Letter to the Landlord (part 4)

[BRINDLEKIN TALES – Book 2: Chapter 12]

Flaco at rest. Click here for a larger view.

Re: Around 4:35 PM today…
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Watson
Date: January 27, 2021 12:13 AM

Great doggie stories. They’re really thriving, thanks to you!

They are so incredibly sweet, and really smart. Two more sleeping bags came in this afternoon, so now they have FOUR of ’em to fluff up to their heart’s content…and they just went wild for that. They came in a big box, so I emptied it, and threw in one of the bags. Flaco hopped in immediately, fluffing away like there’s no tomorrow! She loves her little hidey spots, and stayed in there for a couple of hours, like she was in the lap of luxury, all toasty warm and comfy, and peeking out at the world.

OTOH, Lucky just loves to sprawl out atop two comforters, and beneath another, ready for the belly rubs. We’re keepin’ warm tonight! Besides, I’m glad the storm finally hit, as that will keep Deek at bay, along with any of his jerkwad tweaker misfit allies. I am as patient and tolerant and helpful as can be, to the homeless, even if they’re addicts…but when a couple of lovely little doggies are involved, WATCH OUT FUCKERS.

• Zeke

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[Please note, kind readers, that Ms. Lasser is the mother of a son who was homeless for a time, here in San Franciso, whom I met and befriended before he finally returned to his home somewhere in Wisconsin. She also has another son, who is a “special needs” kind of human being. I’ve never met Millie, but by our several phone calls and sporadic emails over these past eight years or so, she strikes me as a most intelligent and dedicated person, both to her children, and to the world at large.]

Subject: Just checking in, seeing how you and family are doing!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Millie Lasser
Date: January 27, 2021 11:12 AM

It’s been quite a long while since we’ve communicated, Millie! So I thought that now would be a good time to check in with you. Seeing as I once told you that good things would come out of these tragic times; and it looks like my prediction is on the mark…considering the amazing events that have suddenly started swirling around me, since late October; and continue to shower blessings upon me. Surely, I am not the only person on this planet so impacted…and I’m hoping it’s occurring to you and loved ones now, as well.

Many best wishes to you, and may happiness prevail in all matters. But if such good fortune has yet begun to arrive at your door, please hang in there, for surely it will!

• Zeke

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Subject: Reflection is the Way to a Man’s Stomach
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: January 27, 2021 3:20 PM

Reflecting upon Monday’s encounter with Kevin Bond, our building manager: it was good he extended a hand to the doggies, for he may have been verifying whether or not either one tends to bite. Clearly, they do not. And especially satisfying was that Adisa WITNESSED that little scene, as he was hanging outside the building with a friend, at that time. So much for his accusation before Kevin, that one of my dogs bit him and drew blood. And shame on Adisa’s mother, Myrtle Haversak, who had the nerve to claim she was there when the bite occurred! It was a blatant lie out of fear of eviction or some other draconian reaction by Ablahblah Realty (and/or perhaps myself). That evening, I also had the great satisfaction of Ms. Haversak’s having to pass real close by me, as she ascended the stairs while I stood back against the wall of the landing, that she may have easy ingress. I said not a word, of course, nor did she. I wonder if they even KNOW I’m aware of their false charge. Though I think so, because in my second and final letter to them, I DID state:

“Please also note: any false accusation you make against me, will only serve to make my proposal more difficult to achieve, though not impossible.”

I kinda think they’re SCARED of me at this point, as in: “Geez, he’s such a weirdo; who knows WHAT he’ll spring on us next? Best to steer clear.” Maybe the building manager feels the same way, at this point…maybe also Ablahblah Realty! I feel like that little, freckle-faced boy in the Twilight Zone episode, “It’s a good life.” Well, it IS a good life…”spécialement pour moi!” And everyone on the planet shall soon know it.

Though their FEAR of me may be the furthest thing from the truth, in that this may all be a bodhisattva-type setup, in which they pave the way to my becoming a renowned hero…which is what I’ve suspected for a long time now. But how far does this go? Is the whole WORLD in on it? THAT would be quite a paradigm shift from MY perspective, wouldn’t you say, dear Wattson? Imagine that the entire population of homo sapiens is simply welcoming me to their world, as their LATEST newborn! And all my life experiences with all their trials and tribulations that I have known until recently, at the grand old age of 70, were nothing more than my first baby steps. Thus, every single person on this planet has been playing a particular role on the world stage, JUST FOR ME! And that THIS happens for each and every one of us, eventually. And that EACH of us, somehow and some way, becomes the savior for for the entire planet, as their welcome-into-adulthood celebration. Sort of a “quinceañera” of the soul.

Lucky was NOT hungry again, this time in the morning. But later, he accepted some when I set that same, still-full bowl upon the cot, near him. He hesitated a few moments, but didn’t push it away with his nose, like he always does when he’s truly not hungry. Flaco kindly watched from a couple feet away where she was stretched out upon the other end of the blanket pile. It’s usually her way to start nibbling at the food, in the same bowl that Lucky’s at. But this time, she patiently watched…as if she knows how important it is for him to eat at least SOMEthing. He didn’t eat the entire meal, but a good part of it was consumed…after which he started to shove it away with his schnozzola. Well, that’s not quite accurate, as he nudges the blanket part CLOSE to the bowl, rather then the bowl itself…he’s such a thoughtful little doggy; they both are! And it is an HONOR and a PLEASURE and MOST SACRED, that I am called to provide them with a safe, comfortable and joyful harbor. I actually risked getting EVICTED for doing so, but look how beautifully things are now working out!

Thank god for osterizers! I was SO happy to find the perfect answer to resolving the pups’ appetite woes without costing me an arm and a leg. Which is to shave down a few duck jerky treats so they’d be perfectly blended with the regular meal. But using the crappy cheese grater took FOREVER, and I certainly hated the idea of going through that TWICE a day. Well, it finally occurred to me that maybe my wonderful Imperial Osterizer (that I found in a free box in pristine condition some twelve years ago during one of my power walks through the Inner Sunset) would do the trick…though I was worried that the result would be too chunky, thus allow the dogs to pick out those pieces with their little pink tongues, as they’ve BEEN doing lately. Turns out, though, that the blender does an awesome job of it, grinding down the treats into a coarse meal…PERFECT for what I need. Now, they lick their bowls down to the last smudge, and does not require my own sweat, blood and tears to get them there.

As for Skeptical Crow who narrated my two horror stories for her Youtube channel: we’ve developed an excellent rapport between our communique on her channel pages, AND via email. I anticipate that, when the money finally comes rolling in from global popularity of my Brindlekin Tales, I will pay her handsomely to narrate many of my tales. She’s an ACE narrator, who can go a very long way, with a little polishing up here and there. Though I’d love to include Marshall McGee in that, too, who does a fine job with his weekly radio show, “Memo of the Weird,” on which I’ve already had the tremendous honor of his reading MANY of my pieces. Now, a little more about you-know-who:

Deek was not very convincing about wanting the dogs back; at one point he said he’ll be glad to just have Lucky again. But I told him the two can NOT be separated, that would be cruel. At any rate, his display of actual concern for the pooches was zilch, and his whining about not even being able to spend his birthday (Jan. 22nd) with Lucky was also not the least bit impressive. IOW: an intentionally HOKEY script created by my guardian-angel bodhisattvas to have even MORE fun at my expense. Hmm, I wonder: where DO they hang out when they get together, or is it some kind of Borg-like mind melding? And if the latter be true, I’ll have mine on multi-grain toast, like a savory vegan patty melt, please. Just hold the pickles!

• Zeke

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Subject: This is stunning…how do I come up with this shit?
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: January 27, 2021 9:30 PM

A book-length piece I slapped together in 2002, that I kind of forgot about, but has been on my Gay Bible website for 18 years! I stumbled upon it tonight, while beginning to incorporate many of my website works into my WordPress site, seeing as they were all written before blogging was even a thing. (Though I may not go ahead with it, as gay-bible.org already has tons of great material that would take forever to link everything there to ZekeBlog. It has occurred to me quite recently, that my Gay Bible site has become an indispensable treasure house of wisdom, especially around the LGBT experience. Melding one with the other may be a tactical blunder.) It is an extraordinary email conversation between myself and my gay activist ally, Carlyle Lambourne…and I am Beel Zebub, while he is Grrrrrrr:

E-MAILS FROM BEEL ZEBUB IN SOME FUTURE TIME TO HIS GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDSON ‘GRRRRRRR’ IN THE PRESENT

http://gay-bible.org/write/1_beelzebub.htm

Peruse it, if you have the time…you’ll be fascinated. I am doing some polishing up of it tonight; just minor typos.

• Zeke

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My Letter of Gratitude to OPG (Online Policy Group)

[ The letter is self-explanatory as to OPG’s purpose. Here is their website: http://www.onlinepolicy.org/newindex.php/ ]

Subject: My gay-bible.org website has become indispensable…THANK YOU!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: Online Policy Group
Date: January 28, 2021 10:31 AM

This message is to thank you and everyone else at Online Policy Group, for so many dedicated years serving LGBTs and other oppressed minorities with your excellent Internet services. I have recently made astounding breakthroughs in my writing, that is bound to take off in popularity. And I could NEVER have done this without OPG being there for me. I don’t know of ANY other web hosting service that would NOT cave in, sooner or later, to homophobic attacks and false accusations, that would cause my site to be shut down. This has actually happened to me three times, before I found a home with OPG. And my LGBT site is still here after all these years…unscathed.

I know I am a rather eccentric person, for which some people get annoyed, or brush me off. OPG did not, and allowed me to thrive. As a result, my writing and thinking skills have become profoundly inspiring, captivating, and of such a style and import, as to likely skyrocket to world recognition this year…basically on their own, remarkable merits. See for yourself:

Brindlekin Tales

These “Brindlekin Tales” are based on true events in my life, here in the Castro, and are most remarkable, in that they cover SO many social issues through my adventures with a homeless friend and his two little doggies. It is STILL a work in progress, but it looks like book 1 is almost complete. Other tales outside of the doggie ones are also being produced by yours truly, which you may likewise find on my WordPress blog. I’m especially proud on my New Years Day satire, in spite of its being a very short piece:

2021 is going to be a FANTASTIC year!

You will notice other sections on my WordPress site: just click on each tab to discover their contents.

I now have a new Youtube channel, also for my Brindlekin Tales, where more and more of my stories will be narrated…plus many other interesting videos:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3GdMkXtj2Usugp4r7XHo7w

All my tales and videos are reposted to both Twitter and Facebook…but they are otherwise not my focus of activity, which is WordPress and Youtube.

As a result of such profound evolution in my authorship, GAY-BIBLE.ORG HAS BECOME INDISPENSABLE for the following reasons:

1. As an archive of all my earlier works before I made my big breakthrough, which I am sure will be some time this year.
2. There are tons of tales, essays and letters on that website, that do not appear on WordPress, because written before blogging became a thing. SOME have been transferred over, but they’re a drop in the bucket.
3. I also use gay-bible.org to hold images and other data that my WordPress blog links to…as well as, quite recently, my GoFundme expenses that anyone can check out, for the sake of transparency. In addition, my Gay Bible site contains reference material that does NOT appear on the website itself, but comes in very useful for other purposes of sharing information.

I KNOW that my many creative pieces will soon do so much for the advancement and elevation of our struggle for LGBT equality and justice…and it will take off like a mofo THIS YEAR. Once I start receiving significant remuneration for my numerous good works as an activist and author, you can be assured that I will contribute considerable sums to OPG, for all the dedicated hard work THEY do, as well.

Again: THANK YOU SO MUCH for your decades of dedication towards activists like me, who would’ve NEVER advanced so effectively without YOUR services that are FREE to those of us who are too low-income to otherwise afford them.

MOST sincerely,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
(Still a struggling author, but not for much longer)

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Re: [MCN-Discussion]- That didn’t age well
From: Zeke Krahlin MCN
To: Discussion MCN
Date: January 28, 2021 3:12 PM

On Tue, 26 Jan 2021 12:36:33 -0800 Buck BOOGALOO Wilsher squoinked (in reference to non-stop and increasing disaster capitalism from oil companies):

Exactly, Alvin, and that practice isn’t going to change anytime soon.

Yes it will, and it will change SUDDENly, Mr. Filcher. As will a lot of other things stuck in the past out of ignorance and greed. And ALL these sudden changes will happen THIS year, well before December. And if the
Democratic Party refuses to move fast enough, it, too, will collapse, along with the GOP. A NEW political paradigm will rapidly emerge to fill the vacuum, and it will be a democratic form of SOCIALISM. And the
people shall rejoice…at least, those without a swastika stuck up their asses, like you, Arron Pooper and Spike the Wart a.k.a. Gerard Kozlowski.

I’m SO way ahead of the curve at this point, that UFO aliens are now packing their bags, and will quickly depart from our entire solar system, so they can check out the damage I’ve ALREADY done to their home worlds. Woo-hoo!

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Subject: More Exciting Changes in my Life!
From: Zeke Krahlin
To: My Dear Wattson
Date: January 30, 2021 9:18 PM

Things are moving so fast for me these days, Wattson, I can’t imagine how I’d accomplish it all without your objective eye! I have just subscribed to Amazon Prime for the low price of $6/month, because I am on Medi-Cal (regular price is $13). But then it turns out they won’t let me purchase anything from Whole Foods (and other Prime-only) items without providing a smartphone number! So I’m gonna use Tello cell service, which has FANTASTIC rates. You can view their plans here:

https://tello.com/buy/custom_plans

The phones they sell on their site are more expensive than for what I require. But as it turns out, the 2-year-old Tracfone I already have, that I never used for cell service, is 100 percent compatible! So, no need to purchase another phone!

One may consider my “bargain” rate for Amazon Prime to actually cost me $11 per month, when you include the cell service, but that is not the whole story. For I will also enjoy the added benefit of 2-factor authentication. Seeing as I will soon rise to global renown, this extra layer of security will be a boon against the many enemies that will soon pile up…most of them being homophobic troglodytes, of course. And this sorry old, wobbly little planet is still RIFE with them!

I will NOT be carrying my smartphone outside my hovel, so little chance of it getting lost or stolen…down to ZILCH, I’d say. Should the time come (and come it will) when I’ll actually NEED a smartphone on me at all times, I’ll upgrade to that. Which will be when my popularity as an author and activist takes off…by which time a more expensive phone and plan will be QUITE affordable with my vastly increased budget.

In addition, I now have access to a HUGE selection of Amazon Prime’s video library. Not something I ever yearned for, but there ya go…I’ll be sure to take advantage of it. Please note, though:

As much as I despise Amazon’s abusive regard for their employees, and discourage others from using their services, I really have no other option that accommodates my low income needs so well. IOW, without them, I’d be sunk…especially in this era of the pandemic, where brick and mortar shops are are even less accessible than ever (or do not offer certain items I need, for a reasonable price, or at all). Not to mention I do NOT own a vehicle, nor do I care to ride public transit until this virus blows away. There are the brindlemutts to consider as well: they’ve never been on a bus or streetcar before, but even if they’re calm, no telling WHICH meth freak or crack head will suddenly get on board and cause havoc…same goes for those who bring poorly trained dogs on, especially large breeds such as rottweilers and pit-bulls. For the same reason, I don’t care to bring them into supermarkets, even if they’re walking distance from my hovel. In conclusion:

I have to admit that, in a most significant and PROFOUND way, Amazon has been a godsend in my life.

Now onto other matters:

CHICKEN BONES & SUCH

Chicken bones are everywhere! Along with other discarded food items that doggies love. I have caught Flaco snatching up a chicken bone at LEAST once a day, out of our four daily walks. Fortunately, she gives little resistance any more, when I proceed to extract it from between her little jaws. And, two days ago, Lucky scarfed up what appeared to be a chunk of hot dog. He held it at the back of his tongue, but I managed to quickly scoop it out with my forefinger. Whenever I catch them in the act, and I say “Hey, don’t eat that!” they’ll cower and pull away from me, though the leash doesn’t get them very far. But what I really want to point out is the thoughtlessness of so many people who blithely discard tasty morsels helter-skelter, in complete disregard for possibly causing injury or sickness to any of the lovely canine denizens of this supposedly “dog friendly” burg!

Harvey Milk built up his political reputation based partly on the dog-feces-on-our-sidewalks issue. But when has any local politician addressed the matter of discarded food on those same sidewalks, that presents a real hazard to our pets? Perhaps I, or someone, anyone, should draw up a “Chicken Bone Law” ballot proposition to put an end to this! What kind of slobs are these people, anyway, who toss food onto the ground? It certainly doesn’t match this city’s reputation as “world class” or “sophisticated.”

FLACO’S UNEXPECTED SNIPPINESS

Usually, Lucky & Flaco’s play-fighting is totally harmless and loads of fun and exercise, but for the last two days, Flaco has gotten rather snippy when all Lucky wants to do is play. For example, when they’re yanking on the same “toy” (an old leash, watch cap or sweatshirt), normally it’s all in good sport; but lately, Flaco snarls at her brother after a short while, who does everything he can to show her he means no harm…but eventually backs off and allows her to chew on it by herself. Lucky is a very sweet and caring partner to Flaco, as when she grows discontent, he buries his head in the comforter, and THEN resumes “attacking” her through the thick material! He also uses other, harmless methods to demonstrate to her, that his “attacks” are nothing more than air bites. Why this change in Flaco’s mood? It finally occurred to me yesterday: she’s presently in heat. Her vulva is all puffed up right now. So that moodiness will eventually fade away within two to four weeks, and she’ll be back to her normally good-spirited self. Not that she isn’t good-spirited through this specifically female trait, as it’s only during their aggressive playtime does she turn a bit mean. But there is NO actual biting among either pup, through it all. And, from time to time, they continue to snuggle up to each other while at rest, or sleeping…with one of the pup’s head resting upon the other’s rump or chest, or some other sweet arrangement.

Besides, I make extra-sure to give them group hugs whenever Flaco hurts Lucky’s feelings…for he slumps away in a dejected response, and just broods to himself on the opposite edge of the cot. In which case I play-fight WITH him, to cheer him up, while Flaco contentedly chews on the item of her choice. Which item ALWAYS seems to be whichever one Lucky is gnawing on first! But he’s SUCH a good brother…been trying to get her to play with him, by barking and pouncing on her between the blankets, wagging his tail like a boss, as if to say, “What’s wrong with you, Flaco, c’mon, let’s play!” He eventually gives up, but starts all over again an hour or so later…sadly, Flaco just lays there like a bump on a log. She doesn’t seem particularly unhappy, just a little moody…which I attribute to her being in heat.

What I REALLY need is for some dog-friendly resident in my neighborhood, to provide my brindlekin with a fenced backyard, so they can romp and play to their heart’s content! Even just half an hour each day would be great. Maybe divvy it up between two, or among even THREE, nice locals. But payment remains an issue…otherwise, I’d offer, say, $100/month for access to some homeowners’ backyards, two or three times a week. I do NOT want to take them to a park, as there are just too many unpredictable factors that could put the pooches in harm’s way. This includes certain dog owners themselves, whose pets are not properly trained, or who HAVE been trained to be aggressive (for purposes that reflect badly on their human guardians). After all, if truth be known: not all dog owners are created equal.

NEW DEVELOPMENT WITH MY NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE HALLWAY

He told me his name many months ago, but I’ve forgotten what it is. Anyway, he and his housemate are from one of the “whatever-stan” nations in the middle east (perhaps Kazakhstan, but this is only a guess). They also have a doggie, only a REALLY tiny one you could carry in a backpack. I rarely see his partner, so I’m just talking about this one fellow…let’s call him “Daniyar,” or “Dan” for now. (I found that name on a search for “kazakhstan boys names,” of course.)

I had just returned hovel and, upon reaching the second floor, unlatched the leash from the dogs’ collars, so they could spend a delightful minute or two, zooming up and down the carpeted corridors. But just as I did that, an elderly fellow with a cane came hobbling down the stairs from the floor above…so I had to crouch on one knee, and grab the mutts by the collar, so as not to upset him. But he wasn’t bothered at all, much to my relief. So, after I listened carefully to hear the front gate slam shut upon his departure, I was about to release my hands from the collars, when Dan opened his door (in front of which we all three stood) to greet the pooches. So I finally gave up, and let them go, because they know him a bit, and I just grew fuckin’ tired of having to watch their every move in my building, until I got them into my SRO. Flaco yapped it up and didn’t stop, while Lucky was cool as a furry cucumber (shaped like a fat version thereof, I might note). But her barks were less strident than before, and I was grateful for that. He offered them some treats, which they showed no interest in (because on the hard side, rather than chewy). Daniyar loves those dogs, and knows the history, somewhat, of Lucky’s origin. At least, considerably more than I do.

Anyway, we had a lovely conversation, and I got to tell him about my Brindlekin Tales: that they are all about these doggos and my homeless friend who acquired them, then passed them on to yours truly.
He asked how to find my site, so I told him to just google “brindlekin.” If you haven’t tested it yourself, try it, and my WordPress Brindlekin page should be right at the top! Imagine if he should love my writing, and start spreading the word! And once my tales, that include many incidents right here at 9666 Market Street, reach the eyes and ears of all OTHER residents, what kind of impact will THAT have? I’m trusting that it will be extraordinarily favorable.

Now, as I said in an earlier post, he and his roommate would be the best witnesses to those teenage youth hanging out in the hallway numerous times, for more than several months…should I find a cooperative attorney, and decide to proceed with pressing charges. It is possible, now that he can access Brindlekin Tales, that the “Letter to the Landlord” titles will catch his eye, and he’ll read them! To discover that HE is also part of these tales, albeit pseudonymously, in “Letter to the Landlord (part 2)” (and, very soon, part 4). This post to you will soon wind up in “Letter to the Landlord (part 4),” which he may ALSO wind up reading. In which case, I address him now:

Daniyar: in no way do I wish to pressure or inconvenience you with my grievance against loitering teenagers, who refused to wear a mask while here, as well as disturbed the peace with loud talk and intimidating “gangsta” language and behavior (such as making it needlessly awkward to ask them to step aside so one could get through the hallway, or up or down the stairs). So, if you don’t want to get involved, you need not say a thing to me, and I will never bring it up. However, if you WERE seriously perturbed over their intrusion, feel free to let me know. I have NOT found an attorney, yet, so don’t actually know if I can accomplish any REAL justice in this matter.

DEEK UPDATE

No sign of him, since that last, disturbing encounter right below Moe Fleisher’s apartment windows, five nights ago. So now I want to take some time out to advise my readers:

SHOW KINDNESS TO DEEK, just as I show kindness to his pups, that are now in my charge. If patience and benevolence are the best way to raise a canine, so much more should that apply to our fellow human beings, including drug addicts, the homeless, and other disenfranchised folks. And don’t forget: it is HE who gifted me with this incredible duo of lovely, sweet doggies that have changed my life most profoundly, and for nothing but GOOD, in the greatest sense of that word. Anger or hatred is NEVER a solution to ANY issue.

NAME CHANGES

Bobeebop Smoke Shop is now Hohokum Smoke Shop. Hardy har har!

Wes from the corner grocery shop is now “Morey.” That was a tricky one, as I needed to match up the title of that short piece, “The Wes I Know,” with a similarly clever title. I first I came up with “The Only Juan I Know,” but that’s just not true, as I DO know another Juan: my apartment building’s pest exterminator. Then, just about an hour ago, I deliberated further and came up with “Morey,” as in “The Morey I Know”…and THAT, my dear Wattson, is a keeper!

MY HALLOWED HISTORY OF PROTECTING THE RESIDENTS OF 9666 MARKET STREET

I don’t want to spend excruciating hours by recalling details and approximate, if not exact, dates to all the incidents I will now describe in outline:

1) Strange, younger guy, Sandy, who lived in a single room like me, and on my floor, started hanging out in the vacant room beside me (which is no longer a single room today, but a second bedroom for the apartment next door). Don’t know why he had access to it (maybe sex trade with the manager?), nonetheless he played loud music from a boombox, and danced naked in the window. I never had the misfortune to see that, thank god, but pedestrians complained, so the managers (two older gay dudes, Jack and Don, who are long dead by now) asked me if I was standing naked at MY window, late at night. I said no, you got the wrong resident. At any rate, his disruption was a total stress-out and sleep killer…so I wound up going to court as key witness, along with the managers, to get him kicked out. Two representatives from Ablahblah were there as well. The outcome? Sandy was promptly evicted.

2) Some guy who moved in on the third floor, but never saw him or knew who he was, came rushing down the stairs with a long carving knife right at the moment I opened my door! He didn’t stop, or turn left to go down the next flight and into the lobby. Instead, he lunged right at me, but, fortunately, I had slammed and locked my door just before any damage could be done. I called 911, he was taken away, and permanently banned from entering this building the same day.

3) A terribly nasty, disturbed fellow who lived on the third floor about four years began threatening then-manager Ruth Harris (now deceased, in fact she died of cancer in a hospital, while still manager). He had threatened me a few times, as well, yet then-manager Moishe Rosenberg, did nothing about it, didn’t even talk with him…instead, he just told me NOT to hang out on the same floor where the lunatic lived. Which is bullshit because I’m not in the habit of “hanging out” on any floor. At any rate, Ruth became the next manager, and I befriended her, visiting her often in her office/apartment on the fourth level. After Mr. Screwball threatened her, that he’ll choke her to death (before myself and two other people) I decided to do something about it. Which was: befriending him in hopes I could persuade him to move out. WHICH ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED, to my surprise, and it only took several weeks to accomplish! I had told Ruth my plan, yet she gossiped to anyone else in the building who would listen, that she doesn’t understand why I’m now friends with him, after all this nut job’s villainous acts. Talk about getting stabbed in the back! Well, managers have gossiped vulgar lies against me since I moved in years ago, which made residents shun me, though no fault of my own. They keep a dossier on every tenant, and I can’t imagine some of the things they’ve written about me…things that are NOT true, put me in a very bad light, and which I would like to expunge from their records!

4) Also while Ruth was manager, AblahBlah Realty had a young relation (maybe a nephew) fresh off the boat of some middle eastern Arab country, inhabit a room on my floor, so (much to my disgust) we shared the same restroom. His name was Tariq, I think, and his behavior was scary and outrageous, as if he were always high on speed or crack. One day when I stepped in I found him yelling at Ruth, and waving some kind of sharp object (don’t remember what it was; a carpentry tool, perhaps). So I jumped in between the two, and got him to back off…then sent a certified letter to Ablahblah, that he needs to be evicted ASAP, before anyone gets hurt. And that’s exactly what they did, thank Zeus. Ruth never thanked me for this, nor did she lift a finger to warn Ablahblah about him, but let his craziness thrive. I had to do it all myself! (Just like when I set my foot down recently, to STOP those maskless teenagers from loitering in my hallway and possibly exposing residents to COVID-19. Unbelievable!)

5) Then there was the time when a 30-something gay white couple (Rob and Randy, long dead) began harassing one of the nicest people and friends I’ve ever known in my building, Peggy. She also had two lovely daughters, who were SUCH a pleasure to visit with, whenever they dropped by to see their mom. Sadly, Peggy has passed away some years ago, from advanced osteoarthritis. I hope their daughters are doing well, God bless them! They never stayed in touch with me, since Peggy moved up north somewhere in Humboldt County, after her deadly diagnosis. My friend of many years, and who also lived in this building, but on the third floor, Michael Betza, told me he sometimes hears her crying in her apartment, whose kitchen window opened to the back porch, which carried her cries up to the third-floor porch, and through his own SRO window. Anyway, I wrote about her incident with Rob and Randy, in a piece I call “The Tricks at 9666” here:

http://gay-bible.org/truetales/Larkin/FG_05.htm

Just search for “randy” and you’ll find it. I had returned hovel one day, to find Randy saying mean things to Peggy, and threatening her. So I immediately confronted him with pepper spray in hand, and ordered him to get the hell outta here or I’ll give him what for…which he finally did…and Peggy was SO grateful I had shown up right at that time.

I think the two losers got wrapped up in meth addiction, and a dangerous dealer, whom they welcomed into this already-troubled edifice. They were both evicted, for harassing and threatening both Peggy and her daughter. A few months later, Rob committed suicide, and Randy soon followed from a drug overdose.

So there you have it, Doctor Wattson, five examples of the frightening scenarios I’ve had to deal with, in the 36-plus years I have lived in (what I call) “Hotel California North.” Surely, I have more than earned my right to live here, in spite of the very low rent I’ve been paying all these years.

Thank you for allowing me to mull these issues over with you, my dearest friend. For I know you will find a flaw here and there, and advise me accordingly. I may be the most brilliant detective in this sector of the galaxy, but forty percent of me is still human, according to my AI implants!

Yours as always,

Ezekiel Joseph Krahlin-Holmes
Paranormal Detective Extraordinaire