I Hate Babies

March 13, 2010

Population Growth Steady In The Face Of A Changing Climate

I hate babies. Pushed in our faces in ever-increasing numbers up and down the sidewalks of our queer neighborhoods in cute little pink and blue strollers, they are symbols made flesh of heterosexist arrogance.

These subhuman breeders are the real perverts, for using their own children as front-line artillery in this war on same-sex lovers. Their disdain, hatred and (sometimes) fear is written all over their monkey faces. Perhaps they will think twice about “strolling” our neighborhoods, once an outraged queer wrests a pudgy, howling blob of protoplasm from its stroller and tosses it into a mailbox for overnight delivery. (Or once a basher is bashed back and roped to a tree in a queer area of a city park, entrails spilled onto his lap with a sign on his chest: “Homophobe”.) Don’t tell me that you, queer reader, do not also entertain such thoughts of retribution from time to time.

The historical roots of modern homophobia lie in the early Hebrews‘ need to propagate in order to outnumber their tribal enemies. Thus it became a heinous sin for any male to “spill seed” outside of a woman’s “vessel”. Same-sex love was therefore incorporated by their religious leaders to be an abomination in the eyes of God. (Christianity’s emergence carried forth this heterosexist supremacy into modern times with a vengeance so cruel, that it can only be deemed a mass insanity or psychosis.) Perhaps this extreme measure was a necessary evil, as a matter of survival to a tribe threatened with annihilation by enemies on every side. But that was several thousand years ago, and now we live in a world far too populated for its own well-being.

Perhaps it is time for God to reverse the ancient law of homophobia and declare it a sin *not* to waste seed. Perhaps we should no longer “turn the other cheek” (to use the fundamentalists’ own Christian terminology), but revert to the ancient Mosaic Law of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” (or in this case, a baby for a queer). Perhaps it is time for a “New Passover“–only this one for queers–sacrificing the hetero firstborn of every breeder as Yahweh’s warning to give us our freedom. Perhaps the act of “breeding” (without strict social guidelines) should now be made a crime punishable by death. Enforced spilling of seed anywhere except in a woman’s vessel may be the “necessary evil” to save us from global disaster–and will put new meaning in the phrase “turn the other cheek”.

Remember, homophobic swine: you do not *make* a baby–only genetics (read “God”) can do that. Woman is just the vessel. It is how you raise a child that counts…which has nothing to do with whether one’s parents are “natural” or not. As a matter of fact, the current rise in child abuse (and neglect) by heterosexist parents, is so alarming that even a test tube would provide a safer haven to these hapless offspring.

It takes no brains to insert rod A into slot B, which is the only reason you illiterate homophobic simians can breed at all. And the only reason most of you breed your brains out is to assure each other that you are not homosexual–with your fleshly offspring as your “Good Housekeeping Seal Of Approval” to parade before us queers in our own neighborhoods. Stop screwing, and read a good book for once in your life.

Video: The Starving Children of Africa

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