You’re a Shmuck, Ellen Tosser

September 11, 2017

Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2017 03:00:55
Subject:
Fwd: You’re a Shmuck, Ellen Tosser (was: [MCN-Discussion]- Slavery in US prisons)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Reptilian E-friends

I just posted the following email to the MCN (Mendocino Community Network) discussion list, addressing the homophobes who participate. Note that I have slightly altered their real names, as a well deserved mockery:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Zeke Krahlin
Date: Mon, Sep 11, 2017 at 2:49 AM
Subject:
You’re a Shmuck, Ellen Tosser (was: [MCN-Discussion]- Slavery in US prisons)

On Sat, 9 Sep 2017 22:19:34 -0700 ELLEN TOSSER squoinked:

{{ If you want to find an example of modern day slavery, look no further than US prisons. }}

I don’t give a flying fig how much good you think you do, or even how much good you actually do, on certain issues. Because /you/, as an ultraconservative Catholic, preach about, and participate in, vilifying gay people and women who choose birth control and/or abortion, and young people who have sex outside of marriage (yet are denied knowledge of safe sex and anti-pregnancy methods). Your vile ideology perpetrates immense and widespread suffering across this nation, and the entire world as well. You are a smug, heartless witch who’s found her niche in a powerful cult that, since it’s existed for many centuries and has infiltrated all levels of numerous societies, is regarded as a legitimate lifestyle…a religion that, while broadcasting how benevolent it is to all living beings, manifests egregiously ugly dogma against certain minorities, and free-minded women and youth.

You are rotten to the core…you are arrogant and self-glorifying to the point of retchingly obnoxious behavior. You gain support and recognition by the fanatic creeps that surround you, and reward you with copious adulation and, no doubt, material benefits and access to civic influence. Meanwhile, you and your Catholic/Christian-Fascist ilk work overtime to destroy anything good and righteous in this world, and spread misery to every corner. You leave no stone unturned in this diabolical mission…worshiping what you call “God” (whom you claim is “love”) yet who resembles with great accuracy the very Devil you claim to preach against.

Let this denunciation I herein present, apply also to anyone aligned with your blasphemous ideas, including certain scumbags on this list, such as: John Retching, Rabid Ravin, Bigthug, Mr. Laughing Tits, GFT, Daney the Dog’s Son, gdork, Marinating Marinela, Nicholas Willscum, John Lousy and Banshee Dean. No doubt I’ve left some people out, people who have either slunk back into their dark corner, and others who lurk in the shadows without ever posting.

You are all vile, loathsome creatures, whom Donald Trump represents as your hell-spawn leader, along with the Republican Party at large…along with these Christian zealots who lust for blood, terror and annihilation of those who stand against them. Using LGBTs as your key scapegoat, your target which you rabidly yearn to destroy. And through the ashes of that destruction, intend to advance towards other minorities, and women of choice. Remember, once upon a recent time, you used the same despicable tactics to resist the end of slavery, claiming “God” (who is “love”) to be on your side. Later, you did the same towards Jews. (And then there are the native peoples of this land, whom you’ve decimated on the grounds of a horrendous notion termed “manifest destiny.”)

I am sick of hearing your brand of hateful preaching broadcast over San Francisco’s airwaves and television, as well as in many churches and street corners where Jehovah’s Witnesses and other Jebus loonies gather to denounce homosexuals, declaring us the devil’s spawn…and in cyberspace. And produce countless flyers, videos and sermons denouncing us queers as an imminent danger to America, who must therefore be wiped out. With an increasing number of preachers, priests, ministers et al (and their connected politicians) spreading this evil bigotry with ever increasing force and popularity.

You have crippled myriad hearts and minds, many of whom have been driven insane to the point of losing their jobs, housing, friends and families, and now wander the streets, a danger to themselves and others. There are also more stable folks now homeless, who’ve suffered your antagonism as well, yet somehow maintain a viable level of decency and sanity…yet deprived of the good things in life because you have likewise ruined them (though not completely). Some are my dearest friends, whom I reach out to as best I can, yet their minds are hopelessly blocked by the brainwashing of Christo-Fascist dogma. IOW, I can only take them so far, but not far enough where they can finally be the captain of their own fate. Sometimes they turn against me, because they do not understand, thanks to your most effective psychological terrorism based on Biblical superstition.

But I do realize that, in some pathetic cases, some of your cohorts are members of the Democratic Party…the branch that has infiltrated and poisoned the ideals that party once stood for. But by now has grown so spineless and reprehensible as to have withered on the tree of Democracy, and no longer deserves to use that word in their party’s title.

You are accursed traitors to Liberty. You are hideous. You are the bane of all humanity. I do not care one whit if I get kicked off this list for speaking the truth, for AFAIC, it’s a small price to pay to keep freedom alive and kicking. Even if it dwindles down to a single ember, even if that single ember is yours truly.

See you on the battlefield. I am your worst dream come true. Whatever nasty screed you broadcast on this list, no matter how often: be assured that I will always be here to denounce you.

Sinqueerly yours,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
Jehovah’s Queer Witness More Than You Will Ever Know


BONUS

Listen to Ms. Tosser’s horrid declaration posted some time last April, to the MCN discussion list, as read by KNYO radio host Marco McClean: click here or forever hold your pizza.

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Story Cubes

July 9, 2017

Dear Eleanor: I posted my latest email to you via this blog entry, due to all the images included. And as author-to-author, I am most eager to share this with you, first. Feel free to post your response (if any) in the comment section below. Likewise, anyone else who’d enjoy the challenge.


I could have fun with this:

Got it at the Walgreens across from Uncle Benny’s Donuts & Bagels, because I needed some cash in my pocket in order to purchase my usual, under-$5 coffee and (sometimes) a blueberry jelly donut or two French crullers (one w/chocolate, the other w/maple or vanilla icing). But I’ve also been eyeing this Rory’s Story Cubes game the last several times I’ve strolled the aisles, looking for a practical purchase to justify the $20 cash-back. Usually, that would be some disposable razors, dish soap, or a cheap snack. But this time around I decided (as I rolled the box in my cupped palms, caressingly it sweetly with mesmerized fingertips):

“What the hey, it’s only $6.99. Besides, it could prove to be a pleasurable diversion for /This/ Vainglorious Hyperbolizer!”

Who knows, Ellie? Maybe rolling these authorial dies will stimulate my creative juices in strange ways not accessible via digital screen and keyboard. These cubes /are/ bewitching, no question. Whoever invented this game must surely be a Wordsmith Warlock of great genius! (Or perhaps that’s the spell cast in the spirit of these cubes, to make me believe so. I don’t care; I gotta have them.)

So here it is, unboxed:

And here’s the enclosed description/instruction flyer, quite diminutive in size: three inches high by two long. First, side 1:

Then, side 2. You may click on it for an enlarged version:

Finally, my first roll of the cubes, ever. There are three different ways to play Story Cubes, but I choose #1, in which you roll all nine die, pick one image for the starting point, then create your tale by choosing whichever order you want, of the remaining cubes. Don’t forget to start your written (or spoken) output with: “Once upon a time.”

If it so intrigues you, please /do/ compose a fable of your own, based on the topside images shown below. I’d love to see what a hyper-clever mind like yours comes up with:

This game even has its own web site, worth a gander at least: links to a blog and an app, among other kewl features. Figures Story Cubes can also be played on a computer, for it obviously lends itself very well to that medium. Though I, for one, relish the idea of getting away from digital mode and going analog now and then.

http://www.storycubes.com/

I can also see what a great pastime this could be, among friends. Maybe you could get Mitch to play, though he does seem to have his plate full these days, what with saving the world and all. Little does he know we’ve joined noggins and already took care of that…but let’s just keep that little secret between ourselves for the nonce, okay, My Osmium Empress?


UPDATE

Soon as I arrived hovel, I tried my hand at Story Cubes, based on the toss of the dice shown above. Here we go:

Once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night [ligntning cube], and the hour was late [clock cube]. I was feeling sad [unhappy face cube] because a bumblebee [bee cube] had stung me on the lower lip this afternoon, and the persistant sting kept me awake. As if that weren’t sad enough, my bare feet [footprint cube] had picked up a splinter from the ancient, softwood floor that has sorely needed a new carpet since I ripped the old one out four years ago.

But I lived in this single room for so long, under rent control, I couldn’t possibly convince the absentee landlord to either sand, wax and varnish the floor, or cover it with tiles or fresh carpeting. For my disability stipend is my only source of income, and I could not afford to move. Nor could I afford to rock the boat, the only thing keeping me afloat, that I do not fall into the perilous sea of homeless scavengers.

After removing the splinter with a piece of scotch tape, I put my massage-sole Speedo floppies on and grabbed a jar of applesauce [apple cube] from the fridge, to sate my sorrows with esophageal pleasures of a modest sort. A little extra cinammon and some freeze-dried raspberries from Trader Joe’s made the perfect post-midnight repast. That, and two, large scoops of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. The large daisy [flower cube] street buddy Axel brought me last Tuesday (plucked from a garden on Sanchez Street two-and-a-half blocks away) had finally begun to wilt.

No amount of fresh tap water would revive the dying plant at this point. So I decided to toss it out, along with the can of Red Bull Alex had left behind, which I used for the vase. But just when I grasped the flower by the stem, I noticed a little, golden-red beetle [beetle cube] no larger than my pinky’s fingernail, snug between two, overlapping petals. So I gently lifted the pretty insect with the edge of my Muni transit card [some-type-of-card cube, I think, not really sure /what/ it is], and flipped it out the window.

By now, the sting in my lip had gone, and I finally felt sleepy. Curling up beneath a light comforter decorated with angels, stars and comets, I dozed off, thinking:

“Now wasn’t /that/ a nice, first story to conjure up with those tall-tale dice?”


ADDENDUM

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:25:12
Subject
: Re: Story Cubes (just for Eleanor)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

On Sun, Jul 9, 2017 at 10:44 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ I’m on it! }}

Ha, ha, have fun! I’ve fallen in love with these story cubes…and
there are two more versions to order online! I actually composed my
first tale with them, already, but I don’t know if you’ve read it yet.
Since I appended it to the blog entry, and don’t know if you loaded
that page before or after the addition. If not, may as well wait until
/your/ tale is completed. I certainly look forward to reading it.

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:36:37
Subject
: Re: Story Cubes (just for Eleanor)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

Wow, there are a /lot/ of Rory’s Story Cubes variations…there’s even
a Dr. Who and Batman set! Not a fan of either, but those who are
should have oodles of fun playing them. See:

http://smile.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=rory%27s+story+cubes

I decided to go for the deluxe package, here ($39, well worth the price). Description:

9 original dice, 9 Actions dice, 9 Voyages dice.
3 fairy tale themed dice, 3 dinosaur themed dice, 3 crime themed dice.
3 sports themed dice, 3 outer space themed dice, 3 medical themed dice.
Encourages speaking skills, creativity, confidence – no reading required.
Use them individually or together for unlimited story possibilities.

THEY EVEN GOT DINOSAURS! OH JOY!

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:38:39
Subject
: Re: Story Cubes (just for Eleanor)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

OH NO, THEY ALSO HAVE A SCOOBY DOO SET! Obviously, kismet so deems that I buy /that/ one for Larkin…it was meant to happen! I just ordered this for Larkin, $16, will arrive around the 17th.

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:41:27
Subject
: Re: Story Cubes (just for Eleanor)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

AND A LOONEY TUNES SET! OMG WHERE ARE THE SMELLING SALTS, WHEN A GAL NEEDS ‘EM?

You know, you can mix dice from one set with one or more /other/ sets!

Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:44:57
Subject
: Re: Story Cubes (just for Eleanor)
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney

AND GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STORY CUBES, TOO! Well there goes all my pocket money for the month…birthday gift to myself. Oh, wait, those glow-in-the-dark scary cubes are from another company…but, hey, gotta have ’em!


Radio Debut

March 7, 2017

Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 09:49
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
My brother’s a Republican!

Just found that out during our phone conversation moments ago. (Both our parents were Democrats, BTW.) But he’s not a crazy, fanatic Republican, says both parties are a bunch of BS. It basically came down to this:

If more Republicans were like him, this would be a better world. And if more Democrats were like me, likewise.

It was a very good conversation, glad I called him.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 11:32
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
Re: My brother’s a Republican!

On Sat, Mar 4, 2017 at 9:57 AM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Whew. Did he vote for the pussygrabber? }}

I believe he did, I didn’t ask him directly. “Give him a chance, if he doesn’t live up to his promises, then throw the bum out.” He also seems to be caught up with RW conspiracy theories, much like Tom Cahill. He believes that Social Security is in danger, which it is not.

He is hopeful that Trump will bring the jobs home, I said “I don’t think so.” That’s when he said “give him a chance.” So I pretty much kept my mouth shut. I have a feeling that most of the extended family is Republican.

And he never calls me or sends a letter, or emails. I’m always the one who contacts him. For that reason, we haven’t spoken to each other since I last called, eight months ago. So, there’s still that downside. Blech.

But, he has no problem with gays, hippies, etc. He seems to be pretty much open-minded. And, he’s been very nice to me over the phone, as well as handling my share of our parents’ inheritance.

Oh, yeah, he definitely wanted Bernie Sanders for president. So his heart’s in the right place.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 13:22
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
Was that your Mitch on the air last night?

Listening to the podcast right now…quite a grim evaluation of these Trump times, gut-wrenchingly honest. Way too true to be denied. He mentioned his Facebook page, so I visited, found the piece he recited on KNYO:


Somebody hit me in the back of the head with what felt like a dumbbell or some other heavy, unyielding iron thing, as I slept last night. The blow pushed my face into the mattress, and I said, “I’m losing consciousness.” In a millisecond, I changed that to: “I’m dead. Somebody has killed me. I can’t defend myself. I can’t protect Ellie.” I thought about famous bad people who have been here to Mendocino–Charlie Manson & family, Jim Jones & his doomed family, Lake & Ng, the California Sierra-Nevada torturers and murderers who were sexually aroused by the suffering of people when their bodies were carved up and violated, when they were forced to watch their wives, husbands, babies and toddlers under slow torture. They are the people I lock my door against as the world descends into hell, why I own things for self-defense and keep them close. It was no use. I was murdered. But, another millisecond went by: “You’re brain is still working. You’re not dead.”

I woke up, tried to sort things out, and found no injury nor any clue to what had happened. The sense of being brained included no preceding dream. It came from nowhere.

Today the chainsaw I just got back from the repair shop didn’t work. Ditto the lawnmower I just retrieved from the same repair shop. I took the chainsaw in and, for the first time in the 15 years I’ve been buying my Husqvarna tools and gardening supplies there, I made a scene. I’ve spent my life thinking if you are loyal and steadfast with a merchant, they will value your business and take care of your needs. I was furious and said all that and made a scene, which, more than an hour later, still has me vibrating. So I confront the news with an angry mind. I learn that the new President and his new Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, visited a Catholic “charter” school in Florida. Charter schools are a lousy idea shoved down our gullets as a great idea, when, in fact, they are the perfect scheme for making education in the United States of America a private, profitable business to favor the wealthy and short-change kids who aren’t rich.

Betsy DeVos is the sister of Erik Prince, who used his family’s enormous wealth to create a civilian army to privatize the military. In Iraq, Blackwater did mass murder, rape, torture and all the things that make war awful, without the accounting–a very loose, readily overridden accounting- that our armies are supposed to honor under international conventions–because they were “Private Enterprise,” the gold standard for American capitalists. So horrendous were Blackwater’s offenses in Iraq and in the flooded, devastated streets of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, Erik changed his company’s name to “Xe Services” and then the lofty “Academi.” He has been denounced for his crimes in the small media and given trivial notice in the major media. The Princes and DeVos belong to a harebrained Christian cult beloved by right wing, profit-mad one-percenters, and this is the “base” that Trump and DeVos were championing in their Florida tour. Prince and DeVos, in a reasonable world, would be strung up, but in this insane period, are celebrated, rewarded and given tremendous power.

That I have to point out that these are not good Americans (or even good humans) is past tiresome to me. That I have to keep telling people I love to open their eyes is past exhausting to me. It is a kind of existential hell, speaking obvious truth to people who shouldn’t need to have the obvious pointed out to them. DeVos and Prince and Trump are the sort of malformed creatures that hold sway in the land of the free. They should be in cages at the city gates. They torment my sleep and make me a strident, frustrated old man in my waking. I can’t bear it.

It didn’t occur to me he might be /your/ Mitch, until Marco told him at the end of their talk: “Say hello to Ellie for me.”

In case you didn’t stay up last night, to hear Mitch, you can get the podcast:

tinyurl.com/zekeread

Discussion begins at 1:02:40.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 13:53
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
Re: Was that your Mitch on the air last night?

On Sat, Mar 4, 2017 at 1:26 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ Yep. That was Mitch. If he’d consulted me first, I’d have advised him against sounding quite so drunk and despairing… }}

Ha! I’m glad you didn’t, as many others go through such difficult waters, and his sharing this from deep in his heart, will actually have a cathartic impact. Or not.

Now what /you/ need to do, is prepare for an onslaught of concerned neighbors and more distant members of the Mendo Community bringing food and laughter, to cheer him up…starting with Marcos’s visit come Monday. Maybe they’ll hold a mock funeral in his honor.

I guess you’ll now have to put up with town folk asking how Mitch is, whenever you shop for groceries and run other errands around and about The Mysterious Masonic Temple..for the next few weeks or longer.

Maybe you should were a garlic necklace until the embarrassing scandal blows over.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 15:08
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
Re: Was that your Mitch on the air last night?

On Sat, Mar 4, 2017 at 2:28 PM, Eleanor Cooney wrote:

{{ You probably noticed how gracious and kind Marco was. That’s Marco for you. He can also be ferocious, slicing and dicing right-wingers and other fools on the local list serve, toying with them, making fools of them with his impish wit…. }}

He’s an Ascended Master of the Order of Mendocino Mages.

{{ This isn’t the first time Mitch has called Marco’s show and gauntly unloaded. It’s okay–I’m used to it, and so is Marco and listeners. It’ll be fun to see him on Monday. }}

You should see what I posted to Mitch on his FB page.

{{ In case you’re wondering what Marco looks like, he could easily make a living as a Jesus impersonator–tall, lanky, long dark hair and beard (with nary a trace of gray though he’s 58), dark, dark eyes set in deep shady caves. }}

I pictured him with a silver-gray crewcut, tall and lanky (got that part right), looking more like a harbor seal than a messiah. This coming Friday should be a hoot!


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 18:53
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
OMG, he read Chapter 1 of my novel last night!

Start at 3 hours:47 minutes….he described me as a “young man,” I have to correct him about that. Maybe he read just a part of my chapter, not the whole thing. I just started listening.


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 19:03
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
No, he’s reading a part of the chapter.

…you’ll see: the part where I touch the bullet lodged in Randolph’s back. Followed by one of my poems not in the chapter per se, but a link. He’s reading the online version, different from the paper one. I just paused the audio after he read the first verse. Gonna step out, breathe the fresh, rainy air before stepping back in and, with enormous gratitude, listen to the remainder.


Date: Sat, 04 Mar 2017 19:14
From: Eleanor Cooney
To: Zeke Krahlin
Subject:
Re: OMG, he read Chapter 1 of my novel last night!

Wow!

“Young man.” That’s great. Little does he know you’re eight years older than he.


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 20:12
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Subject:
I know this is a setup, El…

…and you can’t convince me otherwise.

When I stepped out for a few minutes, I walked up Market to Castro Street with my umbrella shielding me from the Goddess’s own joyful tears. I was, and still am of course, in a celebratory mood. Proceeding back to my hovel, I glanced through Beaux’s large window (that’s a gay bar) to see if Larkin were there…and maybe would step out to give me a chance to tell him about my radio adventure. After all, he’s part of it.

Alas, no Larkin. But then as I resumed my walk, there I saw him, just 10 feet ahead: commiserating in his usual, boisterous manner with another gay patron (no doubt possessing an ample bulge in his crotch; his wallet, I mean.) So I stopped about 20 feet away beneath an awning, to enjoy the view. I’m sure he was aware of my presence, but gave no overt sign. As I lingered, I soon realized that my neighbor, Mark Epstein from down the hall, was standing just several feet from me, chatting with a woman friend in a recessed doorway. He looked up, I waved. Maybe he thought I was spying on him.

Though Mark has remained a distant quasi-friend over the 18+ years he’s lived here, he has read my novel, and our lives are mystically joined by his little papillion doggie, who passed away seven years back. Skelly would visit me every evening, such sweet happiness! Trusting me with his dog like that, was Marc’s way of apologizing for a grievous wrong he committed…but no point going into that, now. Just one month ago, he finally adopted another papillion, a rescue dog 10 years old! Don’t know what took him so long, but glad to see his new companion.

Larkin eventually entered the bar with his current squeeze (wallet, I mean) for the night, and Mark-and-friend also departed a moment later. I soon followed, once the two had entered 2306, that I may not come off as a busybody. They were standing by the elevator as I swung the gate wide. We both exchanged a brief “hello” and I climbed the stairway. So now I conjecture:

You, Mitch, Marco, my brother, Larkin, Mark, Tom (Cahill), are all in cahoots: the timing, the synchronicity in this string of events in LESS THAN 24 HOURS, are beyond mundane coincidence. (Mitch calling in with an emotive masterpiece, overwhelming in its grief, the same night Marco reads my own heart wrenching tale…what are the odds!)

Now, back to hearing the rest of Marco’s narration from My Literary Labor of Love, My Own Holy Grail! What an extraordinary two days. And thank you /so/ much for being such a kind presence in my world, for so many years now.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 21:46
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Reptilian Devotees
Subject:
Listen to a reading from my novel on the radio!

Marco McClean, the host of a late-Friday-night radio show in Ft. bragg, CA, surprised me by reading from chapter one of my novel, just last night! I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. Fortunately, he saves each show as a podcast, which you may listen to by clicking on the following link:

tinyurl.com/marcozeke1

You can either left-click on the download link, to immediately start playing, or right-click on the download link, to save it to your hard drive…then play it later, at your convenience.

The reading starts at 3 hours, 47 minutes, and ends at 4 hours, 10 minutes. (There is a musical interlude in the middle; just click through it.)

If you care to leave a comment about the reading, just go to his blog entry, here:

tinyurl.com/marcozeke2

In fact, I urge you to do so, since any favorable post about me will help boost the potential for getting my word out.

Your post won’t show up immediately, as he reviews it first. I know, because I just left a comment there, myself. Here it is:


Marco: What an honor to hear you read from my novel Friday night! Certainly a surprise, as I didn’t expect that to occur so soon. I’m listening to the podcast right now, as I sit in my room and the gracious rain falls from the dark heavens. I chuckled when you introduced me as a “young man,” for I am actually 66. Clarification to my poem, “September’s Passage”: I was still Gene Catalano back then, but changed my name to Zeke Krahlin in 1996. This is mentioned in my book a little further down the line. Googling my name, Ezekiel J Krahlin, works just fine, with the second result pointing to my web site: gay-bible.org. The first result is a link to the ebook version of my novel.

I am amazed at the synchronicity of Eleanor’s partner, Mitch, pouring his heart out in a grievous recitation, on your show that same night as my own poetic lament. What were the odds? I then went to Mitch’s Facebook wall, and discovered he also posted that essay there, so commented:


You guys have all the fun, up there in Mendocino. Tremendous piece of writing, Mitch…who says your impact on the world is diminishing when you can still write like that? But now, someone needs to start kicking you in the butt until you start laughing again. Ellie’s got her work cut out for her!”

Now, back to hearing the rest of your podcast, a most enjoyable and revelatory pastime, especially since we have nothing like that any more, on San Francisco’s airwaves. Thank you so much for including me in your Mendocino County community of oddballs, dear hearts, pioneers and mystical wanderers.

– Zeke


Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2017 23:44
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Marco McClean
Subject:
Re: In case my comment didn’t take…

On 3/4/17, Marco McClean wrote:

{{ I don’t know how to set it so it just posts things when people send them. I don’t spend a lot of time managing the weblog; it’s just a notice-board about my show. }}

Sometimes the comment shows up after posting (w/”awaiting moderation”), sometimes it doesn’t. So that’s a WordPress glitch, which only adds to the confusion. IOW, it /should/ show up right after posting, even though awaiting your moderation.

{{ Next week is a Fort Bragg week for me –I’ll be doing the show from KNYO. The number there is 707 961 3022. }}

The contact page shows 962 for the prefix, as in:

Studio: 707-962-3022

Do they need to update the number?

{{ Call any time after about 9:15 Friday (March 10) night and let it ring awhile in case I’ve put a record on so I can use the toilet, or if I’m out back getting something out of the car, or something. There’s only one phone line; if it’s busy, wait a little bit and try again. }}

No problem. I look forward to our first on-air dialogue.

{{ What makes you sound best is to have some of your work ready to read into the phone, to turn to that at the end of whatever we talk about. }}

Easy peasy. I’ll have a number of short pieces loaded and ready to go. One very funny, one political, and other stuff. I don’t know how much time you’ll allot me, but even reading just one of my pieces would be a pleasure.

I don’t have my own Internet service, so I’ll have to forego listening in real time. I tried, using the free wifi from a coffeehouse across the street (and my extended USB wifi dongle) but it wasn’t robust enough to stay connected…I had to keep clicking reload every two minutes or so. I couldn’t just sit back, close my eyes and get into the show. *sigh*

Just so you know: my diction is a bit slurred due to lack of teeth. Medi-Cal discontinued dental care for adults over a decade ago…thus began the deterioration. But when they resumed it two years back, thanks to Obamacare’s expanded Medicaid, I discovered that I still couldn’t get my teeth repaired because they want to charge me $518 per month share of cost! That’s almost half my total income. Don’t know how they get away with it, and my letter of grievance about this to numerous politicians and progressive, online news services has not gotten anyone’s attention, yet. As if I’m the only person in the country, this is happening to. It also means I can’t afford other vital services. This is being swept under the rug by the Dems, while they pat each other on the back, over the “miraculous” success of Medicaid.

But that’s an issue for another time. I’ve composed several blog entries on this matter so far. Here’s the original, called “Obamacare Defecates on the poor,” which includes my letter to Nancy Pelosi:

tinyurl.com/obamadef

The embarrassment of my wretched teeth has caused me to cease doing open mic readings or gay standup…making things more difficult to promote my talents. I do /not/ want to be the Moms Mabley of queer comedy. Anyways, I think I’ll enunciate with enough clarity that every word be understood, even through the telephone lines. Since another tooth broke in half several months back, I’ve acquired a pronounced lisp. But I’ve adapted where I place my tongue, in order to soften the lisp.

I don’t consider myself a stereotype gay, yet here I am with a pronounced lisp, and thanks to my carpal tunnel syndrome, my wrists have grown limp. What next: a fungal infection on my chest that looks like a pink triangle? Take my domestic partner, please.

Friday I’m yours,

Zeke


Listen to my Queer Tales on Radio

March 6, 2017

This Friday, March 10th, Marco McClean, the host of Ft. Bragg’s KNYO weekly show, “Memo of the Air” will be interviewing me live, after which I will read several short, gay themed tales. Starting around 9:15 PM. Listen via live streaming at:

knyo.org/listen.htm

In case it’s too late to tune in by the time you read this, just log on to memooftheair.wordpress.com and play the podcast dated 2017/10/04. Start at fifteen minutes in.

Beyond that, he’ll be reading from my self-published novel, “Free Me From This Bond” every week until its end. In fact, he started narrating it last Friday. Download the podcast dated 2017/03/04 here:

tinyurl.com/marcozeke1

The reading starts at 3 hours, 47 minutes, and ends at 4 hours, 10 minutes.

This book is about my adventures as a gay street activist here in San Francisco, from around 2006 to 2012. And features my two greatest heroes: Randolph Taylor, our own community’s Nam Vet war hero (now deceased), and one Arwyn Miles who is alive and kicking.

Not his real name, by the way, but he is quite a unique character that inspires me no end. We first met in the SOMA neighborhood, but he since migrated to the Castro some years back. He is a real bar fly and good fun. The first scene read by Mr. McClean takes place in the old Hole in the Wall Saloon.


Deeper Down the Well

September 12, 2016

Date: Sun, 11 Sep 2016 17:39:39
Subject: Going Deeper Down the Well
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Serpentine Guardians

The Well is one of the remaining BBS’s around, that somehow still thrives in spite of the Internet. Located here in San Francisco, it has many interesting participants in the world of authors, artists and other intriguing characters. I decided to join them…costs a bit each month, but I figure it’s a good investment for promoting my own talents. Anywayz, after participating in several threads of varied topic, I decided to post my first promo in the “writers” conference. Now, I share with you:


writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#0 of 0: Zeke Krahlin (zeke1k) Sun 11 Sep 2016 (05:32 PM)

Hello, Wellbots! I am a gay activist and author, though not yet published in the celebrity sense…only self published one novel so far, which anyone can read for free online (minus the lovely illustrations), here:

I’ve written /many/ tales, essays, what have you, over the years, and continue to do so on my blog:

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com

I decided to start reading at open mic venues here in San Francisco and Berkeley. And am wondering if anyone here can recommend the best places to go. I do /not/ own a car (never have) and live on a low income (social insecurity), so that is why I don’t seek to read my stuff in the Greater Bay Area and beyond.

My works are almost exclusively LGBT themed, though with universal appeal that all but homophobes would enjoy. (Actually, my written and spoken words are ingeniously contrived by forked-tongue alchemy to make such types crumble into friable bits of clay that can then be recycled to our local organic farms; but let’s keep that secret between thou and myself…what happens on The Well stays on The Well, okay?)

This includes my growing collection called “True Tales from the Castro (eat your heart out, armistead)”:

http://www.gay-bible.org/truetales

I write tons of hilarious stuff, most of which can be read aloud in 5 to 7 minutes. Such as:

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/dont-mess-with-my-buddy/

I also offer my talents for private, individual and group readings on a sliding scale…especially appropriate due to my conspiracy theory of /gay/ reptilians that will soon descend in their lavender star ships and “straight”en everything out. And, well, you know, they’re covered in glittery, greenish-yellow SCALES that /do/ slide somewhat. (Not one of my better puns, hope it didn’t get under your skin. Come to think of it, it /is/ a poor grade of punning, so scratch it.) My most recent such tale can be viewed here, though I strongly recommend you toke up on some primo bud before diving in:

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2016/08/06/learning-to-love-lizards/

At the end you will be graced by the light of my visual blurb as candidate for world’s first gay president of the United States and global dictator, on the ethereal plane…in both the reptilian and hominid dimensions.

Thank you for your undivided pineal attention. Here is my business card:


Keep your fingers crossed, Chthonic Dreamweavers!

– Zeke


ADDENDUM

writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#10 of 14: Peter Borke (petebork) Mon 12 Sep 2016 (06:00 PM)

You’re on the right side of history, Zeke. (you may not always be right, but time is on your side)

writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#11 of 14: I went full diva on their ass. (paulette) Mon 12 Sep 2016 (07:22 PM)

Wait, really? Allen was as delightfully gay as a birthday table cloth. Why would anyone pretend otherwise? The only time I ever saw him in real danger was when he approached a New Yorker writer asking him to sign a petition on behalf of some good cause or another (I forget what).

That New Yorker writer had lost a kid to bad dope, and held Ginsburg and the Beats personally responsible for it. It got very close to being physical.

writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#12 of 14: Zeke Krahlin (zeke1k) Mon 12 Sep 2016 (10:16 PM)

{petebork}: Thank you for reminding me of my awesome destiny that shall make the world my oyster. No matter I’m allergic to them and they make me vomit.

{paulette}: I did submit my novel to City Lights in December of 2013, but they never got back to me; and it’s, well, over two years later. You may read about that lovely adventure, here, wherein I confessed among other things: “It is my dream to have my own novel featured on the same shelf as ‘Howl and Other Poems.'”

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2013/12/26/my-letter-to-city-lights/

P.S.: One thing’s for sure: there are no angel-headed hipsters in IT!

writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#13 of 14: Ezekiel Krahlin (zeke1k) Mon 12 Sep 2016 (10:18 PM)

Oops, three years later. Flime ties.

writers 2374: Looking for open mic recommendations to read my tales in SF

#14 of 14: Zeke Krahlin (zeke1k) Mon 12 Sep 2016 (10:30 PM)

{paulette}: Homophobia’s gotten a lot worse, not better, since Allen’s time. Mainstream (read “hetero”) news still doesn’t cover much of LGBT issues. Anti-gay violence has been on a sharp increase for over a decade, now. Islam isn’t helping any, either.

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/killing-gays-the-republican-agenda/

Plus, if you’re gay and low income, PrEP (the anti-HIV pill) is not accessible, even though the transit posters and other ads make the public think it is. Since Medi-Cal now charges an exorbitant monthly share of cost that only the wealthy can afford. Even in spite of Obamacare’s extended Medicaid.

https://zekeblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/30/no-prep-for-the-poor/


Letter to my Brother, 8/15/16

August 15, 2016

August 15, 2016

Dear Vince (& Darcy),

First off, I want to thank you for the gift money. Now I can get a decent pair of sandals and still have lucre left over for something else nice…like a yummy veggie burger w/aioli sauce or a couple of argyle sweaters from a district locals call Junkietown West. Payless has good prices. I’ve had bad luck these past two years finding a decent pair of sandals from dead (or almost dead) hobos. Hard enough to get the right size, but too often either the odor prohibits me from boarding the bus or commiserating in an LGBTIFRC (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, furry, reptilian or curious) bar; or a strap breaks prematurely, due to the lifeless (or almost lifeless) vagrant’s gangrenous moisture soaked into the leather. Two-plus years being forced to wear Chinatown socks and free-box sneakers even in the warmest weather is more than this esoteric wanderer can handle!

Now that I’ve shocked you properly, please let me be clear: that was a joke.

Vince, after you left for Charleston and your first semester at The Citadel, I found a lovely book mom had packed away with your other stuff. A black and white cartoon collection called “Barnaby and Mr. O’Malley.” After a quick perusal, I had to have it, and so placed it in my room as one of my more cherished possessions. I never told you about that book; perhaps you don’t even remember owning it. The tales revolved around a little boy and his imaginary fairy godfather, Mr. O’Malley; and took place in a town somewhere in America during World War Two.

The stories are populated with various other delightful characters, both fictional and real, such as: Gus the Ghost, Launcelot McSnoyd the Invisible Leprechaun, Atlas the Mental Giant, his parents Mr. & Mrs. Baxter, Jane the girl who moved in down the block, and his faithful (talking) dog, Gorgon (and his father, Rover). As the years passed and I went off to college myself, that treasured novel escaped from my world somehow, and I rarely thought of it again. Till four years ago, when it suddenly popped out of my memory bank.

“Gee, I’d love to have that book again,” I thought, “maybe amazon dot com has it.”

Sure enough they did, but for a pretty penny due to its “collectible” status: $32.49. But I bought it, and once it arrived I reread every single ink-drawn page with immense pleasure. To this day I still have it, though currently packed away in one of my several storage boxes on the loft. It is almost time, though, to pore over it again with renewed delight. It certainly has staying power, and I’m glad you left it behind.

Since we first got in touch after many years–due to our parent’s departure and your role as executor of their will–I’ve thought now and then to tell you about this book. So here I am doing just that, in this letter. Enclosed are two separate printouts of illustrations from that sweet opus, that I got off the Internet…The Crockett Johnson Home Page. Enjoy! Maybe they will sweep you with childhood memories from the early years at 8 Shawnee Drive…or perhaps Monroe Street.

Love as always,

Eugene


[ Querulous Reader: click on either image below for a larger view. ]


[ On the back of the envelope, I taped this: ]


Letter to my Brother, 8/4/16

August 4, 2016

[ Flaboromous Reader: printed out and sent by snail mail, including the image at top. ]


August 4, 2016

Hey there, Vince and Darcy!

Well this is awkward, my brother, as regards your printout sent to me. I googled “obamacare after 76” only to call up a ton of sites claiming this is a hoax that has been running around the Internet since 2009. But I already thought it might be, since the statement “make 20 copies and send to others” set off a little alarm in the back of my head. For this is a common phrase (or one similar) used in chain mail. Be that as it may, there are plenty of justified grievances against Obamacare that I see no reason to make anything up. Bad enough my own struggle to expose expanded Medicaid’s exorbitant share of cost as a death sentence to millions…only to be accused of being a liar and even a right-wing saboteur, by many. But there are folks out there who hear me, and appreciate my courage and efforts to bring out the truth despite difficult odds. So I am making headway.

Regarding my “No PrEP for the Poor” letter in the Castro Courier: the remarkable thing about their publishing it, is that rarely does a newspaper print a letter to the editor that is longer than two paragraphs. But if they really like what you have to say, they usually either pare it down themselves, or contact the author and request he do that himself. This may be vain to declare, but I like to think that whatever I have to say is important to the world, and that I’ve already condensed my essay in as few words as possible to the point where any further subtraction would be detrimental.

So when I send a letter out to this or that publication, I just don’t give a fuk whether or not they think the piece is too long. And, more often than not, I have my way. Besides, all my letters to editors are also posted to my WordPress blog (embellished with eye-catching images, as you already know), my Facebook wall, my Twitter account, my LinkedIn update, my Gay Bible site, and my emailing list.

I certainly hope someone is listening, regarding the import of my letter, and that it will reach and influence the proper channels to right this tragic wrong. But I have long ago concluded that belief in yourself should never be allowed to wither on the vine, simply because the results you seek from any effort are not fulfilled. Or better said: “are not apparent.” No matter how much you busted your cojones. For it is an absurd notion to believe that God does not answer all worthy prayers. Of course He does, just not in your own time, but His. Which leads me into the topic of what I think is the best way to pray:

Prayer is only effective when backed with action. Such as when you, Vince, show your kindness to neighbors by plowing snow from their driveways. But it is also good to set aside some time every night in silent, traditional prayer. Though I think many folks get this wrong…for in their praying they obsess over someone’s worst case scenario every time they kneel down to plead for God’s intercession. Here is what I think is a better way:

The first time you pray for someone suffering tragedy, I guess it’s okay to fantasize “what if” horrid outcomes. But really, worry does no one any good, it only causes further stress and spreads anxiety to others, including perhaps the person for whom you pray. Besides, it only shows one’s lack of faith that God does, indeed, fulfill all compassionate wishes. So after that first prayer–and every prayer thereafter–one ought to thank God ahead of time for answering your prayer. And in so thanking, place an image in your mind of that person’s recovery, and a joyful outcome all around. The rest is in God’s hands, and I assure you: those hands are Grace personified.

Tip straight from Gabriel’s mouth: humor is always a great balm to one who is suffering, when done with kindness.

Please allow me to clarify, though, by saying that, if you sometimes fall back into a worst-case scenario fear while you pray, by no means will God fail you in your time of grief. Nor will your heartfelt plea be any less heard for that. To believe otherwise is, simply, superstition. For praying should never be seen as appeasing God; it is, actually, your soul’s willful desire to share the cross of another. Even if you don’t pray, God know’s the ache in your heart, and is already on it, with the commission of his merciful angels.

It is easy to get bitter, especially if your prayer is not answered in the time you think due. Or “does not seem to be answered,” I should say. For I have found that prayers are oftentimes answered in secret, even to the one who prays. And that is why I know I’ve done a good thing with my letter to the editor…with all my letters to the editor over the years. And why I thank God for answering every one of them, although I may not discern the outcome in this lifetime.

Yet I have been blessed from time to time, with a prayer here or a prayer there, being answered rather quickly, and which I witness with my own eyes. Most recently, regarding my adventures with Zach…but also with Larkin.

My sincerest prayers are with Darcy, that her arthritis clear up promptly. And that she find a long term solution towards easing its ravages, and the pain that goes with it. No matter the source, or how surprising.

In loving memory of Mom and Dad,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin


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