[ Clabbered Reader: this is a series of four postcards I snail-mailed to Larkin through late February to early April. Interspersed with an Easter Card, an email exchange, and two personal letters snail mailed on April 8th. ]
Postcard sent February 27th:
Postcard sent March 24th:
Postcard sent March 29th:
Easter card sent April 1 (next 6 images, including the envelope):
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2015 00:03:07
Subject: Larkin’s Cross
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
Eleanor,
I just learned the main reason Larkin is so difficult…though let us
not forget he’s also been wonderful. Curtis lives two flights above
me, and has occupied that room for more than 15 years. Spoke with him
about Larkin at the nearby laundromat, about a tragedy my buddy
suffered some 11 years ago. Which tragedy, in fact, caused him to go
to new hangouts, one of them being the Hole in the Wall Saloon, where
we first met. Interesting, because /I/ went there to lick my wounds
over my own Johnnie tragedy.
The missive below is what I just mailed to Larkin, in an Easter card
decorated with a lovely lamb in a purple bow about its neck:
—
I know you miss Bernie very much. My profoundest regards for your
loss. How do I know about him? Well today (April 2nd) I spoke with
Curtis (room 405) about you, and he brought up the tragedy, said how
much you liked him. I also understand now, that you used to visit
Curtis often, but Bernie’s passing on caused you to drift elsewhere.
Yet all that while you did see Curtis, I was two floors below. And I
find it strange that we never crossed paths in my own apartment
building. Se la vie, eh? You have been most kind and respectful
towards me, regarding Randolph’s sad loss or disappearance. Now I
return the favor. Were it in my power to bring him back to you, I
would, without so much as a second thought.
—
Bernie died from a most gruesome form of cancer. By the time the
surgeons opened him up, they found his organs so rotten with cancer
there was no hope for him. So they just sewed him back up and let him
die a few days later.
So there you have it.
– Zeke
=====
Date: Sat, 4 Apr 2015 11:52:56
Subject: Re: Larkin’s Cross
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
On Sat, Apr 4, 2015 at 11:45 AM, Eleanor wrote:
{{ Well, I’m glad Larkin is behaving less like a shit toward you lately. }}
He’s got a reason for his treason,
Though I don’t appease him.
{{ The letter to Zachary is a good one, but probably too layered and complex for him to understand… }}
The dimwit.
– Zeke
=====
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 2015 13:41:01
Subject: Pillowcase looks fantastic!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
The Scooby-Doo/Snoopy pillowcase is a high quality satin, and the image is just rich in color. Much nicer than I imagined, via the
online pic. Just arrived in the mail today, so I’ll have to prepare
the gift package later, and mail it out tomorrow.
– Zeke
=====
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 2015 18:15:08
Subject: Re: Pillowcase looks fantastic!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Eleanor Cooney
On Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 3:04 PM, Eleanor wrote:
{{ Hope he appreciates it… }}
Of course he will! While Larkin has never acknowledged receipt of any
gift I send or present him…the ones I hand him face-to-face, he
/always/ accepts in sweet graciousness. Even amidst whatever
antagonism he has caused me.
For this reason (and others whenever he suddenly displays kindly
acceptance in spite of his frequent and ornery behavior), I conclude
he is putting me through a sort of hazing (or initiation or trial by
fire, whatever you want to call it). But this time around, I’d rather
mail it than go through the angst of delivering it to him by hand. He
just /loves/ to keep me guessing!
Just as he /always/ relishes casting doubt over our friendship, making
me fear he’ll reject my latest gift. Yet, he has /never/ done that! So
perhaps I /will/ attempt to hand it to him at Twin Peaks Tavern,
tomorrow evening. Should he refuse (for the first time, I must note),
I’ll just walk out w/o any anger, and ship it off the next day.
Remember my suggestion that he heads a secret organization within the
SF LGBT community, that selects certain folks to groom for leadership.
So many bizarre events and coincidences have occurred around This
Tremulous Queer Lamb, that affirm my suspicions in this matter, I
cannot but act upon such an amazing conclusion as if it were the truth.
Discovering by happenstance a Scooby-Doo rendering so similar to my
first illustration of Free Me From This Bond, is but the latest
example…and affirmation.
– Zeke
Postcard sent April 4th::
April 5, 2015
To My Mischievous Mesosaur of Boundless Beauty:
It is now 9:45 PM as I write, and it is still Easter. Another holiday alone, just like St. Patrick’s Day, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Veterans Day, Halloween, Fourth of July, my birthday, your birthday (which I do not yet know much to my grief), Randolph’s birthday, and any other day filled with wishes for a better outcome other than inhabiting an existential glass cage that I can’t break out of no matter what I do, and which no one else perceives. Which fate has been mine since the day I was born.
Of course I am heartbroken once more, that you, Larkin Kelsey, care not whether I am alone or with friends, happy or sad, dead or alive. I conjecture that the loss of Bernie (a man you loved very much) from a most virulent form of cancer, has caused you such bitterness that you cannot love again. Even someone who’s adored you for over eight years, and has proven his fidelity over many painful challenges that you have imparted. Ironic (to say the least) that Bernie occupied the same apartment building as yours truly…and you visited him frequently while I lived just two flights below, all that time. Yet our paths never crossed.
Instead, you drive me away by horrid accusations that I’m your stalker; and spreading such slander throughout every bar in the Castro. Such that I am hated by many, and cannot enter any of these venues. And now, it seems that you have disappeared, perhaps establishing new connections in another neighborhood such as Polk Street.
It gives me great joy to know such a fine and astounding man like yourself, yet you go out of your way these days to bring me conflict, loneliness and strife. None of which I deserve, yet this is what you rain upon My Forlorn Little Soul. But what I find so astounding in our apparent dissension, is a great celebration of our two souls, regardless of any negative precedence. IOW: in spite of your current animosity, my spirit leaps over seeing or thinking of you, like a happy lamb.
I am dumbstruck in love with you, for which I thank the stars from the bottom of my heart and any other relevant organ. I could never say goodbye to you, nor can you to me…which I have known for some time, as I’ve confronted you months ago to ask:
“Do you not want to ever see me again? Just say so, and I will be gone from your life, forever!”
You replied not, but I heard you swallow as if your throat got stuck. Which I regard as a great compliment.
Yet you told me about three weeks ago: “I don’t love you!” Which declaration you performed while turned away from me and facing the window of Twin Peaks Tavern. That is: you never said that to me before, let alone to my face!
So where do I go from here? I guess the only answer is to persist in reaching out to you as I have for more than seven years!
With much affection and delight,
Zeke
P.S.: Easter has come and gone since I completed this missive. It is now April 8th, and I shall mail this latest piece to you tomorrow. I do hope it means something to you. Something very important to your heart.
8 April 1015
My Dear Sid:
Apologies for not yet being able to enclose a check with this letter: something you so well deserve for your remarkable illustrations. Book sales of “Free Me From This Bond” have still to take off…in fact, I’ve only sold six thus far. Partly because–while I had enough moolah from my parents’ inheritance to actually publish this novel–there did not remain enough to self promote. Which involves purchasing a plethora of my own books, traveling to other towns and cities for readings, placing ads strategically via newspapers, magazines and online literary venues, and so forth. The rest is all up to kismet, which I know shall not fail me.
Yet not is all hopeless: in fact, life has presented many incredible omens that I shall soon gain great profit for putting such a phenomenal work out there, that shall (eventually) accomplish much good for LGBT equality. Enclosed is a printout of a recent blog entry called “Pillow Gossip” that gives proof to my claim. And it is but the latest evidence of imminent success, seeing as these last few months I’ve been inundated with many signs that soon (probably well before this year is over), victory shall be mine. And by extension, that of the LGBT family on a global level as well as national.
And yours too, seeing as your art is intrinsic to the beauty, profound message and liberation so forthrightly projected by our shared opus. As time passes, the richness of your work along with my tales, increases in value…especially in light of current events across these disunited states, regarding same-sex love. Years ago I had predicted civil wars and major clashes over queer rights…on Usenet and various other online dialogs. Now comes the prophecy fulfilled.
As my beloved illustrator, I sense it is time to post you an update as to my progress. When “Free Me From This Bond” finally gains the attention it so well deserves by major media outlets, our local community shall open doors for me post-haste, including promoting this book and all my other writings. Thus, I want to reiterate my oath to you, that you will receive $1,000 for every $10,000 I collect from this novel. By that time I will have trustworthy accountants handling this transaction, to be sure you get the fair payment you merit.
I sincerely hope all is going well for you, wherever you are (Pennsylvania?). Every time I gaze upon your illustrations, I am profoundly cheered.
Most sincerely,
Ezekiel J. Krahlin
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