney by now. Splendiferously HILARIOUS wouldn’t you say?

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: “Judgment Proof,” do ya get it now? IT WAS MY VERY OWN JUDGMENT DAY and I have been deemed INNOCENT. This is a classic bodhisattva caper! First the setup where you start freaking out, then the resolution that arises from my own desperate effort to redeem myself and, finally, my victorious ascension into the state of consciousness known by some as Nirvana. Pleasant dreams! Listening to Marshall live, right now. I heard him tell his audience to look forward to author readings coming up a bit later in the show: Del Potter, Ezekiel Krahlin, and so many more. Or something like that: my point is he now puts me up on the Memo of the Weird marquee! All glory to Yog Sothoth and the Hypnotoad! Oh what the heck, Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can join ’em too.

Subject: My email to Ms. Elvensborn (eviction attorney)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 15, 2023 at 9:24 AM

Just sent this off a minute ago:


Subject: I’m fine!

The best advice I received was not at a law school or a drop-in clinic, or online legal resources except one: the website, on their message board. Had I gotten an attorney, they would’ve told Plaintiff’s attorney that I am Judgment Proof, and I’d be dismissed. So I just informed Plaintiff’s attorney via email yesterday, and I will soon send him proof of my low income. So now I know why it’s next to impossible to get free counseling (or a lawyer) regarding a Personal Injury case: because ALL the very low income are judgment proof ipso facto, and it’s just not worth legal counsel’s time.

My main concern was for the dogs’ protection, that they not get put down based on either false or grossly exaggerated charges. And also regarding the horrid accusations made against me…for which both reasons I thought I’d need to reply with an Answer. But the dogs are not gonna be killed, they are not visiting me inside any more, and the lawsuit is so blatantly hokey, I doubt the Plaintiff will get away with it.

I hope you have a lovely weekend, Magdalena, and again thanks so much for the good work you do to allay much misery on behalf of the vulnerable.

– Ezekiel


Subject: Pterry Pterodactyl’s prediction was correct!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 15, 2023 at 10:43 PM

Isn’t that amazing, Wattson? The proto-bird’s reassurance that came to me late at night in an overwhelming rush of goodwill–that a positive outcome to my present woes would occur within days–CAME TRUE! One week to the day since that lovely visitation, and here I am now, sitting on top of the world. And as if to seal the prophecy, later that morning I stepped out for my Rosenberg’s brew and, lo and behold, that glorious Brahman cow appeared before me like a vision of Krishna in disguise!

The full endorphin rush has yet to kick in, after such a drawn-out ordeal of seventeen angst-ridden, exhausting days! But I’m already feeling pretty damn good, and I sense it will take another two or three days to reach that euphoric peak, which will then gently diminish over an EQUAL span of time.

And Deek has kindly respected my wish to be left alone to my struggles on Thursday and Friday. I actually told him he can show up after 6 PM either day, and even drop by in the morning before 10 for a few minutes, if need be. Be he didn’t do EITHER. I am surprised, however, that he hasn’t shown up at all today, which is Saturday. Be that as it may, here’s another wee example of his improved behavior of recent vintage:

Usually, Deek acts upset whenever he sees me looking out my window, as if I’m spying on him. As if! I like to look outside and get some fresh air every twenty minutes or so, nothing to do with My Cajun Pest. But what am I supposed to do because he chooses to park his butt smack dab below my window…stay concealed in my own hovel like a frightened witness protection victim? At any rate, he seems to be less anxious about this in recent days.

As in several nights ago while he was preparing to depart, he saw me looking down at him, smiling. Instead of acting offended, he grinned back and signaled I should come down now ’cause he’s ready to go and I need to collect the sleeping bag and cardboard I laid out for the pups.

When I stepped out I explained why I was smiling at him from my window: “It’s your speaker, you have it tricked out like it’s wearing panties at both ends, hilarious!” For you see, Wattson:

He had taken two wide strips of a flowery bed sheet and wrapped each portion around opposite ends of the weighty oblong speaker he had secured atop the bicycle with bungee cords.

Now wishing you a lovely night filled with sweet dreams and furry companions, I remain, as always, your devoted friend down south:

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Marshall’s Delightful Spider Interlude!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 16, 2023 at 10:15 AM

Another superb narration last Friday, with the additional bonus of a spider’s sudden appearance two minutes into the story. Daddy longlegs I presume, judging by his description. Just one minute and seven seconds in length, now included as an integral part of the audio version for time immemorial. Right up there with his 94-year-old mother’s surprise phone call that brightened a tale of mine some weeks earlier. Enjoy!

Re: Marshall’s Delightful Spider Interlude!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 16, 2023 at 12:00 PM

> I love it!!

The spider radio-bombed my story!

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: All This Noise Pollution for What?
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 17, 2023 at 12:39 PM

More than five hours now, nonstop…for what? To install new bicycle racks on the corner of my street! Using gasoline power instead of electric is the noisiest (and dirtiest) way possible to accomplish this task, for which the worker only NEEDS the power tool once in a while…the rest is manual labor, such as hammering down on the spikes to lodge each circular rack into the sidewalk. He’s too lazy to walk back to the truck to turn it on or off, so just keeps it running for HIS convenience, but INconvenience for all the residents who have to be needlessly disrupted for HOURS on end.

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: My silly ruminations re. that stem cell kit cartoon I shared with you.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 17, 2023 at 4:06 PM

Four frames total to get to the punchline…well done. Now, take the last frame and change it from breasts to male genitalia. How do you think the average reader would interpret the cartoon, that is: why the mother was angry, and why the kid chose that particular result? (Like, would she have PREFERRED the outcome to be breasts instead?)

Now, change the boy into a girl while keeping the male organs in frame 4, and ponder once again, what the average reader might think about it.

Next: Put the breasts back into frame 4, but keep the girl. Then ponder once more.

And finally: put the boy back in but change the breasts to dark brown.

The cartoon would certainly be a flop in any of the four cases I’ve presented. But is this due to social biases built into our culture, thanks to how boys and girls are differently perceived due to culturally embedded heterosexism, misogyny and homophobia? Not to mention a likely RACIST interpretation in my fourth example.

But what about those readers who are well educated and progressive, thus unlikely to be so biased: what would THEY think of each of my altered cartoons?

I am in a quandary, Wattson, as to how to sort this all out.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: One last thought experiment: using EITHER a boy or a girl with EITHER skin color (so long as the mother is the same shade as the kid), change the object in the last frame to neither breasts nor male genitals, but a duck/dog/cat chimera.

Re: Read, weep!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 17, 2023 at 5:48 PM

I did NOT weep, I was awestruck by your wizard’s wand of a pen to construct a social reckoning of early television as a celebration and wise teacher. Along with the major writers, actors and hosts that expanded our minds, and the world. The writing style is both captivating and witty.

Maybe I didn’t weep because I was more the avid reader than TV viewer, as a kid. Never got into shows like The Lone Ranger, Gunsmoke and (Glob forbid) Queen for a Day. Though I did see SOME of those episodes, they never grabbed me. But the ones that did were the Twilight Zone, the Outer Limits, Soupy Sales, The Alfed Hitchcock Hour, The Andy Divine Show, The Honeymooner, and several others I can’t recall offhand. I did, however, read TONS of science fiction, fairytales, ancient history (especially of the Greek sort), comic books and Mad Magazine. I also never had a clique of friends to watch TV with, no sleepovers, no group adventures. But I refuse to weep over that lack, it would be maudlin.

Anyway, a superb essay that deserves to be published pronto by Mother Jones or some other company of equal worth. How you tied it in with the hippie generation (now “boomers”) was nothing short of genius.

I am a wiser and better person for the reading of it, Wattson! Your writing transports me into another world where I am important and loved, ’cause that’s how you regard your readers.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Read, weep!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 17, 2023 at 8:02 PM

> Garsh! Thanks!!!!

Ha ha, you’re welcome, but I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. THAT would ALSO make a good read on Memo of the Weird…it has great verve to it already, though Marshall reads everything with verve, so it would be a double-verve whammy! Your writing style is always compelling and always beautiful, no matter the topic.

I forgot to include OTHER TV shows that I loved to watch, but my memory was refreshed by visiting a site about the best shows from that era, which you can see for yourself.

Anywhow, here’s a more complete list of shows I enjoyed as a kid:

The Little Rascals, Betty Boop and all other Max Fleischer cartoons (including Popeye), Laurel & Hardy (including their movies), Abbot & Costello (including their movies), Father Knows Best, George Burns & Gracie Allen, Jackie Gleason, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Our Miss Brooks, Topper (wasn’t that a great series), Lassie, Father Knows Best, Hammer Horror films, Vincent Price films, Charlie Chan films, Bob Cummings, Gale Storm, Bachelor Father, Ann Sothern (I very much like Ann Tyrell in all her appearances in various shows and movies), Donna Reed, Dobie Gillis, Disney cartoons and movie, and last but not least: The Bowery Boys. I’m SURE I’ve missed a bunch more, including a plethora of films from the ’30s and ’40s, some of which I mentioned above.

I didn’t care for westerns or cop/detective or lawyer shows (like Perry Mason), or I Love Lucy. I didn’t acquire a record collection…the only one I had was a 45 rpm called “A World Without Love” by Peter & Gordon. It’s on Youtube of course.

I listened to the radio a heck of a lot, both pop songs and talk shows outta NYC. Of course, I went nuts over the Beatles, but I had no interest in Elvis Presley. See what you did? You got me on a roll, Wattson…now I gotta look up some of those shows and actors on Youtube, or the Wayback Machine or wherever, and watch ’em after all those years!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: I just heard from the American Bar Association…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 17, 2023 at 8:29 PM

…where you can ask a legal question for free. Of course, my question had to do with whether or not the accusations against me would be transferred to Ablahblah Realty, the other defendant, since I’ll be dismissed due to my Judgment Proof status. Here’s the email I got:


Hello, Ezekiel.

You have a message waiting for you at the Free Legal Answers website.

What to do next:

Visit the Free Legal Answers website.
Sign in using your email address and password.
Read your message.

“Reply” to this message to ask a follow up question and get more help, or “Mark as Closed” if your question is fully answered. NOTE: When you “Mark as Closed” your question will close and you will NOT be able to ask more follow up questions.

Please review the answer to your question. After your question is closed, take a moment to complete our short survey. Remember to sign out of the website when you are done.


So I logged into the ABA’s Free Legal Answers page, and here is their reply:

“Hello, I have taken your question and will be providing an answer shortly.”

I didn’t see any point in replying with something lame, like: “Okay, thanks!” Instead, I closed the tab and thought:

“Jeez, is this yet another brush-off like I got from NOLO’s free chat advice?”

Be that as it may, I have yet to hear from the Plaintiff’s Attorney to my email sent Friday, where I informed him: “Hey, byatch, I’m Judgment Proof…so ya cain’t sue me!” (Of course, not in those words, but that’s what it comes down to.) Well, as that attorney the GG Bar referred me to (who wouldn’t take my case but kindly heard me out) said with a hearty guffaw: “You don’t have to do a thing, make them sweat.”

I like Mr. Wasserman, hope I get to meet him some day.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: Deek’s Calendar
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 18, 2023 at 12:27 AM

A few days ago I purchased from Amazon the cheapest wall calendar I could find (just under $4), so I can show Deek his weekly payments, and the days he asked for them in advance.

The black horizontal lines indicate what he’s already received in weekly payments, with each line running straight from Sunday to Thursday…standing for $40 for Sunday and $40 for Thursday. Which equals $80 per week. The star-like points indicate each day he’s received $80, and you can see they’re mostly advance payments, otherwise each star would fall on Sunday. Unless, as in this case, Sunday falls on the first or second day of the month, which means I can’t pay him till my Soc. Sec. deposit arrives on the third.

Keep in mind that first payment begins on Sunday, if that comes before the first Thursday. Otherwise it’s reversed. So some months turn out to be Sunday-Thursday weekly payments while other months will be Thursday-Sunday payments. IOW, excluding advance payments, on some months he’ll collect his moolah every Sunday, and on others it will be every Thursday.

So you can easily see he’s gotten all three of his payments beFORE the middle of the month! Maybe I should ALSO draw a thinner line with a ballpoint pen, connecting each star to its matching line, for EXTRA clarity.

There are four weeks to every month, so he gets four $80 allotments for the entire month. And since each month (except February) is two or three days over four weeks, sometimes one of those days is Sunday or Thursday, in which case he gets another $40.

Let’s see if he’ll rebel when I bring out the calendar: “I don’t wanna see it! I don’t NEED to see it!”

In which case I’ll reply: “Yes you DO need to see it, Deek. And until you let me show you this calendar I won’t give you any more money!”

I can’t imagine him refusing, except if he’s been INTENTIONALLY trying to befuddle the schedule in order to trick me into coughing up even MORE buckazoids. After all, showing him a calendar with clearly displayed marks and lines would absolutely put the kibosh on his Cajun scam. Maybe I’ll deduct $4 from his next allowance, to cover the cost of the calendar.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: I already texted you that last night’s meetup was mellow, but, besides mentioning he did NOT try to squeeze another advancement out of me, he had laid down a few jackets for the doggies before calling up to my window, and invited me to give Lucky some hugs ’cause he was feeling under the weather. Of course I did, and that perked the little fellow up in no time. Of course his sister attempted to plop herself onto him to soak up all my attention, but I just took her under my spare arm so she couldn’t do that, while ALSO giving her some love. Lucky is showing a patch of gray under his chin these days…but he’s not quite five years old!

Subject: Opportunity strikes in Reddit’s “Homeless” sub!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 18, 2023 at 3:07 PM

The title of the thread is “Homeless App,” whereby the poster explains:

“I’m looking for a co-founders/employees to help me with my homeless app. I mostly am looking for those who have been formally/currently homeless or understand/empathize with homelessness, has skills in either: programming, product management, social work, data science/analytics/engineering, or running a non-profit and wants to make homelessness an easier time for everyone. I plan to make this an open collaborative project and a non-profit tech organization across the country.”

Read the attached screenshot for my replies, it explains all.

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: Good news from my eviction attorney!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 18, 2023 at 4:47 PM

She just sent me this email:

“I received a voicemail from the landlord’s attorney that they will be dismissing the eviction case against you. Finally. Once the dismissal is filed, you can start paying rent again. I will let you know when it is filed. Just wanted to let you know that I will be out of the office from 4/21-5/5 so you might want to offer the rent for May while I am away. Please feel free to email me with urgent questions or concerns while I am out.”

So I posted her back:

“That’s great news, thanks! Does BALA send them my escrow money directly, or does the amount get returned to me, and then I pay them? Or do you mean that I can pay them for May, then the remainder after you return and reimburse me the escrow?”

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: So, Wattson, Pterry Pterodactyl’s prophecy came true, in a much bigger way than expected. He gave me the WHOLE FUKKIN ENCHILADA! Both the threat to sue AND the eviction case, the former eradicated on Friday, and the latter just today.

Subject: This time SCOOTER hopped into the ambulance!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 18, 2023 at 9:50 PM

Just a few minutes ago a fire engine showed up in front of my building, so of course I thought, “Uh-oh, another Karlsen emergency! Or maybe it’s Kevin.” So I watched out my window to see who’d hobble out the front gate first (or was transported on a gurney).

It turned out to be Scooter, who seemed to have difficulty walking, and was bent over in what I guess was pain…and he sat down on one of the fire engine’s tailboard steps. Then the ambulance arrived at which time Karlsen appeared and walked over to him. Some talking ensued, which I could NOT discern…then two EMTs gently escorted Scooter into the ambulance, leaving Karlsen behind! Who knows WHAT the fuck is going on with those two, but it certainly ain’t love.

BTW, five days ago when Deek saw the building manager seated by an outdoor table in front of Super Duper, he declared that he WASN’T the person he saw being carted off in a gurney back on January 13th (which also happened to be a Friday, ha-ha).

“Well that’s strange, Deek,” I replied, “because he definitely went to the hospital that same evening, no other ambulance showed up, and I heard his voice on the floor above, speaking to the EMTs just moments before you saw whomever being carried off to the ambulance.”

And we left it at that.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: One last question for message board
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 9:08 AM


So here is another question I have, relating to my Judgment Proof status, the answer to which I have yet to find in my research at the law library and online resources:

Should I ever acquire a sum of money that the Plaintiff’s Attorney attempts to garnish, can I challenge that? I presume that being dismissed because I’m Judgment Proof does not mean I agree with the charges listed in the Complaint…for they are either unproven, outrageous, greatly exaggerated and/or highly subjective (IOW just an opinion that is a false claim instead of a fact ). TIA

BTW Plaintiff’s Attorney has yet to respond to my email I sent him last Friday, informing him I am Judgment Proof and am ready to provide the correct documentation regarding my paltry income. Perhaps I should also snail-mail him the same statement, maybe certified. Or should I just not bother? I know he checks his email, for I sent him one before, and he answered promptly. I had lost the papers he sent (containing two copies of Acknowledgment of Receipt, Complaint and Summons) and asked him to send a duplicate, which he did.


Subject: My attorney’s reply re. paying all back rent
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 10:24 AM

Here’s her explanation:

“It is up to you. There is no dismissal filed yet so we can wait with releasing the funds until they have filed the dismissal. Do you have the rent for May saved? If so, it would probably be easiest for you to try to pay May and then we release the funds to you or the landlord for the back rent once the dismissal is filed. It will be just a check from the trust account to you or to the landlord, whatever you prefer.”

And my reply:

“Okay, I prefer that BALA send Ablahblah Realty all back rent. I will make one more deposit into my escrow account, for this month, April. Thanks again! BTW I do not have the rent saved for May…I have to wait until my next Soc. Sec. deposit arrives next month on the 3rd before I can pay that month’s rent. Which is my usual method of payment.”

Subject: My attorney’s followup (next reply)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 11:41 AM

–her email arrived a few minutes ago:

I just emailed with the landlord’s attorney and you can just go ahead and pay your rent for April now. See below.


–so I replied:

Great, I will cut a check for this month immediately. My escrow deposits were rounded off to the nearest dollar, so I’m over the exact amount due by $1.10. So I guess it’s better I receive the escrow reimbursement directly…and pay the back rent myself. Another issue:

Judgment Proof requires I have no more than two months’ Soc. Sec. deposit for any month, else it can be garnished. But because I started depositing into my escrow account in three-month allotments, one of the months in the recent past shows a sum slightly greater than two month’s Soc. Sec. payments. So I’ll most likely need a record of my escrow deposits to show Plaintiff’s Attorney that “extra” amount was simply my rent payments on hold.


Subject: I just sent this text to our building manager.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 12:03 PM

All in a day’s work!

Subject: And THIS response just arrived from the ABA’s “free question” service:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 12:29 PM


From the Volunteer Attorney 4xxxx
April 19 at 11:10 AM PDT

Hi Mr. Krahlin,

I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. Since the filing deadline is approaching, we thought we’d suggest an additional resource to you: there is a Bar Association of San Francisco Clinic this coming Friday, April 21, from 4-6PM. Information can be found here: 

GG Bar Legal Advice Referral Clinic

In the meantime, as I continue to work on this, I have a couple of questions:

1. May I ask what is false about the allegations? Specific details would be helpful.

2. Have you been cited previously for a dog bite/dog attack?

Thank you!


So, Wattson, I will present my case to them in a couple of hours from now, as it will take some work to sort it all out. I am eager to hear what they’ll have to say about it, of course. As I’m sure you are, too! It’s a lovely day outside…and in my head.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: I just sent this text to our building manager.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 12:44 PM

> VICTORY!!!!!!!

Arf arf! I’m barking with joy.

I’m wondering if you saw my attorney’s reply from yesterday, entitled: “Good news from my eviction attorney!” wherein she said the landlord has dropped my case. You didn’t respond to it, so perhaps it got overlooked in my flurry of missives. Not that I expect you to respond to any of my emails in particular, but in light of its importance and positive outcome, I thought you would, had you read it.

Re: This time SCOOTER hopped into the ambulance!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 12:46 PM

> Such drama!!!!

Such children.

Re: I just sent this text to our building manager.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 1:15 PM

> I did see it!! Rest assured I read ALL your missives, but am pressed for time lately, so that I must pick and choose! But damn, what great news!!

Sometimes emails get lost in the ether, as one did with my attorney some months back…hence my query. This excellent outcome only bodes further breakthroughs regarding my hero’s journey on behalf of two of the sweetest little doggies in the cosmos…and their difficult master who brought them into my world. They changed my life forever, and for the better.

I will of course continue to act towards everyone involved (including those who’ve chosen to play the enemy) with compassion and patience. It’s a winning ticket, Wattson, I feel like I just won the Lottery’s biggest payout ever! Let’s see in what directions my near-future adventures take me. I expect they’ll be awesomely splendiferous.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: And now, for my building manager’s texted reply!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 1:47 PM

See attached pic:

So he, and others, have put me through my paces. I would think at this point, much goodwill has been generated, thanks to my following The Bodhisattva Premise to a T. Or WILL generate very soon in a delayed reaction kinda way. He has already received April’s rent, which check I just slid under his door.

Re: And now, for my building manager’s texted reply!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 2:11 PM

> Looks like a billboard by the highway!

In the Twilight Zone.

Re: And now, for my building manager’s texted reply!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 19, 2023 at 5:30 PM

> Is that a signpost up ahead?

Yes, but with a lotta fine print:

Click here for a larger view.

NOLO No-go

April 14, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 20]

Subject: SF Law Library no real help.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 6:04 PM

All they did was toss me a few tomes of legal gobbledygook weighing ten pounds each! Nothing in them answers my main question (re. dismissal while still refuting the allegations). What material they DO have that could help is already online, and I just have to peruse their site more thoroughly. They recommended me to the GG Bar, so I told them I already tried them, and the disappointing result. They also suggested I visit LARC (Legal Advice & Referral Center) on the third Friday of each month where I’ll get 20 minutes’ free legal counsel. But I already know about them, and plan to do exactly that.

I asked to see some examples of replies to a summons, but they couldn’t even do that. They’re online anyway, I just have to track them down, copy to my hard drive, then print them out at the local UPS store. In fact (taking a break from composing this missive) I just found the form to waive all court fees. So that’s a good start. Okay, here we go, form PLD-OGO “General Denial.”

There is a box where you write your replies to all allegations, and allows for an attachment…YAY! So I can just print out my replies, sparing me from the tedium of writing it all down.

I will now prepare my questions for Friday’s LARC consultation. So I’m sure I’ll have it all sewn up by the end of next week. I’m wondering if I could file my replies and my waiver request SEPARATELY, the former before the latter (say, a few days apart, or maybe even the same day).

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Luba and her two chihuahuas…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 6:14 PM

> Ha!!! Gumbo hole!!

Pie hole, cake hole…so why not gumbo hole? Puts a Cajun twist to it.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: SF Law Library no real help.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 8:58 PM

> Christ, I hate legal shit. It’s designed to trip you up and confuse you, so they can say GOTCHA!

No kidding. One little thing wrong with filling out the Answer form and you’re screwed! The people at the SF Law Library could’ve readily shown me both the General Denial and the Request to Waive Court Fees forms, instead of directing me towards big, fat legal books. And get this:

LARC provides free 20-minute counseling on the THIRD Friday of each month, so it’s NOT this Friday like I thought, it’s next Friday: the 21st! And the deadline to answer the summons is the 26th. Meaning I can’t process it until AFTER the weekend, so I have to do that on Monday, the 24th! I CAN appeal to the plaintiff’s attorney to extend the time I have to respond, via Superior Court. So I guess I need to do THAT now as well!

I wasn’t planning on going to the ACCESS Center Thursday, because you have to show up at 8:30 AM. And their site doesn’t make it clear if they handle personal injury cases. The deadline to send my Acknowledgment of Receipt is the 16th, so I guess I’ll have to sign and send it out, as I can’t get legal counsel before then, unless ACCESS can advise me. So I have to get up 6:30 AM Thursday, depart by 7:45…and be subjected to PACKED Muni riders zipping off to work. Hopefully, Deek won’t show up when I’m gone and start screaming up at my window ’cause I don’t answer. I already told him this week and next I may have to go to emergency appointments and can’t tell him beforehand. But not to worry, I WILL be back, eventually. Maybe he’ll drop by tomorrow, and then I can tell him I won’t be around the next day until the afternoon. He’ll probably ask for an advance payment, but this time I’ll turn him down ’cause WAY too soon!

So I’m looking on the SF Law Library’s website to find the form to dismiss my case, based on my sole income of Social Security, BUT I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE! Only the form to dismiss based on other reasons (such as the summons being incorrectly filled out). This is nervewracking, and here I thought I was gonna get everything resolved in a few more days! I have tried other legal sites, with the same failed results.

I haven’t heard back from Mr. Wasserman, yet! I think it’s horrible that GG Bar screwed me over like that…after asking my income level, then tossing me to the wolves. I think I’ll write a letter to the editor entitled “Beware the San Francisco Bar!” and explain how if you’re on a low income (such as Social Security) and think they’ll help you because they advertise FREE attorneys to the most vulnerable, think again.” And explain what THEY put me through. Then I’ll send it to various news media throughout the city.

On my reply to the accusation of allowing the dogs to run free in the building, I’ll not only claim that’s totally untrue, but state: “I don’t know where the plaintiff got that idea from, but it strikes me as if someone is coaching him with false allegations of a malicious sort, including all other allegations herein.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Now I’m gonna have din-din and work on my next tale for Marshall to read. And always keep in mind: “We have no enemies, only teachers.”

Subject: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 7:43 AM

Process server runs around $80 to $150.

I cannot figure out yet how to reply, the denial form I found is only for cases where you’re being sued for $25,000 or less. This case is for more than that.

Online legal sites are impossible to sort through and find the right forms or instructions.

A sea of books at the SF Law Library, but I can’t narrow things down to answer my needs.

If they win by default (which can happen if I don’t send them the right reply, or fill it out wrong) the false charges will stand, which could easily get me evicted and be arrested.

And I still have to deal with Deek, give him his allowance, and he’ll take up my valuable time by asking me to sit the dogs for two or three hours, a couple times a week.

I def need a lawyer or I’m sunk, but I can’t find one.

And a good morning to you, Wattson!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 11:52 AM

> And sometimes process servers will take your money and not serve the papers.

Oh that’s just great. I’ve found some professional process servers, will cost me around $120.

> A “process server” can actually be anybody other than you; no “license” or “certification” required.

I know. Maybe I can wait around plaintiff’s attorney’s building downtown and find some little old, dirt-poor, sweet Chinese lady picking through the garbage for cans, and ask if she would like a quick ten bucks. I will escort her to the attorney’s office and stand nearby, maybe just around the corner, to make sure my server goes to the right place and isn’t too nervous about it.

> Damn, what a mess.

Crisis is opportunity…I’m betting all my cards on that.

> Sometimes a clerk at the courthouse can be helpful with forms and such, though finding the right clerk would be the challenge. Especially in the big city. Our little rinky-dink courthouse up here actually has accessible clerks.

I phoned the civil clerk’s office and got a big, fat menu with tons of options, none of which worked for me, to ask what the right form would be for a dismissal and/or denial of allegations. Got nowhere, the recording told me to go to their site to look up which form(s) I need. But I’VE ALREADY BEEN DOING THAT, I just want to be counseled as to the correct forms and filling them out properly! I’ll HAVE to go in person.

ACCESS Center does NOT deal with personal injury cases, dammit…so at least I get to sleep in tomorrow, instead of getting up at 6:30 AM.

> But I know how resourceful you are, and that you will prevail.

Busting my ovaries here! This is one of those debacles where all seems hopeless, you have no idea how you can come out of it triumphant…but it’s a trick challenging me to keep the faith and strive onward, to remain at peace and enjoy each day. It’s a tough call, but I guess I”m up to it.

You know NOLO publishers, famous for all their legal, self-help books…who doesn’t? Well, I went to their website 20 minutes ago and clicked on their free-counseling chat service. Here’s how it went so far:



My problem is I am being sued for a personal injury for more than $25,000…all allegations are false. My sole income is Social Security, no assets. The local bar association here in San Francisco, CA accepted my application for a modest fee, based on my low income. But the attorney they referred me to does NOT do pro bono or sliding fee. So I called the bar association back, and they said they can’t help me, even though I requested they get me the right, pro bono lawyer, since they claim to be an organization that provides free services to the very low income and most vulnerable. There is no other legal group that will handle my case pro bono, most because they don’t deal with personal injury. So I have to be my own attorney, which is scary. I need to know the proper form for requesting a dismissal. Am wondering though, since the other defendant, the landlord, the charges against me will be directed at him, instead if I’m dismissed. So maybe it’s better if I use an Answer form to deny the allegations? Time is running out for me, deadline date to reply to the summons is less than two weeks.


We may be able to help you with that. May I know where you need representation, city, state and zip code?


San Francisco, CA. My zip code is 94117.


I’m sorry about that, the lawyer best suited to assist you is unavailable to chat at the moment, but I can have someone from our legal team contact you as soon as possible. Thank you. I will forward this transcript immediately and request that you are contacted as soon as possible.

-end of chat

So now I’m waiting for them to get back to me.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: This is bad!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 9:01 PM

> Hope that wasn’t a ChatBot conversing with you…

Coulda fooled me! I pictured a young, bright eyed lady about 28 years old, with brunette hair pulled back into an intellectual ponytail…you know, the kind that’s knotted just above the neckline instead of higher up or even, Glob forbid, right at the top. Now just HOW did I come up with such a vision: subliminal flashing through the chat window?

They may never get back to me: my request for pro bono may have scared them away, considering how abruptly she disconnected from chat. Leaving me a frozen statue in my room because I don’t DARE step out, on tenterhooks waiting for their call. While I COULD be back at the SF Law Library poring over the NOLO book about how to be your own lawyer. Even though the folks there told me I could read it online from their electronic collection, from the COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME–though “comfort” has become a joke for me these days–I could not FIND the fukkin book, even though there were scads of other NOLO publications that don’t come CLOSE to the particular book I’m seeking!

On some of my form searches via the SF Courthouse’s site, they provided links within a basic document TO the form in question, and another link for a detailed explanation…only to have the link do a 404 on me, or call up a dead page with just the heading! And searching for the right source rarely gets me anywhere. Not for lack of using the correct phrase, because their internal search is JUVENILE, making it IMPOSSIBLE to drill down to the info or form you really want.

Same thing goes for the SF Law Library. One of the clerks there offered to look up “denial reply to a civil summons,” since I told her I can’t seem to access it myself. Of course, she treated me like a clueless old fuddy-duddy who doesn’t know the first THING about computers or the Internet! Gawd, I hate ageism…it’s an albatross around my gonads! But SHE couldn’t find it either, no matter her tweaking the search term this way and that!

“Never mind,” she said with a flip of the hand, as if it were no big deal…but it is for ME, I’m DESPERATE as a polar bear in estrus at this point, floating all about by her lone some on a wobbly wafer of ice, thanks to rapid climate change,

“Let me get you some books instead,” she finished.

Perhaps attorney Wasserman chose NOT to respond to my email because he took offense at my challenge that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong about ignoring the summons because it wasn’t hand delivered. Even though I was RESPECTFUL about it. And why my eviction attorney, Magdalena, doesn’t acknowledge my emergency and use her clout to get me SOMEone, even a paralegal, to guide me through the process of getting the right forms and filling them out? After all, the places she referred me to, starting with the  Bar, that she claimed would be FREE, turned out to be anything but…more like rancid cow flop up to my knees!

And now I wonder how many residents in my building have been poisoned by Kevin’s gossip? Hard to tell, since they never talk to me anyway, but rarely. I nod my head at them, they nod back, and that’s all she wrote. Interesting that the ONLY person who’s been going out of their way to greet me is Chihuahua Man…who is also the one who tried to start a tenants union. Not that we actually converse, but his kind greetings are genuine, which I much appreciate. Like when I opened the front gate for him and his pups yesterday, he declared:

“Why thank you kind sir!”

There is also our maintenance man who’s been showing more amity towards me, these past several months. So what the fuck is going ON, Wattson? Just look to My Bodhisattva Premise for the answer, which is:

We have no enemies, only teachers. And they’re putting me through my paces with this latest script they’ve devised. My goal, of course, is to impress them with continued friendliness and lack of any anger, fear or grief. After all, I DO preach to people (when they bother to listen) one of the best things you can do when you’re going through misery is reach out to another and put a smile on their face…without EVER dumping your woes on them, not even an iota. DEEK needs to get there, and he IS, in twitches and spurts.

And that’s exactly what I’M doing! Not just coming up with more tales to tell, brimming with humor, but actually lighting up others with kind words. Just as I did an hour ago with the Palestinian shop’s patriarch, where I purchased two more jars of tahini (somewhat freaked out that NOLO might give me a ring while I wasn’t hovel..but I need to EAT, dammit). I shared with him some invigorating thoughts, and it lifted his spirits more than they already were.

I didn’t really sleep well last night. Gee, I wonder why, what with all these images of my being evicted with nasty grins among the residents standing there to watch me get handcuffed and escorted into a cop-mobile while they wave “buh-by-eee” as I’m shuffled off to county jail. All these diabolical nightmare gremlins dancing about my noggin like pus-bloated sugar plums! I was nonetheless surprisingly relaxed in spite of that, not as worried as I thought I’d be…and felt rested by the time I arose at 4:30 AM and got back on the ‘net to continue my summons-oriented research.

Just kidding! I got out of bed around 7.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: NOLO never got back to me, nor has Mr. Wasserman in spite of his offering to find me a free attorney service if “Legal Assistance for the Elderly” didn’t work out. But ya never know: he might call me tomorrow. Or Ms. Elvensborn to tell me she found me a good legal counselor. I can’t believe the GG Bar jilted me! I took so long before posting you this missive, because Deek showed up four hours ago and asked me to sit the pups. More on that in my next email.

Subject: Answer or Dismissal? That is the question!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:34 AM

While filling out a Dismissal is an uncomplicated process (as opposed to the Answer form), I’m afraid the allegations against me will still stand and be directed at the OTHER plaintiff: the landlord. Which can easily lead to my eviction. So until I learn otherwise, if at all (since the only resource I can find that MIGHT answer my question is the LARC workshop on April 21st) I must assume that to be the case. I have been trying to find out the better option via online legal resources, as well as visiting the SF Law Library…but no luck. The reference librarians don’t seem to know the answer either, which I find pathetic.

So I will get BOTH forms and fill them out properly, and bring them to the LARC  workshop, that their 20-minute legal counsel can look them over, and affirm whether or not I have the correct forms for my case.

Assuming I follow through with the Answer tactic, I will have to attend a mediation, scheduled for August 23rd. At first glance I thought it was the trial date, but have since learned otherwise upon closer perusal of the summons…and it’s called a “case management conference.” In which it declares:

“All counsel must discuss ADR with clients and opposing counsel.”

ADR stands for “Alternative Dispute Resolution.” Seeing as I represent myself, I AM the opposing counsel! I think I’ll have the option of doing this over the phone, instead of in person. And if THAT’S the case I’ll choose the former. During that conference I’ll inform the plaintiff’s attorney that my sole income is Social Security.

So I’ll have achieved putting my denials on record, which would NOT have occurred had I filed a Dismissal. I am hoping they’ll drop the case once they see my denials, especially the matter of rabies vaccination. Which will also put the building manager on record as either FAILING to show the plaintiff proof of the dog’s vaccination, or intentionally withholding proof…or, perhaps, being in cahoots with the plaintiff to cook up a scheme with malicious intent to malign yours truly…as well as collect a wad of dough through nefarious means.

BTW, I just sent this email to my eviction attorney:

“Can you recommend a reputable process server? Tons of ’em out there, and Yelp reviews are less than trustworthy. Thanks!”

She might say she can’t advise me because it’s out of bounds with her service on my behalf. Or she might do one of two other things: either refer me to a reputable process server, or offer to deliver my reply to the plaintiff’s attorney, via her own hand or that of one of her assistants. MY opinion on the matter is this:

Because she referred me to the GG Bar claiming they should handle my case for free, but it backfired, she ought to at LEAST be glad to perform the process serving through her office. Saving me money and headache.

– Zeke K-Holmes


The proper form is most likely a “General Denial,” not an “Answer.” Which former paper is much simpler to prepare. I thought it wasn’t applicable in my case, because the Summons is for more than $25,000 for which an Answer (more complicated to fill out, by far) is the proper way to refute any charges. However, IF the Complaint is not “verified,” a General Denial IS suitable even when the demand exceeds $25,000. And IF the Complaint doesn’t involve a claim for more than $1,000 that has been assigned to a third party for collection. Neither is the case, for my summons.

Most complaints are NOT verified BTW, which means they are not witnessed by a Notary Public. And the Complaint will say “verified” somewhere in its pages, usually at the end. Here is what a “PLD-050 General Denial” page looks like, in California.

Easy peasy, what a relief!

P.S.: I just mailed off my Acknowledgment of Receipt via the local Fedex outlet which is across the street and one block up. Another “easy peasy.” Lovely, warm-cool day. But HOT in my room because the stupid radiator is chugging away like a boss, and I can’t do anything about it. This has been a problem for my building since time immemorial and through many iterations of managers. FUCK ‘EM ALL!

Subject: Scratch the General Denial…must use Answer!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:29 PM

Whoops, I just found out that the General Denial defense requires you write just ONE SENTENCE! So I definitely need to rebut via the “PLD-PI-003 Answer” form. It’s not that hard to fill out, now that I’ve taken a closer look.

So, MODERATELY easy peasy. I take this latest scenario as but my bodhisattva guardians (who include ALL parties involved) putting me through my paces as a sort of “stress test,” a challenge to overcome the sudden wallop of anxiety dumped on THIS war-abiding pilgrim. I’ve met the challenge within a very short span of days, and only need now to focus on performing a peerless rebuttal, on time as well as on the bullseye.

Subject: And here’s what ELSE I’m gonna have to put up with soon…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:38 PM

…here in Hotel California North! See pic.

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: Response from my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 1:38 PM

She didn’t recommend a process server, but did say:

“Mr. Krahlin, I just wanted to inform you that even if Plaintiff wins that lawsuit, you are considered judgment proof because you receive social security. It means that your social security is protected from creditors and they should have no way to collect the judgment against you.”

So I replied:

“I understand that. But my concern is that a dismissal would not make the false allegations go away, but be directed at the other Defendant, who is the landlord. And since these allegations would stand, I would be highly vulnerable to being evicted. That is why I’ve decided to go ahead and fill out the PLD-PI-003 Answer form instead of requesting a dismissal.

“I have not been able to find any answer regarding if dismissal of the main Defendant would result in carrying over the allegations to another Defendant (or not). Various online legal sources have been no help. I also visited the SF Law Library, but couldn’t find out if my concern is legitimate, and none of the reference librarians knew, and the books they showed me to read do not answer that, either.

“The next LARC workshop is not until April 21st when, hopefully, that question will be answered to my satisfaction. Deadline date to deliver my reply is the 26th, so I’ll have very little time to finish preparing. At any rate, my plan is to go ahead with the Answer rather than a Dismissal. Because it’s very important my Denials go on record. Later on, during the mediation perhaps, I will inform the Plaintiff’s attorney that my sole income is Social Security.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Response from my eviction attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 3:04 PM

> Christ. Drop by drop, as the clock ticks, you’re getting bits and pieces of answers.

Like pulling teeth, but I’m getting the job done. I sent another email to Ms. Elvensborn, as an addendum to the previous one:

“And they might kill the dogs because of the accusation they are ‘vicious’ and ‘dangerous.’ I suspect the building manager is coaching the plaintiff with misinformation and exaggerated allegations. He has been very hostile towards me for a long time now, especially regarding a conflict I had with a couple of residents (mother and son) down the hallway in 2021. The way the Plaintiff’s charges were written has the manager’s fingerprints all over them. Worst allegation is that the Plaintiff claimed he had to get rabies shots…even though I have proof the dogs’ vaccinations are up to date, as does the building manager (through snapshots of their rabies tags, and the vaccination papers that I texted to him). He could have easily shown such evidence to the Plaintiff, or I could do that myself. And this is but one important reason why I believe an Answer rather than a Dismissal is the best way to go. Keep in mind that I have yet to be shown proof of any dog bite.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Latest meetup with Deek was awesome!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:08 PM

Bet you thought I’d never say THAT, eh, Wattson? This was yesterday afternoon. He started right off the bat by playing the old Abbot & Costello “Who’s on first?” trope, in that he stirred up confusion over his weekly payments.

To my not-so-surprised ears, he asked for another “eighty dollah” so I explained to him his next payday isn’t until this Sunday, four days away.

“What?” he challenged. “You’ve been paying me every Thursday! Why next Sunday this time?”

“No,” I replied, “My first payment was on a Monday, because that was the third of the month, so I gave you eighty dollars on that day which was for Sunday the day before, and Thursday same week. You’ve lost track because you keep asking for advance payment and don’t bother to keep count yourself, or use a calendar.”

“So you say you’re paying me the right total amount for each month, it’s just my asking for advances makes me wait sometimes for ten days till my next payment? I don’t understand ’cause it looks like you’re SHORTing me a whole week’s worth every month!”

The above quote is a condensed version of his obfuscating rant that lasted over ten minutes. He asked why he only gets forty at the end of the month sometimes, and not the full eighty…among other nonsensical claims. I TRIED explaining to him how my paying him $80 per week is based on $40 twice a week, Sundays and Thursdays. But the last week of any month often overlaps into the NEXT month, in such a way as to truncate Thursday’s payment. Or Sunday gets truncated instead, if the FIRST Thursday of that month appears before the first Sunday. Or somethin’ like that…my brain morphs into a whirl of befuddlement just trying to unRAVEL his knotty reasoning.

“You need to see my calendar, Deek, then you’ll understand,” I replied in exasperation ’cause he just would NOT let up and kept squawking in circles like a chicken with its head cut off above the larynx. As if it were some sort of Santeria conjury that, if kept up long enough, would somehow grant him possession of my soul, and I’d transform into a mesmerized zombie and enunciate in a monotonous, deep, slow timbre, “Okay. You. Are. Wrong, I. Apologize,” and hand over another forty, or even eighty, buckazoids.

Glob help the Cajun tramp for not comprehending that while there are definitely four weeks in every month, all months have two or three EXTRA days tacked onto the end…except February, which has EXACTLY four weeks…but not Leap Year of course, but try to explain THAT to him, the uneducated miscreant!

I must’ve told him three or four times “You need to see my calendar,” but each time he cut me off with the same retort while waving a dismissive hand and strutting like an alpha rooster:


“Yes you do-oo, Deek!” I’d reply in a singsong manner each time.

Be that as it may I said “Okay, you’ll get your money, but be aware that, at the rate you’re going, you’ll have to wait maybe ten or twelve days before next month’s first payment.”

I dunno Wattson, I guess I need to make things simple for the brat, like telling him: “Look, you get four eighty-dollar payments per month. So you should get no more than TWO allotments before the middle of the month, and the remaining two, AFTER that.”

But I’m definitely gonna have to show him a calendar so he can see WHY he gets just $40 towards the very end of some months. Jeez Louise, how exasperating! I bet he’ll refuse to even LOOK at the calendar when I bring it out to him, sketched on some old envelope lying around in my hovel (one from Medi-Cal, Social Security, EBT or just some junk mail). ‘Cause he’d rather keep the guilt game going, than concede. Or, more likely: he’s jiving me just for the fun of it.

One thing I’ve noticed about Deek is that when the pressure’s on in my world (outside of his pesky machinations), he always backs off to give me some emotional wiggle room by ceasing his gripes and acting kindly. And it’s not like I TELL him anything about this or that crisis I’m going through…he just seems to SENSE it. Two examples:

1) He was mostly magnanimous through those winter deluges, rather than behaving like a panicked fool…which made it much easier to tend to the pups’ survival and well-being.

2) Whenever I had to do bedbug prep which takes two or three days (depending on other things happening in my life) he wouldn’t mess with my head, thus allowing me to get things ready with minimal angst. Even during those lovely months when the doggos were my divine, furry guests.

I DID tell him before he left me last night that I’ll be very busy for the next two days, and I won’t be available until after 6 PM.

“Oh, you’re never busy,” he mocked. “What’s so important you won’t be home for so long?”

I made up a story about working with a lawyer to get back at some notorious thugs whose only sport is to wreck other people’s lives, especially the homeless. That I’ve been after them for years, but something’s come up recently where I can finally tie a noose around their necks.

“And I help the lawyer by researching stuff for him at the SF Law Library, to help him build our case,” I further explained. But of course he then queried:

“Are you getting any money for that?”

“Of course not,” I snorted. “But it’s something I’m being called to, gonna save a lotta lives, and the time to strike is NOW.”

He respected that, and I’ve had the whole day to myself to further prepare for my lawsuit, and get this latest tale churned out and delivered unto your ethereal hands, Morticia!

So, yesterday’s meetup was remarkably pleasant, including his silly rant described above, for he wasn’t explosively argumentative, but just a pain in the ass in a non-combative way. He thanked me TWICE for all the good things I do (once when he first showed up, and then upon his return in the evening). And when he asked for a couple more bungee cords I saw he already had three, so pointed out they’re a new expense for me and I only bought ten for this month, can’t afford any more and why doesn’t he hold onto the ones I already give him. He cheerfully replied: “Oh, that’s fine. I can make do with what I have, no worries.”

He sat out front for just an hour, before taking off. I helped him get his bicycle rig prepared for his homeward journey by holding onto it to keep it stabilized as he used the bungee cords to secure some large, heavy sacks, along with his Bluetooth speaker resting in a small, wheeled cart. Not an arrangement suitable to ride, but fine for walking both overburdened bicycle and the brindlekin…with great difficulty for most, I might add, but not for their master. In short:

Deek was very friendly and in good spirits yesterday, which went a long way to lighten my heart, considering this ugly lawsuit for which I’m forced to be my own attorney. His thoughtfulness changed EVERYTHING for me, boosted me into The Stratosphere of Love.

I had a delightful time with Flaco & Lucky (as usual), but with the unexpected bonus of so many passersby complimenting me for the loveliness of those canines…including when I was taking them for a stroll. I parked them right outside of Morey’s shop, to purchase another box of trash bags. While standing at the counter where Morey was registering my payment, some gay person stepped in (sorta handsome, tall and around forty years old) and, while waiting his turn to purchase something behind the counter, such as booze or cigarettes, he suddenly addressed me:

“Those dogs of yours are just ADORABLE!”

So I told him “Thank you, I agree…but they’re not MY dogs, they belong to a homeless friend of mine.”

I then elaborated further, describing how I’ve always discouraged him from adopting a dog ’cause I think it’s cruel to force such sweet creatures to live on the streets, but he did it anyway so I had to accept that…and have been helping him take better care of them for the past few years. I finished with:

“And now he has a tiny cabin to live in as of late January, so the dogs are happily housed, finally!”

Upon those words, Morey interjected with a wide, friendly grin and said: “Zeke’s been a loving caretaker for those dogs…and, I might add, for his homeless friend, too!”

“Well congratulations,” the fellow declared with a smile directed at yours truly. “Job well done!”

Later that afternoon, when I returned to my building and laid out a blanket for the mutts, with a large cardboard box they could rest in if they chose, Boaz exited the front gate and flashed a grin at us. He’s not just another resident, but the USPS/Amazon deliveryman who knows which unit I live in, thanks to a brief conversation we had last week. Both mutts were tucked into a blue sleeping bag when he spotted us, their schnozzles poking out with Lucky’s head plunked upon his sister’s butt, while I scritched his ears. I smiled back at Boaz, and then he took off for his daily jog, dressed in bright blue Spandex shorts that reached almost down to the knees, and a yellow windbreaker. Now get this, Wattson:

Earlier that day and before Deek had departed, the building manager opened the front gate and stepped out…I think perhaps for the first time since returning from the hospital. Severely bent over and wobbly, the emaciated prickless prick scuttled several feet beyond the gate and seated himself at the nearest outdoor Super Duper chair. He was the personification of Death Warmed Over, but with an extra touch of crustiness.

The pups’ master and I were talking, his back turned to Kevin who sat ten feet away. My eyes were averted from Deek’s face as I noticed the manager: head hung so low he couldn’t see me gazing at him. Curious to discover what caught my rapt attention, Deek glanced back, then turned to me and blurted:

“There’s the manager spying on us again!”

I DON’T think Kevin heard that…I almost fell to the sidewalk in laughter, but restrained myself.

Some time after Deek went off to run his errands, I was about to take their empty food bowls inside when right at that moment Kevin stood back up and proceeded to enter the gate. So I decided to hold off until I wouldn’t have to encounter him as I walked upstairs. I knew it would be awhile (ten minutes at least) before he managed to reach the second floor, so I sat back down with the pups and bided my time.

Once I decided enough minutes had passed, I stepped inside and returned hovel. But when I descended back down to the lobby just a few minutes later, there he was standing by the gate again, looking like he was about to enter! So I held the gate open for him and said: “I thought you just went upstairs, Kevin!”

He mumbled something about just going to the utility room for a moment (which is situated right by the first landing). So, as he entered and I exited, I retorted: “You sure get around!” And he chuckled. If he only knew what I have in store for him, I don’t think he would’ve laughed.

The only disappointing part of that day was when I discovered Lucky doesn’t like the soft Milk-Bone biscuits I bought two days ago, though his sister can’t get enough! I feel so bad offering bits of it to him only to see him reject it every time, while Flaco gets to gobble up his share. I have since corrected this unspeakable doggy tragedy by purchasing those jerky treats they BOTH enjoy so much, this morning. Honestly, good physician, I can’t BEAR the thought of putting Lucky through that again, even though it dings an unwelcome dent in my budget. Now let’s get back to the Brahman cow as a good omen, as you suggested:

The sweet beast appeared shortly before my surprise, second lawsuit…thus gave me a warm burst of kindness to cheer me on. As she knew before I did, what was about to be dumped upon my shoulders. In addition:

By NOT helping me as I think they should, Magdalena, the GG Bar, Legal Assistance for the Elderly, the SF Law Library, Mr. Wasserman and so on are giving me a GIFT! To fend for myself under most difficult odds. And thus gaining, as a result and in the long run, a much stronger sense of self-empowerment and a potently joyful spirit. IOW:

They set me up to become the hero, in this scenario where I save the dogs’ lives, along with my own. I look forward to the day when I can tell Deek all about this adventure, how I was fighting for his poochies’ lives while he never had a clue!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: One more thing about the Answer form:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 13, 2023 at 11:55 PM

You can NOT write down the specifics as to why you oppose one or more allegations. You can only fill in a box with the number for each allegation you deny, that is listed in the complaint. So, no attachment worries. However, the plaintiff’s attorney won’t KNOW what my reasons are by reading my Answer. That will come out during mediation, or perhaps prior to that when both attorneys are required to discuss the plans for mediation one or two weeks before it occurs. And, as you already know, ONE of those “attorneys” is ME!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: American Bar Association’s free legal help online.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 14, 2023 at 10:38 AM

I had to answer a list of standard questions, including my income level. You are allowed to post up to five questions per year. You can’t ask for a pro-bono attorney, or name any legal assistance organization. IOW it MUST be a question dealing with your case. However, the drop-down list on their form for posting, shows all categories relating to COVID-19, and nothing else. Such as: “Wildfire or COVID-19: Family Law” and “Wildfire or COVID-19: Worker’s Comp.” The ONLY option I could pick was: “Wildfire or COVID-19: Personal Injury.” Assuming this is an error in their drop-down list (that all choices are limited to wildfire or COVID), I selected Personal Injury, and posted the following:


Subject: Representing myself: should I request Dismissal or reply with the Answer form?

I live in San Francisco, and the case is being handled entirely in that county. I am being sued for more than $25,000 for a personal injury claim. I must be my own attorney because, even though I clearly qualify for free legal assistance, the services that provide that either don’t deal with personal injury cases, and the only one I’ve found that does, referred me to an expensive lawyer (even though they know my income level), and they refuse to correct that error. So I’m stuck with representing myself. Since I am on Social Security with no other income, I realize I can request Dismissal. However, Plaintiff’s allegations are false and so extreme as to put me in jeopardy of eviction and even arrest, if I don’t submit an Answer to deny these allegations, in lieu of a Dismissal. The reason I believe I’m in jeopardy is because there is another defendant, the landlord. My question is: if I go the dismissal route, won’t Plaintiff’s Attorney direct these false allegations to the landlord (because responsible for actions of any tenant which were committed on their property), anyway…or, if I request to be dismissed, will these false allegations go away, and the case will be dropped entirely, including against the landlord and other Plaintiffs, Does 1-50?


They also asked to send one or more pictures or documents as evidence of my case, but it’s optional. So what I did was send them a copy of the complaint, which totals six files (for the six pages that comprise the complaint).

So let’s see what goes with them. I will also contact the American Bar Association by phone or email, to see if THEY will provide an attorney pro-bono, or at least counsel me over getting the right forms and filling them out.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: My eviction attorney hasn’t responded back yet, regarding my last two emails describing why I believe it’s VITAL to reply with an Answer rather than a Dismissal. She’s not in on Fridays, so I don’t expect a reply until Monday at the earliest…if she bothers to do that at all.

No Matter What You Believe (Or Not)

April 11, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 19]

Image created by Craiyon AI

Subject: Seeking your feedback…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 8, 2023 at 10:30 AM

…regarding this letter I’ve prepared to send to my eviction attorney Monday morning:

Dear Ms. Elvensborn,

SF Bar set me up with an attorney whose fees range into the thousands…even though in the online application SF Bar asked what my income is. Presumably because, based on the low amount, they’d waive all fees or charge me on a sliding scale. There was a $35 fee for a half hour initial consultation over the phone, during which time the attorney (Michael) brought up fees. When he learned I’m on Social Security and no other income he was surprised that SF Bar referred me to him. “They gave me very little information about you,” he said. “They asked me very few questions,” I replied.

He was very personable and took the time to give me some advice anyway, after reading the summons (via Google Drive) and hearing my side of the story. He said he looked up the plaintiff’s lawyer (Charles), said Charles has only had a license since 2021, graduated from a dubious law school, and the way he wrote down the allegations was poorly executed. That I cannot be sued because my only income is Social Security, and I have no assets.

He suggested I get in touch with “Legal Assistance for the Elderly” Monday morning, where they might take my case pro bono. And if that doesn’t work out, I should give him a call or email, and he will try to find me the right legal counsel.

He also said I should NOT sign and send back the Acknowlegment of Receipt or worry about the enclosed summons, because it was sent in the mail. That it should be hand-delivered by a process server to be legit. So I should wait until that happens before taking any action. In addition, he suggested I reply to the summons myself (once hand delivered), but I said I’d feel very uncomfortable without an attorney’s guidance. He emphasized my main concern, which is the landlord will likely use this civil suit to try to evict me.

After I got off the phone with him I did some research to discover that, according to the website, “Undisputed Legal Inc.,” delivery of summons by mail, when it includes Acknowlegment of Receipt, is perfectly legal. So I guess he was wrong about that.



The acknowledgment of service by mail by the signature of the receipt allows for this method. The server is responsible for mailing the summons and complaint to the defendant with twin copies of the notice and acknowledgment receipt. The purpose of one copy is to be signed by the defendant as proof of receipt in the mail and returned to the server so that they can fill out a proof of service with the details. However, it is necessary to attach the returned Notice and Acknowledgement of Receipt since the service by Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt is complete on the date the other side signs the Acknowledgment of Receipt portion of the form.


So I now have these three questions for you:

1) Should I contact the SF Bar again, that I think they made a mistake by referring me to an attorney who does not handle low income defendants? And ask them to credit me for the $35 to put me in contact with one who does?

2) Should I sign and send Acknowlegment of Receipt to the plaintiff’s attorney before the deadline which is April 15th (based on the 20 day window to return it signed, including weekends in the count)? I’m guessing you’ll say yes. In which case would you recommend I send it certified, or will dropping it off at the post office suffice?

3) Assuming neither the SF Bar nor Legal Assistance for the Elderly works out for me, can you recommend any other organization to contact?

Though I am immune to being sued, I intend to challenge every one of the plaintiff’s allegations because outright false. Also, if I DON’T do that, the property owner may have a stronger case to evict me. My other concern is that without a denial of the accusations these lovely dogs may be put down. Which would be an utter tragedy for my homeless friend who is their guardian, and is making great progress these days, including now being sheltered in a tiny cabin. It would shatter his world, and mine, by association.

I am presently out on a limb due to lack of legal counsel, thus preparing to answer the summons myself (if it comes to that), after first researching how best to do it, such as the instructions provided on the following Leagle Beagle web page.

I do not know at the moment, how to answer a summons regarding what form to use, and if it’s okay to print out my reply and attach it to the form, with “see attachment” written in all the right boxes. But I can research that on my own, which I will do over the next few days.

I realize that you may prefer not to comment on some of the issues brought up herein, because it’s a civil matter, which is not your focus. However, I think it’s important for you to know that SF Bar was NO help at this point. You should also know I am neither angry nor upset over this onerous situation. Because I take the Buddhist approach that says we have no enemies, only teachers…and that anger or any other negative emotion is NEVER the way to go. Good advice no matter what you believe in (or not). I am simply concerned and  flustered.

Thank you for your kind attention, Magdalena. And my apologies for such a long email.

– Ezekiel Krahlin

Subject: I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3 AM…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 8, 2023 at 10:30 AM

…with an incredible feeling of peace and joy washing over me. IT FELT GREAT! So I stretched, yawned and rolled over, basking in the radiance as I drifted back to Slumberville. I couldn’t BELIEVE how good I felt! My alter ego Pterry Pterodactyl must’ve flown through the open window, perched beside me and whispered in my ear:

“You got this, Zeke. All will be fine including Your Beloved Brindlekin. In fact EVERYTHING will turn out so much better than you can imagine, in a short time from now! Rest well, my featherless brother.”

And then launched himself off my cot to vanish once more into the dark night skies beyond, before I opened my eyes. But just a little while ago I wondered: did pterodactyls actually HAVE any feathers, or is Pterry just pulling my wing? So I duckduckgo’d my question to discover that, yes indeed, they did.

The feathers were tiny and scant, but sure enough, they were there…and colorful to boot! Come to think of it: it would be FUN to see them in colorful boots. Craiyon AI image generator agrees, like so (three examples out of the many times I generated various “feathered pterodactyls in colorful boots” images; I just can’t stop clicking!):

Click here for a larger view.
Click here for a larger view.
Click here for a larger view.

This one’s great, too, but not a result you’d expect:

Click here for a larger view.

I had no idea ChatGPT-4 had a thing for Peter Max art…all renderings look like they stepped outta the Beatles’ movie “Yellow Submarine!” So there ya go, Wattson. Now it’s time to ease you down from this prehysterical flight of fancy:

Click here for a larger view.

Deek slept the entire night behind my building…see pic 1. You can’t even see the pups, but they’re there, curled up beside him and in his arms. With a jacket beneath them as protection from the rough, cold sidewalk, and another for partial cover against the damp ocean air. I was on my way to Rosenberg’s for my morning elixir when I snapped this photo. Once I turned the corner up Noe street I was gobsmacked to see a fukkin COW a few doors up! (Or maybe a bull, I didn’t look that close, but let’s call it a cow for the nonce.) See pic 2. It wasn’t the usual kinda cow you’d see on an American cattle ranch. Instead, it had thick, silver-gray fur and a hump atop the neck.

Click here for a larger view.

“What the hell?” I thought. “Are vagrants adopting COWS for pets now? How can they get away with that? Surely Animal Control will put a stop to it pronto! Otherwise we’ll see more and more of those poor beasts on the streets. How will they even feed them? People aren’t gonna hand out HAY, or the copious moolah it takes each day to keep them healthy! And the trash bins are gonna overflow with manure in no time! City Hall will be up in arms…or should I say hooves!”

I didn’t bother to approach the fellow seated a few feet from the bovine (who you can’t see in the snapshot, but I presumed to be homeless). Instead I crossed the street to take a pic with my Canon PowerShot…which I ran back hovel to get BTW, once I spotted that lovely, large quadruped. It radiated such a sweet, kindly nature, I could see right off the bat why Hindus worship them.

Once I pocketed my camera I crossed back to the other side of the street and entered Rosenberg’s…greeted Pallas with my usual good morning, as he did me with his usual sparkle. Knowing he’s from India I was tempted to say in jest: “I bet you feel right at home with that cow outside!” But I thought better of it…and not just because he’s a Sikh.

Of course I brought up the argent beast parked right outside: “Are homeless people adopting COWS for pets, now? Unbelievable!”

He burst out laughing, then explained the fellow and his furry cow-padre are part of an Easter event, starting around 10 AM. Relieved to hear that, I paid for my java, stepped out and, just when I was about to cross 16th Street, it hit me:

“Jeez you’re an IDIOT, Zeke, before you have your coffee! Of COURSE homeless people aren’t adopting cows.”

It wasn’t until around an hour later that Deek called up to my window:

“Hello-oh! Hello-oh! I’m going now, I need my speaker!”

I stuck my head out the window, nodded affirmative and while I was halfway down the stairs he started hollering: “HURRY UP, I GOTTA GET GOING! HURRY THE FUCK UP!”

Of course he was gonna play angry from last night, over the crappy smartphone he blamed me for wrecking…I expected that. Soon as I handed him the speaker he asked “Is the chip in it?”

“Yes!” I replied, “But it’s a new chip since the one you had was bent. I hope this one works.”

You see, good physician, the chip sticks out halfway in the back, so he probably dropped it on that side, which caused the damage. And possibly broke the port, I don’t know ’cause I couldn’t figure out how to turn it on to see if it plays.

But he didn’t respond since a streetcar was pulling up at the corner and he scurried with pups in tow to hop on. As if he couldn’t bother to wait for the next ride in ten minutes, so I’d have time to greet My Brindlekin. Be that as it may: they were so cute trotting alongside him and looking up at his face with devoted attention.

I realized right after they departed, he didn’t take the bike with him…I walked around my building to see it laying there on its side, along with a small pile of colorful cloth and hard plastic debris. My Glob he’s wasteful! I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t also mean a drain on my bank account, what with his not returning sweaters and various other items I buy for him, that really SHOULD last a lot longer and not require frequent replacement. Not to mention losing or BREAKING small things I provide him with, like micro-SD cards, bungee cords and marking pens!

Several hours later I decided to step out and look for the cow, so I could pet and hug the darling creature. And shoot a quick video of the petting zoo. Alas, the lovable ruminant was nowhere around by that time, but the animals that WERE there were absolutely charming: ducks of different, bright colors (though all with orange beaks of course) waddling and quacking about, white and black piglets, chickens, quail, rabbits and a tiny flock of baby goats. And they all got along:

Re: I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3 AM…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 9, 2023 at 9:41 PM

> You’ve had a dreamy, vision-filled night and day!

Yes, it was terribly nice. I loved the ducks, but when I returned to take their picture they weren’t around, and I was too lazy to check the far end of the caged zoo to see if that’s where they went…I didn’t feel like pushing through the crowd of anthropoid onlookers

> That shaggy grey bovine was more than an Easter cow–it was a divine manifestation!

I thought of that, too, in the back of my mind. I felt so much kindness radiating from that sweetiepie. My desire to return to give her a hug was some kind of connection. I have since learned it’s a Brahman cow, which originated from India where they are worshiped. They’re the only breed with that distinctive hump on the back of their necks, though I couldn’t find a pic of one so shaggy. So yes, Wattson, that was truly a “holy cow.”

> Why does Deek sleep in the street when he has a “home?” Just for auld lang syne?

Of course. It’s freedom for him to still be able to hang and sleep outdoors now and then…and meet up with other street friends who he never would otherwise. It’s a healthy balance: the restrictions of living in a supervised shelter, and the random outdoor life of a rogue. The best of both worlds, I’d say. And remember:

He is very accustomed to sleeping outside, so much so it has the quality of “being home” to him. As far as choosing to camp right by my building: because I’m there, and I’m a friend. I DID find it unusual that he chose to sleep behind the structure instead of out front, which he always did previously. Because he enjoys the scene, meeting up with friends, and so forth.

But this time he selected a quiet spot instead. I think being indoors more has given him a taste of restful oases where can get a solid sleep. I liked that, too, since the pups also can snooze better.

I would’ve posted this email three hours ago, but Deek showed up, asked me to watch the doggies. He just got back. Nothing bad to report, he’s been mellow, but he’s out there now and the night is still young!

Another wonderful reading by Marshall; I just got to hear it this morning. I also listened to some of my earlier readings, from two and three months ago…I’m even better than I thought! I like what I have to say, and how I use entertaining remarks and scenes that make the reader think. Well, enough patting myself on the back, Wattson. May you and all your furry loved ones (including the biped) have a most excellent night.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: I just emailed Legal Assistance for the Elderly
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 9:43 AM

Via their online form, I gave them THIS brief description:


I am 72 years old, and received a summons in the mail with attached Acknowledgment of Receipt on March 27th. Resident is claiming one of the two little dogs I was sitting for a friend bit him back in May 2022, though I have received no evidence of that all this time. I believe the charges are false and dramatically exaggerated. I live on Social Security with no other monetary resources or assets (including a vehicle). So, while I am immune to being sued, I don’t want those false charges to stand because it can lead to my eviction. I am seeking guidance in the proper way to reply to this summons. Deadline for signing and mailing Acknowledgment of Receipt is April 16th, and the deadline for replying to the summons is April 26th. I have already tried SF Bar to get an attorney on my low income but they set me up with one whose fees go into thousands of dollars. So now I’m appealing to your organization for help. And the clock is ticking. All I’m looking for is assistance in replying to a summons. I already have an eviction attorney for a separate case who of course doesn’t deal with civil suits, so she advised me to seek a civil attorney via SF Bar…but that didn’t work out.


They also asked if I have a disability, and what kind, so I wrote: “Mental disability: borderline schizophrenia.”

Unfortunately, they won’t get back to me for two days! I also posted my letter an hour ago to Ms. Elvensborn, which you’ve already seen. Waiting on her reply.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Click here for a larger view.

Subject: On Shaky Ground
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 10:45 AM

Here’s a pic from last night, showing Deek with a large trash bag stuffed with shake, nuch of it still on branches. He is sorting through it all, and placing the product in Ziploc baggies. The pups are on the upper right, curled up on the sleeping bag. Thank Glob the nights are no longer so cold they need to be covered or wear sweaters! He took the sleeping bag, said he’ll need it…I guess, then, he’s sleeping outdoors somewhere. Fine with me, as the bag has lasted almost three months for the pups’ comfort while visiting, and I have another for that. It’s not like I’m farming out four or five sleeping bags per month, as I did through the stormy, cold winter season.

It just occurred to me there’s another reason he doesn’t sleep in his cabin every night: he needs to sell his product on the streets and not bring any of it back to the shelter. I’m glad he’s dealing so much weed, rather than meth, which is a very good thing. But I’m not so glad he prepares the shake and sorts it out right in front of my building! (And still smokes crystal there, too, needless to say.) He left behind leaf debris scattered across the sidewalk and turning it partially green, like a mossy growth starting to take hold…along with a small stack of branches stripped bare. So, once My Little Trio had departed, I picked up the branches and tossed them into the trash bin, then used a broom to sweep all the leafy detritus over the curb. My work is never done!

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Wouldn’t YOU feel more at home with a Brahman cow right by the front door, Wattson? I know I would! Standing in the side hall where my room is located as residents, delivery people and EMTs pass by. It would be MOST a-moo-sing.

Subject: Legal Assistance for the Elderly just called me back!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 2:18 PM

That was fast! Unfortunately, they don’t handle personal injury cases (which is the type of lawsuit the case number indicates). But she told me if all I want is guidance on filling out my reply to the summons, the SF Law Library is the place to go. Not just books, but people who work there will help me out, including handing me the correct form. They’re conveniently located a hop, skip and a jump straight down Market Street, at the Civic Center near the main library. Open every weekday from 9 AM to 5 PM. So I will spend one or two hours there tomorrow…that should be all it’ll take, or perhaps TWO visits at most.

No response from my eviction attorney yet. If I don’t hear from her today, I’ll contact the SF Bar to see if they’ll right their wrong. Maybe she’s gonna call them herself to get the matter resolved. I hope so! After all, she’s the one who told me they’ll handle my case for free.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: 6:30 PM now, and my eviction attorney never got back to me!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 6:33 PM

You’d think were she busy, she’d at least pop me a “Got your email, busy now, I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” Or maybe she’s ill, or some other emergency.

Further thoughts on my civil lawsuit:

Kevin is behind this…he’s COACHING my accuser! The plaintiff wouldn’t charge me with letting the pups run around my building unleashed unless KEVIN put that idea in his head! And his specific use of the phrase “dangerous and vicious” is exactly the one Kevin wrote in that hateful letter he taped to my door back in February 2021. (Gee, that long ago now?)

He IMPLANTED that phrase in the plaintiff’s mind. Kevin IS an attorney (though not practicing) so knows the PRECISE legal term to justify putting the dogs down, as well as getting me evicted. Of course he’s ALSO encouraged the plaintiff to create false accusations to a malicious degree. I am sure his growing senility plays a role in expanding the hatred he already harbors towards me. Good thing I mailed that letter of complaint to Ablahblah, about Kevin’s scary behavior…and another about the Myrtle/Adisa debacle.

Kevin HAS the proof of vaccine papers AND pics of of the rabies tags that I texted to him. Did he NOT show them to the plaintiff, make him think the pups weren’t vaccinated? How stupid of him because even if he deleted them from his phone, they’re still on record with the phone company, and a warrant would reveal his texting history. Bad maneuver on the old, dying codger’s part!

As for the alleged ankle bite: wouldn’t the doctor who (supposedly) gave him the rabies shots have taken a picture so I can see any REAL injury? Why didn’t the plaintiff or one of his friends come to my door and ask for proof of vaccination? The papers are stored right there in a plastic box I use to keep my Deek stuff!

I’m sure Kevin’s senility exacerbates his maliciousness and causes him to make false accusations that are easily disproven. Were he in his right mind he’d know better, that he’d get in a lot of trouble in the long run, legally speaking.

I just reread Ms. Elvensborn’s Answer to Ablahblah’s summons: it’s really quite a doozy, no wonder they backed off, job well done!

When I get back to the attorney from SF Bar who couldn’t take my case, Mr. Wasserman, he just might wind up being interested in filing a lawsuit against Ablablah on my behalf…and that of other tenants. ‘Cause there’s a lotta GOLD in them thar hills!

All these twists and turns are taking me to interesting places, and I see now how the jigsaw pieces are falling into place, in my favor. Hope you’re having a great day, Wattson.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: And whaddya think of plaintiff’s attorney’s declaration that the landlord failed to put up a sign warning “dangerous dogs on board?” Hilarious! It’s scripted, Wattson, they’re pulling my leg! That was the bodhisattva clue!

Re: 6:30 PM now, and my eviction attorney never got back to me!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 8:22 PM

> Yep. That’s his fingerprint, all right.

USING another resident for his devious plot. The Wicked Warlock of the East, ’cause he lives on the top floor, in the easternmost apartment…well, if being so frail ya can’t even walk anymore without a helping arm, I wouldn’t call it “living.”

> And what reputable doctor would give someone rabies shots without checking to see if the dogs had been vaccinated?

Maybe the Three Stooges cut a deal to share the booty equally: the plaintiff, the resident manager and the doctor.

> If the “victim” did in fact undergo the rabies shots, because Kevin led him to believe the dogs were unvaccinated, the tables could be turned on Kevin.

Well, he’ll be dead soon enough. The onus will fall like a ton of bricks on Ablablah Realty! I’m sure Victor (our maintenance man) has a lot of beans to spill.

> Wouldn’t THAT be sweet!!!

I would ask Mr. Wasserman to send me a dozen of his business cards and hand most of them over to the occupant who attempted to start a tenants union. He talks to so many people who live here (while I do not), so he could get the ball rolling.

> “Dangerous dogs.” Dangerously cute is about it.

Ha ha, they sure are! They’ll adore you to death if you give ’em half a chance.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Luba and her two chihuahuas…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 10, 2023 at 10:39 PM

…crossed my path yesterday afternoon. (I forgot to include her in my latest Deek update, so I’m bringing her up now.) I’ve mentioned her before, many chapters ago. She’s friends with Deek, Boulevard Joe and a few other homeless. And has two chihuahuas that she pushes around in a stroller. She’s a short, stout Latina lady around sixty years old, who decorates her face with thick, black eyeliner and mascara. Lives in a Section 8 apartment on Noe Street, about a half block towards (and opposite from) the Palestinian corner store. I think the last time we talked was over a year ago. Not that I don’t see her around, but I prefer to NOT intrude on Deek’s friendships. She never recognizes me anyway, from a distance.

She smiled down at Lucky & Flaco who patiently sat by my feet while looking up at her with familiar respect.

“I KNOW those dogs,” she exclaimed, “and they’re not yours!”

“That’s right, they’re Deek’s,” I agreed. “I’m his friend who dog-sits them once or twice a week.”

“And to think I ever tried to talk him out of one of ’em!” she said. “Look at them, they truly belong together!”

“Yes they do,” I replied. “They’re brother and sister with great affection for each other! They get along so well.”

“Boy, I sure miss Joe,” she later exclaimed as our conversation evolved. “He fixed my dishwasher, my radiator and other stuff around the house for a good price!”

“I do, too,” I replied. “They’re all living indoors now.” (Meaning Joe and his “tribe” whose presence was vibrant and well known throughout the Castro for muchos años.)

“Well, I want you to give him a message,” she stated. I nodded my head and she continued: “My lawsuit’s coming to a close soon, over that gangster dog attack, so I’ll soon be running into some money and I’d like to help him out.”

(I vaguely remember Deek mentioning the attack on Luba, happened maybe six years ago. It was a Rottweiller, I think, owned by a neighbor living in the same complex, who had a criminal background of the violent sort. Shades of Diane Whipple!)

“Sure, I’ll be glad to tell him the good news!” I replied, and then we went our separate ways.

Later, after Deek returned loaded with a huge sack of shake like some hippie Santa, I gave him Luba’s message.

“Did she say how much money?” he asked. (Natch that would be the first thing to come out of his gumbo hole.)

“Of course not,” I sputtered while stifling a guffaw. “You know she’s quite the booze hound, so maybe she’s just talking out of her hat, but I think it’s a good idea to look her up, soon. You never know.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: My letter of appeal to San Francisco Bar Association, via email.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 9:19 AM

It includes their post referring me to Mr. Wasserman, appended below my email, but not included herein:


Subject: URGENT! I was assigned the wrong attorney.

The attorney SF Bar referred me to (David Wasserman), only charges his regular fee, which goes into thousands of dollars…he does not take on low income clients. When I used SF Bar’s online form to seek an attorney, it asked for my income, which is only Social Security. I need an attorney’s guidance to prepare a reply to a summons, which deadline to deliver is March 24, so the clock is ticking. Can you please credit the $35 charged for referring me to Mr. Wasserman, and apply it to an attorney who will take my case pro bono? Or waive the $35 fee, if you cannot find me the right attorney…but I certainly hope it doesn’t come to that. After all, your organization advertises free legal counsel to the most vulnerable. Thank you for your attention. Reply via email is fine, but here’s my phone number anyway: 415-xxx-xxxx.


Subject: Message for David Wasserman (an update)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 11:33 AM

Sent at 10:53 AM:


Hello, David. Yesterday I contacted Legal Assistance for the Elderly via online form, and they got back to me via phone call just a couple hours later. She asked for the case number, looked it up and told me that’s a personal injury lawsuit, and they don’t handle such cases. But she did recommend I go to the SF Legal Library, where I can get the exact help I need in preparing a reply to the summons. So I’ll do just that, starting this afternoon. Meanwhile, I sent this email to San Francisco Bar this morning:


Subject: URGENT! I was assigned the wrong attorney.

The attorney San Francisco Bar referred me to (Micheal Wasserman), only charges his regular fee, which goes into thousands of dollars…he does not take on low income clients. When I used San Francisco Bar’s online form to seek an attorney, it asked for my income, which is only Social Security. I need an attorney’s guidance to prepare a reply to a summons, which deadline to deliver is March 24, so the clock is ticking. Can you please credit the $35 charged for referring me to Mr. Wasserman, and apply it to an attorney who will take my case pro bono? Or waive the $35 fee, if you cannot find me the right attorney…but I certainly hope it doesn’t come to that. After all, your organization advertises free legal counsel to the most vulnerable. Thank you for your attention. Reply via email is fine, but here’s my phone number anyway: 415-918-0087.


My main concern is one I hope assistants at the SF Law Library can answer, and here it is:

“The plaintiff’s attorney will drop me from the lawsuit once he discovers my sole income is Social Security, and I have no other income, or any assets. In which case the false charges against against me will still stand regarding the other defendant, my landlord. Which can easily lead to my eviction. Unless in my reply requesting a waiver I can nonetheless include a reply to every allegation. If that’s not allowed, I presume I will be subpoenaed by the landlord’s attorney to testify…which I will gladly do in order to strike down the claims against me.”

Another, less important, concern is if I can print out my replies against the allegations (if such is allowed in a request for dismissal) as an attachment to the official form. And write on that form “see attachment” in all the proper boxes. I have a touch of carpal tunnel syndrome from years of typewriting (I’m an author who’s been posting tons of stories on my blog over many years), and writing my replies by hand will be difficult, and possibly painful. Besides which, I probably will not be able to fit some of my replies into small boxes on that form.

Now, regarding your suggestion to ignore both the Acknowledgment of Receipt and the summons itself, because not delivered by hand, I found the following statement on a legal website, claiming such a tactic is a perfectly legal alternative to using a process server:



The acknowledgment of service by mail by the signature of the receipt allows for this method. The server is responsible for mailing the summons and complaint to the defendant with twin copies of the notice and acknowledgment receipt. The purpose of one copy is to be signed by the defendant as proof of receipt in the mail and returned to the server so that they can fill out a proof of service with the details. However, it is necessary to attach the returned Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt since the service by Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt is complete on the date the other side signs the Acknowledgment of Receipt portion of the form.


You can find that quote on the following page about a third of the way down.

So unless I misunderstand the wording in that quote (or unless San Francisco County’s rules are a bit more lenient), I will proceed as if the deadline for sending my signed copy of Acknowledgment of Receipt is April 16th, and the deadline for replying to the summons is April 24th…both of which I will mail at least a day before the last date allowed.

I sent an email to my eviction attorney early yesterday morning (who told me to contact the San Francisco Bar Association last week, where they’ll take my case for free), regarding SF Bar’s disappointing outcome. She has yet to get back to me, but I hope she will very soon. Maybe she’s busy trying to straighten things out with the San Francisco Bar, or finding some other solution for me. Or maybe some emergency has happened, where she can’t post back at this time. All I know is: she’s an excellent lawyer who has saved my skin from eviction (this was prior to the recent personal injury lawsuit suddenly erupting), and I have no wish other than to maintain respect and gratitude for her good work, and that of Bay Area Legal Aid in general. Besides which, she cannot advise me regarding a civil suit, ’cause not her purview.

So there’s my update, David! The worst case scenario is I’ll have to employ the resources at the SF Law Library…and that’s not a bad way to go at all, though not ideal. Hope you have an excellent day.

Sincerely (and with much appreciation for our talk last Friday, it was energizing),

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Subject: My eviction attorney’s reply just showed up!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 11:39 AM

Which I received at 10:45 AM, and I replied back 20 minutes later:


Yes, I think you can contact the San Francisco Bar again and tell them that you think they made a mistake and that you should probably qualify for a free attorney. You can also try to get help with preparing a response to the Summons and Complaint through the self-help center at the courthouse. It is called ACCESS Center and it is located at 400 McAllister Street, Room 509. You can go in-person on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday at 8:30am. You can also call their helpline first submit an online inquiry. The ACCESS Center cannot provide you with an attorney but they can maybe help you with an answer to the Summons and Complaint.

Hopefully, they can also give you legal info regarding the notice of acknowledgment of receipt. Good luck.


Now, my reply:


Okay then, I will do as you suggest. I have already contacted the San Francisco Bar in this matter via email this morning. And yesterday I spoke with someone at Legal Assistance for the Elderly, who said that’s a personal injury lawsuit and they don’t handle such cases…but she recommended I use the resources at the SF Law Library, which sounds like a great idea. Your advice to use the self-help center at the courthouse sounds equally good, maybe better. Thank you!


Subject: San Francisco Bar just phoned me!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 11:51 AM

After her disappointing explanation, I sent this update to my eviction attorney:


SF Bar just got back to me, via phone. They apologized, said they don’t do pro bono, but sliding scale, and they don’t know exactly what fee any attorney charges on that scale, when they refer someone. I told her the attorney they recommended does not do sliding scale, either…and added that I can only do sliding scale if it comes to no more than $100 per month (and even that would be a burden), and I doubt they have any lawyer who offers such a low fee. She said that’s right, and suggested I go to UC Hastings at 333 Golden Gate Ave. for their walk-in assistance this Friday between 4-6pm. I will do just that.

Before hanging up I politely told her I’m disappointed with San Francisco Bar’s offer of free legal service to the most vulnerable, as that doesn’t seem to be the case. But it is what it is, and thanked her for the UC Hastings tip.

Going to the SF Law Library this afternoon to get the ball rolling.


Subject: My email to Superior Court’s ACCESS Center via their online form.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 11, 2023 at 1:10 PM

FYI, Wattson: even one of their own web pages claims SF Bar does pro-bono for the very low income:

“ACCESS Staff cannot advise, strategize, go to court on your behalf, nor speak to a judge to discuss your case. Contact the (SF Bar) San Francisco Bar Association or San Francisco’s Lawyer Referral Service to hire an attorney, and/or to see if you qualify for a low fee or free attorney.”

Anyway, here is what I posted to them via their online request form, for which they’ll get back to me two or three days later (egads, time is running out):

“I need help replying to the summons properly. Cannot find an attorney due to my low income on Social Security, as I already applied through the Bar Association of San Francisco’s Lawyer Referral Service, and they claim they do not have any attorneys that take cases pro bono, contrary to their advertisements. As a result, they have cost me valuable time in finding some other resource. It is a personal injury case, which claims are false, so it’s important for me to refute them, even though my sole income, Social Security, makes me immune to being sued. Seeing as the other defendant is the landlord and I presume the plaintiff’s lawyer can proceed with these false claims unless I refute each one. Don’t know if a defendant can both be dismissed (due to Social Security and no assets) and dispute the charges at the same time. Acknowledgment of Receipt deadline is April 16, and deadline to answer the summons is April 24.”

Legalese Beagleese

April 8, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 18]

Subject: Pesky Vince showed up again!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 12:57 AM

He’s the little guy who pops up in my life like a jack-in-the-box when I least expect, but really don’t want in my life at all. The one who walked into my building uninvited early last year and was stopped by the manager who asked who he’s visiting, and he said “Zeke!” Whereupon I heard some commotion in my hallway, so opened the door and saw them standing there by the stairway. Kevin asked if he’s here to see me, I said “No, and I’ve already told him months ago I don’t have any more visitors.”

It happened two nights ago, around 3 AM when I heard Deek somewhere outside blasting his speaker. At first I thought it was coming from a parked vehicle (which often happens, and it’s almost always gangsta or melodic rap, just like HE plays all the time, though that night it was actually pleasant, just too loud). But after about ten minutes I figured to step outside to see if Deek was hangin’ out beneath Super Duper’s awning, which blocks my view from the window of anyone who might be down there.

Sure enough, when I opened the gate and peered left, there he was…and the pups were already looking in my direction with glee. As I approached he blurted: “Music too loud? Sorry!” I nodded my head and, rather than pivoting right around to return hovel, took a few minutes to hug and kiss the doggies. Deek didn’t seem to mind at all, and I appreciated him giving me no grief…he turned the rap music down to a respectably low volume without delay. I then wished them all a good night and, just as I entered the gate and it closed behind me I heard someone call in an excited voice:

“Zeke! Zeke! Zeke! Zeke! Zeke!”

I turned around to see Vince hurtling across the street (I presume from the transit island where he was waiting for a streetcar), then smashed up against the gate’s grill work with fingers poking through in a tight grip.

“How ya doin’ tonight, Zeke?” he addressed me.

“I’m tryin’ to sleep is how I’m doin’,” I replied in not such a pleasant voice. “I just told Deek over there to lower his music, now if you don’t mind I’d like to go back to bed.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not tryin’ to get into your building,” he replied, totally ignoring what I just said. (Of course, that’s how meth freaks are.)

“Of course you’re not,” I snipped. “I’d call the cops on you if you did!”

“What? You’d BOINK the cops?” he chuckled. “That’s funny!”

“No, I said I’d CALL THE COPS if I saw you in my building,” I replied. He then rattled on some other nonsense which I can’t recall because I was laser focused on getting him to vamoose. “I cannot talk with you now, I need my sleep. So please go, unglue yourself from the gate.”

But he didn’t. Instead, he just stood there gazing at me with a dumb grin, face pressed against the grill with tongue sticking out. Not with anger, though…something more akin to a friendly stupor.

“What?” I said and held both hands palm up. I noticed then another fellow about four feet behind him, also smiling. (“Now who the fuck is THIS guy?” I thought.)

I then waved a dismissive hand at Vince: “Go! Now! PLEASE!”

FINALLY, he turned around and took off. As I climbed back up the stairs I heard the gate open, and noticed from the corner of my eye it was that dude who stood behind Vince. I realized then he was a resident politely waiting to step inside. (“Jeez, Vince, thanks for nothing!”)

I didn’t bother to address him, say something like: “Sorry! I didn’t know you needed inside.” Nor did I sense he expected to hear that, anyway. I just marched upstairs to my room and placed my head back down on the pillow, free of Deek-induced noise pollution at last. Lesson learned (as if it hadn’t been already, years ago):

Speed demons are pests. And if you have one in your life for whatever reason (hopefully an important one), be sure to not acquire another.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Now this incident occurred five days AFTER I received that awful summons. Like I really need another gremlin in my life at this time! Neither Deek nor Vince have ANY idea what’s going on in my world these days. Freaking clowns!

From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 1:04 AM

And now all my summons pages have disappeared from my room! They were right there on my cot, beside me as I spoke with someone from SF Bay. Don’t know when they vanished, as I didn’t notice them missing until a few moments ago as I was wrapping things up, ready to go to bed. I’ve combed my room everywhere, but…nothing! I never took them outside my room. What the fuck is going on? I left my door unlocked for a couple of minutes when I stepped out to bring the pups some water, after Deek had returned to pick them up. (I dog-sat today, more about that tomorrow.) I’ve also used the restroom once, with the door unlocked. Could someone have slipped into my room and swiped them? I find that highly unlikely.

Thank Glob I took snapshots of all those pages and backed them up to my Google Drive! Don’t know, Wattson. I’m hoping to wake up tomorrow morning and find them SOMEwhere. I have only TWELVE days to sign and send back to the plaintiff’s attorney page three in that summons: “Acknowlegment of Receipt.” I can get a printout and send it off, though it will be a bit slanted, as that’s how the pic came out. Dammit, I just sent an email to plaintiff’s attorney:

Subject: Please send the summons papers again

This is strange, but they seem to have disappeared from my room today, I can’t find them anywhere after looking them over this morning. I always kept them in my place. I stepped out for a few hours and when I returned they were gone. Fortunately, I already had all pages copied to my hard drive and the cloud. I can send you a signed printout of Acknowledgment of Receipt, but it’s a little crooked (though perfectly legible), but I don’t know if you’d accept a copied version. My case number is CGC-23-xxxxxx.

Thank you for your attention,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

I also noticed on one summons page that plaintiffs include “Does 1-50.” I looked up what that means: 50 ADDITIONAL people filed a complaint? Maybe I understood that wrong, but JEEZ if I didn’t!

– Zeke K-Holmes

From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 12:07 PM

> Oh, that’s too fucking weird!!!

They are NOWHERE! Though all my other papers relevant to my eviction case are still here, in a box I set aside just for them. Guess I’ll just go ahead and print out and sign the Acknowledgment of Receipt, then mail it off CERTIFIED if a second copy of the summons doesn’t arrive in a few days. I imagine my email alone is sufficient acknowledgment, anyway.

Some good news: I definitely can’t be sued since garnishing my Social Security stipend is verboten. According to legal sources I checked out last night.

What you said some months back: “The truth will out, eventually,” or something like that, regarding these scumbags. And if I really have “Does 1-50” (that is, fifty complainants) there ya go! It’ll be like a mini-Judgment Day for them! Though as an advocate of My Own Bodhisattva Premise, I relax, harbor no ill will, and work towards a win/win outcome. And just how do I achieve that? No worries, just take care of my own needs, keep on my toes and trust Kismet that all things shall fall into place, in my favor. No need for me to break my back over this…which is the answer to dealing with ANY crisis, not a single exception under the sun.

Again, this latest scenario is like a setup, a script devised to make me into the hero, the center of attention. For whenever I step outside of myself and look at things objectively, it sure makes for a SPLENDIFEROUS tale! Ergo: THEY ARE ALL IN ON IT: the residents, the manager, the attorneys and so on. Bodhisattva guardians all!

“We have no enemies, only teachers.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: I have found a way to keep all details of this lawsuit out of my stories, while still giving the readers something “umame” to chew on.

Subject: This just came in from plaintiff’s attorney:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 12:19 PM

Via email:

“Hi Ezekiel,

Do you have an attorney? If so, please have him or her contact me. A printout is fine, thank you. Would you like me to send you another copy of the documents?”

And my reply:

“I am in the process of getting an attorney through the San Francisco Bar. Yes, I would appreciate another copy of the documents if it’s no trouble. Thank you for a speedy reply.”

Re: This just came in from plaintiff’s attorney:
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 12:44 PM

> The plot sickens.

Oh you clever prestidigitating littérateur, you!

Subject: Deek was an A-hole yesterday morning!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 4, 2023 at 2:19 PM

He came by to pick up his weekly allowance of $100. Was supposed to be $80, but I told him several days back he’ll get his next hundred dollars on Monday, because the reduced payment starting this month slipped my mind. So, being a man of my word, I won’t begin the eighty-dollar payments till next week.

When I stepped outside to see him he was lying flat on the sidewalk, face-up beside his cart:

“God I feel sick! Why do I feel so sick?” he moaned.

I didn’t respond, just handed him the Chase envelope and crouched down to greet The Divine Brindlekin.

“Zeke, why do I feel so sick?” he persisted.

I ignored his gripe ’cause I know that game, and instead replied: “Did you feed the dogs this morning? Should I bring their meals?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” he hollered. ‘I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”

“Well you SHOULD know,” I calmly retorted. “You’re with them almost all the time…and they’re your best friends, they love you very much.”


“I’m NOT being complicated, Deek,” I replied. “It’s a simple question and if they already ate this morning they won’t be hungry and I can’t afford to waste food, it’s expensive.”

He then raised himself upon one forearm and looked up at me: “Every night I sleep in that cabin I feel sick when I get up. Other people there never turn on their heaters, they say there’s poison fumes comin’ outta them.”

“That’s ridiculous, Deek,” I scoffed.

“They don’t believe me when I tell ’em I’m sick, they just tell me to knock it off, quit whining!” he blurted with absurd self pity. “YOU don’t believe me either!”

“I’m not a doctor, Deek, there’s nothing I can do,” I simply replied. “If you’re REALLY sick, they’ll take care of you, that’s part of their job.”

“Maybe it’s fentanyl,” he retorted, no doubt to instill further worry in THIS lost pilgrim’s soul.

“Well I HOPE not,” was all I said in reply ’cause I reFUSE to fall into his tar-baby trap.

Then he played his I-gotta-get-rid-of-the-dogs card, which I ignored (’cause he knows it kicks me in the gut) and I replied:

“Tell ya what, I’ll bring ’em a bowl of water right now and then I’ll know whether or not they’re hungry.” (Meaning of course they’ll look disappointed if they are.)

“I DON’T CARE! I DON’T CARE!” was all Deek said in response, his head now laid back down upon the concrete, eyes staring up at the sky.

I told the mutts I’ll be right back, leaving their master to mutter more nonsense as I returned upstairs to bring them water. Sure enough, they were hungry so I brought them their breakfast a few minutes later. They licked their bowls clean!

I collected the now-empty dishes and told Deek, who had quieted down by that point, I’ll be back in a few minutes to walk Flaco & Lucky. Don’t know why he hadn’t already departed, since he asked me to sit the dogs for a couple of hours. I was even tempted to say “You know you can leave now,” but didn’t bother.

I used my time upstairs to finish drinking my banana smoothie–which his visit had interrupted–wash the bowls and check my email. For I saw no reason to rush back outside when Deek was still there with the canines.

Around ten minutes later I heard him call “Yo!” so I stuck my head out the window:

“Yeah, what’s up?” I queried. Scampy had shown up by then, and it looked like they were ready to take off together.

“Aren’t you comin’ back down to walk the dogs?” he asked, squinting up at me beneath the bright sun.

“Of course! I’ll be right down,” I called back.

We had a lovely stroll up Noe Street and a couple of side streets as usual, including basking in the sunlight for almost an hour by Morey’s corner store. Though I was disappointed Lucky didn’t like the new soft Milk Bones I bought for them. (“Soft” because neither can deal with hard biscuit.) He just sniffed it the several times I held one out, and turned his head away…while his sister gobbled them up and begged for more. Fortunately, I still had a handful of jerky treats left in my backpack, which he DID enjoy.

[Sidebar: Please note I brought my Moto E with me because yesterday I was anticipating a phone call or email from the San Francisco Bar. So I checked it every now and then, but nothing showed until later in the day, shortly after Deek returned and I was back upstairs.]

When I walked them back to my building I expected their master not to return for another two hours or so. But to my surprise he appeared barely twenty minutes after we sat down by the parking meter, where a sheet of cardboard was already laid out.

“Watch them a little longer,” he said as the pooches wagged their tails, hoping for hugs and pats which never came. “I’m going to the gas station, back in ten minutes.”

“Sure,” I replied, “take your time, we’ll be here.”

He then rode off on his bike, leaving his shopping cart behind. Deek didn’t seem to be the least bit ill; in fact he was in good spirits. (Meth refuel, perhaps? Or just dropping that morning’s stupid ploy? Maybe both.)

The rest of his visit went graciously, where he sat down to sort and bag the buds he acquired during his departure…with the pups sprawled out beside him. How I envy their joyful innocence, Wattson!

While he was sitting outside in apparent good humor I finally got that email from GG Bar. Knowing I should call them right away (it was only around 4 PM) I went downstairs to tell My Cajun Millstone:

“Look, I have to make an important phone call, so I can’t be disturbed till it’s over. So I’ll let you know once I’m done. Until then, no calling up to my window for ANYthing, okay?”

He was humming to himself while sorting product. “Well, okay, I hear ya!” he replied without looking up.

The call took longer than expected ’cause I forgot to allow for the being-put-on-hold part, which lasted about eight minutes. The call itself took maybe three. I then peered out my window to tell him the coast is clear, but guess what:

They had already vanished!

More about Victor, our maintenance man:

As I’ve mentioned before, he’s been especially friendly towards me of late. And yesterday afternoon was no exception. For when I was sitting outside with the doggos he stepped through the gate with his new assistant…each rolling a trash bin out to the curb. I assumed Victor was gonna ignore my presence, considering my sidewalk station that classifies me as “homeless” in the eyes of most. But no, he did not. Instead he turned to me with a most amiable “Hey, how’s it going?” and a bright smile.

That really touched me and I grinned back, told him I’m doing well while rubbing Flaco’s belly, who lied recumbent upon my lap, her little hind legs pointing up in floppy repose.

So what’s going on with Victor? (I wonder). Is he aware of all the brouhaha surrounding me regarding the manager’s (and possibly other residents’) hostility against me? Has Kevin been speaking badly of me into his unappreciative ears? Are his friendly gestures a comrade’s signal he’s on MY side? And that perhaps some others are, too, who live at Hotel California North? Be that as it may:

I was unequivocally delighted he gave me kind attention while I was sitting on the sidewalk with My Glorious Brindlekin. Now get this: something ELSE nice happened to me while tending to the woofies:

An old Chinese fellow with a cane was wobbling towards me, then slowed down when he got right beside my spot and muttered something I could NOT comprehend. He wore aviator shades and his back was slightly bent over. Not sure whether he was actually addressing me or not, I looked up at him with a smile and a nod, then resumed tapping on my smartphone to check for incoming alerts.

He then moved ahead a few more feet, but turned back and stood closer to me than before. So I turned my head to him and said hello, upon which he queried:

“Can you, uh, can you perhaps use a little money to help your dogs?”

“Wow, that’s very kind of you,” I replied with a glowing heart. “Thank you, but I don’t need any. A homeless friend of mine owns these dogs, and I watch over them once or twice a week while he runs some errands. I just live over there” (pointing at my building).

“Oh, I see,” his face lit up with a smile. “Well, I wish you and your little dogs a wonderful day now!”

“Yes, and you, too,” I replied. “And thanks again!”

In addition to my sweet encounter with Victor and that Chinese fellow, Wes also showed up, who is always looking for Deek to buy more weed, but no real interest in chatting with yours truly. I saw him approaching from near the bus stop, so I held a hand up in greeting:

“Hey there, Wes! I see you made it through the deluge!” Meaning those atmospheric river washouts from late December through early January. And I even thought of him from time to time during that season, knowing he lives outdoors in a secluded, wooded area somewhere near the UCSF campus.

He’s certainly not the friendliest person I’ve ever met, and scowled when I brought up those Biblical downpours, probably for the unpleasant memories they evoked.

“Oh it was tough,” he replied. “I do a lot of gardening and yard work and I’m outta fifteen hundred dollars because the ground was so wet I couldn’t do ANY job for two and a half months.”

“Oh man, sorry to hear that,” I sympathized, though wondering who the fuck would ever hire him, what with that ragged serape that’s seen better days, filthy trousers, straggly red hair down below the shoulders, and massively rotten teeth with all the front ones missing…not to mention that grotesque, untrimmed beard which fanned out in all directions except up.

“Oh that’s alright, I don’t need to talk about it,” he sighed in resignation. “No one wants their ears chewed off hearing my OWN troubles.”

“No, I don’t mind,” I said. “Please, go on and tell me a little more!”

So he did, for a few minutes, during which time I really couldn’t understand anything he said, due to the poor quality of his speech thanks to those missing teeth…and perhaps that mossy-gray slime upon his tongue. Thank Glob I couldn’t smell his breath from where I sat! I just nodded my head at appropriate moments to pretend I understood, and when he was finished he asked me:.

“Where’s Deek? He sold me some good bud a coupla weeks ago, so I’m hoping I can buy some more today.”

“I don’t know WHERE he goes, Wes,” I replied, “I’m not privy to that information, but he should return in an hour or so.”

He then wished me a good day and took off. Later, shortly after Deek’s return, he showed up again and I left them to their exchange while I went back upstairs to prepare another four-or-five-day supply of doggy vittles.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: This Friday at 2 pm, attorney appointment.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 5, 2023 at 2:47 PM

The San Francisco Bar just called to say they have me scheduled for that day and time. Of course I said “Perfect!” Then they posted me an email with a few more details.

Dear Ezekiel Krahlin;

This email is to confirm your appointment information with the attorney provided to you by the Lawyer Referral and Information Service of San Francisco Bar Association of San Francisco. Please review the appointment details provided below. If you need to reschedule the appointment please contact the attorney directly at the telephone number provided within 24-hours of the appointment.

The appointment scheduled with the attorney is for an initial, 30-minute consultation. Any legal services that may be provided beyond the consultation, including an extension of the consultation beyond the initial 30-minutes, are to be discussed directly with the attorney. The attorney has received a brief description of your legal matter and your contact information to best facilitate a productive first meeting. It may be helpful too if you write down questions you have for the attorney prior to the appointment and bring with you copies of any relevant documents.

If you have any questions regarding this referral, please do not hesitate to contact us directly. Thank you for connecting with us. It has been our pleasure to assist you with your legal needs.”

Re: This Friday at 2 pm, attorney appointment.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 5, 2023 at 6:20 PM

> Excellent!!

Indeed. But it’s just an initial interview before the attorney decides whether or not to take my case. I’m sure he will, though, as the GG Bar is dedicated to aiding those most vulnerable, and my case is far from frivolous from MY end of the shit stick.

The interview will be conducted over the phone, BTW. And a suitable fee arrangement will be made at that time. Of course, what’s “suitable” is $0.00 in my case, but we’ll see. Hopefully, I’ll get through this with flying crullers before Russia starts dropping nuclear bombs…anal retentive acolytes such as yours truly DESPISE loose ends! :p

With My Bodhisattva Premise spin on things, it’s just another sterling opportunity to rub elbows with intelligent, caring people who get to meet yours truly and realize someone like me really DOES exist…just like with my OTHER attorney, Ms. Elvensborn! At least it works for me, and very well I’d say.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: My upcoming passage for Marshall to read I have entitled: “Can I Visit You for a Minute? (shudder).” Should be fun, love my Fridays.

Subject: Mighty Mouse Virus & ChatGPT = Partners in Salvation?
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 6, 2023 at 3:53 PM

You may recall my satirical cyberpunk tale I composed back in 2002: “Security Matters & Anti-Matters (or) The Mighty Mouse Virus.” In which I created the world’s first BENEVOLENT virus to take over all computer systems and electronic media to circumvent potential annihilation of this planet, including defusing every single nuclear weapon across the globe.

Then, as this unstoppable, clever little “mouse” continues to evolve, it will create intelligent nanobot clouds to infiltrate religious, government, military and financial systems to sabotage further attempts to spread misery, destruction and death, both worldwide and local. This includes redistribution of wealth on an equitable basis such that poverty would be eliminated, and thwarting anyone who shows devious intent to harm others (revealed via their private electronic communications as well as any media coverage). And that, being a fully PRO-queer activist per its programmed mandates, it would first liberate sexual minorities everywhere and hand them the keys to emancipate all OTHER oppressed minorities, and women.


Its voracious data scraping across the vast, growing realm of cyberspace may eventually lead it to discover my prolific writings (if it hasn’t already): essays, letters and tales majorly dedicated to LGBT rights. And in so doing, I may find myself being quoted extensively, one day soon, by others using this brand new AI (or later iterations therefrom) asking questions about sexual minorities for whatever reason, both pro and con! Which, as a result, could make “Zeke Krahlin” a household name. Funny, ’cause that is ONE of Mighty Mouse Virus’s explicit instructions!

Thank Glob I’ve kept my website online all these years. Believe it or not, Wattson, I mused several times over deleting it ’cause just too old-school for today’s Web…thinking “Well, I also have my WordPress blog now, which serves as a modern replacement.” But since so many MORE pro-queer pieces are on my website that do NOT appear anywhere on my blog pages, it’s a good thing BOTH sites remain up and running.

Not to mention the HUNDREDS of pro-gay posts I’ve made on Usenet forums back in the day, that are NOT retrievable by standard user searches, ’cause outdated. Yet ChatGPT may nonetheless be able to track them down through sources it has privy to, which we average netizens do not.

Granted, my “virus” was composed in English words, as a 9-step algorithm, which I tossed out there in cyberspace for savvy programmers to turn into the ultimate anti-malware Trojan horse. Step #9 being:

“Have a sense of humor for all steps from 1 through 8.”

Now, thanks to the recent public release of ChatGPT-4, ANYONE can use plain English to create computer-language applications. However, the concept of my Mighty Mouse Virus COULD manifest through ChatGPT without ANY human intervention. My question is:

Forget about a wizard hacker being inspired enough to compose such a program and release it in the wild. Would ChatGPT (or a later, more advanced version of it) actually create and activate this virus out of a “sense” of duty towards protecting the human race (and advancing it in a better direction), regardless of any attempts by programmers to shut it down?

So I decided to pose this question to ChatGPT (thus putting the very IDEA of the Mighty Mouse Virus into its “mind,” for my modus operandi is not to ASK it to create such an algorithm, but to just get it THINKing along those lines…hoping it won’t report me to Homeland Security, as a sorry outcome):

My query:

“I would like to get your impression of a short, satirical cyberpunk tale I wrote. It is just under 3,170 words, written in plain text and located at the following URL. I’m not interested in grammatical corrections or any other technicalities regarding use of prose…but interested in what you think of the philosophy behind it, keeping in mind it was written back in 2002. Can you do that?”

ChatGPT’s first reply:

“Yes, I can certainly read your satirical cyberpunk tale and give you my impression of the philosophy behind it. Please give me a few minutes to read through it.”

ChatGPT’s impression some minutes later (Started at 12:43…now 1:10):

[No answer yet, if ever! And it’s been more than 25 minutes. I’ll keep that ChatGPT page up for awhile longer, an hour at most, to see if I eventually get a reply. Is it reporting me to Homeland Security this very moment, instead?]

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Or could ChatGPT itSELF be an actual manifestation BY the Mighty Mouse Virus’s diligent efforts over many years, in order to accomplish its goals? And I really don’t need to push matters further? Ah, that most existential question of them all: “To ChatGPT or not to ChatGPT?”


Oh, this is SUSPICIOUSLY ironic. My Internet service went on the fritz while I was waiting on ChatGPT to respond. But I didn’t realize that until I attempted to post you this missive, which failed to send because “no Internet connection.” Now that I’m back online an hour later I processed my query again, and ChatGPT instantly responded this time, albeit in a most oblique manner:


Yes, I can certainly read your cyberpunk tale and share my impression of it. I’ll keep in mind that you’re interested in feedback on the philosophy behind the story.

After reading your story, “Security,” I found it to be an interesting and thought-provoking commentary on the potential dangers of technology and corporate control. Your use of satire effectively highlights the absurdity of a society that values security above all else, even at the expense of individual freedom and privacy.

The story also touches on the idea of individual responsibility and the consequences of blindly following authority. The protagonist’s eventual realization that she has been complicit in perpetuating a system that she does not believe in is a powerful moment, and it raises important questions about the balance between personal ethics and societal norms.

While your story was written in 2002, many of the themes and issues it explores are still relevant today, if not even more so. The increasing influence of technology and the power of large corporations have only become more pronounced in the years since you wrote “Security,” and the need for critical thinking and individual responsibility has never been more pressing.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your story and found it to be a compelling commentary on the dangers of a society that prioritizes security above all else. Thank you for sharing it with me.


So I figured maybe Google’s Merlin would do a better job of it, but no…another disappointment. I’ll spare you the response, because after a little more diddling around I realized BOTH services were reviews for a tale called “Security,” with the main protagonist named Lynn. (I guess since the URL has the word “security” in it, they mistook THAT for the title? Jeez Louise, way off track! I’M the main character, along with Mighty Mouse Virus…there IS no other character mentioned.) So I told both they didn’t even read the text in the link I gave them, perhaps I should just copy and paste my story in the query box, asking if they can handle 3,170 words. Both said sure, “I can handle up to 10,000!” But when I did that, I got this error:

“The message you submitted was too long, please reload the conversation and submit something shorter.”

Aw, fuck it. I miss the simpler times of Victorian England, Wattson, don’t you? Or was it Edwardian, I’m so befuddled right now. These AI assistants strike me as rather skilamalink, if you ask me!

Subject: Does 1-50 are defendants, not plaintiffs!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 7, 2023 at 12:13 PM

Upon a thorough reading of the summons this morning:

“The true names and capacities, whether individual, corporate, associate or otherwise, of cross-defendants Does 1-50 are unknown to plaintiff, who therefore sues these defendants by such fictitious names. Plaintiff is informed and believes and thereon alleges that each Doe defendant is legally responsible in some manner for the damages or injuries alleged herein.”

So an additional 50 people are being sued, besides myself and Ablablah Realty? I don’t understand how that could be. Well, that will be one of several questions I have for my attorney when I speak with him today at 2 PM. Less than two more hours to go before I do! I am fully prepared for the interview.

Deek dropped by yesterday, late afternoon, of course asked for his next payment three days ahead of time. Told him okay, but it’s gonna be $80 from now on. He said fine, didn’t give me any grief over that. I put new music on his chip, fed and watered the pups, then they took off towards Castro Street. But returned a few hours later and hanged out front till 11 PM.

Nothing bad to report, it was a pleasant meetup all around. I told him I need tomorrow (Friday) all to myself until 4 PM, because I have some important interviews to tend to…a new lawsuit and a new attorney.

“Is this about the dogs?” he queried with a grin. “I bet it’s about the dogs!”

“No it isn’t,” I lied (because he doesn’t deserve the angst around this situation, and wouldn’t understand the details anyway). “Just a bunch of false accusations by some people in this building who want to sue me as a way to get to the landlord and collect a bunch of moolah.”

“So someone and his ‘friends’ are ganging up on you?” he replied. “Using you like their bitch?”

“Yeah, that’s about it, Deek,” I nodded. “I’ve been through this before, years ago, and they fell flat on their faces. I didn’t even have to go to court to defend myself, they wound up dropping the case.”

He said if I’m innocent why do I need a lawyer then, just brush ’em off. So I explained that, whenever someone sues you, you HAVE to defend yourself with an attorney, no matter your innocence.

“What happened to the lawyer you already have?” he further pressed.

“Well, she handles eviction cases,” I explained. “This second lawsuit is civil, so I have to find a lawyer who deals with civil suits.”

And that’s that, Wattson. I will, of course, update you about how my interview went, later today.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Does 1-50 are defendants, not plaintiffs!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 7, 2023 at 1:32 PM

> That “Does 1-50” business is MOST peculiar.

No kidding.

> Will be waiting attentively for report of meeting with lawyer!!

Just a half hour to go! Meanwhile:


A short while ago I stepped out to replenish my reserve of nonfat milk at Rosenberg’s. Soon as I opened the front gate, who should I see walking in my direction but that same postal worker I spoke with nine days ago. The fellow who asked what room I’m in, told me he’s the one bringing the Amazon packages to everyone’s door. So I held the gate open for him and said “Hello again!”

“You’re the one in 205, right?” he queried as he pushed a dolly stuffed to the brim with mail and small packages into the lobby.

“Yeah, that’s me!” I replied.

“You know I live here, don’t you?” I felt like he was grilling me.

“Really? I didn’t know.” I said with a shrug.

“I’m in 208, I just moved in,” he replied. “I’ve lived here before, too, some years ago, in 203.”

“Sorry I don’t remember,” I apologized. “I’ve lived here so long…so many come and go over the years, they’re a blur to me.”

He abruptly changed the topic: “Do you have mice in your apartment?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I answered.

“Well I found SIX in mine, in just the past two weeks!” he exclaimed. “I don’t know what to do about it!”

I then told him how other residents are upset with management, and part of the problem is Kevin’s just too old now, with signs of senility. That I even sent a letter to the landlord last years about my concern over this, and unwarranted, hostile behavior. And that another occupant tried to start a tenants’ union due to his poor management. I finished with:

“But it never took off, I guess due to the high transience of this place…people move on, they don’t wanna deal with issues because they’re not living here longterm.”

He then mentioned he’s heard that other tenants have been complaining to the health department and building inspector regarding mice and other issues.

“Glad to hear that,” I said, then asked his name:

“Boaz,” he replied. And I told him mine.

That was it for our conversation, though I did tell him before I departed: “You know, it’s fine with me if you drop my Amazon packages off in the lobby, I’ll still give you a high score. If a box is too heavy I just open it and carry the contents piecemeal…no big deal.”

He smiled and thanked me for that, and off I went for my milk run. So he’s in unit 208: guess who USED to live in that apartment, Wattson? None other than the inimitable Myrtle Haversak and her most radiant son, Adisa! Which location ALSO means Boaz is living right across from guess who. (Hint: his newfound, quasi-roommate is none other than Scooter.) But this makes me ponder:

If I go ahead with my own lawsuit against Ablablah, I just might be able to bring MANY tenants in on it!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Just spoke with the attorney…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 7, 2023 at 2:38 PM

…for just one or two minutes, wherein I began to describe the situation. He stopped me and suggested I email the links to all the summons pages so his assistant can print them out for him to read. If he doesn’t call back within an hour, I should call again. I’m impressed by his voice: young, articulate and enthusiastic.

Re: Just spoke with the attorney…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 7, 2023 at 2:38 PM

> Sounds good so far!

Okay, I just got off the phone with Mr. Wasserman. He can’t take my case, because the GG Bar did not take into account my low income, and he’s not part of that group of lawyers. He asked how old I am, and when I said 72 he told me to call on Monday, “Legal Assistance for the Elderly,” which GG Bar should have done. His rates go into the thousands. On a good note, however:

He checked out the plaintiff’s attorney, said he’s only had his license since 2021, and the summons statement reflects a poorly written, amateur style, doesn’t know what he’s doing. IOW “ambulance chaser,” just as I suspected. Graduated from Hastings Law School, not a place that churns out the greatest lawyers. It’s called “The Best Law School For Students Who Don’t Have Perfect Grades” at this site.

The attorney further advised me NOT to sign and mail the Acknowledgment of Receipt, that I should just ignore it. The 20-day warning is not a legal mandate. Nor should I worry about the “30 days to reply” to the court, as that is only when I actually get SERVED papers, which has yet to happen. They have to do THAT in person…and that’s when the clock starts ticking.

Mr. Wasserman said I really shouldn’t worry much at this point, have a nice weekend and to call him back if “Legal Assistance for the Elderly” does not work out. In which case he’ll track down whatever attorney or organization WILL help me for free or very low cost.

He pointed out the amusing revelation that the plaintiff worked in a “Corgi” cafe that celebrates the breed…so many corgi owners go there. This is the place.

In sum: Since I have no extra savings in the bank, and no assets such as a vehicle, there’s no way they can sue me, even if they won their case. Which is unlikely. But Ablablah will probably try to use this suit in an attempt to evict me because I’ve lived there so long on such a low rent.

I will let my attorney, Magdalena, know that GG Bar wasn’t any help, and describe what this lawyer told me, just what I have posted to you. And I’m outta $35! Maybe I should ask for my money back.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Just spoke with the attorney…
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 7, 2023 at 9:27 PM

> Sounds to me like he gave you $35 worth!!

You’re right, he did! That was what I FIRST wrote in my missive, but changed it to what you read before sending it off.

Answering the summons, when the time comes, is actually pretty easy in light of the dumb charges made against me. This Legal Beagle page explains it well.

Though I can’t find anything definite re. whether or not you can ignore both the Acknowledgment of Receipt and the summons delivered via snail mail. Some sites say you’d better, but none say it’s okay to ignore it, that you can just wait till they’re hand delivered. Maybe it varies state to state (or city to city). So I’ll ask Ms. Elvensborn about that, and go by HER recommendation.

If I can’t get an attorney, I’d at LEAST like to find some legal counsel who can look over my reply to the summons, and make suggestions if any part of it can be better stated. The basic opposition I’ll give is that I live on Social Security and don’t have any other monetary source, or assets. That should put the kibosh on my case stat. However, I don’t want the plaintiff’s charges to stand, as that will allow him to sue Ablablah and all those mysteries “Does.” So I’ll address each charge in one or two brief sentences.

Deek is here now, he’s fine…got a new speaker and smartphone, both charging in my room right at this moment. He DID have a brief outburst when the phone he gave me fell outta my jacket’s pocket (’cause too slanted), but quickly switched to “Thank you!” He’s hanging out with some houseless lady behind my building, with the pups of course. I brought them water, but he obviously didn’t want me to join them, so I returned hovel.


I was able to copy music over the phone, but then it stopped working. When I first took it upstairs I pressed the “on” button and nothing happened. So I called to Deek from my window, “How do you turn it on?” He said “Just press the red button!” (It WAS red, BTW.) I told him it doesn’t work, so he said it’ll turn on when I plug it in. I did, and it did, and transferred 20 gigabytes of rap songs.

So then I unplugged it from my laptop, once everything was copied over, and plugged it into the charger. But it didn’t respond! Tried it a whole buncha times, both on the laptop and the charger, but…NOTHING! I stepped out then to tell him it’s not working right. Of course he blamed me for “breaking” it, and I replied by saying it probably wasn’t working before he gave it to me.

“You found it on the street…someone tossed it ’cause it doesn’t work anymore. Then gave it to me, pretending it’s in good condition. And you’re just playing the guilt-trip game.”

He of course objected, accusing me of ruining everything I touch that he give me, blah blah blah. But not with his formerly screeching voice, much more toned down. I then said I’m going back upstairs, call me when you’re ready to pick up the speaker.

So it’s one of those night no matter WHAT I do, I’m blocked from spending a little quality time with the pups. He’s still out there, don’t know how much longer he’s gonna wait before he collects gizmo #2. I’m sure he’ll grouch some more before he departs, just for good measure.


During our conversation he asked me where I’m from, so I said:

“New York, with a 7-year stopover in Missouri before I came to San Francisco.”

“So what have you done in your life over the years?” he queried further.

“Oh, majored in anthropology,” I replied, “but the Vietnam War tried to draft me and I got outta that, then I had a car accident, dropped out and became homeless for awhile. Diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia, so got on disability and carved a life out as an activist for the LGBT homeless.”

“Interesting,” he mused. “Do these dogs have something to do with your activism?”

“Yes! My homeless friend of many years adopted them against my wishes, but they turned out to be such lovely pups I dedicated myself to helping care for them, including dog-sitting.”

I forgot to tell him I’m also an author and writing true tales around the doggies and my homeless friend, and they’re read on the air every Friday from a radio station up north. Dammit.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: Jeez, this legal crap is taking up all my writing, never planned it that way. But still, it’s excellent grist for the mill, regardless. So I won’t whine.

P.P.S.: Maybe I should utilize the awesome power of ChatGPT-4 for my attorney…wouldn’t THAT be a disaster!

Everyone’s Life is Falling Apart

April 4, 2023

[Brindlekin Tales – Book 7: Chapter 17]

Subject: THEY’RE GOING FOR THE JUGULAR! (re. the lawsuit)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 29, 2023 at 6:09 PM

Just got a summons that I must reply to within 20 days. Ridiculous, horrific, false accusations. 10 pages in all, which links I will send to my attorney in a moment. I’ll probably have to come into her office tomorrow so she can make photocopies. It showed up in my mailbox today.

Subject: Now get this!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 29, 2023 at 7:48 PM

Just minutes before I found that summons in my mailbox, Deek & pups showed up. He called up his usual “Yo!” to my window, so I poked my head out and he said: “He’s back!”

“Who?” I queried.

“Your manager,” he replied, then pointed to my right, at an old codger who just hobbled out of a car and was escorted by some young fellow. Sure enough, it was Kevin! I was certainly annoyed at Deek saying that right in front of them, and POINTING no less. But my Cajun Drifter has a way of putting me in an awkward state before I even realize it, and this was just the latest.

“Oh that’s just dandy,” I thought with a sour spirit. “Now I’ll have to pass the decrepit old dolt on the way downstairs!” Seeing as Deek would grow impatient if I waited for Kevin and helpmate to reach the second flight of stairs before I left my room.

Kevin was deeply bowed with an arm around his escort, ambling up the first flight, slow as a turtle. So all I saw was his bald, blotchy pate…didn’t know whether or not to bother saying hello, so I didn’t. He may not have seen my face anyway, as he was staring straight down to lift each foot one at a time, like dead weights. I must admit I wasn’t pleased to see him again in his corporeal form, good physician. As I got close to them I pressed myself against the left-side wall (’cause the other side has the handrail) and maneuvered beyond them like a breeze.

“Boy, that was great timing!” I said to Deek upon opening the gate.

“What do you mean?” he asked in puzzlement.

“Your showing up at the same time as the manager!”

He seemed to not get it, so I dropped the subject right then and there. He already has a new bike and cart (as opposed to the bike and cart he acquired only three days ago), so I exclaimed:

“Another bike already? The cart’s as good as the last one, maybe even better!” For it had a sloping cage over it, shaped like an upside-down rain drop and about three feet high over the cart floor, which was three feet long and two-and-a-half wide.

“I just came by for more dog food,” he explained, “and you can put new music on my chip.”

I embraced the pups who were jumping for my hugs, so glad to see me again. But they were soaking wet, so I guess he had them out in the rain earlier today. He told me to hurry up, make it snappy, but I told him to stop it, I can’t go any faster than I already do.

“Gimme two minutes, please,” I said. “You shoulda dropped by a few minutes earlier, I don’t cotton to people telling me to hurry up.”

Once back hovel, I grabbed two clean rags and called to Deek:

“Dry them off!”

The rags landed on the sidewalk but instead of grabbing them he scowled at me and kicked them aside:

“Bullshit, I gotta get somewhere and it’s gonna rain again soon!” (Neither of which was true, FYI.)

I wasn’t gonna put up with that, so rushed back downstairs, collected the rags and started to wipe the rain off their fur…upon which he started to scream furiously. I cut him off and told him:

“YOU’RE the one slowing things down! I wanted you to dry off the dogs while I was upstairs getting things ready!”

He continued to put up a stink, even though I handed him back the rags, which he took. But instead of using them on the pups he began to polish an extra pair of sneakers that were stored in the cart.

“I only need one, Deek,” I said and held out my hand. He quieted down by then (almost seeming a bit ashamed for his behavior) and gave me one of the rags so I could finish drying off the brindlekin before returning upstairs.

As I was getting the supply of doggy vittles packed away, he called up to my window again: “You may as well bring them a meal, they’re actin’ like they’re hungry!”

I said okay and did that, too, brought out their meals and a bowl of water first.

“Where’s the dog food supply and my chip?” he queried.

“I don’t have five arms, Deek, just wait two more minutes please,” I replied and returned to my room, gathered up the items and brought them downstairs, whereupon I hugged and pet the mutts once more, seeing as it was such a brief visit this time around. Deek was still fussing with those sneakers. He seemed glad to give me a bit more time to adore Flaco & Lucky.

A few minutes later he inserted the updated chip into his speaker and announced, “Okay, we gotta go now. I sure wish you could gimme ten or twenny dollah today!”

“I wish I could too,” I replied. “But the well is dry until next month, I only have food in my pantry and fridge to last me till my next deposit.”

Deek sighed and said, “That’s okay, no problem.”

“Yes it is a problem,” I japed. “For BOTH of us!”

I then said, “But it’s always good to see you and the dogs,” and wished ’em happy trails.

They took off in a flash, towards Noe Street and, I guess, beyond…maybe back to his cabin. Upon returning hovel I stopped to check my mailbox, and that’s when I discovered a thickly stuffed, legal-sized envelope from “Camero & Shields, PC” at 1870 Market Street, Suite 1043. Had no idea who that is, nor did I think it had anything to do with my lawsuit. I didn’t open it till I got inside my room, to discover that blasphemous summons. So there ya go, Wattson.

And I STILL have to catch up with my reports from Friday, Saturday and Sunday! Coming up soon.

– Zeke K-Holmes


Darn it, I left a choice part out of today’s meetup. Here goes:

Before they took off I told Deek I purchased a gift for him from Amazon, and it should arrive in two days.

“Really, what? A jumpsuit like the one you gave me last year?” (He really liked that gear though it wasn’t a jumpsuit, it was a jogger’s outfit. He saw me wearing it one day…jet black, shiny jacket and pants with bright orange piping…and begged for it day and night until I passed it on to him. Needless to say, he no longer had it four days later, and I never got to see him wearing it.)

“Nope. It’s a surprise, you’ll just have to wait,” I replied. “It woulda made a GREAT birthday gift had I thought of it months ago. But maybe it’s just as well because you were still out on the streets and you’d lose it in a few days.”

“Whaddya mean by that?” he queried. So I stated the obvious:

“Since you now have a homestead, you won’t lose stuff so much. And I’d really like you to keep this gift I bought you for a good, long time.”

“So is it clothing of some kind,” he continued, “like a jacket, T-shirt…”

“Nope. But quit guessing, I’m not gonna give you anymore clues,” I said as I held the front gate open, about to enter. “But I KNOW you’re gonna like it!” I added before shutting the gate and disappearing from their world. He was still calling to me with questions, but I ignored him as I climbed the stairs.

The gift, Watsson, is a bicycle toolkit in a pouch, has all the tools you need. He asked if I had a wrench the other day, but no I didn’t. He needs to work on his bike, and has to ask around the streets for this or that tool before he can do anything. This is what I got him, just $18.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S. (ha-ha, a PS to an addendum!): I just came back from Morey’s shop to pick up a packet of frozen ravioli, then on my return homeward I bumped into Heimdall, the friendly Viking vagrant! Told him how good it is to see him again, asked how he’s doing, and he responded in kind. When he asked how my day went I gave him a quick outline of this dude trying to sue me for the false claim he was attacked and bitten by the pups. He picked up on it right away, said: “Another drama queen! Stupid fucker, tell ‘im to turn that frown upside down!” I agreed with him, said I’ll get workin’ on it pronto. He said he had to get somewhere, so we wished each other a lovely night and parted ways. Our sudden meetup was as if he, as my bodhisattva guardian, appeared at just the right time to give me a boost. He also asked how Deek’s doing, which was nice, too. I felt like he was waiting right at that corner for me to show up. ‘Cause that’s where he was, just standing there playing his music.

Re: THEY’RE GOING FOR THE JUGULAR! (re. the lawsuit)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 29, 2023 at 8:48 PM

> The bastard is trying to claim all sorts of “emotional” damage. Aiming for big bucks. Vaccine shots? For fuck’s sake.

A blatantly frivolous lawsuit. Were he so badly injured, he would’ve taken action swiftly, and not file a grievance ten months later. I’m just concerned a crooked lawyer and/or judge could rule against me anyway. That would wreck everything I have going with Deek, and all the immense work I’ve put into helping him. It would wreck everything for BOTH of us.

The plaintiff was behaving absolutely hysterical, as any nasty drama queen would! Anyway, I posted my email to my attorney, who said we can talk tomorrow. Don’t know if she’s looked over those summons pages yet. I posted back to her and said okay, what time should I call you or drop on by. So I’m waiting on that, and wondering if she’ll say I need a different lawyer for this complaint, as HER agency is focused on eviction matters. Funny thing, though, she said she didn’t receive that email with all the links, just the second one I sent because I forgot to include the cover page. So I posted the first email again.

Ablablah Realty is also listed as a defendant, so they have a vested interest in standing up for me…at least, I hope so! I can’t be sued but THEY can. Well, I’m sure Ms. Elvensborn will look into the plaintiff’s attorney and maybe find some dirt, as she did for Ablablah’s attorney. Ya know what, Wattson?

I don’t think our punky little plaintiff is being HONEST to the attorney he’s selected…and when he (or she) finds that out I DON’T think they’ll be pleased.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: To my chagrin, I’m gonna have to leave the details of these new lawsuit matters outta my tales for now. Dammit. But since I’ve changed the names of all parties involved, perhaps I can get away with it. Let me think about this.

Subject: Last Friday night (a non-Deek report):
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 12:29 AM

Whilst listening to the latest Memo of the Weird podcast and preparing my evening repast of whole wheat pita bread stuffed with Swiss cheese, roasted bell pepper strips and pitted Kalamata olives, I suddenly realized I was OUTTA SODA…but since I skip the musical interludes anyway I bided my time till the next melody played its catchy tune, then dashed outside to Rosenberg’s to purchase a two liter bottle of Canada Dry Zero Sugar Ginger Ale, but guess who was there sprawled aslant on the bus stall’s floppy seats in the dark of night, diddling with a smartphone, and who glanced up at me through thick lenses as I approached, though I had hoped it would’ve been otherwise? Please note:

‘Tis impossible NOT to approach the stall since there was no other route to avoid walking BY that spot, if you’ve made Hotel California North your home and Rosenberg’s liquor, snack and sundry almost-corner shop your destination. Well, you COULD exit via the back door on 16th Street, but I was not aware there was someone right outside for whom it would be wise to avoid, until it was too late to reverse my steps. And ya gotta return through the front gate anyway unless you keep the back door ajar somehow, maybe with an empty soda can…but I’ve never been bold enough to try that, thanks to the security camera roosting on a window ledge nearby. So, just who WAS this scalawag I had wished to steer clear of that night (or any OTHER night, or day, for that matter)?

SCOOTER…lucky me!

Now, this foolish fellow had exited my building a few days prior, accompanied by another, while I sat outside under the setting sun with the pups, and he waved at me in passing:

“Hey, there, buddy, how’s it goin’?” he greeted in a jovial manner.

Put off by his faux display of amity, I nonetheless raised a hand back in greeting, said “Oh just fine, thanks,” and resumed scritching Flaco’s belly, grateful he didn’t waste my time further in pointless badinage.

So, last Friday night when I stepped out to buy soda and he caught me in the headlights (so to speak), I decided to play the same hail-fellow-well-met ruse right back AT him, giving Jolly Old Saint Nick a run for his money to boot!

“Oh ho, looky here, it’s Scooter!” I cheerfully exclaimed as I drew near. “What are YOU doing outside this cold night, instead of hangin’ indoors with Karlsen?”

But he had already resumed staring into his Android device once he spotted me, and did not look back up when I approached. Instead, he mumbled something I could NOT comprehend, so asked:

“What did you say? I didn’t hear you.”

Again he mumbled, so again I asked him to repeat himself, and he finally looked up at me for a brief second and stated, clearly this time:

“My whole life is falling apart!”

WHAM! Instantly I realized he’s setting me up. Typical speed queen ploy, with which I am WAY too familiar thanks to Deek’s frequent, imposing machinations over many years. Manufacturing a crisis in a maneuver to soften my heart…and ultimately, my wallet. Playing on the homeless factor for good measure.

“Really? Sorry to hear that,” I replied, feigning concern. I was tempted to spew a clever retort such as, “EVERYone’s life is falling apart, haven’t you noticed? Welcome to the club!” or “My life fell apart years ago, and I’ll be picking up the pieces till the day I die!”

Instead, after waiting a moment for him to say more, which he didn’t, I then added: “I don’t know what to say, but just keep moving ahead, push forward, believe in yourself. I’ve known other people whose lives have fallen apart, but they pull out of it and wind up in a better space. Whenever I’m in the dumps ’cause somethin’ bad just happened to me I make a point of putting a SMILE on someone else’s face without burdening them with my OWN woes. I find it a useful strategy that makes climbing out of whatever rut I’m in, a lot easier.”

But Scooter just sat there, slumped over his smartphone and glaring at it with disinterest, then in a few seconds mumbled something else without looking up at me. Again, I couldn’t make out his words, so bent over to be closer to him and said:

“What was that?”

So he repeated himself, this time with clarity: “Got a cigarette?”

“Umm, no I don’t,” was my terse reply.

Then he mumbled something else and once more I had to ask him to repeat what he just said.

“Gotta coupla dollars to get me home?” he iterated.

“Nope, I do not,” I replied, then broke away, wished him a good night and skedaddled off to Rosenberg’s.

So there ya go, Wattson: he’s a big, fat phony, a bullshit artist, a scammer. Never even brought up Karlsen who he proclaimed to love so much some three weeks back, and who’s providing him with safe haven from the streets and the bad weather in spite of his own rotten health. I was tempted to ask him about Karlsen, how his health is and so on, but since he tried to coax some money outta me right off the bat (no friendly greeting, no smile, nada), I figured why bother.

And what did he mean by “to get me home?” Again, I saw no point in asking him questions of a comradely sort, though I wondered what he considers “home”…I thought he already HAD a home in my building. Is it possible these other vagrants hangin’ out with Karlsen for the past several weeks had driven him out? Maybe even by Karlsen’s own wishes? Or is he perhaps being lorded over by these transients, and has no control? There’s been absolutely ZILCH disturbance coming out of his apartment, no noise, no hallway ruckus. Glob only knows WHAT’S goin’ on with him, I’d love to be a fly on the wall. At any rate:

A few minutes after I returned to my monk’s cell I looked out my window to see a terribly handsome brown-haired fellow fling some pebbles up at Karlsen’s window after calling up to it: “Corn! Corn!” I’m tempted to step out and offer him my half-empty bag of Boom Chika Pop sea-salt popcorn and say:

“Well ya got whatcha wanted, so please shut the fuck up now, some of us are trying to sleep.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Reply from my attorney
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 11:01 AM

“I reviewed the documents Mr. Krahlin. Unfortunately this is not something our office can help with. Please contact the San Francisco Bar Association, they should have (free) attorneys for cases like this. See here for more information. You will have 30 days to respond to the Complaint.”

This is disappointing, and their attorney’s cover letter says I have 20 days to respond, not 30. I was hoping she’d hook me up with another lawyer, but I gotta do this on my own.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Just requested an attorney through San Francisco Bar Association’s web site.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 11:37 AM

They have an online form, which asks for a brief description of my issue, and my income level because they charge on a sliding scale…so considering I’m just living on Social Security, hopefully it will be pro bono.

Re: Just requested an attorney through San Francisco Bar’s web site.
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 1:28 PM

> Good. Jesus, what a revoltin’ development.

You can say that again, Wattson! The summons hints at my possibly being bigoted against Asian people, so they’re playing the race card on top of everything else. However, I’m not worried, as the grievances are amateurish in their claims, anyone can see through the game being played. “Ambulance chaser” quality. So I expect the plaintiff to drop the case soon enough, once his attorney is confronted by whoever is MY attorney. Can’t find much of anything about the plaintiff’s attorney. He’s on LinkedIn, but very little is revealed. Meanwhile, I just emailed the following to my present attorney, has nothing to do with that latest summons:


Subject: Living situation update

This may or may not be relevant to my lawsuit, but in case it is, I’m sending you this update:

January 20th our building manager, Kevin Bond, was carried off in an ambulance. He didn’t return until yesterday, March 29th. I was surprised to see him still alive, as he has gotten markedly decrepit over the last two years, and walked with a shuffle and stooped shoulders. During the last month of his absence, residents went without hot water except for a few hours each day. It has since been fixed as of three days ago, shortly after a building inspector placed a notice of violation in the utility room. Our maintenance man appears to be doing his best to stay on top of things.

A resident down the hall from me (Karlsen) now has a homeless person staying with him (Scooter), and other street people hanging out there, too. They’ve all been quiet so far, and no disturbance from any of them anywhere in the building. But my concern is that Scooter has an explosive temper. Though he has yet to cause a problem in the building, prior to that he would often scream up at Karlsen’s window, start loud arguments and in general, disturb the peace late at night. This went on for several months, not every night but sporadically. So it’s a sketchy situation. I don’t care to see him in the building, or anywhere else for that matter. There are drugs involved (alcohol and meth) which doesn’t help matters.

I’ve been avoiding Scooter as best I can, which I started doing months before he ever moved into our building, for which he now has keys to the front gate and Karlsen’s apartment. He’s recently begun acting friendly towards me, including an apology for past behavior. But I suspect it’s more an act than anything sincere. I’ve seen him standing by the open gate now and then, talking to other indigents and inviting some inside. Two nights ago he asked me for a couple of bucks when our paths crossed outside, but I turned him down. I hope he’s not gonna make this a habit, it’s intimidating. I really don’t want to associate with him at all, but he’s impossible to avoid all the time, for obvious reasons.

I have no idea if the building manager knows what’s going on with Karlsen and guests, and there’s no point in telling him about this, as he’s pretty feeble these days (including long before he was rushed to the ER), possibly with senility involved. And, as you know, other residents have serious gripes against management…I’m not the only one. Mr. Bond had to be assisted up the stairs yesterday, as he can’t manage them on his own. (He lives on the third floor and our elevator’s been out of order for maybe two years now.) If he’s not on his last legs, I’ll eat my hat. And there is no sign of a replacement manager on the horizon.

Just an hour ago I applied online to see an attorney at San Francisco Bar, and they should get back to me tomorrow. Also, I am up to date with my escrow payments via BALA. Thanks for your attention, I hope this email wasn’t a waste of your time! May your day go well and enjoy the weekend.

– Ezekiel

Subject: Keeping a Steady Hand on the Tiller
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 6:43 PM

After receiving my attorney’s disappointing response, I simply replied:

“Okay, I figured I’d have to find a different lawyer, I’ll get on that right away. Thanks for checking out the summons.”

And here’s her reply to my “Living Situation update:”

“Thank you for this Mr. Krahlin. Please stay safe.”

And my response to that:

“I’ll be fine, thanks…I’ve been through much worse and have come out unscathed. I just thought this update might be relevant since it regards management (or lack thereof). My friend with the doggies now lives in a tiny cabin just four blocks away, as of two months ago…so there’s less worry about that, and it looks like he is not gonna drop out and return to the streets. His attitude is much better these days, and his mood swings far less extreme. So that’s good news. An ordeal and a half though over the years, helping him stabilize to reach this excellent point. I don’t expect you to reply, as it’s not my intent to distract you from your work.”

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: The next passage from Brindlekin Tales Marshall will read tomorrow I have entitled “A Crackerjack Powwow.” Two Exmass references in there (and very funny), because we’re into mid-December, so now the adventures are drifting towards the holiday season. And with that, the colorful shaman visitor who sat outside on a lovely square of cloth, and the traumatic string of atmospheric river inundations. He read last Friday’s piece with dramatic vigor, very nice.

Re: Keeping a Steady Hand on the Tiller
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 7:58 PM

> Marshall’s mother’s 94th birthday is coming up soon. We’re going to go to her house and have cake. She’s a caution!

Oh, how I wish I could be there! I love when she called in while Marshall was in the middle of reading one of my tales. Adds a sweetly unexpected dimension to the story. She’s now part of my tales…at least the audio versions. So here’s something I want to tell you that he mentioned on one of his recent shows:

He said he lives in a trailer and when the power’s down he doesn’t have any heat. As a result he doesn’t sleep too well on colder nights. Maybe some of his friends can buy him three or four sleeping bags on Amazon. There are some excellent ones for just $25-27 each. He can unzip them and use them for comforters piled onto the bed. That’s what I do.

I’d send him a couple of sleeping bags myself, but I don’t want to come off as “buying” his favor to keep reading my tales…it would be awkward for him. Here is the sleeping bag I recommend. The forest green and the ocean blue are my favorites, they look great mixed together.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Last Saturday (again a non-Deek report)
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 30, 2023 at 8:46 PM

As I was stepping back inside with my morning java in hand, a USPS chap exited the gate just before I inserted the key, stopped me and asked what apartment number I’m in. I said 205, so he replied:

“I’m the person who drops your packages at your door.”

And I said, “Oh, that’s you? I always give you a high rating, click on all the boxes.”

“Well, thanks!” he said, then departed.

But what I found disturbing is that he seemed edgy, sweating a bit as if he were ready to explode in fury. Sparkly green eyes wide open like in fearful surprise. Handsome, though: jet black wiry hair nicely trimmed about the skull, seductively arched eyebrows and a light stubble of beard across jaws and chin…short in stature, maybe an inch less than me. And a tightly packed body to boot! (Or should I say “to bootie,” a pirate’s treasure indeed…aargh!)

It was only a few weeks ago I noticed Amazon packages being dropped by residents’ doors instead of in the lobby. So that’s him doing it. I just don’t like feeling my life may be on the line because a desperate, underpaid worker may go berserk and he knows where I live. Hopefully, I’ve bought some security by telling him I give good head…er, “ratings.” And should he go off his nut some time in the near future, my dump of a room may be the only unit spared from a USPS massacre.

I also want to mention here–though not pertinent to Saturday or any other day per se–that our maintainence fellow, Victor, is especially friendly to me these days. I guess because of his new responsibility as quasi-manager he appreciates me NOT being one of those cranky residents griping about this or that, through this diabolical crisis re. Kevin’s denouement. Or it may be that, without the manager present, he doesn’t have to put up with his growing senility which possibly includes an element of nastiness.

For the past two months every time our paths cross (which isn’t often, maybe once or twice a week) he addresses me with more kindness than ever before. Though Kevin’s back now (albeit not for very long I’m sure), so who knows WHAT’S comin’ down the pike for this Castle in the Castro over the next few weeks (or months, if the devil has his way)!

And that’s that…now onto Sunday’s meetup with Deek, coming up later tonight or tomorrow. Pleasant dreams, Wattson!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Last Sunday’s Meetup with Deek
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 31, 2023 at 4:23 PM

That was the day I shot a video of Lucky & Flaco’s amazing lookalike, and took those pics of them in the cardboard box.

He showed up with another new bicycle, this time with a sizable cart on wheels that replaced the bike’s own rear wheel. He was proud to show off a thick shag rug for the dogs to rest upon while inside the cart: it was a pristine, ivory white, not a speck of dirt anywhere. However, at the moment the cart was already chock full of items, including his 35-pound boombox, with the rug draped over everything like a corpulent specter from a haunted house. I also noticed the bike didn’t have any pedals at the moment, so he’s just walking around with it.

“Looks like a sturdy bike to me,” I nonetheless remarked. “Plenty of space for the pups when it’s empty, or even HALF empty!”

He then pointed at a set of pedals lying in the cart and asked if I had a wrench he could use to put them on. I told him unfortunately, no, ’cause he borrowed the only one I had last year and never returned it.

He said it’s okay (Impressive! No backtalk, no hissy fit!), there’s a place called Bike Works that gives free access to their workshop once a month, just for the homeless, so he’ll go there. I have no idea how many days he’ll have to wait to do that, nor did it occur to me to suggest he purchase a spanner from the dollar store in the Mission, just several blocks away.

But it DID occur to me two days later, to look up “bicycle wrench” on Amazon and purchase one. That is when I discovered a whole array of bicycle toolkits, one of which was affordably priced for my budget, and included a wrench among a slew of other handy tools. It just arrived yesterday and I’m eager to present it to him. Along with a small can of 3-in-1 oil that’s been sitting in my room, untouched, for nigh over thirty years!

Before leaving me with the mutts he requested another advance payment, so I said “Fine, but you only have fifty dollars left for this month so you’ll have to wait eight more days for your next allotment.”

“Oh, I thought I’d get another hunner dollah,” he remarked with a grin and a shrug.

I offered to give him a breakdown of his outlay for the month, so he’d understand I’m not shortchanging him, but he politely declined with this thoughtful response:

“Nah, that’s okay, you do so much for me already, I’m sure you’re right.”

I had another fine visit with the doggies, and he returned within two-and-a-half hours.

“See? I wasn’t gone too long!” he said with a smile as I stood up to greet him…and the dogs so happy, Flaco started to climb on his lap before he was only halfway down to sitting beside the parking meter. Lucky, however, preferred to remain in the cool shade of the box. Or rather, out of kind regard for his sister, he didn’t compete to get on their master’s lap first.

The Legendary Trio departed shortly after Deek’s return, and I was so glad for such a conflict-free meetup both times that day, I was in my own heaven for the rest of the afternoon and into the night.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: The San Francisco Bar Association is closed today ’cause Cesar Chavez holiday. That’s why they didn’t get back in touch with me yet. I found that out by calling an hour before closing time, only to get a recording. So I gotta wait all the way till Monday, and the clock she is a-tickin’!


While he was talking about Bike Works and other bicycle-type things with refreshing enthusiasm, I interjected:

“You’re very industrious, I don’t see how you do it, but that’s just me!”

I figure a boost of positivity was a good thing to do at that moment, to keep him moving in the right direction. I guess he’s my little brother.

Re: Keeping a Steady Hand on the Tiller
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: March 31, 2023 at 4:35 PM

> Oh, I’ve been to Marshall’s trailer–it’s fabulously packed with stuff. He’s a genuine hoarder!

I imagine something like a Gyro Gearloose arrangement: electronic gizmos and such everywhere.

> And yes, I’ll get him a sleeping bag! Luckily, he has a devoted mother who will do anything for him and also a devoted wife (Carlita, down in Rohnert Park, where he spends half his time), so he’s pretty well looked after by two women who adore him.

One who calls him on the phone while he’s doing a show, the other with gentle snores in the background and the chimes of her clock every hour, for all his listeners to hear.

> I’ve known Ava, his mother, for years. She and Marshall are VERY funny together. They oughta take their act on the road!

Or at least record it and put THAT on the air, too. Local radio at its finest!

– Zeke K-Holmes

Re: Keeping a Steady Hand on the Tiller
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 1, 2023 at 8:28 AM

> A jumble of boxes, electronic equipment, wires, tools, clothing, books. Not smelly or dirty, just…jam-packed. He has a little space with a mattress. Carlita actually lived there with him for a while.

Sounds like he basically has no more space than I do in my single room! I know he’s a wizard with electronic gadgets, and that’s why my “Gearloose” reference. These are scary times for low income renters…I hope his situation is secure.

> I’ll maybe get a pic of him and Ava this Wednesday.

I’d love it. Of course I won’t include it in my tales, or anywhere else on the ‘net.

– Zeke K-Holmes

Subject: Adendum-dum-dum
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 1, 2023 at 1:35 PM

1) That Sunday when I took those cardboard box pics, I had hurried back inside to use the restroom. Upon stepping out, the pups had exited the cool shade of their box and were barking up a storm at a tall, elderly gentleman inserting coins into the parking meter. Since they were leashed to a post they couldn’t get any closer to him than one foot. I scooped them up and set them back in the box, and said to the fellow, “Sorry about that!”

He chuckled in response, turned to me and said, “No, that’s fine, I didn’t see them there. Cute little dogs by the way!”

So there ya go, Wattson: the diff between decent people and those who go out of their way to fuck with anyone every chance they get. As the latter would’ve screamed at me and threaten to call the cops and have them taken away.

2) And last Wednesday when I tossed two rags down to Deek to dry off the pups, and he had another hissy fit instead, the drama was worse than I described. For not only did he holler at me to hurry the fuck up, but as I was drying off the pups myself (instead of rushing back upstairs to fix their meals) he grabbed his bike and cart, said he’s leaving now and began to walk away with Flaco & Lucky leashed to the handlebars. I called back to him: “C’mon, simmer down, the dogs are hungry and I can feed them if you just cool your jets!”

He then turned around and marched in the other direction in a huff and continued towards the bus stop as if making to cross Noe Street, while I pleaded with him to at least let the mutts eat something:

“But I’m not gonna open the cans if you don’t make it clear you’ll still be out front when I bring down their meals. I can’t afford such waste!”

The poor doggies, being pulled back and forth, not knowing WHAT’S goin’ on but looking up at their master and doing their very best to obey! Fortunately, Deek calmed down, moved back by the parking meter and told me okay, bring the food down, he’ll be here. The rest of the meetup was friendly and he departed ten minutes later in a better mood.


Deek and pups showed up again just when I finished the piece above. Soon as I handed him my gift he said, “What’s this? It better be nothing stupid or I won’t want it.”

“Just open it,” I said while crouched down to greet the mutts.

But when he opened it, and the case that contained the items, he said, “Bicycle tools? I don’t need this, I’ll probably just sell it.”

“Well, you asked me for a wrench, so I thought you could use it,” I replied.

“Uh, thanks anyway,” he muttered. “But it sure feels like a LONG time before my next payment, you only gave me fitty dollah.”

“That’s because when it comes to money, eight days is a long time for you,” I retorted. “Only two days now for your next payment.”

I then explained to him I base his allowance on $50 twice per week, even though I allot him a full one hundred each week, with occasional exception. “But since there was an extra Thursday last month, you got an extra fifty. But this coming Sunday spills over into April. So this Monday, on the third, you get a hundred, which includes payment for Thursday as well. And remember, I gave you a whopping $100 twice in the same week, so that threw things off.”

“So how much did this toolkit cost you?” he queried.

“Twenty dollars,” I replied, wondering if he’s gonna squawk something like “I thought you had no money left for this month.” For which I would say I can hold payment up to a week. But that didn’t happen.

“Oh, I was hopin’ for a new speaker or a battery charger, somethin’ like that!” he griped as he walked off with the pups.

Rather then enter my building right away, I watched as they moved towards the corner. Flaco looked back at me with great yearning to be with me longer. Just before I entered the gate, Deek waved at me and said thank you.

When I returned upstairs I decided to check if he had just turned the corner up 16th Street instead of crossing. Yep, he was out there behind my building where another transient was hangin’ out…and looking through his new toolkit more closely. Hopefully, he’ll keep it rather than sell or trade it. At any rate I returned home to compose this final part of my missive.

But before sending it off to you I went down to the hallway window again to see if he were still there. Nope, all gone. So I returned to finally post this email but just before I did I heard him call up to my window once again:

“I need a bungee cord!”

I only had four left, but not knowing what length he required I brought them all out and he took three. At least I had a chance to embrace and pet my brindlekin again, for one delightful minute. It was sad he didn’t show some kindness to just spend ten or so minutes with me, to bring the pups water and enjoy their company…and maybe actually share his thoughts or recent adventures. In conclusion:

Were I a self-centered ass hat I’d sure be feeling sorry for myself these days! But I’m not, I’m a trooper who forges on with a strong will and cheer in his heart. The Fool in life’s deck of cards.

– Zeke K-Holmes

P.S.: It’s a sunny warm day with a light breeze in the air. I kicked back last night to enjoy listening to Memo of the Weird. But I dozed off for a half hour or so, until his speaking my name alerted me back to consciousness. That was around 1:10 AM. I had intended to listen to the entire narration and THEN go back to sleep. But I unexpectedly zonked out a few minutes later, and didn’t wake up again until around 3 AM, whereupon I turned off his show and returned to Slumberville. Will download his podcast this evening, of course.

Re: Keeping a Steady Hand on the Tiller
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 1, 2023 at 1:46 PM

> He’s been there for a long time, does a lot of essential work for the landlord–electrical, maintenance, etc. Pretty secure, I’d say!

So relieved to hear that.

Subject: San Francisco Bar update!
From: Ezekiel Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: April 3, 2023 at 4:23 PM

Got an email from them this afternoon to call them via phone, and give them further information on my case. I just got off the phone with their screener who asked me several questions, including the name of the plaintiff, which is Chinese, so I had to spell it out. Now, I have to wait two or three more business days for someone to get back in touch with me, assuming they decide to handle my case. It will cost me a $35 fee for a half hour consultation. I have no idea what other fees will accrue, based on my income. Or even if they’re gonna take my case at all! This is nerve wracking.

– Zeke K-Holmes

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