So three nights ago Brasus shows up to share with me some really strong ganja in a peace pipe, and deliberate upon Bryan’s untimely death. For which I remarked:
“The gay community here is now up in arms that these killers remain unapprehended, and at large. But such crimes have gone on for more than 30 years. Nothing has changed. There will continue to be brutal violence against gays in their own neighborhoods, so long as we remain disunited. I spoke with Linda (laundromat lady) about this murder, stating that horrible thugs are hanging out at her laundromat after hours when she is no longer there.”
Her response was snippy and uncalled for: “Well, I can’t be here all the time.”
So I voiced loudly as she swiftly regressed to the back of the laundromat, in order to avoid me:
“Don’t talk to me like that! Why does everyone speak to me that way? I’m only informing you of the situation. I realize it is not your fault.”
Linda obviously chose to invalidate me, but I stood by the doorway and awaited her return from the back room. As she crossed my path and exited, I declared:
“Look, you watch out for yourself, things are getting dangerous.”
But she merely wandered across the street to tend to her own myinistrations. But what I wonder is this:
Why would she brush me off, unless she doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about gay people? In spite of my handing her now and then, a printout of my gay-themed tale or essay, and her complimenting me on my fine writing? I can only conlude that she is part of the problem…in that hetero folks with some affluence move into the Castro and live a comfortable life. Yet lift not a single finger when anti-gay tragedies occur. Tragedies which could be averted, were this district populated by enough concerned citizens. Which it is not.
She does have some gay friends, but they are all homo-owning conservatives, one of whom she allows to use her laundromat some evenings, so he can set up his sewing machine and ply away. This may be a good solution to discouraging homophobic thugs from entering the place during off hours, but Linda does not really seem to be concerned over the anti-gay threat that overruns any laundromat once a manager departs. And her laundromat seems to be the only one in the Castro that does not provide on-spot attendance at all business hours.
Now, I’ve lived here in the same SRO since 1983. I know of various long term residents throughout Eureka Valley: the black homeowner Guy, who sells flowers on the corner of Noe & Henry; Les just a block up and across, who runs a grocery/liquor shop, and so on. Yet not a one speaks well of me to others, nor introduces me to their friends. While they appear friendly to my face (of course, they’ll take my moolah), I am outraged at the soulless lot of ’em! By their willfull exclusion of yours truly from our local society, they leave me far more vulnerable to attacks as I stroll my own sidewalks. They have compartmentalized me into oblivion. They are fiercely and pervertedly EVIL!
Even gay-identified residents don’t give a damn about homophobic violence on our streets. For they are mostly homo-owning wealthy shit-heads who enjoy reports of even their own gay poor and homeless being victimized by homophobic attacks. But when one of their own elitist kind gets murdered, it’s all “rah-rah” and “so sorry you were murdered, we valued you greatly”…and then, business as usual once more in a few weeks’ time. The Cult feeds on such deleterious sadism, using the wicked to promulgate the persecution and bashing of the few decent folks who remain (whether homeless or housed).
FIVE FACEBOOK MESSAGES TO BRASUS
[ Quadragesimal Reader: Brasus was a popular male name in ancient Thrace. Please read my tale about Sabazios and Brasus in my blog entry dated 23 July, if you want your eyes open. I prefer you read the entire piece; otherwise search that page for “Sabazios”. ]
- August 13 (late evening):FORGET ABOUT MY FRIEND REQUEST…my unfriending you in an anxiety attack was, apparently, the right thing to do. So if you friend me now, I’ll just unfriend you right back. It is clear to me now, that you have no desire to speak well of me to any of the new people in the Castro you have met and associated with. Whether they are shop owners, local residents, hot guys you meet at the gym (which you so juvenially call “heaven”), or even those without a roof over their heads. It’s like you showed up to usurp all the good works I’ve done these past 30 years or so. I just wonder: what the fuk is wrong with you? You have willfully chosen to allow (and even encourage) folks who live here, including those who are homeless, to at best, not know who the hell I am…and at worst, to hate me and do me harm. No good will can come of this, and I pity the outcome of your life. For I have /never/ lost a battle yet, and never will. What you have done to me is DISGUSTING. I look forward to your sudden and unexpected depature from 2306 within a few weeks from now.
- August 13 (ten minutes later):I’ve also observed that you don’t spontaneously hug me. I have to beg you for a hug if it’s ever gonna happen. As if you’re doing me a pity favor. Go fuk that and the horse you rode in on. You good lookin’ guys are so full of yourselves it makes me wanna vomit just at the thought of your unforgivable arrogance. When we hugged for the first time, it is /you/ who kissed me smack on the lips. But out of modesty, I deflected and kissed you on the cheek. You SET ME UP to think you were physically attracted to me…just so you could fuk with my head in the long run. Trying to make me feel bad when I showered you with affection at Last Call. You are a freak, and a curse on the gay community. Welcome to the Castro Country Club.
- August 14 (just before breakfast):I introduced you to the baristas at Bean There as “my wonderful and new neighbor and friend.” FYI, I also spoke /very/ well about you to our building manager. Ditto for Linda at the laundromat. I never dreamed that bringing up the suggestion you return the favor, would cause such a negative reaction in you. Or /any/ negative reaction, for that matter. My friend Johnnie used to introduce me that way, to his friends…until his father suddenly died, and he turned on me in bitterness. I have had /others/ speak well of me before their friends, but they were only passing through. Such kindness is extremely rare in my life, but I have experienced it…and it’s taught me to use that as a reliable measure of true friendship. Superficial friends are a dime a dozen.
- August 14 (just after breakfast):I am going by the assumption you are also a member of this secret society that Larkin runs, thus you are testing me. Over what? That I can stand strong when I am attacked through my greatest weakness, my Achilles heel. Which is this: fate has put me in a highly desperate situation for YEARS now…where I really haven’t even one good friend in this world. Will such desperation cause me to sell out my values, my ethics…that is, my SOUL? Or will I stand my ground even when it means my isolation will remain? Well, now you have your answer. Give my best regards to Larkin, next time you see him.
- August 14 (just after supper and right before watching “Toy Story of Terror“):This will be my last message to you, then I’m outta your hair. You have never messaged me back, not even once. Is that a friend, ya think? And you’ve never given me your phone number, though I’ve given you mine (on my business card). Now, I perfectly understand if someone doesn’t give his number to another he hardly knows. But you /did/ give your number to a person who lives here, and who is basically a skunk. I know this because you told me he texted you, and demanded you not text back. You’re doing the same kinda thing to me, by never messaging back. Enjoy your fake friends, Brasus. You’ve made the wrong choice. Once again. (In your next life I wager you’ll be born a dusty dog w/o a home, wandering the streets of Philippi for table scraps.)
[ Dragonian Reader: Jason Parsley is a gay journalist (and editor of South Florida Gay News) I discovered in February of this year. We have a loose association via LinkedIn, nonetheless I admire his devotion to gay ideals, and courageous coverage of controversial issues that most LGBT reporters would shirk. After he perused my gay-bible web site, and learned of my many years as a dedicated gay street activist (as well as author of countless gay tales, essays, poems and articles), he offered to feature me in his newspaper. Unfortunately, his publisher turned down that request, and Jason could do nothing further. He’s very cute, but just got married. Fuk me with a duck. ]
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Jason Parsley
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 12:03:43
Subject: Nice to see your name in a B.A.R. news article!Sitting on the toilet for my morning ablution,
While reading the Bay Area Reporter,
a journalistic institution,
Lo and behold I stumbled upon
Your name in an article called:
“Gay prisoner shares story, his mistakes,
in newspaper column.”
Your work is cut out for you,
You do a great job
Towards ending the stigma of el-be-gee-tees
Viewed by the mainstream as no more
So hats off to you, my activist ally,
For forging ahead/carving out
Our own pro-gay map
not found in McNally.
PRINTOUT ENCLOSED IN ENVELOPE AND TAPED TO BRASUS’S PORTCULLIS
[ Superannuated Reader: this letter fit easily on one side, but on the other, I printed out a lovely rendering of the blue rose. The image you see below (of the fingerpainted walls) is not, of course, part of the actual letter. Included just so you’ll understand what I’m dealing with: a crazy loon who is also a darling man. Thus, I’m trying to find a way to ameliorate his deleterious (though sweet) aberrations, that our friendship will be cemented. ]
15 August 2014
YOU’RE A BAD BOY, BRASUS!
I tried using soapy hot water to wash off your “dust art” on the walls of my little corridor. But they won’t come off! So it would be nice if you find some way to remove it…perhaps a commercial product just for cleaning walls.
I have too many folks scapegoating me as it is, and having Bohemian squiggles in my hallway only serves to enforce their perception of me as the village idiot. And could likely cause anger by the building manager, against U-No-Hoo. I prefer to choose my own battles, not have them foisted upon me by naive victims of cult telepathy…victims because they haven’t the foggiest clue they’re being used by negative forces to cripple my good works, friendships, secure habitation, etc.
Of course I do realize these present difficulties serve a higher purpose, that is: my initiation into a secret society that has watched over me (as well as harassed me) for many, many years…decades, even. But now–just before all my lovers and dear friends from past lives come to surround me–those who are already here (such as yourself and Larkin, and I guess several others), choose to vilify me for a while longer. Apparently it remains their role for the sake of my betterment.
So I also realize this is the purpose you also serve, much to my chagrin. Thus your behavior, while kind on the surface, bubbles just underneath with all sorts of inconsiderate games. Not the least of which is running away from me, that you may always have the last word. I confronted you on important matters of our association, but instead of hearing me out, you slam the door in my face. YOU’RE A BAD BOY, BRASUS! And though I love you very much (and that might be a problem in your little world of privileged egotism), I will not put up with it by pretending that undercurrent isn’t going on, just because I am sorely lacking in true friendship. But please realize this:
While harassment upon This Desperate Little Dragon by those he loves (and who love him back) continues for Sabazios only knows how long (and I wish it would end soon), there will be one among them who will cease his attacks first, to become The Affectionate Comrade Of My Dreams. And he will boast to everyone he knows and meets, about what a Really Good Man is Zeke! But what’s also important to know, is this:
Whoever is first to stop battling against me, will have my company five times more often than anyone else (friends or lovers)…for all eternity. I’m assuming of course, that will be Larkin. But you never know until the cake is done, who’s gonna apply the frosting.
P.S.: Peace and love, even if you don’t come through for me. The worst that will happen AFAIC, is we’ll just be neighbors living out our own lives apart. Just like I am forced to do with everyone else here at Hotel California North…and the Castro…and San Francisco…and California…and these Disunited States…and North America…and the western hemisphere/northern hemisphere…and this sorry little planet.
ANOTHER ONE BITES THE FAERY DUST
Yet another queer was recently murdered here in our “Gay Mecca For Wealthy Fags Only.” Typically, there was an outpouring of the usual neighborly regard, in order to cover up the true bestiality of all those so-called “nice” people who inhabit the Castro. While they, themselves, are the real reason why such atrocities continue, and increase. Let me explain:
Decent people like myself are often ignored and forced into an invisible existence, soley because we are low-income and left-wing. Such stigmatization (a la gossip) leads to abuse, harassment, violation, bashing and death…due to the local community’s enforced elitism against those who don’t own a home or business. Yet when a member of their clique gets killed, they mourn in public as if to prove to the world that they are, indeed, really good folks. Which is pure horse hockey.
The person lately dispatched to a much better world, Bryan Higgins, was an active member of the Radical Faeries. Years ago, I attempted to join their commune, but was rejected because I refused to participate in any circle-jerk gatherings. Now what does that tell you about such a group, if they excommunicate you only because you have no interest in perverted sexual behavor?
I only know Bryan from popping into Rosenburg’s Deli where he worked, in order to purchase a pack of ciggies or, perhaps, a pint of vodka. He was not a particularly friendly type, which IMO made him quite typical of elitist behavior so common in the Castro. In fact, I asked him once:
“So what is your name?” To which he replied:
“Oh, call me whatever you want.”
Now that, my friends, I consider an asinine reply. Since I was showing him respect in wanting to know a bit about him. SF gays are often rude to me, they don’t know me from Adam…and I guess that’s the crux of the matter. I am not known to them, not part of this or that clique, and I’m definitely not a cute young dude. Though I’ve been part of the community since long before 1983, and have accomplished much good work in the name of Gay Rights…I may as well have moved to San Francisco yesterday. I remain a stranger in my adopted home town.
There was a celebration at Duboce Park just one or two days ago, to honor Mr. Higgin’s memory. All well and good but for one thing: were I to be so bludgeoned to death by a cabal of violent homophobes, no one would honor my history of devotion and sacrifice on behalf of gay liberation. I’d just be a blip on the radar of the Castro’s GLBT records, and promptly forgotten. In spite of my incredible acheivements, which many have stolen and claimed for their own vainglory.
So rest in peace, Bryan Higgins, though please know that neither the Radical Faeries nor the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have shown me any acceptance or respect, though I have accomplished much on behalf of Queer Freedom. Same goes for all of the other organizations under our coummunity umbrella. Even though I’ve made my presence known to them numerous times, including resumes of my gay street activism and LGBT-themed tales. Offering them many of my ideas gratis, so long as they acknowledge my contributions rather than claim credit for themselves.
Now that I’ve vented (and thank you for your patience), I must give you some honor, though not in the smug fashion of elitist sycophants who remember you with pomp and circumstance. (In part I presume, out of superstitious fear that if they don’t, the gods may look down on them with disfavor…but also because, while not rich yourself, you were well connected with a major gay organization.) No one deserves the brutality that you suffered and which led to your death. Yet there are many gay-identified souls here and elsewhere who, like me, are completely ignored (even vilified) by those blessed with a cozy life, and celebrated by their LGBT peers. Who, when bashed or murdered, get barely a few lines in the local papers, if that. And certainly: no public memorial.
A dear friend of yours back in Michigan has set up a Facebook memorial page in your honor:
I am sure that, now that you’re on The Other Side Of Life, you completely grasp where I’m coming from. And proudly serve as guardian angel to all those in our Homophile Family, who suffer through no fault of their own, social isolation and scorn by their brothers. For if you’re as sweet and spiritual as claimed by those you left behind, that is exactly how you’re spending your time in Avalon.
[ Now get this, Yoghurty Reader: the suspect is identified as a white male 20-30 years old, wearing a gray hoodie. A gray hoodie? Everyone wears a gray hoodie, fer Zeus-sake! Thanks for nothin’. This really quells the fear of good citizens strolling the Castro (or Duboce Park) at night, yessirree-bob-a-loo-la. (And which person will never wear a gray hoodie for the rest of his life, care to make a wager?) Way to go, douche bags. Then again, I wonder: are there more than just a handful of good citizens left in the area? I really doubt it.
There is also the matter of defending oneself with an effective weapon of legal choice: if not a gun, then pepper spray. In most cases, a one-on-one confrontation can be summarily thwarted simply by wielding a canister of PS before the attacker even makes his first strike. It is my wager that Bryan was defenseless. Too many gays walk the streets w/o any protection whatsoever. Had Bryan wielded such a weapon, he may have averted a tragedy. Which not only serves to protect him and live a full life, but would spare the LGBT Family from needless grief and expense. ]
WHEN IT COMES TO LAPTOPS, I’M A BOTTOM
From: Zeke Krahlin
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 15:56:35
Subject: Found a notebook in freebox!
Six years old, in great condition. Compaq Presario V6000, 1 G RAM, 67 G hard drive, etc. Vista Home Basic (boo). Large, crystal clear screen, plays videos beautifully.
Still trying to complete all updates…refused to load Service Pack 2. That would clear up the wifi flakiness. But it does well via public access. Linux doesn’t seem to take well to it, both video resolution wise, and wifi wise. My USB wifi chip is supposed to work perfectly in Linux, but I’ve tried five of the latest distros with no luck yet. Not even Puppy Linux, which always before recognized Linux compatible wifi like a charm.
Problem is the AT&T free wifi set up in the Castro…it’s not good at connecting half the time, so can’t always tell wherein the problem lies. Would like to get this Compaq connecting at home, for updates…cause it’s a heavy weight to lug around.
Anywayz, good to have a backup system, as well as one to watch videos and test new freeware that might have a malicious virus or two.
HOODIES STALK THE ‘HOOD
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Several Gay Papers in San Francisco
Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 22:15:37
Subject: Violence in the Castro
In light of the increasing, mostly anti-gay, violence here in the Castro, I’d like to point out two especially dangerous hot spots: Jane Warner Plaza (JWP) and Noe & Market Laundromat. Anyone who visits the Castro on a frequent basis is surely aware of the nasty bums loitering about JWP at all hours. They do not belong here, but take advantage of our generosity, and the fact that all gay neighborhoods are a lot safer and friendlier than the straight ones. Yet it is this very friendliness they abuse, since these scumbags see LGBTs as “faggots” and a silly joke in their Christianized Pathology. Glad to take our dollars, though.
Please realize that most homeless use the services of churches for food, showers and shelter. And that, even here in “Gay Mecca,” the majority of pulpits preach war against homosexuals. What few gay-friendly churches exist here, I can count on less than ten fingers. These religious institutions preach hateful dogma against gays, in exchange for their so-called charitable outreach. Then send these disturbed souls to gay districts in order to spread violent doctrine in God’s name. This is Nazi-style propaganda: fomenting hatred against sexual minorities through populux religion and Aryan airwave brainwashing.
I cannot enjoy strolling my own neighborhood, thanks to these pinheaded scoundrels who take up every outdoor public venue (seating, plaza and park). JWP is one such space that is particularly occupied by fuckups. Plus: living over Market Street between Castro and Noe, I often hear vagrant lunatics traversing the block and screaming at the top of their lungs, wickedly anti-gay epithets and curses. Sometimes very late at night, thus interrupting my sleep. As if they are doing God’s righteous work. Moving on now to Noe & Market Laundromat, six doors down from the intersection with Market:
I think it’s the only laundry service in the district without a manager or attendant for the full time it’s open. So when the manager leaves for the day (around mid-afternoon), scary dirtbags haunt the place. One of them recently confronted me and demanded I hand over five dollars. When I said “No way, get the fuck outta my face,” he seemed about to fly into a rage. Thankfully, he did not…nonetheless, he strutted back and forth by the laundromat, causing me unwelcome stress. He is but one example of the numerous freaks who occupy that laundromat through late afternoon and night. Now I ask you:
Why should washing one’s clothes be akin to standing unarmed in a battlefield? I do not blame the laundromat’s present attendant…for responsibility lies with the owner. He certainly needs to assign a second person to cover the remaining hours when the first employee is off duty. That is: if he really cares enough to stop providing a haven for homophobes and creeps.
Long term (and bedraggled) resident of the Castro
THANK DRAGON FOR TRACE!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Mendocino Muse
Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 14:12:56
Ran into Trace late last night (around 3 AM), and he looks GREAT! No more shopping cart BS, very clean and neat looking…and soooo handsome (honey-brown hair tumbling to his shoulders, like a seraphim; green eyes, etc.). Told him how glad I was to see him again, and how proud I am of him for struggling to survive after Hurricane Katrina drove him from his home state to San Francisco. You remember him, sent you a photo of Trace asleep on my bedding…tattoo over the left calf muscle that spelled “Baton Rouge.”
Well, here’s that photo again (see attachment)…really cute dude, but so much hotter than the image reveals. A truly LOVELY man, and I’m a truly LUCKY man to have his company once more.
He had a nifty bicycle lit up here and there with blue-white LEDs. Took him home where the next thing I know, he’s lying down on the bedding with his pants lowered, and darling fat wanger sprung up like a…well, you get the drift. He didn’t even want a couple shots of vodka first, a cigarette, or even some pot to smoke.
“Are you sure you don’t want some vodka?” I queried, surprised at his unexpected and bold move…though absolutely delighted like a hound with a jumbo Milk-Bone.
So I took a quick sip of my drink that was left unfinished when I stepped out to stroll the Castro. (I do that sometimes, late at night, just to check out the street dragons, and maybe find a sweet one to hold in my arms and stuff like that.)
He admired this lovely new jacket I found in a free box last week: thin leather with an inner hoodie shell of gray flannel. Well, I love that jacket and wore it every day, even in the warm weather. Never thought I’d part with it willingly, but there ya go, El. Without a nanosecond of hesitation, I yanked it off and gladly presented it to Trace.
He only stayed long enough for a quickie, but he did pull off his sweater and topmost shirt to bring it down to one. His torso was exposed up to his chest, during which time I got up from my chair and slid my arms about that sexy, smooth bod. To my surprise, he did not resist, but continued to remove the shirt, then put the outermost one back on…then donned the jacket.
“I gotta go see my people,” he said while gripping the handlebars of his road bike. “Let me out, Zeke.”
As if I were trying to hold him back. Ha!
“Gimme a hug, SIR!” I commanded. So he did, head nuzzled upon my left shoulder. I kissed him on the ear and whispered:
“I’m your dawg now, buddy.”
He left behind a large, red-and-white striped shirt like a candy cane, and light gray sweater (see pic). Totally clean and they smell wonderful…the gritty streets, ocean breeze, and his own friendly werewolf scent…a most seductive mix! The next morning I found myself thanking Goddess many times over, as I prepared myself for another amazing day.
Got my usual whole-wheat-with-sesame-seed bagel with cream cheese and a small coffee. I was in bliss, and still am, as I compose this email.
So I finally return back home to discover my first check from Friesen Press! Only $28 but hey, still a great reason to celebrate!
And soon enough, Trace will be in my arms again. Figuratively speaking that is. Replace “Trace” with “his bodacious kok” and “arms” with “mouth,” and you have an accurate picture. Hardy har hardon!